Gerard walked into Frank's hospital room and looked around. There was a nurse sitting next to Frank on the floor holding Frank's phone, showing him what Gerard assumed were pictures or interviews of the band and such. She turned her head to see Gerard, and he smiled slightly, waving a little.
"Oh, hello, Gerard!" she said, smiling. "I was just showing Frank some pictures and such. I'm sure you have much more to show than I do, so I'll leave you two alone." she smiled again, and Gerard guessed it was probably a fake smile. The nurse stood up, handed Frank his phone, and walked over to the door and exited, leaving the two alone.
"Hey," Frank said, not turning to look at Gerard. He was wearing normal clothes, but nothing special, just a tee-shirt and sweats. Gerard noticed that he didn't have a bandage around his head anymore, which made him feel a little better.
"Hi," Gerard replied, walking over to Frank and sitting down next to him. "What's up?"
"Nothing..." he said quietly. "That nurse was showing me pictures." Frank said after a long time of silence.
"Yeah," Gerard said, smiling. "So, do you remember anything?"
Frank thought for a moment and then shook his head slowly. "No..."
Gerard sighed a little, honestly really worried that Frank would never ever remember him or the band, and it would just be something people told him he was a part of. Gerard's eyes went wide as a thought struck him. What if Frank never believed he was in the band, or never thought he was right for it? What if he hated everyone in the band, especially Gerard, and wanted nothing more then to get away from them? What if he never remembered how to play the guitar or what it was like to go on tour and to be with all his best friends all the time, and just have so much fun? What if he just went home to live with his parents for the rest of his life? The thought made Gerard feel so empty, so broken, and it really scared him to death, almost to the point that he was afraid to talk, not wanting to screw up Frank's recovery, if he even did recover. Gerard started to take rapid deep breaths, trying to forget all that just popped into his head, but it was so hard to forget the horrible thoughts. Gerard looked down at the ground, not wanting to see Frank's face. He started to cry for what seemed like the millionth time in such a short amount of time, running his hands through his hair, trying to calm down.
"Uh, Gee...?" Frank's voice seemed a thousand miles away, yet Gerard could still hear it.
Gerard looked up at him, sniffling and blinking back tears. Then he hugged him. Gerard buried his face in Franks shoulder, sobbing even harder. "Y-You... you remember...?"
Frank hesitated and then awkwardly put his arms around Gerard, letting him cry for a few seconds longer before replying. "Remember what?"
"M-My name... my nickname." Gerard replied, laying his head on Frank's shoulder, his grip around Frank's neck still tight. "You c-called me Gee yesterday... and now t-today too..."
"Yeah..." Frank was silent for a moment. "I dunno if I remember anything... I guess it just seemed appropriate."
Neither of them spoke for a long time. Gerard continued to whimper a little as Frank rubbed his back awkwardly, not completely sure what to make of what was going on. Gerard's mind was so packed with scared and worried thoughts that he could no longer think, and all he could do was cry softly and just hope with all his heart that Frank would remember. After a long time, Gerard pulled back from the hug and wiped his tears on the sleeve of his jacket.
"You okay?" Frank asked after a second.
Gerard nodded. "Y-Yeah... I-I just... I just want you back, Frankie..." he started to cry again, burying his face in his hands.
"I... I don't know who you are Gerard. All I know is that I apparently have known you for, like, twenty years or something, and that I play guitar in your band. That nurse showed me interviews and... and I just don't know how that guy, Frank Iero, is me. I'm Frank Iero, that's my name, but I just don't know how that could be me. I want to help, I really do, but I just can't. It looks like it really hurts... like it really hurts to know someone and then have them suddenly not know you, and I wish I could remember you, Gerard, I really wish I could, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't." Frank looked straight into Gerard's eyes, with a saddened look on his face. His eyes were glassy and he kept blinking, possibly to blink back tears, but Gerard couldn't tell for sure.
They were silent for another long moment, both looking at each other, both looking sad, both wondering what to say next. Gerard wanted to tell Frank that it was okay, and that he knew that he was trying hard, and that they would get through it together, but another part of Gerard wanted to yell at him, tell him that it did hurt, and that Frank should try harder to remember, but Gerard just couldn't do either.
