Chapter 3
Inside Nikki's Cell
Nikki was lying on her bed with her arm lying over her eyes. She was thinking of her mother and the unfortunate fact that in a few short days she'll be face to face with her father and older brother again after 17 long years.
Nikki's thoughts were silenced when she heard a rap at her cell door. She lifted her arm enough to see that it was Dominic McAllister, the only male officer in this place worth a damn.
"Sorry to disturb you Nikki. Just wanted to see how you were. Miss Stewart told me about your mum. I'm really sorry."
"Thank you Mr. McAllister." Dominic was the only officer Nikki respected and she felt he deserved that respect when she addressed him. "I'm hanging in there I guess. Bit of a shock."
"Yeah, I understand. I lost my mum about 3 years ago now. Car accident, really unexpected."
"I don't know what it was with my mum yet, probably cancer. She was in remission for quite a few years but I don't know for sure what happened. Helen is supposed to be giving me all that information when she gets back from seeing Stubberfield about the arrangements."
"Listen, I know you probably want to be alone; I just wanted to come by and offer my condolences. If there's anything you need Nikki, you come tell me."
"Thank you Mr. McAllister."
Dominic was turning to leave Nikki's cell when he saw Helen. "Hi, Dominic. Glad you're here. How are you doing Nikki?"
"I'm alright I suppose. Do you have the details for my mum's funeral?"
"Yes, I've just come back and wanted to let you know so you could get ready. The service is next Wednesday so we'll be leaving on Tuesday."
"Me Miss?" Dominic inquired.
"Yes Dominic. I know how good you are with Nikki and knew that she would appreciate having a friendly face around so you will be the lead officer for her escort."
"Will it be Di assisting?" Dominic asked.
"Actually it'll be me."
"Oh."
"Simon felt it would be best given the circumstances. Are you alright with that Nikki?"
"Yeah sure, why not?"
"Very well then. Dominic, come by the office in the morning and we'll go over the transportation details. That'll be all for now."
"Yes Miss. I'll be seeing ya Nikki." Dominic smiled at Nikki as he left her cell. Nikki smiled back as best she could given her nature at present. Nikki truly admired Dominic and was relieved to know that he would be her escort and not that horse's arse Jim Fenner. Fenner had been nothing but a thorn in her side the entire time she'd been at Larkhall and it was solely because he knew he couldn't control her the way he controlled the rest of the women in here.
Helen stayed standing in Nikki's cell with her back to Nikki for several moments after Dominic left. She finally closed the cell door and turned to face Nikki. "How are you really Nikki?"
"I just found out my mum died and I'm going to see my family for the first time in 17 years. I'm just peachy thanks."
"Nikki, I know this is a difficult situation for you. I'm just trying to be a friend. I'm trying to help you through this."
"I'm sorry Helen. It's just a lot to take in ya know. I mean earlier today you were giving me the cold shoulder and now you're acting like you care."
"I do care Nikki, probably more than I should…" Helen's voice trailed off and she turned away from Nikki. "Listen, we'll be travelling together for a few days and I would like it if things could be as pleasant for you as possible. Is there anything you'll need for the trip?"
"I need my suit."
"What?"
"When I came in here I was wearing my suit from court. I asked that it be packed away so as to not be ruined. I would like to wear that for the service if you could manage to get it for me."
"Of course Nikki, I'll have it pressed and ready for you. Is there anything else?"
Nikki lay on her bed staring at Helen for the longest time without saying a word. 'Just you Helen, that's all else I need' "No, that's all I can think of for now."
"Alright Nikki, if you think of anything else let me know. I'll check in on you tomorrow. Goodnight Nikki."
"Goodnight Helen."
Helen walked out of Nikki's cell and a terrible sadness filled her chest. She wanted so desperately to hold Nikki, console her and tell her everything was going to be alright. But she couldn't, she couldn't trust herself – as far as Nikki Wade was concerned, she couldn't trust herself at all.
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The days came and went quickly before the planned trip to Nikki's mother's funeral. Helen checked in on Nikki daily and their relationship seemed to be healing from the misunderstandings of the previous weeks. Nikki even seemed to be handling her mother's death a little better. She had gone back out into the garden on Monday morning for the first time since the news. Helen arrived a little earlier than normal so that she could finish up some paperwork before heading out Tuesday morning. When she entered the courtyard garden she immediately saw Nikki toiling over her plants and it made her happy to see her out and about again.
Helen walked up to where Nikki was working and crouched down beside her. "Nice to see you working again."
Nikki turned to see Helen smiling. Nikki smiled back, "Thanks."
