Swann's Note: Yeah. Chappie 3 OF DOOM. A special thanks to some certain reviewers:

Jinxeh: Thank you! So much for the advice you gave me. Really. I never caught those mistakes before, and I'll definitely be looking for it throughout this chappie :D

Sparrow's Fancy: Thanks so much!

Robin Goodlass: Thanks, once again for the great review!

Robin: This chapter has been taken from your idea for showing them in action in a fanfic. Said fanfic they shall participate in shall be the ridiculously typical stereotype of a fic (Marysues, GaryStus, OOCness). THANKS! For the idea :D

I'll mention more in Chapter 4, and I'm sorry if I didn't mention you :D You reviewers ROCK for giving me so many reviews (this is my all-time high) with compliments and con/crit :D Keep them coming!

Disclaimer: HA! Yes, I have another clever disclaimer to make up for the bad one in the last chapter:

If I owned POTC, 1. The kraken wouldn't exist. 2. The compass would be held in highest esteem. And, 3, JACK WOULD STILL HAVE HIS HAT!

"Oh, but Carella Ana Chavez Barbossa, I really love you!" Jack said dramatically, kneeling down on one knee and sticking a ridiculously intricate ring out in front of her. "Marry me!"

"But Carella Ana Chavez Barbossa, I love you more than that pirate does!" James said, putting on his most swoon-worthy face.

"Oh, I can't decide!" Carella cried. "Give me you're compass Jack," she demanded. Jack handed it to her.

"I'm so sorry, I love ... !" Carella began.

"And ... CUT!" said Peter, an author, whose voice rang throughout his room. They, James, Jack, Elizabeth and Will, were working on their most current fanfiction with the new author, and this, so far, was just the rough draft of chapter 25. The Marysues were amazingly abundant and Peter had just finished demanding that Jack speak like a scholar. "Great work," he said. "Great work. Just let me write up the author's note."

"Yes, wonderful Peter, wonderful," Jack said distractedly, dropping back from perfect English to his usual slur.

"We'll just be off," James said, his voice fading as he and Jack dashed out the door headed toward Elizabeth's attic.

"It's Mr. Pettigrew to you!" Peter shouted.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"It couldn't have been that bad," Elizabeth reasoned as she made the four men their usual drinks the next morning.

"Oh, Elizabeth, you have no idea," Will said, drinking his tea in two large gulps.

"Carella Ana Chavez Barbossa, Lauren Marie Starlight Reede Sparrow, Laurean Ana Maria Bella Snape Turner," Jack said. What kinds of names are those?"

"I do agree that Marysues are annoying," Elizabeth said. "The ships these days, they really annoy me," Elizabeth said.

"Even Sparrabeth?" Jack asked, smiling into his rum as Elizabeth suddenly found the microwave very interesting.

"It is ridiculous, isn't it?" James asked, breaking the very awkward silence that followed Elizabeth's study of the microwave. "I mean, Turner and Ana Maria? Really."

"I know," Will shuddered, " and then there's Elizabeth and Barbossa. That was just wrong."

Another long silence ensued.

"I think we should boycott our unfair treatment in these stories," James said.

"As if the authors and authoresses would listen," Will pointed out.

"No, really! We should try it!" James insisted. Elizabeth and Jack rolled their eyes simultaneously.

"The best way to write something like that is in an email," Jack pointed out, drinking the rest of his rum.

"That's a good point," Elizabeth muttered. "We could ask to use Linnet's computer."

"It's decided then," Will said resolutely and stood up. "Who's with me?"

"Me, definitely," James said.

"'So long as I don't have to put up with more Marysues," Jack said, "I'm in."

"I'll try it," Elizabeth said.

Five minutes later, the four were standing in front of Linnet's door. James knocked.

"Come in. Come in," Linnet's distracted voice said from inside.

As the four entered the cluttered room, they noticed Linnet in deep conversation with a tall, dark haired man.

"And, you know, some color in my wardrobe would be nice," said the man, pushing a long hank of his black hair behind an ear. He was clad in black and had a terribly long nose. "They say that fuchsia is the new black, you know. And this hair! How am I supposed to make potions with this black, greasy mop in my face? And my nose! I think that Doctor 90210 would be horrified to see this!"

"Yes, Professor Snape, I'll try," said Linnet. "Is there anything else I can possibly do for you?" she asked tiredly.

"No, I think that's all, and thank you," Snape said, then added, "Make it work!" He spun around on the spot and disappeared.

"I shall try, Snape," Linnet said. "I shall try."

"Erm ... Linnet, I'm terribly sorry to bother you," Elizabeth began politely, but Jack cut her off.

"We need to use that large computery thing, now," Jack said. "If you don't mind too terribly."

"Yeah, just don't break it, I guess. And ... don't delete any files," Linnet said tiredly. "Now, I need some food." She walked out of her room, yawning.

Elizabeth immediately sat down, quickly clicking on various icons until she came up with a blank document labeled, "email."

"Tell me you're thoughts, and I'll put them down in a letter form," said Elizabeth." That should work well enough."

Elizabeth began typing in the email subject line, "A letter concerning ships by Elizabeth Swann, James Norrington, Captain Jack Sparrow and Will Turner."

An hour later, Elizabeth sat back and rubbed her eyes, then said, "Read it, I guess. I think you'll like it for the most part, it gets our point across."

Dearest Authors and Authoresses,
We understand that you have complete rights to deal with us Pirates of the Caribbean characters in any way, shape, or form, you intend to. We must ask, however, that you show the same amount of respect for us that we show for you.

Some of the ships, plotlines and original characters you've introduced lately have made us seem out of character and the ships Norribeth, Sparrabeth and Willabeth have created many rifts in our newfound friendship.

I, Elizabeth Swann, must ask you, on behalf of Captain Jack, Will, James, Mr. Gibbs and various other members of my family, the Royal Navy, Captain Jack Sparrow's crew, Davy Jones' crew, Tia Dalma and the Tortugan citizens, that the insanity of OOCness, Marysues, Garystus and OOC ships immediately stops.

We thank you very much,
Elizabeth Swann, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, William Turner Jr. and James Norrington.

Swann's Note: Yeah, couldn't think of a better ending. BTW, no offense to anyone out there that ships Elizabeth/Barbossa or Ana/Will (something that I, admittedly, ship myself). I just used them as an example, there.

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