A/N: I'm totally blown away by everyone's support. You guys are the best! I apologize for this being slow in coming. I just got home from school and had to be put off for a while. That and Prowl's prank on Sideswipe was a hard one to think of. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Tamamo/Cattico/Botticelli/whatever and Alyssa: Thanks you two for all your help and for chatting with me into the wee hours! This chapter is for you!
Part Three: Outside Looking In
Having the only other option of remaining with a brother who not only wanted an answer, but who could make living a veritable Hell, Sideswipe obeyed the Special Ops officer. The heavy footsteps of Sunstreaker following assured the red Lamborghini that he would not have to face whatever it was alone. There were very few reasons Jazz might have called them when he was supposedly on leave for the night. Usually he liked to take off on nights like this.
But he would bet his jetpack the young officer knew something about what had happened to their possessions. He had had that tone of his; the one that said he knew the best joke in the world and couldn't wait to share it. Sideswipe doubted either he or his twin would be laughing though.
"I don't know who you two got riled up," Jazz said, meeting them at the entrance to the Ark. His face was split in a wide grin and whatever lay behind his visor must have been twinkling. It seemed that nothing short of a Decepticon attack, if that, could ruin the jolly mood he'd been set in. "But y'gotta admit they got you good."
"What are you talking about?" Sunstreaker asked testily as they climbed behind the mountain to face whatever it was that they needed to see. The area around the mountain was mostly shale and little flecks of stone kept scratching his legs as they slid around him. What had he done to deserve this? He'd been a relatively good bot lately too; hadn't mauled anyone in a week if you didn't count that Brawn incident. Which he didn't.
"See for yourself," Jazz swept his arms out, indicating to the bottom of the hill. The twins walked up to him, one on either side. They looked down dutifully, and the mystery finally ended.
Sideswipe wondered just what the penalty was for murdering your Vice Commander.
"Well," he said with a forced lightness to his brother who had yet to make any sort of response. "At least we know where our stuff is."
Indeed they did. Everything, from the bunk to Sunny's favorite waxing rag was spread out at the bottom of the hill, surrounded on all sides by sand… well… shale dunes. And not only was it all there, but it had been arranged so neatly that it imitated their room perfectly. The posters were laid across the surrounding dunes right where they would be on the walls. The shuriken he had been sharpening that morning lay at the foot of his bunk right where he'd left it.
The look his dear sweet twin sent his way made him suddenly thankful Jazz was standing in between them.
"So tell me," Jazz requested jovially, not noticing the Look of Death Sunstreaker had in his icy blue optics. He was bouncing of the balls of his feet, eager to be in on the grand joke. "Who did you two tick off bad enough for this?"
"The cameras don't show anything?" Sideswipe asked, edging a little further away from Tall, Yellow, and Livid. Perhaps Prowl had been careless and allowed himself to be seen. A fool's hope, but Primus, worlds have been built on the dreams of fools.
"Well that's the thing," the Porsche said. "The cameras show the Dinobots carrying all your stuff out."
"The Dinobots?" the red twin wondered aloud. If it actually hadn't been Prowl, but instead the Dinobots, that still didn't make any sense. If you angered the Dinobots, they would crush you, fillet you, and serve you to Ratchet in a shoebox. Practical jokes, especially something like this, just wasn't like them. There was just too much thinking involved.
"Yup. Which means whoever really was behind it managed to convince the Dinobots to help them. And anyone knows that takes more than a smile." He scrutinized the scene before him, using his sharp skills of observation. "I'm guessing our culprit was waiting out here and set it up themselves. Probably to avoid getting nabbed by the cameras." He grinned at the miserable Sideswipe. "So, c'mon, man. Spill it. Who was it?"
"Yes, dear brother mine. Spill away," Sunstreaker hissed, showing quite impressive self-control. At least he thought so.
"Um… er…" how could he answer and not actually answer? He was supposed to be good at this sort of thing! His brother cracked a knuckle and he blanched. "Well, what about Prowl?" he suggested. Prowl never said they couldn't offer it up as a suggestion. They just couldn't reveal the actual war itself.
There was a long moment of silence.
Then a shorter moment of silence to commemorate the first. The Porche puffed himself up slightly and Sideswipe half feared he'd offended him somehow by accusing his best friend. His mouth was tight, and he began to shake a little.
