" And for what purpose does this serve?"
"Uh, Kaldur, that's a blender-" Artemis reached towards him, furrowing her brow. " It blends things. Please get your hand out of it. Thanks."
Kaldur carefully removed his fingers from between the rotator blades and held the appliance up to light, still in deep contemplation. Artemis sighed and turned away. When Batman first said 'team building,' she had imagined strenuous training regimes, combat simulations, and maybe like, that trust fall game.
Batman was never really one for being predictable though.
"Oh! We're going to need that too!" Megan called from the other end of the aisle. "Hold on to that Kaldur!"
He nodded once at her. "I shall. This 'blender' is a most intriguing piece of equipment, to say the least. There is nothing like it in Atlantis."
Rubbing her temples, Artemis glared at her leader. "Hey, Kaldur," She muttered. "Glad you're having fun, but keep it down with the Atlantis stuff, okay? We're just supposed to be normal kids, shopping at the…" Artemis cringed. "… mall."
Looking down for a moment in shame, he turned the blender idly in his hands. "I understand your concern Artemis. It was rather foolish of me to mention-"
"Hand. Out. Of. The. Blade."
He grinned sheepishly at her. "Apologies. Honestly, I am only curious."
"Yeah sure." She groused. Babysitting an Atlantean 'curious about the surface world' (Translation: 'Oh, let me go stick my hands in ovens and salad choppers and watch Artemis freak out for the lulz') had not be on her to do list for today.
Skipping over, Megan came to a stop in front of the pair. The girl had been in her glory all afternoon, dragging her mostly unwilling teammates (Wally would, in his words 'Follow that sweet green apple anywhere') around the Happy Harbor Shopping Mall, flashing all the while the mysterious credit card Batman had given them.
"How much money may we spend?" Kaldur had wondered, having Megan nearly tear off his arm in her attempt to grasp at the thick plastic rectangle.
"That's not my problem," Batman responded cryptically.
Robin had, at this, nodded his head like he understood completely, confounding the rest of the team even more.
"Wait, is this the 'Bat' way of telling us you stole it?" Wally smirked knowingly.
"No."
"Oh my," Meagan breathed, taking the blender from Kaldur. She ran her fingers gently over the glass, in the manner one would stroke a fine gem. Or a cat. "Just think of all the smoothies we can make with this!" Suddenly, she clamped down on Artemis's arm and shook violently. "Smoothies Artemis." Megan whispered with a maniac grin.
"Yeah um, okay Megan." Artemis slowly inched out of the other girl's grasp. "We can … make smoothies. Maybe we can even add fruit if we're feeling really daring."
Megan squealed, causing Kaldur to flinch. "You really want to Artemis? I mean, I've never had a smoothie before, but I've heard they're like, the best things ever, and we could maybe even make it like, a thing or at least a party or something because Conner has never had one either-" Breaking off mid-sentence, Megan glanced up wildly, peering down both ends of the aisle.
"Conner?" She looked around again, biting her lip. "Oh, he was right behind me five seconds ago!" Running back down to where she had came from, she called Conner's name again.
"Hmmm," Kaldur tried and failed to hide his small, growing smile. "I have not tasted this 'smoothie' myself. What makes up its composition, exactly?"
Rolling her eyes, Artemis stomped off in the direction Megan had gone. " It's only a drink made with like, ice cream and fruit and stuff. I think." She scowled. Did she even know what a smoothie was made of? Did she even need to know? Who asks these kinds of questions?
"Ah, I see. " They rounded a corner. Neither Conner nor Megan were in sight. "I might have to sample such a beverage - for educational purposes only, of course. It is good to be knowledgeable about other culture's customs." He said, nodding his head seriously.
Artemis sighed again. "If you want to come to the smoothie party we're apparently throwing, you're welcome to. No one cares whether or not you're on 'official leader business.'"
"I care. My King would not like it if I wasted my time here."
Shrugging, Artemis peeked down a another aisle, this one lined with Tupperware. Still no sign of them. "It's not time wasting. More like team building." She clarified, spiting out Batman's own phrasing.
Kaldur raised his eyebrows at her. "While I agree that Batman's … methods are a tad … odd, there is no reason-"
"He's making us turn all Suzy Homemaker." She scoffed. "I mean, really? Having us decorate Mount Justice? How is this supposed to make us better fighters?"
Regarding her carefully, Kaldur adjusted the cuff of his turtleneck. "It is not about how good we are as fighters, but how well we use our individual skills in a team setting. Perhaps he meant this exercise to be a way to better understand each other's own styles, and forge a better sense of cooperation among us."
