CHAPTER 3: FUCKIN' CHARMING

[The duo and RON enter the Charms Class. Professor Flitwick, or FLITZ, stood atop a stack of books to see over his desk. KSG saw a seat next to Some Hot Broad. Unluckily for him, there were two other seats there as well. KSG sat next to SHB. RON attempted to sit next to him, but a quickly lit match warned him off. Instead, HARRY sat next to KSG.]

FLITZ: Hello class! [FLITZ clapped his hands together]

RON: Hello Professor!

KSG & HARRY: Can it, you kiss ass!

KSG: Jinx, you owe me your first wife. Bitch.

HARRY: Oh, you sly dog.

[RON put his head onto the table and fell asleep. No doubt he was tired after being woken up when his trunk smacked into his chest. Nobody had any idea who did that.]

KSG: [Whispering to HARRY] Look at the whiney bitch. Check his pockets.

[HARRY went through RONs pockets, finding some money. If they knew it was all the money RON ever had, they would have been laughing harder as they split it.]

KSG: Come on, 80/20. You wouldn't have done it if I didn't tell you. Everyone knows the ones who give orders get paid most.

HARRY: KSG, I don't think that's fair.

KSG: It's not fair when I nail your mom either.

[HARRY fell silent. Dead silent. He slid 80% of their pillage to KSG]

KSG: Damn straight!

[At this point KSG notices that SOME HOT BROAD glances down at the wizard cash]

KSG: [Comfortably close to SHB] You know, there's plenty more where that came from.

SHB: Do you take me for the materialistic girl?

KSG: Is there any other kind?

SHB: Yeah, there are the smart girls that like a guy with personality.

KSG: Oh I got personality in spades.

SHB: Not the kind girls like. You're a jerk.

HARRY: [whispering to KSG] Dude, don't let her get away with that.

[KSG grabbed another match and lit it. It mysteriously managed to find its way into RONs hair. The ensuing chaos gave KSG enough time to dig through SHB's bag. He found a letter from home. Conveniently, it had the names of all her family members on it. KSG pocketed it. There's nothing like a cold plate of revenge. Except maybe for voyeurism. Eventually the class settled down, allowing FLITZ to continue teaching hovering charms or some bull shit. KSG threw unlit matches at RON for the remainder of the class. Each time a match smacked him on the side of the head he jumped and smacked at the area like it was on fire. Psychological damage was fun. Suddenly RON shot upwards.]

RON: KSG, I'm tired of you!

KSG: And frankly, Donna, you're an ugly cock block.

HERMY: RON, sit your pathetic ass down!

KSG: [whispering to HARRY] Where the hell did she come from?

HARRY: No idea. Was she even in our last class?

KSG: Yeah, but I didn't mention her.

HARRY: What?

KSG: I said but I didn't bone her. Clean out your god damn ears.

HARRY: Ah. After class, do you want to visit HAGRID?

KSG: Shit yeah! HAG and I go way back. He makes these beastly rock cakes. Also, he's loaded with cheap booze.

HARRY: Yeah?

KSG: Yeah. In fact, I think I'll invite HERMIONE. YO HERMIONE!!!!

HERMY: Hm?

KSG: YOU WANNA GO VISIT HAGRID?

HERMY: With you? Shit yeah! I hear he makes amazing rock cakes, and I hear he has some pretty good drinks!

[HARRY and KSG briefly look at each other]

HARRY & KSG: Pimpage.

KSG: Jinx, now you owe me your first wife AND half of any paycheck you get.

HARRY: Damn!

[The class came to an end. HARRY, HERMIONE, and KSG made their way to HAGRIDs Hut. RON stayed annoyingly close by.]