a/n: so this has been sitting on my computer for literally two years. Thanks to all the reviews I've gotten recently as they inspired me to post it. (The continuation of this part will be posted in another chapter.)
I think I might have inhaled you
III. Part Two – January 2014 – November 2014
January.
Alex Russo plants her feet firmly in the dirt outside a bombed building, the ruins still smoking behind her as she quickly surveys the horizon for any survivors – enemy or friendly. The air is thick with humidity, and she can practically feel her arms cooking under the midday sun. All she smells is death and ash, but she's kind of gotten used to that over the past seven months.
It's unusually hot for January in New York, but that's just a side effect. Blizzards in July and floods in December – even the atmosphere has changed.
"Fitzwilliam, this is Elizabeth. There are no survivors." She says calmly into her comm, wiping the dirt from her face.
The other end of the line crackles, but the familiar voice comes after a few seconds, "Roger that Miss Elizabeth, time to move out. Keep your head down, hostile forces are still in the area."
Justin's tone is the same worry that she remembers from the old days. The good days. He sounds so much like their mother that she feels a lump forming in her throat and she has to force herself to turn and make her way back to camp.
"Aye, aye, Captain." She says, just to irritate him. He doesn't respond, and that's how she knows she's succeeded.
The walk back takes about half an hour, but she doesn't see any sign of life during the trip. The hidden sewer cover moves at the touch of her palm and she slowly descends down the ladder and back into her new life.
Living underground for the better part of the last year hasn't been pleasant, and with no sign of their parents or Max, Justin is all she has left. She still remembers him as that lame, bookworm from before, but now he stands rigidly, a gun holster strapped to each thigh, and a determined look fixed upon his face.
He's in the command tower with Juliet when she gets back, and she pointedly does not linger on how close they're sitting. It's been three months since they rescued Juliet from a prison in Iowa. When they'd reached her, she'd been badly burnt from sunlight, the subject of a torture experiment.
"Run into any trouble on the way?" He asks, just like always.
She shakes her head, "Family of four this time, two kids, both under seventeen."
Kids were always the hardest deaths, and she can't help but see Max's face instead. Justin exhales sadly, turning to Juliet and letting her know to add a few more to the list of dead. Alex watches how Juliet smiles and brushes Justin's arm casually and she wishes she could scream.
The worst part about being in love with your own brother is that you can't tell anyone, and since everyone on base knows them as the Russo siblings, they haven't even so much as hugged in months.
Changing her focus, Alex turns to leave the room, but Justin's warm hand catches hers and when she turns back, he's giving her a small smile. His fingers rub a soothing pattern into her cracked and burnt skin.
"I'm glad you're okay, Alex." He says honestly and she feels her heart swell painfully.
"Yeah, me too." She answers, turning to go down and see if she can help in medical. (Turns out stitching a dress isn't so much different from stitching human skin.)
Most of the people on base are survivors like her. They joined the Resistance Army either out of fear, or revenge, or because they didn't have anywhere else to go. Jake who runs the weapons outpost hits on her a lot, but she plays it off easily. He's probably about six years older than her and too good for her anyway. Aimee in the makeshift kitchen is only seventeen and she adores Alex, but she talks so much that all Alex can think is Harper.
Mrs. Connors leads the medical bay with Justin at her side, the only two with medical training in the compound, but Alex learns quickly about wounds and sutures and first aid. The hospital ward is the busiest place in the entire camp, and sometimes Alex feels like she's in an episode of that old show her dad used to watch with all those doctors in Hawaiian shirts.
"Alex, can you help the boy in bed three? He's got a few lacerations on his face, but we found him with his little sister. She..." Mrs. Connors doesn't finish, but this isn't Alex's first rodeo.
They always pick her to break the news to the younger rescues. She's blunt enough to get it over with, but she can also sympathize. Underneath it all, Alex Russo's heart maybe outlined with lead, but it's marshmallow on the inside. Telling them the news really isn't as hard as it used to be anymore.