Finally Jazz couldn't contain it any longer and burst into laughter loud enough to wake up the nearby city of Portland. "Prowl?" he gasped out. "Prowl do this?"
Sideswipe waited patiently for the young officer to pull himself back together, a long suffering look on the poor red twin's face. He was never going to get to recharge was he?
"Sides, I knew you and Prowl aren't exactly the best of friends, but really," Jazz chuckled again, holding his abdomen as though laughing so hard had caused it pain. "Him? Play a trick on you? Seriously, Siders, who was it?"
"What?" the red warrior tried to regain some sense of pride. "He has it in for me. Everyone knows that."
"Yeah, but c'mon, man," Jazz choked back another fit of giggles quite unbecoming of a distinguished officer in his station. "Prowl? Try again, Siders."
"Sunny, back me up here, bro. Don't you think he's capable of doing this?" He turned helplessly on his twin who had gone eerily silent.
"I think you're one bolt shy of a go-kart," Sunstreaker snorted staring at him in disgust. "And I also think you're cleaning up all this crap on your own."
"What? Half of it's yours you know!" Why did he get stuck cleaning up after the lousy Datsun?
"Pfft. And ruin my paint job even more because you slagging got someone ticked? I think not." He turned his back, preparing to return to… wherever he planned on going.
"And where do you intend on sleeping, Sunshine?" Sideswipe demanded, putting his hands on his hips. "I can't lift the fragging bunk all by myself. So unless you wanna sleep on the floor…"
Sunstreaker paused, stiffening in obvious displeasure. "Don't call me Sunshine," he grated out. But he knew his twin, stupid as he was, had a point. It was either risk his dear scratched paint further or ruin it entirely from sleeping on the filthy floor. Why oh why couldn't he have been sparked all by his lonesome? He didn't have to have a twin, did he?
"Well, fuzzy as this is, I gotta get goin'," the Special Ops officer said, his duty done for the day. He'd gotten his kicks and helped out two friends in need. "I'm late for a concert me and Blaster are supposed to go to. You two be good."
The two Lamborghinis only glared at each other, ignoring him entirely. Shrugging to himself, Jazz made his exit, still grinning from audio to audio. Honestly, Prowl…? Blaster would get a kick out of this when he told him.
"If," Sunstreaker jabbed a golden finger at his brother's face, "you ever drag me into one of your stupid escapades again, I will not be held responsible for my actions."
"You have such a way with words," Sideswipe quipped back, unphased. When did a conversation with his brother ever end without a death threat of some kind? "Ever think of writing poetry?"
"Your rusted skidplate is red," Sunstreaker hissed, trudging next to Sideswipe as they headed toward their wayward possessions. "You have the brain of a Subaru. You're starting to piss me off. So f…"
"Ok, enough poetry. Get your aft over here and help me lift the bunk."
So that cheat liked moving stuff around, huh?
OoOoOo
"Prime, Ah'm tellin' yeh, they ain't there," Ironhide insisted for the umpteenth time. He had to lengthen his stride to keep up with the much larger mech as he trailed after him.
"What do you mean they're not there?" the Commander asked, slowing down so Ironhide could keep up.
"Exactly what Ah'm sayin'. Every last one o' them are gone."
Prowl looked up from his consul hearing the bots enter the room. Ironhide had a look of absolute puzzlement on his face while Optimus looked ready to bang his head against a wall. Not that he would, of course. "Is there something I can assist in?" he offered helpfully.
"Th' spare parts in th' arsenal are missin'," Ironhide explained in frustration. "An' Sparkplug says his tools are gone too."
"Hey," Ratchet interrupted as he and Wheeljack walked in too. "Anyone see my spare med kit?"
"And my newest space spy prototype," Wheeljack added in.
"Hey, all the furniture in the lounge is gone," Bumblebee poked his head in between the medic and mechanic.
Red Alert, who had been listening to the growing list of missing items, swiveled around to cast a critical eye on the assembled bots. "All missing, you say?" he inquired, optics narrowing.
"Yeah, it's th' darndest thing," Ironhide nodded.