"Yeah well…" All at once, Artemis was very concerned with finding their wayward teammates. How was it that Kaldur always had the most sensible answer? Couldn't a girl just be inexplicably angry without someone constantly being there to burst her bubble of rage? Was that too much to ask?
"Besides," Kaldur said offhandedly. "Was it not you who said to not mention things outside what is considered 'normal'? Like Mount Justice-"
"Alright I get it, respect your elders. Lesson learned. No need to show me up."
Smiling at her, Kaldur gave a little chuckle. "Now, if only the rest of the team were here to learn such lessons."
"I know," Artemis narrowed her eyes. " Conner and Megan go off and pull a Houdini right under our noses, and have you even seen Wally and Robin for the past hour?"
"Not since Wally insisted on visiting food court." Kaldur confirmed, scanning aisle after empty aisle.
"They're never this quiet," She growled. "Which could only mean that they're up to something…"
"What trouble may they get in to here? If we are posing as civilians then surely they would know better than to-"
"DUDE!" A voice screeched, followed by the sound of a loud crash, and boxes tumbling "Watch where you're going!"
Artemis and Kaldur looked at each other for a split second, before taking off toward the direction of the ruckus.
"That kind of trouble." Artemis said, skidding to a stop next to a row of fallen shelves. Boxes and bags littered the floor, with a few cans still rolling about and down the aisle. In the center of the chaos was a bent shopping cart, covered in smashed and beaten merchandise. From where she stood, Artemis could see a foot trying to wriggle its way out of the boxes.
Robin's foot. What did anyone expect?
Kaldur mumbled what sounded like a curse in Atlantean, viewing the scene in horror. Breathing deeply, Artemis folded her arms across her chest and gritted her teeth. Strangling her teammates probably wasn't a part of 'team building.' (But oh, how she wished it was.)
From out of a pile of boxes on the floor, up popped Wally. "Rob! Rob!" He shouted, dashing over to the cart. "Speak to me buddy!" A gurgling noise emitted from deep within the boxes.
Wally began to dig through the merchandise, tossing each thing carelessly to the side. "Rob! Just breathe man, I'll dig you out! Don't die on me! What would I do if you're dead? Who would I make jelly pizzas with! Artemis? She doesn't know the recipe!"
"Jelly pizza sounds like something gross anyway." Storming over, Artemis pushed Wally out of the way, and grabbed Robin's shoe. She started to tug.
"No it's not; you obviously have terrible taste because jelly pizza is like an explosion of joy in your mouth."
"Uh huh," Grunting, Artemis strained to free Robin's legs, followed his torso.
"You're just skeptical 'cause you can't feel joy." Wally turned his face up childishly. "Your body rejects feelings of happiness, or something."
"I'd feel happy with my fingers around your throat," Artemis muttered.
Regaining the ability to think past the oh fantastic, these are the people who I lead into battle on a daily basis shame, Kaldur rushed to the shopping cart. "Here, I shall assist you Artemis."
With Kaldur's help and Wally's panicked breathing down her neck, Artemis was finally able to pull Robin out of the cart and lay him onto the ground.
Weakly, Robin gestured for Wally to come closer.
"Rob!" Wally cried dramatically, shoving Kaldur and Artemis out of the way.
"Oh brother," Putting her hands on her hips, Artemis glared as Wally flopped onto the ground.
"Do not get involved." Kaldur spoke quietly. " We shall have a talk with them later, in private."
"Why do those two always feel the need to act like idiots around me, Kaldur? Does something about my face scream moron magnet?"
"Wallace, my child, come closer." Robin whispered, pulling Wally down by the collar of his shirt. "I see… a light."
Wally gasped. " Don't go towards the light Rob! It may feel all soft and nice but just think of how much your dad would kill you if you died!"
"But if he's already dead-"
"Artemis, we're having a moment!" Wally screeched.
"Walrus," Robin puffed out.
"…You know I hate it when you call me that, but okay, this time I'll let it slide."
"Walrus," Bringing Wally down even closer to his face, Robin puffed again.
"Yes?"
"Next time we race shopping carts through the mall-" Without warning, Robin flipped up and away from Wally, landing neatly on his feet next to Artemis. "-I'm driving."
"Dude!" Wally shouted as Robin cackled.
"Alright, are we done here? Your performance was freaking Oscar worthy Robin; are we allowed to go home now?" Artemis rolled her eyes.
"Dude!" Wally exclaimed again.
"We must locate Conner and Megan before we depart." Kaldur took stock of the surrounding area. "And perhaps it would be best to assist in restocking the shelves,"
"Dude!" Was all Wally seemed to be capable of saying.
