"I can't explain it, Commander," said the Doctor, hovering over him with a medical tricorder. "I thought that when we exited chaotic space, the gene would revert to its previously dormant state."
Janeway stood next to the biobed, her arms crossed. She had heard about what happened on the surface, although not in detail, and was anxious to hear what the Doctor had to say. "But Chakotay didn't exhibit any of the signs until we reached Cholani. Surely there's some connection."
The Doctor shrugged. "Not one that I can explain medically," he said.
"What do you mean by that?" Chakotay asked.
"From what I understand, the Cholani have a deeply rooted belief system. None of our away teams have been allowed inside their temple, yet that is the place you were drawn to when these symptoms began to reoccur."
"Doctor, do you think there's some connection between what's happening to Chakotay and the Cholani's religious beliefs?" Janeway asked, incredulous.
"I don't know," the EMH replied dryly. "I'm a doctor, not a bishop. But it does seem possible."
Janeway turned her attention to her first officer, who was still visibly shaken by recent events. She put her hand on his arm, steady and strong. "What do you think, Chakotay?"
"I don't know. I don't know what's causing this," he replied.
"What's the treatment, Doctor?" she asked, her hand still holding Chakotay's arm, both giving and getting support.
"I can suppress the hallucinations," the Doctor said, "but there is no actual treatment. I can take away the symptoms, but not the cause of them."
"Captain," Chakotay interjected, "I'd like your permission to return to the surface."
Her eyes glowed with compassion. "Chakotay," she said softly, "I think it's better if you rest."
He shook his head. "I think these people may have a way of treating my condition."
She stepped away from him, dropping her hand from his arm. "Oh? What sort of treatment?"
"I don't know, exactly. The First Prelate mentioned something to me about it."
"Commander, I know the Cholani are capable and kind, but I don't think I'd trust their knowledge of human physiology," the Doctor warned. "We know very little about their medicinal practices."
"It wouldn't be a medical treatment," Chakotay said.
"Well then what kind of treatment would it be?" Janeway asked.
"Captain," Chakotay said, forcing his voice to remain calm, "the Doctor has repressed the hallucinations for now. I don't know enough to answer your questions. Please, allow me to return to the surface so that I can find out more."
She studied him carefully, weighing the risks against his desire for information. Finally she acceded, "Very well, Commander." Then she smiled a wry smile. "Just try not to knock over any fruit carts this time. We can't afford to pay for it."
...
Axamiya had agreed to take Chakotay to see the High Priest; only the High Priest could tell Chakotay about the treatment in detail. The First Prelate escorted Chakotay around the Holy Temple to a small building next door. "This is where the High Priest lives," he explained.
The domicile was small and simple. It bore no glass adornments like many of the other shelters did. Axamiya approached the small door and knocked three times. Oxanayul appeared in the doorframe. "Axamiya, my child, and Commander Chakotay, come in," he greeted them.
The two men entered the room. Chakotay had to duck to avoid hitting his head on the doorframe. The High Priest's abode was sparsely decorated. There was a small table with two chairs, where Chakotay imagined the old man ate; a small stove; a pantry and some sort of cold food storage box. The other side of the room contained a beautifully woven rug with mats scattered around it. There was a small fireplace for wood burning fires, although none burned now. There was a closed door to another room; Chakotay assumed it led to the bedroom. "Please, have a seat," said the High Priest, gesturing to the mats near the rug. Axamiya sat, and Chakotay followed his lead. "Can I get you some tea?"
"Thank you, High Priest," said the First Prelate, bowing his head. Chakotay decided to follow the younger man's lead and repeated his response.
The High Priest joined them, carrying a wooden tray. The tray held three simple cups carved from wood, and a pot. The Priest sat the tray on the floor, and poured tea for each of them, handing a cup to Chakotay and a cup to Axamiya. Chakotay noticed how gracefully and easily the man moved, in spite of his advanced age. "Now," said the High Priest, "Axamiya tells me you wish to go on a healing journey."
"Well," Chakotay replied slowly, "I'd like to find out more about your healing methods." He explained his condition and gave a brief summary of the incident in chaotic space which had preceded his madness. "Our Doctor doesn't know why I'm continuing to hallucinate."
