A/N I've tried to make this as canon-compliant as possible, but given the sheer amount of stuff referred to in the series, it's hard. If anyone spots a factual mistake or a misspelling, could you please let me know so I can fix it? Thanks!

-Indy

Theme - When A Woman Learns To Walk, She's Not Dependant Anymore (24 May 08)

Chapter Two

Fire and Ice

Youko leant over the neck of her suguu, squinting towards the horizon. Through the creeping nervous anticipation, she felt a warm pleasure at how the land was noticeably getting greener. Every year, they harvested a little more. Every year, they remembered how to laugh a little more genuinely. Maybe Keiki was right. Maybe it really was time for a celebration.

She sifted restlessly on her mount's back. It was one of the imperial stable's finest animals, swift as the sea wind and as tireless as the tide, but she missed the feeling of Hankyo's fur beneath her fingers. Its absence was a worrying reminder that today she couldn't rely on protection from any of Keiki's powerful shirei. She was on her own.

She looked around and grinned. Well, not exactly on her own. She had a number of the country's bravest fighters with her. Kantai himself rode by her side, a large and comforting presence. Her old friend Koshou had her back, and he would rather die than let anything happen to her on his watch.

She knew the other soldiers by face and name. Good men all, who were deadly with a blade and respected their empress enough not to waste time guarding her and let her get her business done.

She felt her stomach twist as she sighted several dark blotches against the early evening sky.

Kantai spotted them too, and began roaring orders to the men. The air filled with the sharp ringing of drawn steel, the men hunched forwards over their mounts, urging them forwards.

Youko drew her own sword, tightening her fingers around the familiar weight. It was funny how reassuring a pointy bit of metal could be.

"Ready, Jouyuu?" she murmured softly.

Ready, he confirmed. I will keep you safe.

"Then let's get this over with." She raised Suiguutou above her head and gave a piercing war cry to lend strength to her men. They answered her heartily, a wall of sound that cascaded over her shoulders and made her feel a little safer. Or at least, as safe as one can be when bearing down on a group of giant flesh-eating birds.

"Good luck, Youko!" yelled Kantai from her right. She turned to see his grinning face and shouted the well-wishes back to him.

Then the kochou were upon them.

Youko felt Jouyuu take control of her body with the familiar silken ease. She swooped down to rake the edge of her sword across the neck of a kochou, dodging the following spurt of dark blood and watching the bird tumble to earth with a deafening wail. Another came at her from behind. She swerved just in time, the razor-sharp beak skimming past her left ear. The kochou turned to come back at her, but shuddered and jerked as an arrow suddenly bloomed from one eye. As it flailed in its death throes, one huge talon clouted her shoulders. Her eyes filled with starbursts and she struggled to keep upright, the blood roaring in her ears.

"Keep your guard up, Empress!" shouted one of her men cheekily. He harried the bird from the other side, giving her a precious few moments to recover herself. She flashed him a grateful grin and took advantage of the youma's distraction. With two strong slashes, she severed the sinew and bone of the thing's neck and sent the head crashing to the ground below.

"Lovely, Jouyuu," she muttered, flinging the gore from her blade.

She looped back to the others, helping Kantai to hack the wings from another bird. It gave an ear-piercing howl as it started to fall from the air. The soldiers peppered it with arrows, and it was dead before it met the ground with a sickening crunch.

They mopped up the others smoothly, working as a team, guarding each other's backs. Kantai was relentless, always in the thick of the action, calling out orders and moving his suguu as though they were one. He even forgot that he wasn't supposed to order Youko around. She bit the inside of her lip in amusement and followed his directions, tucking the moment away to tease him with later.

As the sun set, they landed a little way away from the battle site, now strewn with black feathers, dark blood and hulking corpses.

"What's the damage?" Youko asked, leading her mount over to Kantai.

He straightened from his position at the side of a wounded man. "He's got a nasty slash, but it'll heal good as new given a little time. A couple of the others got scratched too, but we'll bandage them up and they'll be fine until we get back home. No fatalities, nothing life-threatening. We were very lucky today."

Youko punched his shoulder lightly. "Huh. You call that luck? I call it great leadership."

"Empress, ah…" he squirmed a little with pleased embarrassment.

Youko knelt next to the wounded man, peeling away his blood-soaked clothes from his skin. There was a long, ugly gash across his shoulder, painfully deep. She winced in sympathy.