Pulling back the curtain reveals a boy no older than twelve, his dark skin is smeared with the dried blood coating most of his wounds. While she examines his injuries she tries to give him the most sincere smile she can muster.
"Lucky you, kid, most of your cuts are superficial. No stitches!" She says, pulling an alcohol wipe to his cheek to start the cleaning process.
"Where is my sister? Her name's Kelly." He asks, and with careful concentration, Alex doesn't let her face drop.
"What's your name?" She counters, like a script. Her hands work gently around the corners of his face.
"Sean," He winces from the burn of the alcohol. "She's... she's dead isn't she?" His face is set evenly, but he doesn't seem like a crier anyway.
Alex turns to dispose of the dirty medical supplies and when she turns back she brushes his cheek.
"Yeah, she... she didn't make it. Since you don't know where your parents are, you can stay here with us. There's room and food." It's the usual speech, the one she'd been given with Justin firmly at her side, hand pressed to her back.
After she gives Sean directions to find Aimee for some dinner, she moves robotically back to her room, opening the door and not even bothering to take off her dirty clothes before she falls asleep.
Most of her nightmares are about the tournament. Every night she watches Justin die – by vine, by bomb, by trampling. She always tries to reach her magic, but she doesn't have it anymore. She can't wave a wand and say a few funny rhyming words to fix things. It's just her and the darkness now, pressing in on every side.
She remembers the aftermath of the bombing with a sharp clarity.
"Mom and dad are missing." Justin's words came heavily, followed shortly by, "The wizarding world is at war."
"What? Don't be stupid. Is this some joke? Hah hah, Max, really funny." She laughs without much humor, but when she looks back to Justin's face she realizes this isn't a joke.
He turns from her, "Max was kidnapped."
"What? Why?" She asks, lurching to stand up, but a sharp pain in her side keeps her down. She winces. A few cracked ribs, lovely.
"I don't... One second there was confetti and the next the explosion. The people that rescued us are an underground group. They call themselves the Resistance Army. Half of the people here are older wizards and the others are refugees like us." He sighs, turning back to face her. "This has been brewing for a while apparently."
"But who are they fighting? And why?" Alex's head throbs under the florescent lights, but her eyes don't leave her brother's face.
"They call themselves The Brotherhood. They're powerful wizards and they don't consider anyone without magic as their equals." He says simply.
Alex rolls her eyes, "When did our lives become a Harry Potter novel?"
Pointedly ignoring her, Justin continues, "They've been quietly kidnapping young family wizards to build an army for months. But Max is important to them. I don't know why, but that's why they made such a scene today. It was their first major act of terrorism."
Laying her head back, Alex closes her eyes and hopes she'll wake up somewhere else. Instead there's a creaking of bedsprings and she feels Justin's body against hers on the small cot. She opens her eyes to see him, the bruises and blood around his upper lip, and he raises his hand to her cheek.
"You're all I've got left, Alex. You're it. We have to stick together now." He says firmly. "I know you're going to fight, so I'll fight with you, but we will do it together. I won't let you leave me behind."
Alex thinks back to when he promised her that she could always come to him, and as she puts her own hand over his, she nods.
"I can't lose you too." He says, his voice breaking a little.
He pushes his dry lips against hers, and it's a desperate need that drives her in return. She tries to breathe him into her lungs, hungrily holding on as long as she can. Each kiss with Justin is different from the next, and maybe it's a good thing her parents aren't there to be ashamed of their intertwined children.
She wakes up at half past five the next morning, her body is sore and she moves to wash her face with the little water she has left from her last trip to the well. Her clothing options are pretty limited; black tank tops and green cargo pants for the most part. She feels like a less sexy Kim Possible when she stares at her reflection in the small mirror next to her bed.
Two knocks come from her door and she opens it to find Justin, who probably hasn't slept at all, and though he doesn't make any sign of romance, she smiles and he returns the expression. She steps out to follow him to breakfast, their arms brushing every so often.