"Gee...?" Frank finally said.
"Mm hm?"
"Can... can you sing me... that song that I like?" Frank asked, trying to remember what song he mentioned in one of the interviews.
Gerard chuckled a little. "That song you like?"
"Yeah... It was some song on some album... about a parade I think." Frank said, nodding to himself.
Gerard smiled. "You mean the Black Parade? That album?"
"Yeah! That's it!"
"Are you thinking of Cancer? Because that was always your favorite on the album."
"Yeah! That's the song!"
Gerard smiled even bigger. "Yeah, of course I can sing that." Gerard took a deep breath and started to sing softly.
"Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you."
Frank was smiling a little, his head leaning to one side, listening attentively. Gerard smiled at Frank's expression, and continued singing. "Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know"
By this point, Frank was grinning hugely, a few tears running down his face, but he continued smiling all the same. "That if you say (if you say) "'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
Goodbye today (goodbye today)
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)"
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you"
Gerard finished singing the song, and a small smile appeared on his face. It was almost like old times, when Frank would tell him how hard it was not to cry during that song, but how much he loved it, mostly because of that very reason. It was at that moment that Gerard knew that the Frank he knew was still there, and maybe he was buried deep inside Frank's heart, but he was still there, and Gerard would find him. Frank was the same, he really was. He still loved the same song he used to love, and he had the same reaction to it as he used to have. Maybe he didn't remember how the song went, or how to play the guitar or who Gerard was, but deep inside was the memories just trying to pry themselves out, and it was then that Gerard knew that they would get out, but it would take time.
Frank smiled even bigger than before, if that was even possible. "Gee... I know that song." he said simply, making Gerard's eyes go wide. "I don't know the words or how the music goes, but I've heard it before, I know I have."
Tears started to stream down Gerard's face again, but this time they were happy tears, not sad ones. "F-Frank... You're gonna remember... Y-You will remember, I know it..." Gerard smiled sadly, and it was Frank's turn to hug Gerard. They stayed that way for a long time, until they heard the door open.
Gerard immediately pulled back, blushing madly. The nurse from before walked inside, smiling, but Gerard knew it had to be fake.
"Hi, you two!" she walked over to Gerard and Frank and sat down next to them. "I'm sorry, but Gerard's going to have to head home." she turned to Gerard. "Frank has to rest now, because we'll be running some tests soon." she turned to Frank. "Remember anything?"
"Sorta, I guess," Frank said, shrugging a little.
"Sorta?" the nurse asked.
"I mean, I sorta recognize a song, but not really." Frank replied.
"Well that's better than nothing!" the nurse said, her fake smile growing. "Now, as I said, you're going to have to leave, Gerard, I'm sorry. Feel free to come back any time you can though!" she kept smiling, and stood up, Gerard doing the same. "Okay, Frank," she put her hand out to help Frank get up, but he didn't take it. "Frank?"
"I... I want Gerard to help." Frank said quietly.
Gerard smiled a little, his cheeks turning a bit pink. He reached out his own hand to Frank, and Frank took it, slowly standing up and then falling onto Gerard for support. Gerard almost fell over, but he caught himself. He let Frank lean on him, Gerard's arms wrapping around Frank's middle for a short few seconds before the nurse spoke.
"Well, that's cute, but Gerard, you really have to go now." she said, a hint of annoyance in her voice.
Frank pulled back from their embrace, Gerard's hands still resting on his waist to help Frank hold his balance. "Thanks for coming, Gee," he smiled a little, and then sat down on his bed.
Gerard smiled back. "No problem, and I'll be back tomorrow." Gerard said, smiling a little more. "See ya, Frank." He turned around to leave, but he walked slowly.
"Thanks, you totally ruined our moment." Gerard heard Frank whisper to the nurse.
"I'm sorry, but it was time for him to leave." the nurse replied, sounding annoyed and a bit angry.
Gerard chuckled a little and walked out of the room completely. He's still the same Frankie...
