A/N: So this chapter is a little bit shorter than the others, but I wanted to get it up. Thanks everyone who is reviewing! Keep it up!
I sit in my room staring out the window. The sun is setting and it beautiful, but all I feel is sadness. I know what I did was awful, my heart was broken by the look in his eyes, but at the same time I also feel better. It's all so confusing and I know that I can't answer everyone's questions of why I did it, I just know I had to, in that moment that was all I could I do. Three days ago, I let the love of my life storm out of here, and I know it was my fault and I should have done something but I just can't. No one understands; none of them had their hearts ripped out. I sigh. Someone knocks on the door.
"Ginny, do you think I could come in?" Hermione asks from outside the door. I wave my wand and unlock the door.
"Hey," I say trying to sound normal.
"Hey, Ginny, everyone is worried about you. I thought maybe you wanted to talk about it. I know I didn't hear everything, from what I heard the other night you must need to talk. I mean if, it was me I would need to. You don't have to if you don't want but…." Hermione rambles. I grin just a little, I have missed her terribly.
"Hermione it's okay, you are right. I think I do want to talk about it, actually." I close my eyes for just a moment. "It's all so confusing; I really thought you would hate me for what I did. I know Ron will. I just can't deal with it right now you know. I just need to figure out how to keep going. It hurts me to push him away, but I can't handle happy right now, and the way he looks at me. He would be so happy, I mean I want him to be happy, I guess, but I can't be the one to do that. I am angry and sad and broken. It's so… so…" I break down and start to cry, sob really.
"Shhh… It's okay," Hermione rushes over and hugs me. We sit there for a long time, while I cry and she tries to comfort me. It really feels good to talk to her. I know how crazy I sound, but this war, it was hell on me. I spent every night wondering where they were, what they were doing, if they were okay. I sit up and wipe my eyes.
"Ginny, I understand, you know. It's hard to think about having to start this new life, in this new environment when so many people we love are gone. I understand that; just don't push everyone away, okay?" She smiles.
"I don't want to push everyone away and I honestly don't think I am feeling guilty about living. I think it's more like," I stop and think so I can properly describe the feeling, I'm not sure if I can. "It's like my heart was torn out of my chest when he was dead, and now he isn't and as happy as I am knowing he is alive, my mind is protecting my heart from that feeling. I can't look at him, is so conflicting. I want to run into his arms and never move, but my mind or whatever won't let me because it will hurt too much if I get to close and something happens." I start to cry again.
"Ginny, everything will work itself out. You have to believe that, just don't hide up here. You have a family that loves you and needs you. I need you, with the boys gone, I really need you." Hermione pleads.
"Your right," I say as I dry my eyes again. "I won't hide up here, but first tell me. How angry is everyone about what I did to him? I can't stand thinking that they all hate me." I ask.
"Oh, well. I don't think everyone knows really. I mean Ron and I were waiting on Harry in the kitchen, but the others were outside and no one seems to realize it yet." She answers. Great, now I will have to tell everyone, this isn't going to be fun.
"Alright well, let's go down and see if Mum needs help in the kitchen." I get up and walk purposely to the door, with Hermione trailing after me.
I am sitting in a safe house somewhere in the Italian countryside. We just got a tip that there is going to be meeting of some sort in an hour. I am the only one here; I sent a word to Ron and the others ten minutes ago. If he doesn't get back to me in two I am going on my own. We have to get Lucius; we have to get him now. He is drawing to much support from the French Death Eaters. If this keeps up we will have a whole new war to fight. I am pacing. Merlin, this is so frustrating. I can't just sit they know what just sitting is doing to me. If I don't have anything to do then I think about her, and I don't know what to do. I want to portkey back there and shake her. I don't know what happened; I thought for sure I was going to get my happy ending. I can't take this anymore. I am not going to sit around her stewing about what could possibly be going on in her brain.
I storm out of the safe house and apparate to the edge of the property so I don't set off any of their wards. I am fairly certain that they don't know we are coming, our source only just learned of the location. I throw my invisibility cloak on and slowly make my way toward to the cottage. If I didn't know what was in there, it would be a lovely place. As I slowly make my way forward, I feel the magic of the wards as I cross them, I stop. Watching, listening. When no one comes out of the house I keep moving. There is a crack behind me, I turn slowly, knowing I am invisible I hope to stupefy whoever it is. Just as I catch sight of the familiar platinum hair he cries out "Stupefy," Then nothing.
We are sitting in kitchen, watching Mum as she starts to make dinner. She won't let us help; she just sat us down at the table with tea and told us not to move. As I watch her I see how sad she is. I feel horrible for locking myself up in my room. She needs me; I am going to do better. No more sulking, I can figure out my feeling while I help her. I look over at Hermione; she has a worried look on her face.
"What's the matter, Hermione?" I ask her.
"I don't know. I just got a really bad feeling. I don't even know what about, just all the sudden I feel worried. It's been happening the last few days, I think I just don't know what to do with Harry and Ron gone. I haven't been apart from them in almost a year. I was just really hoping to hear from them by now, but I am sure they are just…"
She is interrupted by a loud pop as Ron appears suddenly.
"It's…Harry…"he gasps as he tries to catch his breath. "We left him at our safe house so we could do some surveillance on a few cottages in the countryside. I made him stay behind because he was being really reckless," he pauses so he can glare at me. I guess I should have known he would be angry with me, but the look on his face right now, reduces me to tears. I run from the kitchen, out the door into the garden, and tear across the open field toward the stream that runs nearby. As I reach the water, I slow down and catch my breath. I can't handle this, it's all too much. Ron blames me for whatever it is that happened to Harry. I guess if I am honest with myself, I blame me too. I know I hurt him, but everyone knows it's in his nature to run off and be the hero, how is that my fault. Oh it is. I just can't admit it to myself yet.
I can hear someone coming toward me through the trees. Ugh, if that is Ron I am going to curse him into next week. I cannot deal with his guilt trip. I don't even think there is anything I can do about it now. What am I going to do, I turned him away, but I still haven't worked out my feelings. Now he is gone again. It hurts too much to think about, this is what I was afraid of, I haven't even let my guard down and it hurts so much I feel like I am being ripped apart.
"Ginny," its Hermione, thank Merlin. She will understand. By the time she sits down beside me I am sobbing. "Ginny, it's okay; I know you probably feel awful. Ron said that they have every Auror from Ministry on their way to Italy. They will find him." She states confidently.
"I… I just… this is what I was afraid of. That is why I pushed him away and now look. I was right. He can't not be a hero, he can't just sit by and wait for help he has to go off and… and…" I can't even finish. This is all too real. I see all the images from the past few weeks. Dead Fred… Dead Tonks… Dead Lupin… Dead Colin… Dead Harry… I feel myself sink down and I feel the cool grass against my face.
"Well, let's get you back to house, shall we?" Hermione casts a levitation charm and I feel myself drift back toward the Burrow.