"Then there is no other conclusion to draw," the security chief turning his optics to his Commander. "Prime, it's like I've been saying all along. And now our spy has shown his true colors."
"I doubt a spy would steal furniture," Optimus shook his head, taking the red bot's paranoia in stride. "It appears that nothing crucial was taken, but we need those things back as soon as possible. Ironhide, grab a few bots and see what you can turn up."
"Already on it, Prime," Ironhide nodded. "Ah'll bet it's some punk's idea of a good joke, though."
And I'll put money on the punk's name being Sideswipe, Prowl mentally added. It didn't seem to make sense though. If it was Sideswipe and not one of his little apprentices, like the impressionable Bluestreak, what did he hope to accomplish? As far as Prowl knew, he wasn't missing anything. Nothing important was gone, which at least stayed in accordance with the danger rule. The Datsun wasn't even being inconvenienced by looking for the missing things.
He would be sorely disappointed if this was Sideswipe's idea of a good prank.
Mentally shrugging it off, he returned to work now that the excitement had died down. It was probably a false alarm. Perhaps the red Lamborghini had gotten tired of having only one victim for so long and wanted to create mischief elsewhere.
That suited him fine, because once the red demon spawn was caught in the act, it would give Prowl the opportunity to make his life just a little bit harder. And that always made for a productive day. As well as a nicely polished home base.
The afternoon passed with little fanfare. Not a stir from Decepticons all day, and the troops generally behaved themselves. Ironhide had made it clear that anyone giving their superiors grief would be 'nominated' for the impromptu scavenger hunt. Thus far, he and his 'volunteers' hadn't had any luck in finding the missing items, in fact all that got accomplished was a more complete list of stolen stuff. A rather impressive list when you thought about it, but nothing life-threatening.
Unless you asked Tracks about his missing canisters of polish, in which case it was a planetary crisis.
For his part, Prowl was getting quite a bit done. With no battles to manage and his usual miscreants laying low lest they get recruited for the search, he had more time to get work done than he knew what to do with. Whoever had hidden the items may very well receive a commendation if Prowl got much more of this wonderful treatment. He was feeling downright pampered.
Checking the security net again, he stood from his seat in the control room. He hadn't counted on getting so much accomplished and needed to get a few more datapads from his room. The tactician strolled with an easy gait, a pleasant expression on his normally grave face. Yes, whoever had caused this afternoon's confusion might very well receive a medal.
Palming open his door, Prowl suddenly found himself seriously reconsidering this notion. Perhaps he would just throw them to the Decepticons instead.
He swiftly shut his door, hoping by Primus that no one had seen what he had. Fortunately, there were no mechs wandering the officer quarters' hallway at the moment. Glancing to his right and left for good measure, he opened the door again, wishing desperately that it had only been a trick of his optical sensors.
It wasn't.
Well, he thought sardonically, at least he knew where all the missing things had wandered off to. Barricading the entrance up to his neck were piled the couches from the lounge. Sideways, mind you, and therefore unable to be easily taken out. All one had to do to remove them was turn them around. Of course, that was also assuming that there was room for them to be turned.
Which there wasn't.
No, in actuality, there didn't seem to be room for much of anything to be moved, let alone 3 Autobot-sized couches. Every missing item, from the boxes of spare artillery to a few of Ratchet's operating tables were piled quite nicely in his room. Wheeljack's spy probe sat proudly on the top of the sea of stuff. One couldn't even see the floor or indeed any of Prowl's furniture from all the things Sideswipe had stolen.
In fact, the only thing he could really make out was a red streak of paint smeared on the opposite wall. It was still wet as evidenced by the trickles of paint that dribbled down and onto his few visible belongings.
His door panels wilted as his battle computer ran idea after idea, hoping to find a solution to this predicament. But all the poor computer could give him was an unsolvable paradox. He couldn't move the couches until he removed the junk. But he couldn't even enter his quarters without moving the couches, let alone take away the stolen items. How the red spawn of the Unmaker had even done it was beyond his comprehension. For all he knew, the Lamborghini hellion was buried there somewhere beneath the piles of stolen property.
Which brought about another problem. He couldn't get this solved on his own; that much was obvious. But he also couldn't ask for aid from any of the others. That would lead to many uncomfortable questions, questions he did not feel up to answering. And in Jazz's case, it would probably cause a complete CPU meltdown.