The High Priest smiled kindly. "Our gods have a way of forcing us to accept who we truly are," he said.
Chakotay looked at him strangely. These words were so similar to the ones he had heard in his vision quest that he felt it could not be a coincidence. He shook off the strange feeling and continued, "Our Doctor can prevent the hallucinations, but he can't eliminate the defective gene that causes them."
"Do you wish to treat the cause?" Oxanayul asked.
"I don't want to spend the rest of my life dependent on a hypospray," Chakotay said. "If there's another kind of treatment I can pursue, I want to know about it."
The High Priest nodded. "You must understand that a healing journey is not a quick or easy solution. It will require many days and many nights. It will be a long and arduous journey. But at the end, any destructive forces within you will be purged."
"Can you tell me how it works?" Chakotay asked.
Oxanayul chuckled. "Only the gods know the answer to that question," he said.
"Are there any dangers to this healing journey?"
"No one has ever been harmed during a healing journey," the High Priest replied. "But if you have any doubts, you will not have the fortitude to complete the journey."
"What happens if I begin the journey and don't complete it?" Chakotay asked.
"It rarely occurs, but in every case, the result of someone beginning a healing journey and leaving it incomplete has left them irreparably damaged. Taking that course could even kill you. You must be absolutely committed to purging yourself of this destruction; to remaking yourself; to allowing the gods to remake you."
"I understand," said Chakotay.
"Take some time to think about it, Chakotay," Oxanayul said. "Speak to your closest friends. Be sure that they will support you. The journey is easier to take when you know that those who love you are by your side."
Chakotay nodded. "Thank you, High Priest." He turned to Axamiya. "And thank you for arranging this meeting, First Prelate. High Priest, I will think about what you have said." Oxanayul looked at Chakotay, and Chakotay could see something in his eyes that he could not quite grasp; as if the Priest could see inside his very soul.
...
Kathryn Janeway inhaled the scent of the mushroom soup as she placed two bowls on the table. She knew that it was Chakotay's favorite dish, and she had decided to make it for their weekly dinner together. She put bread on the table, and two glasses for water. Kathryn sighed; she was worried about Chakotay. She had seen hints of his madness twice now; once in chaotic space and once on the planet. It was hard for her to see her normally calm and collected first officer coming apart at the seams like this. The Doctor said that he could control the hallucinations, but would that be enough? Why hadn't any of the symptoms recurred for weeks until they arrived on the Cholani home world? Surely that was not a coincidence. She knew that Chakotay had met with the High Priest earlier in the day, and she was anxious to hear about the meeting, but her instinct was not to trust the Cholani with her first officer's life. They barely knew these people; how could they trust that their healing techniques would work?
The door chimed. "Come in," she said.
Chakotay entered her quarters and immediately smiled. "You made mushroom soup."
She returned the smile. "I know it's supposed to be chicken soup that cures all ills, but I thought in your case mushroom soup would be better."
"Kathryn, you didn't have to waste your replicator rations on me," Chakotay continued to needle her.
"It's not a waste, Chakotay," she replied, suddenly becoming serious.
He didn't know what to say to this, so he sat down in his usual chair and she sat across from him. He took a bite of the soup and looked at her with genuine gratitude. "Thank you, it's delicious."
She nodded and offered him half a smile. He could tell that she was worried about him, and hated the fact that he was causing her this distress. "How was your meeting with the High Priest?" she asked.
"Their spiritual traditions are surprisingly similar to the traditions of my own people. If the Cholani are ill, they take what they call a 'healing journey.' It sounds like some sort of extended vision quest. The High Priest says that everyone who completes the healing journey becomes fully healed."
"And those who don't?"
"He said it's rare, but those who begin the journey and don't complete it... could suffer injuries."
"What kind of injuries, Chakotay?" she asked.
He looked down at his soup before answering, "They could die."
She shook her head. "It's too great a risk," she said. "What do we know about these people? About their healing techniques? Do you even know what this healing journey entails?"
"Not really," Chakotay admitted. "I don't think that even Priest Oxanayul knows what the journey entails. If it's like a vision quest, it's different for each person."
"Chakotay," she said, reaching across the table to touch his arm, "we simply don't know enough to evaluate the risks of this... procedure."