Gerard sat silently in the car with Mikey. At first he was happy; there seemed to be hope.
That changed quickly.
"Frank has to rest because we'll be running some tests soon."
Gerard remembered when the nurse said that, and it was just now sinking in. Tests? Why is he resting before the tests? What kind of tests? Is Frank gonna be okay? All of the thoughts struck Gerard like a lightning bolt. Maybe he had already heard Cancer before. Maybe he just didn't remember that, and said that he remembered it from before he fell off the stage because that's what he thought, even though it wasn't true. Maybe Frank would be fine. Maybe he wouldn't.
"So, how was it?" Mikey asked, interrupting Gerard's thoughts.
"Fine," Gerard replied, trying to sound neutral and calm.
"Did Frank remember anything?"
"Not really... He thinks he's heard Cancer before, but, um, he said a nurse could have played it for him and he just can't completely remember." Gerard didn't want to get anyone's hopes up, just in case.
"Well, we'll just keep hoping for the best." Mikey said, smiling a little, and then almost immediately going back to a straight face.
They got back to the hotel a few minutes later, and Gerard got out of the car and started to walk to his room without saying anything. He heard Mikey calling his name, but he ignored it, and just kept walking. Gerard entered the main building and walked quickly to the elevator, getting inside. There was a young lady inside, who looked to be in her mid to late twenties. Gerard and the girl were quiet for the majority of the ride up, but right as the elevator was arriving on Gerard's floor, he started to cry again. He didn't sob, just whimpered a little, tears streaming down his face.
"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" the lady asked.
"N-No..." Gerard mumbled.
She put a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, let's get out of this elevator."
They walked out and sat down on a couch near the elevators, Gerard picking up one of the small pillows and hugging it.
"What happened?" she asked, sympathy in her voice.
"M-My... my friend Frank has amnesia... and no matter w-what I do, he just won't r-r-remember..." Gerard stuttered, burying his face in the pillow.
"That's terrible!" she said, putting an arm around Gerard. "Did you show him things to help him remember? Like pictures and possessions?"
Gerard nodded a little. "Y-Yeah... and it seemed like it might w-work... but what if it d-doesn't...?"
"Even if he doesn't remember today, or tomorrow, or the day after that, you just need to keep trying. It might seem like all hope is lost, but it might not be. Maybe five years from now, he'll remember. You just have to give him time to relive the memories in his head." Gerard looked up at her, his face wet with tears. "And maybe he'll never remember, but that's okay. Your personality doesn't change when you have amnesia, you just forget memories and such, so even if he never remembers, there's no reason why he shouldn't still like you."
"Y-You think so...? You think h-he'll remember?" Gerard asked, the small bit of hope he had coming back.
"I'm almost positive." she said, smiling. "And if he doesn't, you'll still get through it, I promise."
"O-Okay..."
She stood up and walked back into the elevator, leaving Gerard alone on the couch. He didn't trust her completely, but he was a little more hopeful. Eventually, Gerard stood up and walked back to his room, falling onto his bed and sighing. He didn't know what he should do at this point. It was around dinner time, but Gerard wasn't hungry at all, and checking twitter did not seem fun during this situation. Gerard rummaged through his suitcase for a book, but he couldn't find one. Pushing his suitcase off the bed, Gerard decided that he should probably take a nap. He fell asleep almost immediately, which was probably good.
Gerard slept for a good three hours before being woken up with start by his phone. He grabbed it off the bedside table and answered it without looking to see who it was.
"Hello...?" he said tiredly.
"Hi, is this Gerard Way?"
"That would be me,"
"Yes, this is the hospital. We would just like to let you know that you will not be able to visit Frank tomorrow."
Gerard's eyes widened, the strange feeling in the pit of his stomach coming back. "W-Why not...?" he asked after a moment.
"I don't know all the details, but something to do with Frank's head. I think something came up on the test that they ran."
Gerard's mouth was dry, and he felt as if he couldn't speak. What had happened? He didn't know and he wouldn't know until Wednesday, and maybe not even then.
"Hello? Mr. Way, are you still there?"
