And now, it is time for…

Nut Reviews.

With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool.

Tonight's review:

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King by Airnaruto45

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, there are these Nicktoons called Arnold and Aang, who're being led by a HIDEOUSLY deformed version of Sid from Hey Arnold. If you didn't see the first two fics, here's a short summary…"

"Here's an EVIL ring! Destroy it with seven companions, but DITCH 'EM halfway through the journey."

"Good idea! I'll take the bald airbender, though, 'cause he's a wuss in this series!"

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, the last king of Gondor and pimp of Hinata Hyuga!"

"Soon afterwards, Airnaruto decided he'd be happier with NaruSaku."

"I'm gonna be king, even though I'm scared of a ring that could possibly turn me into a homicide!"

"I WAS A HOMICIDE ONCE! But the police caught me and, long story short, this AIN'T community service."

"I'm Drake Darkstar, DM's flirtatious Darkside who makes out with TEN-YEAR-OLDS!"

"Then again, TL's not exactly one to criticize…"

"I'm DarkMagicianmon, wizard who gets KILLED halfway through the first movie, even though I SEEM like a main character!"

"Even though I come back as a better character in fic two."

"We're Timmy and Jimmy! Two morons who get KIDNAPPED, lost, AND separated in the course of the three fics!"

"I'm Jake Long! A guy who says EVERYONE'S name with dog at the end, and I'm this pretty-boy dragon archer!"

"Which is what you get for playing an Orlando Bloom character."

"I'm Plucky Duck! Obnoxious, hammer-wielding son of Elmer Fudd's favorite target!"

"And I'm Sasuke Uchiha! Emo traitor who tries to KILL Arnold and take the Ring…only to GET killed."

"Poor Sasuke, I wonder why people don't like him…besides the emo-traitor bit."

"Anyhoo, the SECOND fic is this…"

"Fight in a war."

"Okay, we're on fic three. Which is…"

"Fight in MULTIPLE wars to a point you can't tell who's who and stop the evil Madara Uchiha from conquering the world!"

"War, war, WAR! You could say war over and over and be quoting the LOTR trilogy PERFECTLY!"

"Arnold shoves Aang off the team after Sid convinces him HE wants the Ring."

"Why not shoot him in the balls and say he's gay? It has the same effect."

"Meanwhile, Naruto, ringaphobic soon-to-be-king, goes and recruits Gaara and his legion of DEAD guys! Jimmy goes with Might Gai and the people of Rohan and Timmy's stuck with Fugaku the nutcase in Minas Tirith."

"You'd think Airnaruto would be a bit more…CREATIVE with his names."

"Arnold gets stung by some crotchety old woman and gets carried off by Huntsman while Aang acts like a NON-wuss and goes in to save him!"

"After winning their needlessly drawn-out battles, the other heroes decide to go into a suicide mission to give Aang and Arnold some time!"

"I would've done that…except for one thing: I didn't want to."

"Long story-short, Arnold the now Ring-junkie and Aang the wuss go to the fiery mountain of death to try and destroy the ring! But, Sid gets in the way and BITES AANG'S FINGER OFF!"

"Was he a member of the Yakuza or somethin'?"

"Anyways, Arnold shoves Sid off into the BOILING LAVA LAKE OF DEATH! They get saved by DM's eagles and carted off to the Nicktoon Shire after Naruto's been crowned king."

"AND after he made-out with Hinata. Jeez, the NaruHina fans can pound a point to death."

"Then Arnold goes all depressed 'cause the Ring's gone and all. Instead of trying to deal with it, he decides to leave the country."

"Along with DM, Mickey Mouse, Ginny Weasley, and Steely Phil. They leave Aang the not-such-a-big wuss with his hot chick wife, Katara, his kids and gives him…a book."

"He could've left him ANYTHING! Diamonds, jewels, gold, silver, a bunch of strippers! But NO, he leaves him A BOOK."

"And Aang the not-such-a-big wuss goes home and…that's it."

"If THAT isn't anti-climatic then I'm REALLY Ryan Reynolds."

"Anyway, this is a good fic with tons of needlessly drawn-out fight scenes."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I'll make needlessly long fight scenes and stop calling Aang a wuss!"

With apologies to Airnaruto, Lord of the Rings fans…and Aang.

Seriously, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King was GREAT.