He withdrew his arm from her grasp, his voice becoming more intense. "It's not a procedure, Kathryn. It's a religious ritual. You can't evaluate the risks. It's about faith."
She sat back in her chair, feeling as though they had had this argument before. "The Doctor can stop the hallucinations. You said yourself, a couple of hyposprays a day are all that's necessary."
"I know," he said quietly. He looked her straight in the eyes, his expression betraying the intense fear that he felt. "But I don't want to be dependent on a hypospray for the rest of my life. As long as I know that this is a part of me and could affect me at any moment, I will be afraid of becoming my grandfather." Chakotay stood and began to pace back and forth across the room. "I don't want to be a crazy old man." He stopped for a moment and looked at her. "I could live with almost anything, Kathryn. I could go blind, I could go deaf. I could lose a limb." He began to pace again. "But I couldn't live with the knowledge that I was going crazy!"
Janeway watched her first officer and her friend as he paced back and forth across her quarters. She wanted nothing more than to soothe him, to tell him everything was going to be all right; to stroke his hair and take his hand, and lead him back to the table so he could enjoy his dinner. But she couldn't do any of that. She asked, "What makes you think that this religious ritual is a cure for your condition?"
"It's not something I can fully explain," he said. Then he stopped pacing. "The High Priest said something to me that I also heard in one of my own vision quests."
She studied him carefully. "Do you think they're related somehow?"
"I don't know," he replied. "But what I do know is that this may be my only chance to stop myself from going crazy." He walked towards her, slowly and deliberately, and knelt at her feet, taking both her hands in his. "Please, Kathryn. I need to do this."
She looked down at him; his earnest expression, the pleading in his eyes and on his face. How could she deny him this opportunity? They held each other's gaze for a long time. She knew that he could see the fear in her own eyes; the fear of losing him to an alien ritual or an unknown conspiracy. Yet, she could not imagine what it would be like to watch him slowly go mad over the next fifty years. The thought of it made her shudder inwardly. She reached out and ran her hand through his hair, gently nodding her ascent.
...
Chakotay removed the Starfleet pips from his collar and placed them on his desk. He changed out of his uniform into comfortable brown trousers and a loose, flowing, white top. He chuckled inwardly to himself, realizing these were the same clothes he had brought with him to New Earth. After this healing journey, he had to do a little work on his wardrobe, he mused. The door chimed. "Come in."
B'Elanna entered his quarters. She looked at him, taking in his civilian appearance. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
"If you want to know if I've lost my mind yet, no such luck," Chakotay joked.
B'Elanna smiled weakly. She knew him almost as well as Kathryn did; perhaps better in some ways, and she wasn't fooled by his bravado. But she also could banter with the best of them. "That's too bad," she replied in the same joking tone. "Tom and I had a plan to get you to sign over your replicator rations to us."
Chakotay smiled. "Don't even think about it," he said. "I don't know if I'll get to eat on this healing journey. I might be very hungry when I get back."
B'Elanna crossed her arms in front of her chest, her tone becoming serious. "How do you know you can trust these people, Chakotay?"
"I'll tell you the same thing I told the Captain. I guess I don't know. Call it a leap of faith, but there's something about their culture that is familiar to me, and the High Priest said something to me that my own grandfather told me in a vision quest."
"Chakotay, give the Doctor another opportunity. Maybe he can find a cure," B'Elanna replied.
Chakotay stepped closer to her and took her by the shoulders. "I don't think the solution is a medical one, B'Elanna. I think it's something I have to find within myself. I don't know how I know this; I can't explain it to you, but this is something I have to do."
B'Elanna looked at him. She could tell that he wasn't crazy, at least not yet, and she knew there was no stopping him once he became this convinced about something. "Okay," she said softly. "Just take care of yourself down there."
"I will," he replied. Then his devilish grin returned. "I wouldn't want you and Tom to have to argue over who got my replicator rations, would I?" She managed a half-hearted smile in response to his levity. "Come on," he said. "Walk me to the transporter room."
"What, you need an escort now?" she asked, her own sense of humor returning.
"Is that not a job you're worthy of, Lieutenant?" he asked playfully as they exited his quarters. He was able to move out of the way just in time to avoid her fist landing squarely in his temple. She was just playing, but still, it would have hurt.