"Y-Yes... Th-Thank you for informing me of th-this..." he managed to say, shaking more than he had when he found out about Frank's amnesia.
"No problem. We'll let you know if you can come in on Wednesday. Thank you for your time!"
Gerard hung up, and dropped his phone on the floor. He still quite couldn't wrap his head around the fact that something really bad might have happened to Frank, but he was already horrified. Gerard was so tired that he fell asleep quickly, but he had a rough night.
By about seven AM, Gerard decided to give up sleeping. He got up, walked all around the hotel room, opening cupboards and cabinets and closets, trying to keep his mind off Frank. After that, Gerard turned on the TV, watched an episode of Say Yes To The Dress, an episode of Spongebob Squarepants, an two episodes of The Bachelor. He would have normally felt embarrassed, but he was so tried and felt so hopeless that he really didn't care.
At 9:30, he left his hotel to go find some coffee. Once he got down to the main floor, he remembered the little cafe inside of the hotel and he decided to go check it out. There weren't very many people inside, just a man sitting alone and a few people up at the counter. Gerard walked up to the counter and realized the 'few people' were Mikey and Ray. He mentally slapped himself for not noticing his brother and band mate, but he was so tired and out of it as it was, so it sort of made sense.
"Hey, guys," he said, smiling a little as he sat down in a chair next to Ray.
"Oh, hey, Gerard," Ray said, turning to him and smiling.
"Hi, Gee." Mikey said, keeping a straight face.
"Where have you been?" Ray asked. "I mean, I know you went to visit Frank yesterday, but you could have went out to eat with us. Didn't Mikey offer?"
"I tried to..." Mikey muttered under his breath.
Ray looked a bit confused, by Gerard just shrugged. "Don't worry, I was just tired. And I wasn't very hungry last night anyway." Gerard tried to pretend he didn't hear Ray mention Frank.
"Oh, well, if you're sure you were okay with it." Ray said, smiling again. "So how's Frank?"
Gerard flinched a little, really not wanting to hear about Frank. "F-Fine..."
"That's what you said yesterday, Gee. If he really fine? You don't sound too sure." Mikey said, raising an eyebrow.
"No, he's totally fine. There's just nothing else to say." Gerard said, plastering a fake smile on his face. "He hasn't remembered anything though. But he will! I'm sure of it..." Gerard's voice faded away, but he continued to smile.
"Are you gonna visit him today? Mikey can drive you, right Mikey?" Ray asked.
"I guess..." Mikey said, smiling a little.
"Um, no, um, Frank said he wanted to just rest today." Gerard lied, not wanting to say anything about the tests.
"Oh, alright." Ray said. "So, should we go do something today? There's an amusement park here I think."
"That could be fun," Mikey said.
Gerard's eyes widened slightly, knowing immediately that he did not want to go anywhere that would make him sick. He was already feeling like he was going to throw up occasionally, and he didn't want to increase that chance. Gerard didn't want them knowing he was feeling slightly sick though, because he didn't want them knowing how worried he was, so he made something up. "Oh, that would be fun... But I promised Frank I would just hang out at the hotel just in case he gets lonely and calls me to come hang out with him at the hospital. I mean, I would love to go to the amusement park, but it'll be hard to leave once we get there."
"That's okay I guess," Ray said, looking a little sad. "We can just hang out here." he smiled.
"You guys can still go though," Gerard said quickly. "I don't want to pull you away from your fun."
"No, we'll be fine," Mikey said. "Plus, you would get bored here alone all day."
"Right, right..." Gerard mumbled.
"Hello, would you like to order anything?" a man behind the counter said, interrupting the conversation.
Gerard looked up, smiling as best as he could at the man. "I'll have a coffee, please,"
"Creamer or sugar?" the man asked.
"No, thanks," Gerard replied.
The man nodded, smiling, and walked off to make the coffee.
"We can just hang out with you in your hotel room," Ray said, bringing the subject back up.
"Yeah, sure..." Gerard said, looking away.
"Gee, are you really okay?" Ray asked, sounding concerned.