Maybe this could be enough.
February.
Day to day life with the Resistance Army is pretty boring, there's not much to do beyond rationing supplies and making sure everyone is fed. Alex usually spends her mornings in the kitchen with Aimee, fixing lunches and pumping water.
"I think I could turn into a body builder if we're here much longer," Aimee laughs, her arms working to pump more fresh water out.
Alex grins from near one of the fires she's cooking at, "Oh goodie, maybe we can join the circus together!"
One of the best things about Aimee is that she doesn't believe they'll die here. She's told Alex about her dreams of leaving the camp and finding her older sisters and mother again. After her own family wizard tournament, Aimee went on the run, hoping to protect her family from her magic.
"I heard whispers," She'd said to Alex. "I knew another girl who went missing right after her own tournament, so I just grabbed all my college savings and left."
Still, it's nice to have someone close to the same age in this place with mostly older men or orphaned young children. Alex also has someone to practice designing clothes for, and she promises weekly to create an entire fashion line dedicated to Aimee if they ever get out of this hellscape.
"Mornin' ladies," Jake's familiar drawl comes from near the mouth of the kitchen tent.
As he makes his way in, Aimee blushes deeply and Alex rolls her eyes. It's painfully obvious to everyone just how far in love she is, in fact it's so blatant that even Jake probably knows.
"Hey Jake, if you're looking for grits, I told you I'm not making them anymore." Alex smirks, going to stir the large pot of beans.
"Now, miss, I wasn't meanin' no offense when I told ya that my momma's grits were better than yours." Jake laughs, his wide grin stretches all the way to his eyes.
Daily life underground in a dirty, rudimentary camp takes its toll on almost everyone who ends up there, but not Jake. Alex appreciates having someone else who loves to laugh as much as she does, and she wonders if maybe in another life she could have fallen in love with someone like him. She'll never know now, but sometimes she wishes she'd been that lucky.
"Oh, look at the menu for today! Beans, beans, spam, and more beans!" Aimee remarks, digging through the boxes of supplies.
"Miss Aimee, can't you just whip out that magic stick o'yours and get us a nice ham or turkey?" Jake asks, walking over to Aimee to help her lift some of the crates.
Hiding her red face behind her equally red hair, Aimee hands him another crate and shakes her head. Alex watches them with a pain in her chest. How nice it must feel flirt with someone and not feel guilty about it.
"Alex, y'know February is the month of love," Jake says quietly, sitting some more cans of beans next to her.
"Oh, is that so?" She stifles the memories of waking up to Justin in the early winter mornings.
"It is. So how about that date I've been askin' for? Surely you won't deny a man during a month all about lovin' each other?"
On one level she knew Jake's interest was serious, but she also knew he didn't take her constant rejections personally.
Reaching for a can opener and shooting him a sly grin, "And here I thought you knew the answer so well that you could give it to yourself. Take your beans and get back to work, Romeo."
Jake just shakes his head before retreating out of the cooking tent and Aimee rolls her eyes.
"I don't know why you tell him no. He's so sweet to you and he's got a great butt." She winks.
Alex sighs, "You know why, Aimee."
"Yeah, I do. But you've got to move on. And I know you loved your boyfriend from before, but he's gone now. I'm sure he'd just want you to be happy." Aimee has always just assumed that Alex's excuse that she lost "her boyfriend" before joining the WRA to mean he died, and Alex lets her labor under that delusion.
"Jake's not really my type. Besides, if I went after him, you'd never get the courage up to make your own move!" This shuts Aimee up and Alex is grateful for that, because she doesn't really want to talk about her love life anymore.
March.
A call comes into the command tower one night when Alex is working late shift. Another prison camp has been abandoned, only three survivors. Even though she knows it's a long shot, she thinks of her family. She can see them stumbling out of the rubble – emaciated, bruised, but still alive. She sees Max's crooked smile and her mother's dark hair. The statistical likelihood makes it impossible, but she still hopes.