He didn't even want to fathom Red Alert's reaction if he knew his Vice Commander had all the stolen goods tucked safely in his quarters.
Sideswipe was a dead mech. And the moment he went off-duty, Prowl needed to take a drive. He could figure out his problem later that evening when fewer bots were about to ask unanswerable questions. But this called for supplies and wits. And wits he already had in abundance.
OoOoOo
"Look, Sunny, give it a rest will you?" Sideswipe grumbled, wiping his face with an ebony hand. Below him, on his own bunk, his brother was in the middle of a very impressive bout of complaining. And he showed no signs of stopping.
"Give it a rest! Sideswipe do you have any idea…"
"It's been a whole slagging day, you giant dandelion." All he wanted was to get some recharge in before the next morning, but it seemed Primus wasn't through punishing him just yet.
"A day spent in absolute second-rate condition because you had to go and do something stupid!"
The red Lamborghini didn't even try to argue his brother's point any longer. He'd had to put up with ol' Sunshine's whining the entire previous evening, all of today, and it looked like it would be his lullaby once again. He never thought he'd be so glad to see a Monday morning. Being Sunday, the body shop in town hadn't been open today so their favorite customer was unable to come fix the damage done to his poor self from moving all of their things back into the Ark. One would think the whole fragging universe was coming to an end.
"Goodnight, Sunshine," Sideswipe mumbled, rolling over and getting ready to shut down his audios to the non-stop bitching. Much more of this and he would bury his piledrivers into his brother's face.
"Frag you, you red pansy! I swear to Primus that one more of your stupid jokes that I get dragged into will mark the day I deactivate you permanently."
"Then who would you annoy with me gone?" He knew he probably shouldn't be baiting him, but at this point he didn't care.
Whatever Sunstreaker snarled in reply he blocked out as his audios shut down and he fled to the sanctuary of recharge-land. He reprogrammed his communicator to a vibrating setting that would wake him without the need of his hearing.
Sunstreaker scowled at the underside of his twin's bunk when he finally realized he was being firmly ignored. One more stupid diversion, he swore. Just one. That's all it would take before he finally gave in and dismantled that sorry excuse for a Lambo. With this thought in mind, he rolled over and drifted off to sleep, sweeping his optics over his room one last time to make sure everything was where it should be.
About 3 hours past midnight, a frantic vibrating dragged Sideswipe back into the waking world. Turning his audios back on, he tapped the communicator in answer.
"I repeat," Prowl's curt voice snapped him fully awake. "Tracks, Trailbreaker, Bluestreak, Jazz, Sideswipe, Smokescreen, and Mirage. Report to the eastern sector of the mountain for back-up."
Oh sweet Primus, this is what he'd been waiting for all week. He had been seriously missing the Decepticons and was just short of begging them to cause trouble. All this pent up energy was finally going to have an outlet!
Leaping down from his bunk, Sideswipe summoned his entire arsenal from subspace unable to contain his glee. He briefly considered waking his brother to join in the fun even though Prowl had not called for him. He shook his head erasing the thought. The Buttercup from the Great Abyss could just sleep the slagging night away and miss the excitement. It would serve him right for Sideswipe to get all the glory this time.
Upon exiting the Ark, Sideswipe immediately transformed so he could reach the battle faster. However, the eastern sector of the mountain, much like the northern, southern, and western, was as silent as a crypt. Not even a lousy cassette to kick around. What was going on? Where was all the aft to be kicked? Not only were there no 'Cons, but the rest of the back-up never made it outside to join him. Not only that, but there was no original group to slagging back up!
He smacked his forehead with a hand and hissed a curse worthy of Ratchet at his worst. Prowl must have had fun watching him run around like a mad-mech. Couldn't Prowl just cancel Christmas too while he was at it and finish poor Sideswipe off? Trudging back to the Ark entrance with his beloved gun dragging behind him, the red Lamborghini looked like someone had kicked his petro-puppy.
As he passed a security camera, he made sure to give it the middle finger as he knew that his Vice was most likely watching most happily.
