[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks to all of you who have decided to give my little story here a try. I know things are pretty hard for our girls at the moment but I promise they'll get better. You just need to have some trust in their love.

**3**

Edward suggests taking the little one to the park to give me some time to myself. Great, like I would want to spend any time alone in this house. I can't endure being alone. It only makes me think about Alice and those thoughts are so terribly painful.

"Call her," my best friend tells me again before he and Andy walk off. I nod my head and sigh deeply, sitting down on the steps outside for a few moments before I return back inside.

I haven't done any dilation for over two week now because usually Alice is here to remind me of this unpleasant duty. She's so very supportive about my situation and the possibility of losing her is pure torture for me.

In the kitchen I gulp down the rest of the wine that's in the bottle before throwing it in the trash. Then I make my way up to the bathroom, washing my hands carefully before I pull out all the necessary stuff.

Placing several towels on the floor, I step out of my underwear and lay down, forcing myself to go slow. It will hurt even more if I try to rush things.

The lube is unpleasantly cold and the weird, clinical smell of it makes me wrinkle my nose in disgust. Taking a deep breathe I start inserting the first dilator about an inch inside of me. Back and forth and round and round I shove the glass dilator into my expensively acquired vagina until the awful burning brings tears to my eyes.

Oh crap.

Finally, I manage to reach what I consider a halfway acceptable depth and stop. Turning over to my side, I close my knees and wait for the time to pass. When Alice is with me when I dilate she strokes my hair and whispers softly to me. Somehow that makes the whole dilating stuff less horrible.

Alice, oh Alice, please come back to me.

I cry against the towel under my head until I'm completely exhausted. Standing up, I clean the dilator and step underneath the shower to rinse the sticky remains of the lube off of me.

When I'm just about to dry myself off again, I can hear the phone ringing in down in the kitchen. With my hair still messy and wet, I rush down the stairs to get the call, but it's too late.

Wasn't a call from her anyway, just one from Emmett asking me if I'd be okay with him watching the Game over at my place tonight.

Like, I have time for unimportant stuff like watching sports right now.

I dial the number of Andrea's place but after the first ring I hang up again. I don't know what to say. I don't want to beg Alice to come home but in reality it's all I want to do. I love this stubborn woman so much; she's everything to me, maybe even more.

Mechanically I return to the bathroom and blow-dry my hair until it's falling down my shoulders in soft waves. Then I apply a bit more make-up than it would be necessary during daytime and dress in a navy blue dress. It's Alice's favorite on me. She always compliments the way it makes my skin look like.

"Mommy, we're back!" Andy calls out as he rushes into the living room and jumps on my lap.

"Hi, sweetie, did you have fun at the park?"

He nods his head and pulls out several little rocks to place them proudly on the table in front of us.

"Uncle Edward talked to a strange woman in the park. You need to tell him that it's forbidden to talk to strangers. He doesn't know it."

"I think your Uncle is old enough to take care of himself. Now, go and wash your hands."

When he's gone, Edward crosses his arms in front of his chest and looks at me full of expectation.

"And? Did you call her?"

"Are you my fucking babysitter? It's not your business—,"

"Not my business? Are you kidding me? Alice is family and you are my best friend, how can it not be my business whether the two of you work things out or not!"

"Mommy, why is Uncle Edward yelling at you?"

"It's nothing, sweetie. Tell him goodbye. He needs to leave now."

"Bye," he mumbles, sticking his thumb in his mouth to suck on it.

Edward sighs and waves his hand at us before he walks out. A minute later I can hear the engine of his car roaring to life.

"Are you fighting?"

"No, sweetie, we're not. You don't have to worry."

"But you and Momma were fighting. I heard you."

Kneeling down in front of him, I wipe a bit of mud from his cheek before I hug him tightly.

"We miss her a lot. Don't we, sweetie?"

"Yes,"

I stand up from the ground and grab my handbag, pulling my son outside with me. Rain is pouring down on us when I start driving a bit faster than it would be acceptable towards Andrea's house. She lives at the other side of town and I feel like the traffic is even worse today than on other days.

"Are we going to visit Nana and Erica?"

"Not exactly, Andy." I tell him when I eventually park the car in front of Andrea's house. "Not exactly,"

It takes me a few moments until I manage to get the awful trembling in my hands under enough control to open the door of the Volvo. Andy gets squeamish and starts kicking his shoes against the passenger's seat in front of him.

"Stop that right now!" I snarl at him a bit too roughly. Crap, now he's probably going to start crying. He's such a sensitive child.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Your Mommy is just…" about to lose it completely would probably be a very fitting description. My nerves are blank as I step out the car and help Andy out of his seat.

I don't know what to expect when I knock on the door. All I know is that there is no way I'm going home again without her…