It's not them, though, it's someone else's family. Someone much luckier than her.
Justin doesn't say anything about it, but she's positive that he's just as crushed as she is. Instead of mourning, he turns himself on autopilot and starts barking orders left and right. Alex hates this ghosted version of her brother and, once upon a time, her lover.
Truth be told, she's starting to think she doesn't know him at all anymore. When she looks into his eyes, there's not much kindness or gentleness left.
"The survivors are being taken to another base. We can't take on many more, we're running out of supplies." He says to her in measured words.
"Okay." She responds, no real emotion, and for a second, just one split moment, she thinks he wants to reach out and touch her face the way he used to.
Then Juliet comes in to ask about tactics and maps and other things that Alex can't bring herself to care about right now. Instead she leaves the room silently, seeking the refuge of an empty hallway and rests her head against the cool metal wall.
Saving the tears for later, she pulls herself together and goes to find somewhere she's wanted.
Jerry and Theresa Russo's bodies are recovered on March 15th, 2014 in a warehouse just outside of Philadelphia. Luckily Alex didn't sign up to go out on expedition that day, but when her comm goes off, she already knows what's happened.
She runs through the tunnels until she finds Justin and she doesn't give a damn who sees her fall into him so desperately, begging for it to not be true. His hands wind their way into her hair and he pulls her in closer.
"I know, I know," He whispers into her curls, the shock outweighing the grief he'll feel later.
They go to identify the bodies together, Alex's fingers still shake even in the strong grip of Justin's own. She recognizes the shape of her mother's body through the white sheet, and for once she's glad that Justin was always the stronger one.
They're allowed to bury their parents on the surface land. Although they're buried side-by-side in small, undignified graves, Aimee still brings flowers she picked and Jake has an old Bible his grandfather gave him. Justin doesn't say anything, but the tears on his cheeks mix in with the dust and grime of his new life.
The worst part is that it isn't raining or snowing, there isn't even any wind. Instead the sun hangs ever present in the sky and Alex just wants to break something. Juliet takes Justin's hand out of habit, and when he doesn't move away, the monster in his sister's chest rises up. How do you fight someone who got there first?
Instead she leans against Jake, for all the wrong reasons.
After the short ceremony, Alex turns to her brother, tears in her eyes. "Max doesn't know. He's not here... oh God, what if he..."
Quickly checking to make sure no one is around, Justin leans down to press his lips gently to her forehead.
"We'll find him. We will." He says it with such certainty that for a second, Alex believes him.
"I... I love you." She sighs. "I know things are different now, but I do."
Before Justin can do anything but blink under the harsh U.V. rays, Juliet comes back to ask if she needs to cover his shift in the tower tonight. Shrugging off what has just happened, he shakes his head and doesn't turn around to look at the girl who always seems to be watching him walk away.
Alex is the first to admit she's made some terrible choices. She doesn't think well when she's angry or hurt or scared. It's a safe bet that she'll run straight at the thing she shouldn't, and the night of her parent's funeral isn't any different.
During the short walk to Jake's make-shift room, she wonders if there is a Hell, and whether or not she'll be going there; it's not like it could be much worse than this life.
Jake doesn't really have time to respond when he pulls the door open, clearly not expecting Alex's lips to be pushed up against his own. She kisses like she wants to burn him, but he doesn't stop her.
When she breaks away, he looks down at her, his eyebrows scrunched.
"Now that's what I might call a mixed signal." He breathes out lowly with a twinkle of humor in his eye.
"Oh, just shut up." Alex hisses, trying to make her way back to his mouth, but Jake puts a hand on her shoulder to keep her back.
"I reckon you're feelin' pretty messed up right now, Alex. And that's okay, ain't nobody gonna blame ya for wantin' to forget somethin' this horrible," He says quietly. "But it ain't my place to take something away from ya that ya can't get back."
Alex rolls her eyes in the dim light from his lantern, "I'm not a virgin, Jake."