Though he could never know this, he was absolutely right. Prowl was watching, optics shining in delight. Having convinced (a.k.a. bribed) Windcharger to help him remove the stolen items using his unique gifts, the Datsun still had some time to kill before his evening shift ended. Fortunately for him, he'd had time in-between shifts to prepare everything perfectly. Just as he counted on, no one was questioning him. He was Prowl, not Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Jazz, or Bluestreak. Anything Prowl did had a perfectly good, professional explanation. Even what would ensue this evening he could give a complete and logical justification.
Primus, this was almost too easy.
His small smile grew larger as the cranky melee warrior found himself effectively locked out.
It almost didn't seem fair.
Sideswipe, in a fit of sudden fury that would startle even his other half, stormed back to the security camera. The words that came flowing from his mouth would make Ratchet's paint peel, but Prowl took it all in stride. One didn't deal with the twin rays of delight for a few million years and not learn anything.
"…I suppose you think this is funny!" Sideswipe was in the middle of screaming, great scarlet shoulders heaving and piledrivers locked into place. "I bet you think this is fucking hilarious, don't you you cheating slag sucker!"
"But of course," Prowl replied, though only he heard it. Ah well, Sideswipe wouldn't have liked to hear it anyway.
"You cheat! You got the Dinobots to help you! It's against the fragging rules!"
"It was not cheating. I enlisted the direct aid of the Dinobots before the contract was signed, my little friend."
"You immature pile of slag, when I get my hands on you, my piledrivers are going straight down your…"
Prowl shut off the audio on the monitors, afraid his poor audio receivers would short out. Immature was he? Engine purring like a kitten, he reached over and pressed one last button.
Fire.
Sideswipe, now entirely too tired and grouchy to think straight, whirled around at the sound of something powering up. What the…
He leapt out of the way just as the Ark's main defense gun went off, creating a large crater where he was standing. Had Prowl lost his mind! This was only slightly against the 'danger' rule. If Sideswipe survived this, Ratchet would have to put their Vice Commander back together with tweezers and superglue.
In his mental visualization of committing Datsun-cide, he forgot to pay attention to the very large and very loaded guns. Suddenly he was seeing stars from a laying position, wondering how in the world he had ended up there.
Then he wondered why he wasn't looking into the face of Primus instead.
Raising his head to look down to his chest, he was startled to discover not a giant hole, but a giant green spot. Another shot was fired and he rolled to the side just in time for a yellow sphere to come crashing down. He wasn't going to die after all.
Prowl had set up half the guns with large Transformer-sized paintballs, leaving the other half fully loaded in case of an attack. But each gun that he'd loaded were now all fixed on his position, moving with him.
Sideswipe, in either sheer bravery or stupidity, refused to retreat. He would not give Prowl the satisfaction of seeing him run away from a slagging paintball during a prank war. It was not dignified and it was not his style. This was all well and good, for had he tried to run, he would have been sorely upset to discover that Prowl had 'borrowed' a force field generator from Trailbreaker that had mysteriously gone missing during that day's raid. He was trapped and forced to dodge the projectiles unless he wanted to look like some bizarre new form of modern art.
Prowl watched this insane dance for a megacycle or so, sipping a mug of energon as he did so. Now and then Sideswipe's sleep deprivation would kick in and make him falter. This resulted in a nice large paint splatter to add to his once crimson and ebony body. And each time this happened, he had no doubt some new curse word would spew forth from the cherub's mouth.
Eventually the red troublemaker gave up all chances of dignity and ran for it, hoping to get out of range. It was then that he finally discovered the force field erected by the tactician and no amount of clawing at it like a wild animal would change a thing.
When they found him the next morning, it was hard at first to tell who or what he was. Sprawled on his face, in every imaginable color, all Sideswipe could do was grunt when his brother finally poked him with a stick.
What a way to start one's day off.
A/N: Ok, I'm looking for Prowl fans. Where are you? Raise your hands. Come on, let's see them raised high. Alrighty, so next chapter is for you… sorta. You'll see. Everyone else, any other ideas would be great, I feed off them like I feed off tea!
