"Two weeks today. Wow! Has it really been two whole weeks since the best day of my life?" I think laying down on my bed at night. Carlos is smiling at me from my favorite poster across the room. I can still feel his arms around me and his kiss on my lips.

A deep sigh escapes my being. I've been like this ever since he and Ranel brought me home. I've gotten beyond fangirling. I can't fangirl over the guy I felt as my boyfriend..for about two seconds. Another sigh makes my ribs want to crumble on the inside. I can't take the longing.

These two weeks I've stared at his phone number so many times just wanting to call. I didn't dare to. He could be busy. He could be sleeping. He could be with another girl. Yeah - that thought right there just kills me.

"Stop! Just stop! Stop thinking of him like that! He gave you more than you ever dreamed! Why can't you just be happy with that?" I try to hold my head "above the water". Except it doesn't work. It never does. Tears cloud my sight and I turn away from my poster, picking up my history book. "Maybe some dead people will hell me forget the living ones."

I get lost in studying and almost fall asleep with my head in the book when Show Me starts out of the blue. I jump from fright.

- Who the hell would call at..11pm? I mumble looking almost cross eyed at the clock above my TV. A devious thought of "just let it ring" crosses my mind but then I realize that no one would call me at this time if it weren't an emergency so I jump out of bed and grab my phone off the desk.

Looking at the screen my heart stops and my hands start to tremble. "Carlos!?" I answer it quickly..he's been calling a long time already.

- Hello. My voice sounds sleeping and rusty and I could just kick myself because he'll know he woke me up.

- Hi. Carlos whispers and my heart just stops.

- Hi. I can't keep from smiling.

- I woke you up..I'm sorry..

- It's ok..I just fell asleep reading my history book.

- Oh, yeah. That makes me sleep like a baby too. His voice is still a whisper in my ear that makes my bones turn to mush so I just sit on the floor. "Carlos called me. He called me!" my brain keeps screaming so loud I can barely hear him.

- How are you? I ask whispering as well. Just mimicking his voice without intention.

- Tired. It's been a long day…

- Where are you right now?

- On the bus..

- Haha. I giggle. No. I mean which city.

- Oh. New York..We just sang at the Staples Center. It kind of drained me.

- I bet. But you have a day off soon, don't you?

- Yeah..we do..tomorrow actually…

- That's good! You can sleep in. Rest a bit..

- Yeah. Carlos' voice seems sad and I can feel that his smile is gone again.

- What's wrong? I can hear it in your voice. Something's wrong…

- It's nothing..

- Carlos, please, talk to me. What's wrong? I know I'm using my mothering voice, but I can't help it. My heart is breaking hearing him like that.

- Well..the boys all have plans tomorrow. Kendall's family is here, Logan's best friend came to visit and so did James' girlfriend..shoot! I shouldn't have told you that!

- Told me what? I heard nothing. I say with smile on my face, trying to reassure him that I can keep a secret.

- Yeah..and I'm alone..again..I hate being alone!

- Well, you can call me. I'll help with that. I know it's not much, but..

- It's a lot. Carlos cuts me off.

- I'd do anything to make you smile, Carlos, you know that. Right?

- I do..You told me before and I believed it. In spite of..

- Of the boys not agreeing. I finish the sentence for him.

- Yeah.

- They're right, you know.

- About? His voice just became clearer. He's not whispering anymore. "I shocked him. Wow. Ok."

- About you trusting me so easily. You don't really know me. I could just be after your money or your fame. Women do that. A lot. My heart sinks as I realize I just dug my own "hole".

- And are you..after my money and fame?

- No. Of course not. But, if I were do you think I'd tell you? "Yeah! Dig deeper honey, don't stop! He gives you a way out and you keep going!" I slap myself as I lean into my own hand.

- You probably wouldn't. But the fact that you agree with them just makes me think I am right about you.

Carlos' words make my heart sprout wings and a smile light up my face. I can actually feel it happening. He makes me so happy!

- Thank you.

- So..he sighs. What plans have you got for tomorrow?

- Not much. It's Saturday. I'll just help mom around the house. Maybe hit the mall with my girls. Nothing that's set in stone. I reply without thinking.

- That sounds so good right now. "Nothing that's set in stone". I miss those days sometimes. He tells me with earnest.

- Bet it's not that easy to keep up with you schedule, but, then again, every life style has its own rewards. Like..You being on stage every night, getting to feel all the love from your rushers - that's instant gratification right there! I bet nothing can ever beat the rush of hearing thousands of people singing the words to a song that you wrote!

- You're right. I can feel his smile creep up.

- And the meet and greet events. What other job gives you the power to instantly put a smile on people's faces just by standing there?

- Hm..that's kinda true..He tells me and now I can really see him smile. I look up at the poster of him. My favorite poster. He has the biggest, brightest smile and his eyes are playful. I know that smile is back on his lips right now.

- Kinda? No! That is the bare truth. Meeting you people can not help but smile. You're like the Sun. You give life to our happiness, Carlos. I know it's a hard job, with long hours and a lot of sweat, but if you put things in perspective you'll see what I mean.

- How come you always say what I need to hear to feel better?

- I just tell you the truth. I love you, Carlos, and I can't stand to know you're sad. The world is grey when you don't smile. I say without thinking.

- Wow! You sound just like..

- A rusher? I giggle. Yeah. That's because I am a rusher. And because it's true. Every word I said.

- You said you love me.

- I do.

- Wow. And we barely had out first date. Carlos tells me on a flirty tone as my heart freezes on spot."First date" means there's gonna be a second one? From the way he's flirting again.."NO! NO! NO! I will not indulge in day dreams that will not happen. He just wants someone to talk to. I can do that! I can be that! But his girlfriend - yeah - right!"

- Yeah..I guess..you just found your way into my heart when I wasn't looking.

I hear as Carlos draws a breath - he did't expect that answer. Maybe, in his mind, I was going to "blame" my words on the whole rusher thing. That idea brings a tiny crooked smile on my own lips. "Oh, my Lord! He's blushing!"

- Do you mind if I call you again tomorrow?

- I told you before - any time of the day or night. Call me if you need me. I'm right here. Not going anywhere. I say with certainty in my voice.

- Thank you..I'll better let you sleep now..

- It's ok..

- No, it's late. I'll play with Sydney for a while and go to bed myself.

- Ok. Can you do me a favor?

- What? Carlos' voice is a bit apprehensive.

- Give Sydney a hug for me.

- That I can do, yes. He smiles again. I know he does.

- Thank you.

- No problem. So..I guess..I'll hear you tomorrow?

- You'd better! I joke and he rewards me with a giggle.

- Ok. Talk to you then.

- Yeah. Bye.

- Bye. Sweet dreams.

- Thank you. I will. "I'll be dreaming of you!" I think as he ends our conversation.

My heart is now racing like mad. I can up on all fours then stand. Surprisingly my knees don't bend. I walk to my poster and place a gentle peck on Carlos' lips, imagining he feels my lips on his right now. Yes, it is stupid, but it is all I've got. At least until that second date.. "STOP IT!" I order myself as I pick up my purple pajamas and go into the bathroom to wash up.

The end of yet another day without Carlos. But he just made my pain bearable. Being his friend will be more than I've ever dreamed of and it will have to be enough.