"So how are you doing today?"
"I feel good. Just tending to some of the ones that have wilted while I was…uh, resting."
"Well I'm sure they are as glad as I am to have you back out here." Helen placed her hand on Nikki's shoulder. "Your eyes smile when you're gardening."
Nikki couldn't keep the smile from her face and Helen beamed back at her. Helen was feeling more and more comfortable about the trip since she and Nikki had been getting along so well, just like old friends. She had started thinking that her love for Nikki may only be feelings of friendship and not romantic in nature.
Helen and Nikki stood up and faced each other, both still smiling and not breaking eye contact. Helen laid a reassuring hand on Nikki's arm, "So, are you all set for tomorrow?"
"As well as I'm gonna be I suppose. Were you able to get my suit pressed?"
"Yes, of course. I'll pick it up this afternoon and bring it with me tomorrow."
"That's great. I appreciate you doing that for me Helen."
"It was no trouble, I was happy to be able to do something to help."
Nikki placed her hand over Helen's, "You've done more than you know to help me through this. I don't know that I can ever repay you."
"There's no need Nikki, I'm happy to do it." Helen felt her knees get a bit weak from the warmth of Nikki's hand on hers and she slowly pulled her hand away, very conscious of the color she knew was rushing to her cheeks. "Well, I better get to it then. I've still got a few things to handle before we leave tomorrow."
"Don't work too hard. I expect you to keep me awake on the drive." Nikki joked, giving a little wink to Helen.
Helen chuckled, "I was hoping you would be the one to keep me awake. See you later Nikki." Helen walked past Nikki, lightly brushing her arm against Nikki's. Helen caught her breath at the touch and tried to ignore the rush her body felt.
"Bye Helen," Nikki smiled as she watched Helen walk away.
Helen turned back to find Nikki watching her and she waved. Helen waved back and quickened her pace to her office.
Helen plodded through her day, trying to get every last bit of work done so she could focus on supporting Nikki during the service. Her thoughts would occasionally trail off to Nikki but she did her best to put them aside and attend to the task at hand. When she had finally finished up for the day she realized it was well beyond lock up and she had not checked in on Nikki. She packed up the last of her things and headed to the wing.
The night shift had been at post for about an hour and were startled to see the Governor still here. "Evening Miss Stewart. Quite late for you this evening," remarked Bob, one of the older guards at Larkhall.
"Yes it is. Just finishing some things since we'll be gone for a few days."
"Oh right. Escorting Nikki to her mum's service. Bloody shame to lose her like that." Bob shook his head and looked down at his feet. He was about 70 years old now and had been at Larkhall so long some say he was there when the doors opened. He was one of the few screws that knew sometimes the cons just got a tough break and he treated most of them with respect. Nikki had been particularly fond of him since he reminded her of her granddad. "She's been doing better about it for the last few nights. Not so much cryin' as pacing her cell."
Helen was taken aback by this information. She checked on Nikki every night before she left and Nikki always seemed to coping quite well. It never occurred to her that she would have trouble during the night. Helen's heart sank at the thought of Nikki alone in her cell, crying herself to sleep, no one to comfort her. "Well, thank goodness for her this will all be over soon and she can move forward."
"True enough, though I don't think you ever get over losing your mum."
"I suppose not. Well, it's getting late and I just wanted to talk with Nikki for a moment before tomorrow."
"Of course ma'am. Go right in." Bob gestured toward the gate.
Helen took her keys out of her jacket pocket and opened the gate. There was a loud clanging of the gate behind her and as hard as she tried there was no getting around the noise those heavy metal gates made. She reached Nikki's cell and looked in on her through the peephole. If Nikki was sleeping she didn't want to disturb but as she peered through she saw Nikki standing at the far side of her cell looking out the window. Helen knocked and turned the key in the door.
"Hello Nikki." Helen spoke softly as she entered Nikki's cell.
Nikki had turned from the window to face the door when she heard the knock and was pleased to see Helen coming into her cell. "Hiya Helen. I didn't expect I'd see you till morning."
"I know, I'm so sorry I didn't come by earlier. Time got away from me today. I was a prisoner in my own office." Helen smiled when she said it, realizing the absurdity of her sentence. "I just wanted to check if there was anything you needed for tomorrow."
"I'm glad you stopped by Helen. To tell you the truth I was feeling a bit lonely… sad really."
"How have you been sleeping Nikki?"
"Alright. Probably not as much as I should be though. I guess I'll sleep when I'm…" Nikki stopped herself before finishing the phrase and turned back towards the window. She did not want Helen to see her crying yet again.
