Butler was listening. Butler was always listening. Even now... he was starting to get a bad feeling about this road trip. Artemis and Lexxie had been in an enclosed space together for over 4 hours now, and he had just gotten a call from Juliet, saying that the trip would have to be extended. So now, they had two more days on the road, instead of five hours... He hated it when Juliet did things that forced him to change plans so quickly. Changing plans quickly meant going in unprepared. And he hated going in unprepared. Not only that, but he was afraid Artemis's head would blow up if he had to remain in Lexxie's presence much longer. It was the strain of being so cool and collected all the time, Butler reflected. And then you throw someone like Lexxie into the mix, and the pressure just builds up and builds up until something pops. Butler sighed, turned his eyes back to the road, and prayed for deliverance from road trips.

-=[n]=-

Artemis closed his eyes, and prayed for deliverance from road trips.

"Artemis?" Butler said, still scanning the road. Artemis had never really relied on him as an official bodyguard since the incident with Spiro's guard, but old habits died hard.

"Yes?" replied Artemis, sitting up a little straighter even than normal. "Are we there now?" He almost asked, but he bit the words back in his mouth. It sounded so... childish. Even though he had to admit to himself, he was dying to get relief from the constant energy that was Lexxie Butler, he would never be caught dead asking Butler if they were there yet. Like a whiny 8 year-old in the back seat.

"I just got a call from Juliet. She and your mother got an early flight to their destination, so... we'll be on the road for two more days."

"What?" Artemis was speechless for a moment. "Couldn't we get a flight too?"

"They're all booked. Every last one. I checked."

"There must be some other way! Call for the jet!"

"I did." There was reluctance in Butler's voice.

"And?"

"...It's in the shop."

"What?"

"Sorry, Artemis. It's two more days on the road."

This is not happening, thought Artemis. I'm going to close my eyes, and when I open them, this will all have been a dream. He tested this theory. It didn't work. Even with his eyes closed, he could still hear Lexxie talking. She had stayed silent for his entire exchange with Butler, but now the dam burst.

"So, yeah, you know today is Opening Day for the Cubs? The Chicago Cubs? Baseball team? Yeah, well, they're great. Fantastic! Hey, you ever been to Chicago?"

"Nope. Never been there." He lied. Lexxie didn't know anything about the People, and it needed to stay that way.

"Oh, too bad. It's a great city. I live in Hollywood, of course, but I love to visit Chicago. They have something Hollywood just doesn't."

"And what might that be?" Artemis asked. he had not been terribly impressed with the city when he had visited. Maybe this was partly because he had spent the majority of his stay there in the clutches of a megalomaniac, but still.

"Weather." Lexxie answered. "I mean, Hollywood: the city where it never rains! (Not true, actually, but almost.) Chicago: the city where the weather does what the weather wants, and too bad for you if you don't want what the weather wants. Because what the weather wants, the weather gets. I love Chicago."

"It smells like dead pigeons." Artemis said, without thinking. He realized what he'd just as good as admitted to having been there, and froze, but nothing happened. Lexxie skipped half a beat in her conversation, but then she started talking again, and words flowed over the silence like water through a broken dam, burying it so deep Artemis began to wonder if it had even happened. No. His brain told him. It did happen. Didn't you hear it? You heard it. It happened. But then... why wasn't Lexxie saying anything about it, if she noticed? It was odd.

-=[y]=-

Lexxie leaned against the window, and thought about what she had just heard. She had long ago developed the remarkable talent to totally isolate her mouth from her mind, so that even as she fully concentrated on this strange development in the road trip, she never stopped talking. Sure, she talked incessantly, but that was just to cover what she really did, which was listening. And she did that quite well. It was remarkable. People would tell you anything if they thought you weren't listening. But she was listening. She was always listening. To everything but what she was saying, of course, because she knew that wasn't worth listening to. How would Artemis know what Chicago smells like if he said he's never been there? Duh. He's lying. But why? She turned this over in her head for a while. Then she thought, D will know. I should grill him later. D was what she called her eldest cousin, short for Domovoi. In the meantime, she probably shouldn't let Artemis know she'd noticed. She tuned back in to what she was saying, just to make sure she didn't say anything private. Huh. She'd been talking about cheeseburgers? Really? Ah well. She shrugged mentally, and went with the flow.