He chuckles and nods, "No offense ma'am, but you don't look like a virgin. That ain't what I meant no way, I was talkin' about our friendship. I like you, Alex, but I ain't dumb enough to think that there ain't somebody else." He steps back from her and motions behind him, "You're welcome to come in, but only if you'll behave yourself."
Maybe she hates him for saying no, (why does everyone say no?), but she still follows him in, sitting on his bed in the least sexy position she can muster.
"You wanna know why I'm here, Alex?" He asks, closing the door softly behind him.
For the first time, she realizes she doesn't know anything about Jake. She's never even paused to enquire if he had a girlfriend or wife or family. But he's still offering to tell her, all big blue eyes and southern charm. She just nods, not trusting her throat if she were to speak.
"My momma worked as a nurse down in Alabama and one day when she came on shift she met my daddy, standing over his granddaddy's death bed. When they got married things were good, and then I reckon I screwed some things up, bein' unplanned and all." He laughs a little, "But they gave me the best they could. So when I got grown I came up here for a steel workin' job, and one day I got a call from them. My uncle got himself into trouble and killed, and that's when I found out magic was real."
Alex listens with rapt attention, and even if she knows this story will have a sad ending because no one in this place is meant for a happy one, she still smiles.
"I knew they'd come for my momma next. She lost her tournament, see, and they were roundin' up anyone who participated in one. So I sent 'em all the money I had and they made for the Canadian border. I guess they got there, I don't know. I told 'em not to call or write or nothin'. I miss 'em a sight, and I don't even got a brother to lean on. I just got you and miss Aimee in the kitchen. Don't you see why I don't wanna screw anything up?" His smile doesn't really reach his eyes, it's a sad expression that reminds her of Justin all those months before he gave into her over a year ago.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do." She says back, tears in her eyes. "But you know, Aimee really likes you."
"I've noticed her lookin' but she's only seventeen, I can't be foolin' around with someone so young." He shakes his head, "She's a nice girl, though, and she's cuter than a Junebug in a jumpsuit."
Sitting up straighter, Alex looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "Who cares? No one here cares if you're older than she is! Don't be afraid to kiss her just because you think other people might think it's wrong." She sighs, "You might regret it forever."
Jake stares at her for a minute, "Maybe you're right."
They sit in silence for a few more minutes before Alex stands, ready to go and face her own almost-regret.
She kisses Jake's cheek on her way out, "Just think about what I said."
Justin's easy to find, working his way around the medical bay with a learned ease. It's hard to watch him and think that right now he should be well into his first year at med school and maybe she'd have another internship lined up. For a moment she feels like she might drown under the what-ifs and should-bes.
"Can I talk to you?" She asks when he steps away from a girl in bed five.
"Right now? I'm kind of busy, Alex," He says in that familiar exasperated tone she used to mock so often.
"I kissed Jake." She blurts out, partly to hurt him, but also partly because she wants him to wake up and see that she's still right here in front of him.
He gives her a hard stare for a moment and then drags her out into the hall, his grip not tight enough to hurt her, but she still can't pull away.
"Say something!" She says irritatedly, eyes trained on his face.
"What am I supposed to say Alex?" He finally half-yells. "I don't know what you want from me! I'm trying to do what I promised."
"Oh, don't you pull that hero crap with me, Justin. I know you better than anyone else." She snaps back, "You're so afraid of what other people would say that you won't even touch me! You'll let Juliet hold your hand over our parent's graves, but you check to make sure no one's looking before you kiss my forehead."
Pushing herself away from him, she shakes her head in bitter laughter. "It's like... it's like you don't even remember! Don't you remember the Chinese food fight we had in your apartment? That day we spent in bed watching bad soap operas just because we could-"
"Yes! God, Alex, of course I remember! I remember that night we sat outside on the roof and nearly froze to death just to see a meteor shower. But things are different now, and we can't go back to how it was before. You're acting like you're alone in this, just as selfish as ever! You can't stop and think about the bigger picture before you make a mess of things!" He shouts back at her, a vein in his neck popping out, and she shivers in the fallout of his anger.