When they reached the transporter room, she stopped outside the doors. "I hope you find what you're looking for, Chakotay," she said softly.
"Thank you," he replied. She watched the doors close behind him as he disappeared into the transporter room. The Captain and Tuvok were waiting inside.
"Commander," Tuvok said, "I have agreed to your request. We will not keep a transporter lock on you while you remain on the surface."
"Thank you, Lieutenant," Chakotay replied. One of the stipulations that Axamiya had explained to him was that no technology could be allowed to interfere in the healing journey. Apparently the gods did not appreciate people who tried to meddle in their plans. Chakotay turned to Kathryn. Her eyes were bright with concern. He held her gaze for several moments without moving, trying to memorize every detail of her face and expression. Then he slowly removed his communicator and pressed it into her hand. It was the last piece of technology on his person. "Keep this for me," he said softly, holding the badge in her hand, pressing her hand between both of his.
Her voice caught in throat as she replied, "I will." There was so much she wanted to say to him, but no words would come. Finally, she said, "Good luck, Commander." She felt him squeeze her hand between both of his before he let it go and walked up to the transporter pad. As he stood there, she realized she had seen his clothes before, on New Earth. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw him standing there, alone, with no way to contact the ship or get help if he was in danger.
Beside her, Tuvok held up his hand in the customary Vulcan gesture. "Live long and prosper, Commander."
Before she had a chance to change her mind, Janeway nodded at the ensign who stood at the transporter console. "Energize."
...
Axamiya paced nervously back and forth in front of the temple. He had agreed to be Commander Chakotay's kochaba, the person who accompanied him on the beginning of his healing journey. He had received very specific instructions about his duties and responsibilities from Oxanayul, and he had been informed that should he need further instructions, the gods would provide them. Still, Axamiya was nervous. He had never served as kochaba before, and had never even been on a healing journey himself. He was barely even considered a man by his people. He had been both fortunate and intelligent; he had accelerated in all of his classes in school, particularly the courses related to religion. High Priest Oxanayul had noticed him when he was just a boy, and had begun grooming him then for the role of First Prelate.
Commander Chakotay materialized in the square in front of him. It was the first time the young man had seen a member of Voyager's crew out of uniform, and Axamiya thought that the casual clothes suited the older man. "Are you ready?" he asked Chakotay.
"As ready as I'll ever be," Chakotay replied.
"Have you followed our instructions and removed all of your technology?"
"I have. I had a tough time convincing Captain Janeway not to keep a transporter lock on me, but she has agreed to all of your conditions."
"Excellent," Axamiya said. "Then we are ready to begin. I will serve as your kochaba, and I will guide you for the first part of your journey."
"I understand," said Chakotay. Axamiya began to walk past the temple, in the opposite direction from the market. "Where are we going?" Chakotay asked.
"We must journey into the Sacred Forest," Axamiya explained. "Only those on healing journeys and vision journeys may enter it."
"Vision journeys?"
Axamiya nodded. "Sometimes when we feel we need to seek guidance about a particular decision in our lives, we take a vision journey into the Sacred Forest, to ask the gods how we should proceed."
"In my culture, we have something very similar," Chakotay replied. "We call it a vision quest. Have you ever taken one of these journeys?"
"I took a vision journey when High Priest Oxanayul asked me if I would want to become First Prelate one day. I wanted to make sure that it was the office the gods demanded of me."
Chakotay glanced at the young man. "And it was?" he asked.
Axamiya smiled proudly, nodding. Then his smile faded a moment later. "At least, I think that's what the gods were trying to tell me."
Chakotay smiled. "I'm sure it was. You seem to be very well suited to your job."
Axamiya bowed his head at the compliment. "Thank you, Commander. But what worries me more is how I could ever be the High Priest."
"High Priest?"
"Traditionally, it is the First Prelate who one day becomes the High Priest."
Chakotay nodded, beginning to understand the young man's concerns. "I'm sure that when the time comes, the gods will make sure you're ready to take on the task."
They had reached the edge of a vast forest. It reminded Chakotay a great deal of his home planet, covered in a dense blanket of leafy greens and tall trees. Chakotay realized that they were about to go into the forest alone, with no weapons and no way to communicate with the outside world. "Is this forest dangerous?" he asked.
