Disclaimer: Don't own the Naruto. If I did, I like to think that Shippuden would have had ten times the Naruto content. And he would have kicked ass on a continum instead of just once every other plot point.

Chapter 3 - So are You an Idiot or What?

Night had enveloped Konoha village. Families were chatting amicably over dinner tables – safe and warm inside their homes.

If they weren't ninjas on-call.

Kiba was sulking before Konoha's grand west gate, and looked around miserably at his compatriots. "So what's going on here?"

Ino, in her average attire, snorted. "Didn't you read the memo? We're on mission duty, idiot"

"Yeah? What kind of mission?! It didn't f*cking say!"

"Oh don't whine. You're a ninja – suck it up."

"Shut up skank. It's cold, damp, and this sudden random mission interrupted my bath."

"Ooooh, now that is bad. So when you go home you'll have to finish up? So it'll almost be like you'll have two baths this month."

"You little bitch!"

"Ohohohoho~!"

Hinata interjected herself between the two before things got bloody. "Um, please stop fighting! I'm sure the mission is important!"

"It's the routine night-watch actually" Shikamaru interjected as he approached the group. "I have the papers here. Easy stuff. The probability of anything happening at all is one in six hundred. I suggest we take turns sleeping at the post."

Ino rolled her eyes. "Of course you would suggest that."

Kiba looked impressed. "Huh, so even the big brain is here huh? They actually let you out of that strategy room?"

Shikamaru shook his head. "If there's nothing left to do in there, then there's nothing left to do. All of us assembled are taking our pay on a daily wage rate for now. It's troublesome but this is probably just a matter of them getting their money's worth."

A thunderous hailing caused the gathered to flinch.

"Yo! Group E3?" Naruto barrelled onto the meeting before he frowned and looked around at the gathered teammates in turn. "Inuzika" he noticed the markings. "Hyuuga" the eyes were a dead give away. "...Oh, that pineapple guy who stole my chuunin vest. You suck, pineapple guy."

Shikamaru resisted the face palm. "It wasn't yours."

He paused on Ino. Blond, blue, lithe. "Yamanka?"

"Got it in one."

"Well what the hell am I doing here?"

Sakura approached, last of their group to arrive, and slapped Naruto on the back friendlily. "Sensei says it's the night-watch. You've never done it before have you? It's easy, I'll show you."

"He'll show you, actually" Shikamaru interrupted, presenting his package. "He's acting captain."

Naruto took the offered papers, whooping with glee. "That's great! This wonderful me has been recognized at last! About damn time, damnit!"

Kiba snorted at the newbie's enthusiasm. "On a night-watch, damn dead-last!"

There was silence for a moment. "Ok, cut it out!" Sakura interjected. "You guys are... are... not fighting? What? Naruto?" He was staring at the dispatch papers with a look of...

A look of...

A lot of people think that they discern a change in a person by their eyes. What they mean is that as the central focus when looking at someone, the state of the eyes – which is very well documented by our brains. So when Naruto's eternally clenched cheek-muscles (as if always on the brink of a smile) relaxed, his eyebrows furrowed, and his countenance quietened, his eyes seemed to miraculously express ... something. Clarity, maybe, and focus. Sakura wasn't so sure.

They were the eyes she had never forgotten. They were eyes that appeared occasionally in her dreams – nightmares, really. They always ever appeared at the end, and the worst, of the dream.... right when things were the most dismal – and about to be made better.

The look broke, remaining only slightly, and Sakura couldn't help but wonder why and what that could possibly mean.

Naruto took a deep breath, steeling himself to face his decision. "You all need to understand something. I'm a Gennin."

Sakura beamed. Was this modesty? Unheard of, but fantastic! Her teammate had indeed grown as a person after all in all of his travels.

"But this seal stamped on these papers means I'm your new goddamn god."

....or not.

Groans, face palms, and muttering were abound as the assembled prepared for another green captain on a power trip.

One would be surprised at how often this happened.

"I say jump, you say 'how high?' But to that guy, not me" he pointed to Shikamaru.

"Wha – me?!"

"I say take the enemy base camp, you say 'well how the hell do we do that?' But also to that guy."

"Would you stop that! I want to relax and –"

Naruto looked at the famously lazy chuunin critically. "Oh, you don't not want to be second in command?"

"Yes." Shikamaru sighed in relief. "Wait, no!"

Grinning ferociously – indeed triumphantly – Naruto gave a 'v for victory' sign."No take backs pinapple!"

"Damn."

Ino facepalmed. "How did you fall for it, as a genius?"

Shikamaru, who had lost whatever meager amount of enthusiasm he had for his own defense, gave Ino a flat look. "So you would expect him to actually try that? Things that defy reasonableness are the worst for me."

Sakura, who had developed a sporadic clutching motion with her gloved fingers - as if to wring a certian superior officer's neck - tried to steer the topic back to progress. "Um, disregarding this blatant unprofessionalism... So Shikamaru is team strategist. Let's just get to the towers. We probably won't be seeing any action anyway."

The stern glare Naruto shot his minions – well... subordinates, technically – implied that he disagreed with Sakura. "When we see action I'll take care of it. Everyone else just stay out of my way."

