They had been staring at each other across the space between the beds for what felt like hours.
"Sam is going to have to be let back in the room at some point," Cass said just wanting to get it over with already.
"Well then I suggest you start talking sweetheart."
"Me? Why do I have to start? You have more to spill than I do."
"All the more reason for you to start."
Cass let out a defeated sigh knowing he was right, but she was worried that if she spilled first, he wouldn't tell her anything.
"One ONE condition, you tell me EVERYTHING...or else I'll just hear it all from Sam. Now who would you rather I hear it from? You or him?"
Dean didn't WANT to tell her everything, but would rather she hear it from.
"Fine, deal. Now start spilling about how you had inhuman strength for a moment and whatever else that might entail."
"I...I had a friend cast a spell..."
"Jesus Cass! What the hell are you thinking?! A spell?! What possessed you to even THINK of doing such a thing?!"
"Oh...I dunno! Maybe the fact that I just lost my husband and child and wanted enough strength to get my revenge! I'm only one person, I needed to be stronger to take this on by myself!"
"What made you think you EVER had to deal with this alone! I was...we were only a phone call away!"
"I had no idea if you would even remember me, let alone have the time to help me. You are the infamous Winchester boys remember? And from how much you seem to be hiding from me, I have a feeling you're even more infamous."
"What did you sacrifice or deal to make the spell complete?"
"I had nothing to give...but my friend...without me knowing it, she made the ultimate sacrifice...herself. I hadn't talked to her in years, showed up at her door completely broken and she told me it would cost me nothing. I had no idea what she would be paying instead. She made me promise not to make it all for nothing and have my revenge. And then live my life however I wanted. Hunting or trying to settle down again. I told her I didn't know about trying to settle down again, but that if it were possible and I really wanted to, I would give it my best shot...I thought about all my options. Demons, suicide, but nothing would have been fine in Eric or Lily's eyes. And if I made any deals, I would truly never see them again being sent to hell...Knowing they HAVE to be in a better place...right?"
"I'm sure they are Cass." Dean really had no clue.
"Thanks. I needed to hear that even though you don't sound so sure...so what's your big secret...or secrets rather?"
"You sure you really wanna know?"
"No, but if I'm really going to get back into this and be doing so with you guys, I need to know." She looked at him intently. She knew there were things he really didn't want to share, but she could always tell when he was lying, so she could call his bluff if he even tried.
Dean let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair, not knowing where to start. "Where do I start?"
"How about from the day I left and you didn't even try to stop me."
******
Dean could hear the hurt in her voice. It's not like he WANTED to give her up without a fight, but he knew how badly she wanted a "normal" life, a kid, a house, the whole shebang; and being a Winchester, he knew he couldn't give it to her no matter how much he may have wanted to.
"I never wanted to let you go. You know I could never have given you what you had. And I would say I wish I could go back and never let you leave, but I would never want to take away from you what had...even if it was for a short while." He let out an exasperated sigh. "From the day you left our lives...they only got more complicated..."
Hours later filled with tons of questions, frustration, and laughs thrown in, Cass was almost all caught up.
"There's one more thing I need to tell you...you know how I said I could kind of understand how you felt losing Eric and Lily...well...I tried to have a normal life myself after Sam went in the pit.."
Cass tried her hardest to not look that he could try with someone else, but not with her. But she did have Eric and Lily, and he knew that. So she couldn't be too upset, but it still hurt none the less.
"Who was she?"
"Her name's Lisa and I met her a long time ago. She ended up being a part of a case...a couple of times. She has a son named Ben. Reminded me a lot of myself as a young kid."
"...WAS he yours?..." Cass was afraid to ask the question, but she had to know.
"Lisa told me he wasn't, but I do still wonder sometimes..."
"Would you want him to be?"
Dean sighed not sure how to answer that. Deep down he did want the "normal" life as well, but had come to realize that as long as there were demons and angels running amok, it just wasn't possible.
"I did...I guess I still kinda do. But after the demons went after them to get back at me...Lisa almost died...Cas healed her...and I asked him to erase their memory of me. They wouldn't be able to live with me around or with the memory of me haunting them...it's better this way."
Cass sat down next to him wrapping one arm around his shoulder and cupped his chin the other to have him look at her.
"You of all the people that I know deserve to be happy and have a wife and child and a place to call home...I'm sorry it didn't work out...I...I don't know what's worse. Losing someone you love to death or to lose them like you did and know they're still out there, but you can't see them again or even call them...I'm so sorry Dean."
Dean started to have tears escape his eyes and tried to push Cass of of him, but she only held onto him tighter and pulled him down to lay with his head on top of her chest as he cried. She held him close and ran her fingers through his hair.
"It's ok Dean. Let it out. I can only imagine how long you've been holding this all in."
"For too long...I'm sorry Cass...I'm so sorry..."
"Sorry for what?"
"That I let you go, sorry that what happened to you happened, and I'm sorry that I age a chance of having a normal life with someone else when I wouldn't even try with you when you wanted to..."
"Dean, stop. You don't have to apologize for that. It was a different time in our lives. I'm not going to lie that it doesn't hurt a little, but at the same time, I'm so happy that you had the chance to experience it."
"I missed you so much Cass."
"I missed you too."
Dean propped himself up on one elbow as he looked down at Cass. Her hazel eyes catching the light, but they so much more pain than he ever saw in them before. He wished he could take it all away. Make her smile shine through her eyes again. She still had her nose and snake bites pierced. Even as a mom she kept her youth. Purple tinted hair, tattoos. He wanted to hiss her. To escape into a different world. One that he once shared with her and her alone.
Cass saw the look in his eyes. She knew he wanted what she wanted just as much. But she didn't want either one of them to be the rebound for the other. Not that she honestly believed they could be just that to each other. So without any further hesitation she lifer her head up to softly place her lips on his.
Dean was taken a little bit by surprise at first, but wasted no time welcoming her lips with his.
She nipped and tugged on his lower lip receiving a growl as a reminder that that drives him wild. He wrapped his arm around her from underneath and flipped them over so she was on top of him now. She sat straddling his hips looking down at him.
"What? No playtime tonight?"
She rolled her eyes with a smirk remembering his code word for whenever he wanted to have sex, but try to hide it from their dads.
"You know I would love to, but it's been a really long day and I know I need energy for that...and that I just don't have right now Mister Winchester."
"Alright fine...BUT you owe me."
"Oh? I do, do I?"
"Mmmhhhmm." Dean placed a quick kiss on her forehead before wrapping around her to fall off to sleep.
Sam walked into the room late into the night to find them sound asleep wrapped up in each other. He felt more relaxed. He didn't even realize how stressed he felt over Cass being back, Dean holding back his emotions, and a lot of unanswered questions. He got himself comfortable and drifted off to sleep.
Reviews are appreciated. First fanfic in awhile, so I feel a little rusty. Thanks!