"The Sacred Forest is protected by the gods," his young companion replied. Portraying a confidence he didn't quite feel, Axamiya stepped into the forest. There were no paths carved out through the dense brush, and Chakotay wondered if his young guide actually knew where he was going, but he had no choice but to have faith and to follow, so he stepped into the forest after Axamiya.
...
Kathryn Janeway sat in her ready room. Her hand held the PADD containing Neelix's request for supplies to trade; what would be traded to which vendor; what kinds of food they would receive in return and in what quantities. Her eyes were on the PADD, but her mind was miles below, on the planet's surface. It had only been two hours since Chakotay had beamed down to Cholani. What had she expected? He'd had no idea how long the healing journey would take. For all they knew it could take days, or even weeks. The High Priest had assured her that it would not be long enough to significantly delay their journey home, but he had not been able to tell her exactly how long it would take. All the unknowns in this situation worried her; she liked to be able have some way of predicting at least a possible outcome, but in this situation, she didn't even have enough information to do that.
In her mind's eye, she saw Chakotay about to enter the Cholani temple. She saw the wild look in his eye as he had turned around and realized where he was. She saw him ranting in sickbay about a prize fight, accusing the Doctor of ruining his career. No, she didn't want him to have to live like that. Yes, she trusted him. That was why she had granted his request. But that didn't make it any easier for her now. The chime on her ready room door rang. "Come in," she called, welcoming the distraction of a visitor.
Seven of Nine entered. "Captain," she said, "am I disturbing you?"
"Not at all, Seven. I could use some company. What can I do for you?"
"I am... perplexed," Seven replied.
Janeway could tell she was about to enter a discussion on the nature of humanity. She smiled and stood, walking to the replicator. "Coffee, black," she ordered. The coffee materialized in front of her and she took the cup. "Would you like anything, Seven?"
"I do not require nutrition at this time."
Janeway moved over to the sofa and motioned for Seven to sit next to her. The younger woman came and sat by the Captain's side. "Now, what are you perplexed about?" Janeway asked.
"I do not understand Commander Chakotay's desire to undergo an alien ritual when the Doctor has a perfectly viable treatment for his condition here in sickbay."
Janeway smiled. "Spirituality is an extremely important part of life for many people, Seven. Sometimes, people feel like they need to seek answers outside of conventional medicine."
"Is spirituality an important part of your life?" Seven asked.
The Captain took a breath. "I prefer to rely on scientific principles and research," she replied.
"Yet you permitted Commander Chakotay to undertake a potentially dangerous mission for the sake of his spiritual beliefs?"
"Spirituality is something no one can impose on another, Seven. I may not share Commander Chakotay's beliefs, but I respect them."
Seven cocked her head, puzzled. "Yet, if you had not permitted Commander Chakotay to engage in this 'healing journey,' he would have access to perfectly acceptable medical treatment aboard Voyager."
"Acceptable to you, perhaps, but not to Commander Chakotay," the Captain countered.
"Explain."
"Chakotay doesn't want to be dependent on that sort of medical treatment for the rest of his life," Janeway said, dropping her first officer's title. "If he has to be, he will accept that, but the Cholani have offered him another way, and he felt that he had to explore that possibility."
"I see," Seven replied. "The Commander wishes to remain more self-sufficient."
Janeway smiled. It was a Borg way of understanding the situation, but it was still understanding. "Yes," she said softly.
Seven nodded. "Thank you, Captain, I believe I understand."
"Any time," Janeway said with a smile as Seven stood and began to exit the room.
The former Borg stopped before she reached the door. "If Commander Chakotay does not return from his mission, he will be... missed."
Janeway nodded and Seven exited the ready room, her last words echoing in the Captain's mind. Yes, she thought, he will be greatly missed.
...
Chakotay and Axamiya had been tromping through the forest for hours, and the sun was setting. Chakotay hadn't felt this physically exhausted in a long time. They had walked over miles of terrain, much of it difficult; laden with branches and rocks. Axamiya had brought two knives, one for each of them, which they used to cut through much of the thickest underbrush. At one place, several large tree branches had blocked their path through a narrow ravine, and they had had to lift and move each one before being able to pass. Axamiya was unusually quiet for most of the journey; he seemed to be focused, deep in thought. Chakotay felt his arms, legs and back aching. He heard the rumble of hunger in the pit of his stomach, but he steeled himself against it. He'd been through worse. Oxanayul had said he must be totally committed to this journey, or else he would not have the fortitude to continue. He would continue.