"Well, Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry to bother you, Justin," She spits. "I'm so fucking sorry that I don't want to lose the only person who I've ever really loved to some tramp vampire who treated him like shit! Actually, maybe you two deserve each other!"
Justin sucks in a deep breath, stepping closer to her, his face set in a stern expression she remembers from so long ago; from before everything that happened and they became these people, standing in a dim hallway and glaring at each other bitterly.
"Don't make this about her, Alex. I'm only here because of you. I stay up all night in that stupid tower to keep you safe! I don't sleep anymore because you aren't there for me to listen and make sure you're still breathing. So you have no right to come in here and accuse me of not caring, when I don't know how to make it anymore obvious that I love you."
Alex lets her shoulders sag, the need for a fight draining out of her slowly. "I miss you."
Setting his own shoulders squarely, he turns to make his way back into the medical bay.
"Yeah, I miss you too." He says with his back turned.
April.
"Why do you always call him Fitzwilliam on the comm line?" Juliet asks Alex one night during a routine sweep.
Alex has no desire to answer the other girl's questions, but she still finds her lips moving and the explanation spilling out.
"Mrs. Connors said not to ever use our real names over the frequency in case the Brotherhood are listening. Instead everyone uses famous fictional characters instead. I think she was trying to be funny when she gave us ours."
Juliet doesn't say anything back, and for some reason, Alex feels like she's won.
If Alex thought the fights she and Justin shared as kids were impressive, they were nothing compared to how they now dealt with each other. Justin refuses to make any eye contact with his sister, only passing her orders on through Juliet. Alex is okay with this because she's pretty sure that if Justin spoke to her, she'd break his nose.
"Did Justin pee in your Cheerios or something?" Mrs. Connors asks, noticing the icy demeanor Alex holds as her brother enters the sick bay.
Alex rolls her eyes, but doesn't answer the question.
Scoffing, Mrs. Connors turns away mumbling something about siblings under her breath.
"Can someone pass me another stethoscope? Mine's damaged." Justin says over his shoulder, one hand already outstretched behind him.
By force of habit, Alex grabs her own from around her neck and passes it to him, their fingers brushing ever so softly. She inhales without even meaning to, a shiver running up her spine. Justin's fingers twitch at the contact, almost like he wants to grab her hand instead.
Instead he turns back to the patient and asks them to take a deep breath in.
For a split second Alex contemplates grabbing Justin and turning him to face her so she can kiss him until he doesn't care that she said such awful things, but then someone behind her coughs and she realizes that her desires aren't important anymore. Finding Max, that's her first priority.
She takes her leave, not bothering to notice Justin watching her walk away, eyebrows scrunched together.
On every third Friday marks a special occurrence in the base: a supply drop. Usually Alex stays back to help out in the kitchen, but Jake volunteers to help Aimee, a dumb grin on each of their faces. So Alex goes to the command tower to join the frontline in retrieving their package.
Justin doesn't say anything when she walks in, but he hands her a glock and she takes it as a peace offering.
Since she can't go into the sunlight, Juilet stays back to watch the radar, something Alex is immensely grateful for.
"All right, we're not going too far today," Justin says, pointing to the map on the west wall. "Just to zone three, but there's been some anti-wizard movement in the area, so those of you with wands, please be careful."
Everyone on the team nods. Zone three isn't the worst option, it's only about ten clicks away, with plenty of forest cover.
"And don't forget to watch each other's backs, there's no point in fighting if we can't trust each other." Justin says, eyes drifting to his sister.
As they head out the tower doors, Justin grabs Alex's arm, not enough to stop her, but a sign that he's there.
"I'll take care of you," He says softly, but she rolls her eyes.
"We'll take care of each other." She hisses back, but her words are without any real malice. He gives her a cocked grin, melting her icy indifference in a matter of milliseconds.
They manage to get to the border of zone three when it all goes to hell.