"Is that you Wally?" Megan's voice pierced the air. "Is Artemis with you? I want her opinion on this bedspread I picked out for her room; I think it's cute but Conner said he didn't know and-"
She rounded the corner and stopped abruptly, taking in the scene. Boxes everywhere. Wally, in shock. Artemis, pissed off. Robin, laughing crazily. Kaldur, hanging his head. "Ummm…." Biting her lip, she seemed conflicted on whether or not she was going to pretend that she didn't know these people.
"Du- oh hey, beautiful!" Shaking off his stupor, Wally dashed toward Megan, smacking Robin on the way over.
"Hey, what was that for?" Robin rubbed the back of his head.
"For making him look like an ass in front of 'his sweet green apple'." Smugly, Artemis flipped her hair over her shoulder.
"Sweet green what?" Megan frowned in confusion.
"Oh, nothing beautiful, nothing. Artemis must be hearing things; very sad state of affairs she's been in lately, it's a darn shame."
"Oh, I'm in a sad state of affairs? Says the guy who had to have his aunt make a special phone call just to tell him to wash-"
"You said you were going to leave the room! You were going to the gym! Why are you eavesdropping on my personal calls woman?"
"Maybe if you learned how to use your inside voice once and a while, I wouldn't have to suffer the pleasure of having to hear about your bathing habits. Or lack of thereof!"
"Well-"
"Enough-" Kaldur started cooly.
"Stay out of this!" Both Wally and Artemis shouted in unison.
"Yeah dude, this is getting good." Robin waved his hand. "Go on, Wally, you were making a probably pathetic attempt at a rebuttal."
"Dude, why do you always take her side?"
"Ummm…" Twisting her hands nervously, Megan slowly backed up the aisle. "Maybe I should go see if Conner needs help carrying anything…"
"No, Megan come back!" So intent on reaching Megan, Wally didn't notice the large cooking pot that was directly in his path.
"Wally-" Megan tried to warn him.
"It's okay-whoa!" He tripped, falling forward and landing with a thud. "Owwww…."
"OMG Wally, are you all right?" Running forward, Megan knelt down on the ground beside him.
" I'm all good, I think." Wincing, he sat up. "Though I think I may need you to play nurse for a bit, beautiful-"
"Oh shut up, you're fine." Striding over, Artemis pulled him roughly to his feet.
Robin snickered. " Doesn't this bring back memories, Artie? Wallace over there face-planting was how you two lovebirds first met, after all."
"We're not love birds!" Artemis and Wally both grumbled.
"Ahem." Clearing his throat, Kaldur glanced at them all. "My apologies for interrupting your … spat, but I feel as though it is our responsibility to right the destruction we have caused, and assist in cleaning up this aisle."
Nodding his head, Robin surveyed the scene. "You know Kaldur, I actually think we don't need to help. If you ask me this place is looking pretty good. Yup," He nudged a box to the side with his foot. "Pretty good."
"Yeah, I agree with Rob. It'll get cleaned up eventually. " Stretching his arms over his head, Kid Flash turned to leave.
"If you just used your super speed, you could get it done in three seconds." Artemis muttered under her breath.
"No," Kaldur gripped Wally's shoulder. "I insist."
"Uh, looking a little intense there, Kaldur-"
" Where did you guys go?" A mountain of shopping bags with legs gruffly barked.
"Conner! It's so good that you're here, we could really use your help!" Megan chirped.
Conner peered over the large stack of packages he carried, staring at first at the mess, and then at his team members. "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the food court." He said finally, walking away.
"But we do need-"
"I think that's his way of telling us he doesn't want to deal."
Kaldur started to arrange the shelves back into their original order. "Let us just try then-"
"Hey, you kids!" The five teenagers froze. Standing at the beginning of the aisle was a woman in a red store uniform, hands on her hips. She glared at them and snapped her gum. "Were you the idiots who caused this mess?"
No one said a word. The woman squinted. "I'm calling security." She spoke slowly, taking out a phone from the pocket of her vest.
The wheels in Artemis's brain began to turn as her father's training kicked in. Secruity equals police equals get the hell out of there!
"Madame, I can explain-" Kaldur began.
"No time for explaining, run!" Artemis hissed, grabbing both Kaldur and Megan by the arm and running towards the store entrance. Robin quickly weighed his options (Being arrested and killed by Batman vs. just being killed by Batman when he found out about this) and followed behind the trio.
"Hey, wait up!" Wally yelled, taking off.
"Get back here!" The woman exclaimed. They all paid no heed to her, instead chosing to vault over shelves and slide under tables and generally disrupt what was otherwise a peaceful day.
Reaching the entrance to the store, all five managed to squeeze through the door roughly at the same time, and started to sprint down the center of the mall.
Well, Artemis thought, pulling Kaldur along as he protested. If this isn't team building, I don't know what is.