"We need to get you back," she told the soldier, who looked faintly awed at being tended to by the empress herself. This would be a story to tell to his family when they got back to Gyouten. "Hold onto this for now. It'll give you the strength to fly back." She pulled the blue gem from her scabbard and hung it around his neck. His eyes widened as Hekisouju relieved him of the worst of the pain. He straightened.

"Empress… Thank you." He touched the imperial treasure reverently.

She smiled at him, beginning to feel the strain of the battle now that Jouyuu had left her. "Thank you for defending Kei so valiantly," she replied formally. "Thank you, everyone," she called out to the rest of them. "For everything you've done here. I, and the whole of Kei are grateful."

"Seikishi!" someone cheered. "General Kantai!"

"A warm bath!" someone else yelled out, and the group dissolved into laughter. Youko got to her feet. The silliness, she knew, was born out of relief that they weren't digging graves for each other. Now that the exhilaration of battle had faded, they were all very tired, and just wanted to go home. War stories would be told to comrades, admiring slaps on the back would be given out, pretty young girls would ooh and ahh wide-eyed over battle scars. All would be at peace with the world.

But for Youko, the battle wasn't over quite yet.

"Come on," she said to Kantai as they heaved the wounded man into his saddle. "Let's go home."

He eyed her suspiciously. "You don't look very happy for someone who just won a glorious fight against a horde of youma."

She swung herself up onto her suguu's back. "Now the real trouble begins," she sighed. "When we get back I have to face Keiki."

He gave an unholy laugh and mounted his own flying horse. "You brought this on yourself, Warrior Queen," he said to her, then called out to his soldiers. "Good work, everyone! Now let's go home."

He was waiting for her when they got back. She could feel his eyes on her as soon as they came into view of the landing platform.

The men around her noticed the tangible tension in the air, and uneasily bid her goodnight to go and land over to the side. Kantai shot her a sympathetic look before following his men.

Her suguu swooped in for a smooth landing, trotting a few paces before coming to a stop. Out of the corner of her eye, Youko saw a groom come running towards her. Right in the centre of her vision, she could see a pair of black shoes.

"Shu-jou." His voice was unusually hard. She finally looked up and saw his eyes were dark.

"Keiki," she said quietly.

His lip curled in disgust. "You smell of blood."

"Funny, that," she replied wearily, dismounting and handing the suguu's reins to the groom.

His hands were curled into fists at his side. She looked up at his face and sighed. So much for getting closer to him.

"Keiki, can we have this argument later?" she said, aching with tiredness all the way down to her bones. "Let me at least have a bath first so I'm not so repellent to you."

His eyes flashed. "Shu-jou…"

"Please."

He sighed, and swept his eyes up and down her body, taking in every spot of dried blood on her armour. "You are unhurt?"

"I'm fine. Just tired."

He nodded stiffly. "I will talk to you later. I have work to do but I will wait for you in my rooms."

Youko nodded back, lurching sorely towards the palace. After the initial adrenaline rush had faded, she had discovered herself to be a mass of bruises and scrapes. She longed to take off her sweat-sticky clothes and sink into her bath.

She heard his quiet footsteps follow her as she stumbled forwards, head drooping. He trailed her at a distance, probably making sure that she arrived at her rooms without collapsing. As she paused before the doors that lead to her private imperial quarters, she saw him stand still, watching her, from the corner of her eye. But as she turned to look back, he was gone in a swirl of robes and pale hair.

Gyoukuyou's eyes turned into two pools of abject horror when she saw her mistress standing bloodstained and exhausted on the ornamental tiles. Before Youko could draw breath to speak, the handmaid had started to herd her towards the giant bathtub built into the floor of one of her rooms.

The bathtub was more like a small pond, heated by small furnaces underneath the floor. It occupied a hall all by itself. Her handmaidens had already poured in a sultry concoction of flower and spice essences that smelled so good it awoke Youko's stomach with a rumble that even they heard. One of the girls giggled and dashed off to find the empress some late supper.

The handmaidens peeled off her sweat-glued clothes, hissing with sympathy at the livid bruise wrapped around her shoulder and collarbone where the kochou had whacked her with one claw. Youko gave none of her usual complaints about being fussed over, content to slouch against the wall of the pool with a blissful sigh and closed eyes.

"I believe I love this bath," she murmured. "It was worth becoming empress just for this bath."

The handmaidens giggled and began to wash her hair, combing some floral unguent through it to make it soft and shiny. Youko soaked the dirt and grime out of her system, feeling her muscles unknot and her stress melt away.

She raised her head out of the water as she heard a commotion from outside the room.