Suddenly, Axamiya spoke up. "What is the mark on your forehead, Commander Chakotay?"
"Please, just call me Chakotay. I'm not a Commander out here."
"All, right, Chakotay," said the younger man shyly.
"It's called a tattoo. It's a mark of my tribe," Chakotay explained. "My father and my grandfather had the same mark. I wear it to honor them and to honor the history of my people."
"Our people are not permitted to wear such markings," Axamiya replied. "It is considered an offense against the gods to put a permanent mark on your body."
"Are you offended by my tattoo?" Chakotay asked.
"No. You are not Cholani. You have your own spirits, and you wear your marking to honor them."
Chakotay smiled. The boy was naive, but he was wise. He would make an excellent High Priest someday. Suddenly, Chakotay heard a sound above them. It took him only a moment to realize that it was the sound of a tree branch cracking. In a flash, he saw the branch descending quickly, right towards them. Without wasting a moment, he shoved Axamiya out of the way, sending both of them tumbling to the forest floor. A large, heavy branch crashed down less than a second later, right where the two men had just been standing.
Chakotay propped himself up on his elbow, examining his companion, who had landed face down in the dirt. "Are you all right?" he asked.
Axamiya rolled himself over to face Chakotay. He looked at the large branch that now lay on the ground where they had stood, and then back at the older man. "Comman... Chakotay," he said breathlessly, "you saved my life."
"You're welcome," Chakotay replied, standing up and offering his hand to Axamiya. He helped the young man up and they both brushed themselves off. Aside from a few scrapes and bruises, they were both unharmed.
Axamiya was visibly shaken, however. "Come on," he said to Chakotay. "It's not much farther."
"Not much farther to what?" asked Chakotay, but the younger man did not reply. Apparently, that was a question he wasn't allowed to answer, but soon, Chakotay saw for himself. They emerged into a clearing. There was a fire pit in the center of it, and it was surrounded by several stone benches. Near the benches was the mouth of a cave, but it didn't look like a natural phenomenon; it looked as if it had been constructed.
"We're here," Axamiya said. "Chakotay, please build a fire. I'm going to get us something to eat."
"All right," Chakotay said, puzzled by the sudden change in Axamiya's demeanor. The young man had suddenly become confident, almost commanding, as if he had discharged his task and had now only to hand off his charge to another force. Chakotay gathered some wood and set to the arduous task of building a fire. He found some brush to use for kindling, and he couldn't help but think of the last time he had had to do this, stranded on a planet with the crew of Voyager, using Kathryn's hair to ignite a flame. He'd been upset with himself for being unable to start a fire then, but this time, the task was not as difficult as he had anticipated. He was glad for the warmth of the fire; as the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon, the air had become cold. He huddled next to it, wishing he had worn warmer clothes, wondering whether Axamiya would return, or if this was the part of the journey where he was left alone.
The young man returned a few moments later with a couple of strange looking plants. "Here," he said, handing something hard and round to Chakotay. It was roughly the size of a coconut. Axamiya showed him how to break it on a stone; the fruit broke neatly in half when cracked correctly. Inside the shell was a soft, gooey substance, which Axamiya scooped out and ate with his hands. The fruit did not taste as sweet as Chakotay had anticipated. It had an earthy taste, almost like a mushroom. The two men ate in silence; the fruit was surprisingly filling.
After they had each finished their food, Axamiya handed Chakotay what appeared to be a small root. "Here," he said. "Eat this. It will help you stay warm and energized. You're going to need a lot of energy for tomorrow's journey."
Chakotay took the root and ate it. It tasted sweet, like honey, and soon he began to feel that Axamiya's words were true. He was feeling warmer, but it wasn't from the fire. He felt as though he were being warmed from the inside out. Suddenly, Chakotay began to feel his eyelids becoming heavy, and his limbs becoming sluggish. What type of root had he eaten? Was it poison? He thought hard, and realized that Axamiya had not eaten any of it; only given it to him. His last thought before the blackness overtook him was wondering whether the young man had betrayed him... then, nothing.