"That's so stupid." Kiba groaned.

"They'll probably try to run from my overwhelmingly heroic self, so pineapple will make a net formation with you guys to stop them, but I never want them to notice you. Stay like, 400 meters out of my way. I'll keep Hyuuga to stop them from sneaking past."

Hinata blushed. The assembled (minus Naruto, who was oblivious) wondered how that could possibly be construed to be romantic.

Sakura physically restrained herself from assaulting her acting captain. Again. "So are you're just looking for the glory?!"

"You're doing this all wrong." Shikamaru moaned.

Naruto worked up what he deemed a smoldering look and swept his would-be crew with it – to their exasperation. "Screw you pineapple. And it doesn't matter. You follow orders, you report me later, and you all get your whistleblowing cash. Don't and you all get time with Ibiki. I want you guys to follow orders, and from what I hear of Ibiki... well you sure as hell don't want Ibiki – trust me, so just put up and let's get to work."

-------------------------

Upon reaching the designated towers, Naruto had decided they should split the watch based on gender of all things – much to Shikamaru's disapproval. He was lazy, but he had grown very accustomed to being listened to. He'd then sent Kiba to act as a roving scout – always to stay downwind and out of sight.

In the 'girl' tower...

Ino considered her friend/rival/friend again. "Hey Sakura... can we trust this guy? I know it's a routine assignment but on the off chance something happens is he really any good? He seems kind of... you know"

The pink haired girl flinched and spent a few futile moments pretending that she hadn't heard the question. "Er, he's... you know what? He's... creative? And very surprising. He – He has a lot of chakra!" She finally exclaimed with wavering confidence. "An amazing amount, really. And he..." sigh "he really doesn't make it easy for me to protect his reputation."

Ino laughed dryly. "Like that huh? I know exactly how you feel. I'm stuck with Mr. Slob and Mr. Blob for teammates. They're good but... I mean they're a slob and a blob."

Sakura giggled. "I guess. But really, Sensei trusts him – and Jiraiya-sama obviously. And you really don't need to worry. Even if something happens I think we can count on him right now."

A delicate eyebrow raised. Best friend speak for the prompt: '... right now?'

Sakura chuckled weakly. "I used to, er, be... away... from the action a lot when we were kids." Kids being three years ago, and 'away from the action' being useless in a fight. "But I heard the reports and I saw it sometimes. I... kind of think of it like there being two Narutos. The normal one's probably about how you think he is."

Ino arched an eyebrow. "And this one?"

"Almost killed Gaara for us."

"..."

"I know his orders all seem weird and moronic but... I'm sure that somehow he has some kind of plan... you know, hidden under all the, uh..."

"Hidden under all the stupid?" She supplied succinctly.

"One way... of putting it..."

It was only then that Ino noticed – Sakura hadn't stopped scanning the foliage for a moment, despite Hinata being amongst their group. Well if 'this' Naruto comes out when there's trouble then turning it around means that we're in trouble now right? That's superstition though, Sakura.

Moments passed before, with a restless sigh, Ino joined her. I need to stop being so superstitious myself.

------------------

Shikamaru gave his 'team captain' a half-lidded stare. "You're doing this wrong."

"Screw. You. Pineapple. Don't think just because you have a vest that you're so great."

Shikamaru heaved a sigh. "Would you let the vest thing go? Look we're... I don't know but the rookies from our year and tem Gai formed a kind of club thing, and you're a member so I want you to know –"

"That I'm doing it wrong. Yeah sure – shut up and watch."

"...Whatever"

Silence passed Naruto kept his watchful eye on the surroundings.

Perhaps too much silence

"Huh? Hey, wake up damnit. Keep watch! And it's only, like, nine o'clock!"

There was a baleful glare. Such spite Naruto had seldom ever seen.

And he'd never ever seen it disappear so quickly. Don't tell me he's too lazy to stay angry at me? I... should I be offended?

Shikamaru resigned himself to the wakeful world – but to a minimal degree. He maintained a stance with his arms folded as a make-shift pillow to rest his head on as he vaguely scanned from left to right along the tree line. "...I've heard stories about you. I've heard you can be kind of an idiot but there are times when you gain focus and acuity."

"Well no, my accuracy's always been kind of..."

"I said acuity. It means – you know what, never mind. What I mean is, it would be even worse if you weren't just screwing around right now."

Naruto waved him off, as if a fly. "Yeah, yeah, I'm seriously an idiot – eyes on the tree line buttmunch."

Shikamaru stared at the blonde, silently exasperated. Unlike others who might write off his actions as inexplicable Shikamaru wouldn't – no, he couldn't. Jumping to conclusions or calling anything inexplicable was a cardinal sin for one who relied so heavily on his brain for a weapon. It could be that Naruto was simply on a paranoid power trip. But it could just as well be that the blonde had an agenda, or access to information that others didn't. "...I thought you split up the team and sent Kiba to scout so that we could talk in private. Here we are."

"What?" Naruto shot him an incredulous look. "Hell no. I split us up like this because Sakura and the Yamanka looked like they were going to attack me – and of course I need a roving scout."