"The Empress has had a very hard day!" she heard Gyoukuyou chiding. "She needs her rest, not visitors at this late hour-"

"We have to see her!" came a youthful protest. Youko couldn't help a smile as she recognised the speaker.

"It's OK, Gyoukuyou!" she called out. "They can come in!"

She crossed her arms on the rim of the pool and leaned forwards to watch Shoukei and Suzu walk in, closely followed by a tutting Gyoukuyou.

"Sorry for barging in-" began Suzu, before she was interrupted by the blue-haired girl next to her.

"Youko!" cried Shoukei, ever the verbal one. "How could you rush off like that? We were so worried!"

"I can take care of myself, you know," she pointed out. One of the handmaidens completely ruined her point by picking up her hand and beginning to scrub underneath the nails.

"Look," she said hastily, as Shoukei started to argue again. "I know. You don't have to tell me off. I'm going to get it all from Keiki anyway."

The girls exchanged glances.

"How did Keiki take it?" asked Youko, her heart sinking.

"Not well," admitted Suzu. "He just strode around the palace all afternoon with a face like stone. Well," she amended, "even more like stone than usual."

Youko winced.

"You deserve everything he gives you," said Shoukei darkly. "Just jaunting off like that to go and battle youma. Don't you realise that's what your soldiers are for?"

"It sounds cruel," said Suzu, "but you're a lot more important than a group of soldiers. You have the entire balance of Kei's future resting on your shoulders. This country deserves a good empress after all it's been through. Don't get yourself killed and cheat Kei out of a meikun."

Youko heaved a pointed groan. Shoukei laughed and sat down on a marble bench. "Enough nagging," she said. "Let's get down to the really important stuff. What are you wearing to the celebrations in two days?"

"I don't know," said Youko lazily. "Ask Gyoukuyou."

"Youko!" she cried, shocked.

"Your Majesty!" scolded Gyoukuyou. "You really should care more about your appearance. Such a pretty young empress shouldn't always walk around dressed as a boy."

"Even I agree," said Suzu, "You're the empress! It's expected of you to be gorgeous and finely dressed. It gives the people some pride to know that they have an attractive ruler."

Youko waved a hand. "Don't start all that 'for the good of the country' stuff again," she said tiredly. "I get that all day as it is. Besides, Gyoukuyou has impeccable taste. I'm sure she'll make me look presentable." She eyed her friends. "Let me guess. You two already have your own outfits planned."

Suzu snorted. "Are you kidding? Shoukei had hers planned out weeks ago."

Youko attempted a chuckle but it turned into a yawn halfway through.

"Right. That's it!" announced Gyoukuyou. "Out! The Empress is tired and she still has to go see the Taiho before she can get some rest! You can talk to her tomorrow! Out!"

She shooed the protesting girls out like a mother hen, flapping her hands. Youko reluctantly dragged herself out of the heavenly water, wrapping herself in a towel and sitting down at the little table one of the servants brought in.

She ate her dinner while her handmaidens brushed her wet hair out, tying it up out of the way with handfuls of dark green ribbons. She let them do it, finding their innocent chatter strangely comforting. Gyoukuyou dressed her in simple robes of white and pale green, tied with a sash that matched the ribbons in her hair.

Eventually, though, she knew she couldn't put off seeing Keiki any longer. She left Gyoukuyou with a promise to return and go to bed soon, and set off on the short walk to his rooms.

He felt her coming, as he always did. He opened the door before she could knock on it, and stood looking down at her with cold purple eyes.

"Keiki…"

He stood aside to let her in. She slowly walked over to the window so she wouldn't have to look him in the face. She stared out at the dark, moon-washed night. The Imperial Gardens were picked out in silver and looked almost ghostly in their luminescence.

She waited for him to sigh at her, but it didn't come. Wondering if he wasn't that upset after all, she turned to look at him.

The intensity of his glare shocked her. Keiki very rarely lost his temper with her, but when he did, he was harsher and more furious than a midwinter storm.

"How could you be so foolish?" he shouted at her, arms folded in front of his chest, his feet planted in a way that suggested that he wasn't going anywhere soon and neither was she.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed? Is this how you are going to repay those who have spent so much work and blood and sacrifice on you, by dying such a pointless and gainless death? Don't you realise how much is riding on you?" He stopped, pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed deeply. When he spoke again, his voice was a little calmer, but just as unforgiving.

"The country of Kei," he said, beginning to pace across the room in the way she knew from past experience, "has not suffered and toiled for so many years in order that the one time they receive an empress who might actually raise them from their grief and poverty, they lose her in one of her stupid hero stunts. You owe your country more than that."