Helen, who had been standing at the door, crossed the cell to where Nikki was standing and placed her hand on Nikki's back. Nikki took a few deep breaths and wiped the tears from her eyes before turning to face Helen. As Nikki turned, Helen's hand slid from Nikki's back to her waist and she let it rest there while they looked at each other. Nikki placed her hand on Helen's shoulder and it sent an electric shock throughout Helen's body. Helen tried to not be visibly stirred by the contact and looked deeply into Nikki's eyes. They both stood completely still, for several moments, before either of them spoke. Nikki broke the spell over Helen when she said, "I truly appreciate everything you've done for me Helen. You have no idea how much your kindness means to me."
Helen was overcome by the honesty of Nikki's words and the emotion behind them. She raised her free hand to Nikki's cheek and cupped her face with it. "It's easy to be good to you Nikki. Goodness begets goodness."
Nikki closed her eyes and pressed her cheek deeper into Helen's hand. She breathed in the smell of her and fought back the urge to kiss her palm. Helen moved closer to Nikki, every fiber of her being wanting to kiss this woman before her. She moved closer still and began to pull Nikki's head down to her. Nikki opened her eyes and her lips parted slightly. She gazed at Helen, whose fingers were now in her hair, and allowed herself to be moved into position for the kiss she knew Helen wanted, for the kiss she desperately needed. Neither broke eye contact as their lips came closer to touching and just when Helen closed her eyes and parted her lips, Nikki put her head to the side of Helen's and hugged her tightly.
Helen held onto Nikki, both of their hearts beating so fast and hard that it was difficult to tell who was whose. Helen felt Nikki's body begin to shake, "Shhh, shhh. It's alright Nikki." Helen held Nikki like this for several minutes before pulling away. "I should go now, let you get some rest. I'll see you in the morning. Good night Nikki."
As Helen turned to walk out of the cell Nikki grabbed her hand and squeezed, "Good night Helen." Helen smiled and squeezed Nikki's hand. Helen's knees were weak as she exited the cell and after she had locked the door she felt she might pass out from the quickness of her blood running through her veins. She discretely looked back through the peephole to find Nikki standing by the window, one hand bracing herself against the wall while the other clutched her chest. Helen could see that Nikki was still shaking a bit. Helen pressed her head against the door for a moment and then walked away.
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At Helen's flat
Helen had been completely distracted since she left work, leaving the take-away place without her change, missing the turn to her flat and leaving her keys hanging in the front door lock. Try as she might she could not keep Nikki out of her head and the moment that had almost happened in her cell. She was ready and the one to initiate the moment but why had Nikki stopped it? Helen knew that Nikki wanted the kiss as much as she did. These thoughts would continue to take up space in Helen's mind while she packed and prepared for the trip. Helen prattled around her flat, doing everything she could to put off the inevitable task of packing. Though she loved to travel, she hated packing and this trip was not for pleasure, which made the task even more daunting.
Once she had gotten most of her things together she took out her suits and hung them on the closet door. She had carefully planned out her clothes for the trip, paying specific attention to her choices so as to make the right impression on Nikki's family. It seemed silly in that Helen had no intention of actually meeting them. Helen stood at the ironing board carefully pressing a pair of slacks; behind her hung a suit jacket and blouse that still needing attending to. When she had finished pressing the suit and blouse she placed them in the garment bag that was hanging behind her on the wardrobe door.
The clock on her night table read 2:00am and Helen let out a large sigh at the lateness of the hour. She looked around her bedroom and ran her fingers through her hair. 'I know I'm forgetting something'. She thought this every time she left for a trip and every time she ended up taking more than she needed. She snapped her fingers and walked over to her dresser. Atop the dresser was a beautiful old mahogany jewelry box that was a bit scarred and faded in spots but still in perfect working condition. She lifted the lid and pulled out a silver chain with a small cross on the end. It was the necklace her mother gave her when she left for university and she wanted to give it to Nikki to wear at the service. She carefully wrapped it in a hankie and placed it safely in her toiletry bag. She puttered around for a while longer, tidying up and throwing things away. When she finally took off her robe and climbed into bed it was almost three o'clock in the morning. She fell back into the pillows knowing that a few hours of sleep were better than none at all. The moment she closed her eyes she saw Nikki's face and came to the realization that these next few days were going to be more difficult for her to get through than she had thought. She tossed and turned for most of the night, replaying in her mind the kiss from months ago, the closeness of the last few weeks and the intensity of the almost from this evening until sleep finally overcame her.