That actually made a lot of sense. However...

Shikamaru heaved a long suffering sigh, as he carefully weighed sleep-time against social group loyalty before deciding that he probably wouldn't be able to wring any sleep out of this situation anyway. "So you just expect me to believe that the gennin chosen to train under Jiraiya-sama – a man of legendary guile and who trained the most feared Hokage of all time – is just an idiot on a power trip?"

"Yes." Naruto replied simply. "And eyes on the treeline."

Shikamaru was honestly, seriously prepared to believe exactly that of Naruto, until right just then. "There is just no way," Shikamaru drawled, "with your personality, that you would ever say that if you weren't up to something."

"I would," Naruto carefully eyed the pineapple – er, ninja, "I would if I was really, really, stupid. And watch the goddamn trees you damn insolent pineapple."

I'd heard he was annoying. Heard tales – but nothing... nothing matches up to the real thing. Why a pineapple? Shut up about the pineapple! Goddamn..."..." There comes a time, for a ninja, when bluffing, hinting, and subterfuge become ineffective and the only recourse left is the truth. Damn. Shikamaru decided to break the devastating news – sure to elicit a reaction. "I'm breaking an oath for you right now, you know. Actually this whole setup is a scam. This is a test – I'm your proctor."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Of course you freaking are."

Ah. Here we go. "You knew then."

"Duh'. I just came back from a three-year hiatus. I'm due one. And I'm in a team with two scouts, an infiltrator, a tac-opps guy, and a medic. What the hell am I here for? What are any of us here for?"

"We're on a wage-rate..."

The blond gave a mighty 'hmph!' "Right. You know, I've heard about you too. Heard you run rings around those egg brains in tac-ops – but baa-chan won't shut up about how lazy you are. Says you could do so much more. You're not dumb enough to fall for that wage-rate scheme she's running and you're not energetic enough to be here without B-rank pay. Of course there's a test."

Shikamaru considered this new information. "…You figured it out back when you received the papers."

"Bingo."

Shikamaru breathed a sigh of relief. "I see. You don't know if this is a simple leadership test, or a combat simulation." The pieces, at last, were all coming together. "I'll save us both some trouble and tell you, it's just your leadership that is –"

"I know."

"You... know?" What?

"That Inuzika – Kiba, right? He came with us to chase after Sasuke." There was an uncomfortable silence. "Everyone that came along back then was good in a scrap – he must be damn outrageous by now. You too, I guess. And Sakura-chan's no slouch. With a combat test they wouldn't give me so much to work with – the 'bad guys' for us to fight would have to be damn powerful." Naruto sighed "And Konoha sure as hell doesn't have enough 'damn powerful' to spare. Not with Cloud acting up like lately."

Shikamaru considered his 'leader'. Not bad. But still...

Naruto was failing.

Not for lack of raw insight, or even for leadership style – it was at least getting people to do their work ,apparently, if reluctantly. That deserved some form of pass, considering the criteria. He fails... because he has an agenda – he certainly does, whatever it is – and it's one he hasn't shared at all with his team. There is a simple lack of trust and respect for the rest of us – but that also doesn't fit with any reports on his character at all.

"You're failing, you know."

"Yeah?" Naruto cockily – and rhetorically – asked. "Well, so are you."

"That comeback doesn't even make sense. I'm not the one being tested, idiot."

"Yeah." Naruto, again, rolled his eyes. "You keep thinking that."

What?! What does that mean? As if he's here to test me? But that's... no, he's very close to the Hokage according to rumour. He strolls in and out of her office like it's nothing. She could easily set up a blind test using him as the proctor. But would she?! He's an idiot. Except he himself says he's an idiot – so he's obviously faking idiocy, so he's not an idiot?! Wait... faking idiocy so obviously is something only an idiot would do – so he's an idiot, right? But the very fact that I've claimed him as an idiot means that his plan is workingwhich means he's... not... an idiot? Wait, but... no, hang on...

Shikamaru, like many people Naruto felt like screwing with, was now receiving a massive migraine.

It wasn't Shikamaru's fault – he really was a genius. But as he'd explained, moves that were totally unreasonable were his weakness. In his younger days, when he was less jaded and had literally no drive, he would have handled the situation with much less suffering on his part. "Look, I'm telling you this isn't a combat exercise."

Whatever comeback Naruto might have made was interrupted by the intrusive sound of static. "Main force, come in. This is K-1." Kiba's assigned call sign. "I can't believe this – you guys aren't gonna' believe this – but I've got an enemy here. Give me an order. You still want me keeping distance?"

Shikamaru's eyes widened, his world flipped belly-up, and he addressed his captain. "How did you –"

But he was already gone. Leaning over the guardrails, Shikamaru could see the blond sliding down the vertical tower wall with a modified application of the tree-walking technique. He was expecting this – waiting for it from the start. But how?! No, rather, why?!

Pieces were starting to fit together for the strategist – but alarmingly slowly – and completely without a motive. What was the damn motive?!

That was important.

And Shikamaru had the terrible premonition, as he copied Naruto's sliding maneuver, that he wouldn't have his answer until it was too late.

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