"What do you think I was doing?" she retorted, feeling her composure slip, "playing with the youma? I went to fight them for the good of Kei, so that my people wouldn't have to die-"

"How much good would it have done Kei if you had died out there?"

"I knew what I was doing! How much harm can befall me when I have Jouyuu?"

"Jouyuu cannot protect you from everything!"

"No, but I have soldiers to guard my back-"

"What if they had died out there, and you were left to fight the kochou on your own? Even with Jouyuu, you're no match for a whole flock of hungry youma!"

"What was I supposed to do? Just sit at home in my pretty clothes and palace and let other people die for me?"

"Yes!" he roared, "You are! Because you're too important to Kei!"

"I-"

He cut her off with an angry wave of his hand. "I have no doubt that you have already been chastised by the others," he said through gritted teeth, "about how vital you are to Kei, and if you haven't listened to them, you are certainly not going to listen to me. So think about this. Do you have any idea what it is like to sit in an empty room all day, waiting for the sudden, instinctive blow to the heart that means your empress is dead? Do you know how it feels to have to run a kingdom all day, all the while half-expecting to be brought your master's corpse that evening? Do you?"

She was stunned. Quietly she said, "Keiki…"

"Have you ever thought of your worth to everyone in this palace? Of the pain it would cause if you, as a person, were to be taken from those who have watched over you and prayed for you and hoped for you? The suffering you would cause your friends Suzu and Shoukei, the loss for Enho and Koukan of such bright potential…" he took a shaky breath. "And the devastation of losing another 'other half'? Do you know what that would do to me?"

"Keiki…" she whispered.

"Or don't you care?" he demanded. "Despite everything you have achieved, you are still this…this Sekishi, this child, this selfish, short-sighted child who has no idea of the consequences of her actions. You can barely walk on your own, yet you insist on gambling your life and the future of Kei on such small things-"

She stood suddenly, trembling with rage. "Don't you dare imply that I don't care about anything but myself," she spat. "How would you know? You don't even know me!"

"I know-"

"What? What do you know? What is it about me that you know, that makes me so unworthy to you?"

He faltered, obviously taken aback. Before he could reply she was already off, unable to stop the words that had stagnated inside her so long, growing from simply melancholy to bitter and poisonous.

"What is there about me that you find so terrible that you treat me worse than you did Yo-Ou, who almost killed you?" she cried, her eyes beginning to grow hot from the beginning prickling of tears. "Every time you look at me, I can see you're disappointed with me! I can see you comparing me to her, and finding me wanting! I know I'm a bad empress, Keiki, but at least I try! I try every day! But I'm still useless to you, no matter what I do. So don't give me any of that crap about how precious I am."

The last word caught on her gasp of breath as she tried to stop herself from crying. She couldn't cry, not here, not now, not in front of him. She let her speech hang in the air, eyes wide, nails digging into her clenched fists and her chest heaving from trying to control herself.

Keiki started towards her, one hand nervously outstretched.

"Shu-jou…"

"Leave me alone, Keiki," she said, brushing past him. "Just go away and leave me alone."

He caught the crook of her elbow as she passed him. She started to yank it free, but he put his hand on her shoulder, and when she looked up at him, his eyes were violet again and full of more pain than she had ever seen in one person before. In one sudden rush, all the anger drained out of her. She looked up at him, very conscious of how close he was to her, and how warm his hand was on the tender skin of her inner arm.

"If I tried to explain to you-" he started, and frowned. He sighed and closed his eyes. "You know- you must know- that I am not good with saying what I really mean." He explained softly. "I…" He sighed again and gave up.

"Keiki?"

Without looking at her, he continued.

"Suffice to say that you worried me today. You didn't even give me a chance to send Hankyo with you to make sure you were protected.

"I'm disturbed, too, by your conviction that you mean so little to me. You are my Empress. Your life is the most precious to me out of all the lives in the world."

Her head drooped. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I lost my temper. Forgive me."

"It is I who should be asking for forgiveness," he replied, tightening his grip on her slightly. "A kirin is supposed to be an endless source of mercy and support for their ruler. I was neither to you tonight."

He paused. "As for your words about Yo-Ou…"

She pulled away from him slightly. "Don't. It's OK. It's painful for you. I get it."

He tried to pull her back, "Shu-jou…"

Unwittingly, he took hold of her badly bruised shoulder. Youko yelped and cowered as a jolt of pain shot through her. Keiki's hands sprung open and he leaned towards her, looking panicked. "Shu-jou! You're hurt!"