"Ray, I'm fine!" Gerard said, looking back at Ray. "Frank's fine and I'm fine, okay!?"
"Okay, oka-"
Gerard stood up and ran out of the cafe, tears filling his eyes. He could hear someone running after him, which was probably either Ray or Mikey, but he kept running, getting quickly into the elevator. Once the doors closed, he leaned against the wall, his hands firmly holding onto the railings. Gerard closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, waiting for the elevator to stop so he could go sleep.
After what seemed like hours, the elevator stopped and the doors opened. Gerard walked out and slowly made his way to his room. He walked, and walked, and walked, then opened the door, then walked inside, then threw his key on the counter, then stumbled into his separate room, and then collapsed on the bed. Gerard's thoughts remained simple and only about what he was doing for another ten minutes, until the knock on his door made him snap out of it.
Gerard stood up and walked over to the door, putting his hand on the handle, but not opening it. "What...!?"
"Gerard... it's Mikey."
However, Gerard did not hear Mikey. He heard Frank. And the voice was like Frank's voice. But it wasn't. Gerard opened the door quickly and hugged his brother tightly, sobbing into his shoulder.
"F-Frank... I-I..." Gerard stammered, taking deep, shaky breaths.
Mikey was already surprised by the fact that Gerard hugged him so tightly, but the fact that Gerard started crying and called him Frank made Mikey know something was definitely not right with Gerard.
"Gerard, I'm not Frank, I'm Mikey." Mikey said calmly, not really knowing how to deal with the situation. When Gerard said nothing, Mikey spoke again. "Your brother, Mikey... Gerard?"
Finally, Gerard pulled back from the embrace, staring blankly at his brother. His eyes went slightly wider, and then he facepalmed. "I..." he started, his hand still covering his face. "S-Sorry, Mikey... I don't know what happened..."
"It's okay, Gerard, I understand that you're... kinda upset right now." Mikey replied, smiling slightly, putting a hand on Gerard's shoulder.
"Hey, Gerard, I brought you your coff-" Ray ran up to Gerard's door, holding Gerard's coffee, but he stopped abruptly when he saw the two brothers. He wanted to ask if Gerard was okay, noticing that his face was wet, but Ray decided now wasn't a good time.
"Want to sit down?" Mikey asked Gerard.
Gerard nodded in response. "Y-Yeah..."
Mikey led Gerard into the bedroom area of the hotel room and they both sat down on Gerard's bed. Ray hesitated to walk into the hotel room, not wanting to make Gerard feel worse, but Mikey had to have left the door open for a reason, right? So Ray walked inside, closing the door behind him, and then he walked over to Gerard and Mikey.
Ray waited for a few seconds, but soon the silence was too much for him to handle. "Here, Gee, I have your coffee," he smiled nervously, hoping Mikey wouldn't get mad at him for speaking. He then handed Gerard his coffee.
Gerard smiled a little and took the coffee, taking a sip. "Thanks, Ray,"
Ray sat down as well, the room once again going silent. Gerard sat, sipping his coffee slowly, Mikey's eyes wandering the room, Ray just sitting, feeling sort of bored. They were quiet for another five minutes, but then Gerard broke the silence.
"I'm scared." he said, staring at the wall in front of him. Neither Mikey or Ray said anything. "I'm really, really scared, and terrified, and horrified. I can't visit Frank today because something bad happened to him, and he can't remember me, and he can't remember anything and he... I'm just so, so scared..." Gerard took a deep breath, letting tears stream down his face. "And I can't do... anything."
And then, instead of comforting Gerard, or telling him it would be alright, Mikey just stood up, grabbing Ray's wrist to pull him up too, and walked out. Out of the hotel room, pulling Ray with him. It surprised Gerard at first, making him a bit upset, but then he was relived that they didn't ask about what happened to Frank, or even tried to comfort him, because Gerard knew that it probably wasn't going to help. He was glad that they just left him to cry because Gerard needed to cry.
Gerard did cry, for what seemed like hours, but then, tired from sobbing, he just fell asleep.
I can't do anything...
~.~.~.~