A/N 2: For those of you who know Beast Wars, you remember Megs? You remember the voice actor, David Kaye? Well he also does some voice acting for an anime here and there. And he was at Anime Boston the other weekend. So not only did I get his autograph, but he autographed my rubber ducky (BW fans should know and love this reference) And NOT ONLY did Ti get her rubber ducky signed, but David SANG the rubber ducky song (y'know the one) in Meg's voice and added a nice long 'yesssss' at the end. Unfortunately for me, I was not there for this momentous occasion. I had a friend of a friend have it done for me. I had an important military function at the time and couldn't go (a.k.a. I was shooting at Army boys during a field exercise).
Review Time!
blazer-6: Thanks! I do have a place for Soundwave's cassettes in the chapter after the next and the Dinobots will be back rather than just as an honorable mention. Thanks for the ideas, keep them coming!
MariaShadow: Thank you : ) Don't die! Then who would write all those wonderful one-shots I love so much? I definitely agree, Sideswipe needs to be brought down a peg or two. He's been feeling a little too proud with himself lately. At least college pays off somehow, right? It's not like I need an education or anything….
Hika: Yay! We have another convert! I've seen most if not all of Armada, but practically none of Energon. I probably should one of these days if I ever have time. 'If' being the operative word of course. Thanks, now I have to keep making them better or they'll get boring. No pressure right? ; ) I was stressing forever on whether or not I should use 'daddy'. I thought it might have been over the top, but I'm glad it was well received.
Jess: Oh good, I'm glad I got Ratchet right. He's hard but so much fun to write. Oh stealing things is only the beginning believe you me. He's the master strategist, he knows how to get around silly little things like contracts!
ChibiProwl: Have I told you I liked your sn yet? Well, I do! I agree, a purring Prowl is bad news. Just for fun I will have him purr once in each chapter, and they are for you.
Draange: Yup, college is where we learn life skills (pranks, sleeping with eyes open, b.s.ing…) I'm glad you liked the scene with Ratchet, it's one of my favorite scenes so far. He was just so much fun to do!
PuraJazzBot: Ah thank you so much, you are a life saver! I've never seen their toy specs, only their profiles on Siebertron. I can see clearly now…. A lot of people seem to like the scene with Ratchet and Sides, I'm so glad it went off well. I was a little weirded out when I did it, I was afraid it might have been too over the top or something. Nah, your Dev Art is great. But your stories are, without a doubt, something to be mighty proud about as well.
Flyby Stardancer: Hey, thanks a lot! I hope you like this chapter too.
Uftaki: Yay, my Rachet scene was a hit! You have no idea how happy that makes me : D If you draw that scene, please let me know. I would love you forever I was so afraid that that specific part would be a bit much, but decided to keep it in anyway. Yeah, I figured it was something Prowl would do. And besides, like I told Jess, he's not the head strategist for nothing! He does this for a living! A silly little thing like a contract is not going to hold him back in any way. Hun, you ain't seen crazy yet, trust me. Yeah, I saw the profiles on Siebertron, but I haven't gotten my mitts on any tech specs yet. The links didn't show up, because ff . net doesn't like them. Bah! If you try putting spaces between the dots and the words like I did it should work. Anyway, thank you so much!
Nephthys Snape: Oh no, Sunstreaker is far from out of the picture. And when he becomes caught in the crossfire, heads will roll! I'm so glad you liked the scene with Ratchet, it was one of my favorites to write.
Trueborn Chaos: Thanks a lot, I'm glad you enjoy it! Hm… I think I remember some quotes on your profile? What happened to them? They were great. : )
Halo: Thanks, hope I made you smile at least a little with this one too : )
Tiamat1972: Yup, if only Sideswipe would just admit it, it would be a lot less painful! Oh yeah, Sunstreaker is not going to be happy when he's caught in the crossfire again and Ratchet won't be favoring him for long either. Eh, he needs his dignity knocked around a little bit. We all need to be stuck to a chair to be taught a lesson from time to time, right? That's actually a great analogy and I'm sure Prowl would agree with you. I don't know if you have any younger siblings, but I have two and believe me, at ages 10 and 14 they don't get much better than when they're 3. They only know more words to drive you crazy with. Good luck and give your 3 year old a pat on the head for me.
TamamoHitomi: Thanks for your help again and good luck on your finals! Call me when you get home so we can hang out before I leave for work. Yeah, there's a bit of Prowl in me, or is it the other way around? Keep the good ideas flowing and the good times rolling!