"I'm fine," she hissed unconvincingly through her teeth.

He held his hands out towards her, looking unsure of what he should do. "Are you all right? Should I get a doctor? Do you want-"

"Keiki," she interrupted him, her weariness evident in her voice. "I'll be fine. I just want to go to bed."

He stared at her a moment more, and nodded, looking defeated.

"If you're sure…"

"I'm sure." With considerable effort, she managed a rueful smile. "Goodnight, Keiki."

As she left, she heard his quiet voice follow her, filled with a tangled and incomprehensible mix of emotions.

"Goodnight, Shu-jou."

Keiki stood by the window she had vacated, looking out at the moon-frosted gardens.

He closed his eyes and recalled her lingering image. Still rosy-cheeked from her bath, a few dark tendrils of wet hair escaping from the ribbons to fall around her face. The scent of blood was still there, but mostly masked by the scent of perfume and flowers, and the light, fresh, bright-fragranced-summer-wind smell that was Youko alone. By tomorrow morning, the taint of the blood would be gone from her.

He flinched as he recalled their conversation. What a mess he'd made of it. But still, she was alive. She was alive, and she didn't quite hate him. For now, that was enough.

The palace always seemed so very empty without her. The corridors grew long and dark, and he could hear his footsteps, just one set of footsteps, echoing through the still air. There was no chance that he'd hear her clear voice calling after him, no chance of seeing a flicker of scarlet hair disappearing around a corner as she ran in her weightless carefree strides, no chance of snatching a handful of her laughter as she talked with Shoukei and Suzu, those lucky few she shared her heart with.

He thought of the first woman, his first empress. His hopeless, kind, useless empress. At least she was at peace now, although the regret still bubbled up at the thought of her.

At first, he had thought that the two of them were remarkably similar. But now…

He let his thoughts turn once again to his new empress. His Sekishi, his bloodstained, battle-weary beautiful Red Child. She was as simultaneously as fierce and as bright and as warm as a slender candleflame. But like a candleflame, so easily snuffed out. She drove him out of his mind with worry, but one smile from her would never fail to put his heart at ease.

He could feel, deep inside, where she was, like turning his face towards a hidden source of heat. She stood on the terrace outside her rooms. He hoped she would go to bed soon, to give her wounded shoulder a chance to heal. He hated the thought of her in pain.

Just as he knew where she was, he knew where she wasn't. There was a roaringly empty space beside him. Without her, he wasn't whole. My other half.

He'd never been the type to pour his heart out. Neither was his empress. This led to them dancing around each other, never quite admitting anything, always at a safe distance. It didn't help that he could never find the appropriate words to say. Everything he said always ended up sounding too stern or disappointed, even when he was trying to compliment her. She was also a very complex young woman. She was more open with her emotions, but anyone who glanced into those emerald-coloured eyes would see the sparkle of all those unvoiced thoughts going through her mind. He would love to be able to read those thoughts, sometimes. But all that he could do right now was to guard her, watch her from the shadows like he had done that afternoon before she caught him at it, staring at her because she was so hard to look away from. He'd wanted so much to tell her right then, in a burst of sun-dazzled emotion, that he thought she was growing into a fine empress and that she didn't have to worry herself so much. But as always, he hadn't been able to find the words. It was too embarrassing to bare his heart in such a manner, and the words would have ended up insufficient and warped. They always did, and he could hear how harsh they sounded. There would be no praise easily wrested from him.

He pushed her hard, but could she not see that it was for her own good? She had so much potential, such insight and compassion. She could truly become a meikun, a wise and beloved empress in time.

And what would become of him? After Jokaku's death he had put on his porcelain armour, his stoic face and impenetrable solemnity. But she, she, with only her laugh and her brilliance, she was calmly and relentlessly breaking down those barriers around him. It touched and frightened him, what would happen when they fell.

She was too precious to lose. His heart had stopped when the news had reached him that afternoon. All the thoughts that had crossed his mind. But she was back now, back and safe and he could breathe easy again.

It made him think, though, how blessed Kei was to have her watching over it. And Keiki, watching over her, if something happened to her- Even if the ruler who followed after was the best and most benevolent monarch ever to ascend a throne, Keiki would still feel her loss, like the loss of the sun. His Sun-Child.

Tomorrow she would act as though this argument had never taken place. She would be as unruly and as irrepressible as always.

"What fools we are, both of us," he murmured, and smiled.

"Happy anniversary, my Sekishi."