AN: Wow, this is kind of a long one. For me, anyways. Um, I hope you enjoy it. I hope you review it. I need you guys to make up my mind for me. I'm not sure how much I like it. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, so I hope it's good for you. The title of this chapter is Til You Feel Something and it's a song by Dropping Daylight. Pretty much, by writing this story and naming these chapters, I'm giving you guys a pretty kickass playlist. Hopefully, you're reading these ANs and listening to the songs.

Read, review, and ENJOY

"Alex, what is this?" Rory was looking at his newest painting that was still sitting on the easel in his bedroom. He walked in from the living room and looked at the painting with a critical eye before answering.

"I found the photo last week in a Hemingway book that was on the bookshelf," he answered. "I didn't know who it was until yesterday. I was going to show you when I finished it." The painting was of two people standing on a bridge holding each other; much like Jess and Rory had been holding each other the night before. She knew right away that is was, in fact, her and Jess. The original photograph was taped to the wall next to the painting.

"It's gorgeous," she breathed out. Alex walked up next to her and put his arm around her waist.

"The photo was what spoke to me. It literally fell into my lap and my creative side took over. Who took it?"

"Lane. I was late meeting her. I had promised that I would go with her while she took pictures for her photography class," Rory started to explain. She had not taken her eyes off of the painting. "She knew I was with Jess and she knew where we would be. He was practically begging me to stay with him. He had just kissed me, I think. Anyway, she snuck up on us and took the picture. Jess was so embarrassed. It wasn't long before we broke up. She gave it to me when I left for Yale, so I stuffed it in one of his books. I forgot about it."

"Why can't you just admit that he makes you crazy in all of the right ways and that last night was a good thing? Maybe that you love him."

"He's my ex-boyfriend, Alex. It's not that easy. And I do not love him. He's just Jess, you know? We have more history than this damn city."

"You love him and he loves you. Deal with it."

"I can't deal with something that doesn't exist, just like we can't talk about this anymore. We have to go to the book signing. I promised him I'd be there and you promised me you'd go with me. So, can we go?" Rory had finally looked away from the painting and the picture. "And can you please not make it awkward and say nothing about non-existent feelings of love when we get there? I made it awkward enough last night."

"I won't say anything. But I promise you, he loved every minute of it. I know that you did, too," Alex told her. She left him standing in his room while she pulled on her jacket.

"A, there's no way for you to know that. And B, we need to go. I promised him that I'd be there ten minutes ago," Rory was waiting, her forehead resting against the door.

"You sure are excited about this," Alex said when he entered the living room, putting on his sweatshirt. She turned her head and narrowed her eyes at him before walking out into the hallway.

The two friends walked on to the book store. Alex kept bringing up Rory and Jess's feelings for each other. After all, he promised that he wouldn't say anything while they were in the presence of Jess. Rory didn't want to talk about it, so she didn't. Every time that Alex brought it up she would either change the subject or ignore him completely. By the time they had reached the bookstore, she was ignoring him completely.

Jess was wrong. There was a line. There was a line out the door; barely out the door, but still. Rory was beaming with pride. Alex was bored. They could see Jess inside talking to his readers and he looked guarded.

"He doesn't seem to be enjoying this very much," Alex commented.

"He doesn't like people doting on him. He loves what he does, you can tell, he's just really shy. In a tough guy kind of way, though," Rory explained. Alex understood what she was saying, but the way she said it made him roll his eyes.

"Sweetie, what happened with you two last night?"

"I told you, it was nothing. We walked, we talked. I may have sniffed his neck and kissed him on the cheek. Nothing groundbreaking, though."

"Last night you were flipping out because you kissed him and it turns out you only kissed him on the cheek?"

"It was more like his jaw. Which may not seem like a big difference, but it's much more intimate than the cheek. That's why I was flipping out; I shouldn't have done it if I don't have feelings for him like that. I don't want to give him the wrong message and I was horrible to him the last time that we saw each other."

"Perhaps you do have feelings for him and that's why you were flipping out. I'm just saying."

"Enough, Alex. I can't have feelings for him. He's… my cousin," Rory thought this would make Alex stop. After all, it was sort of the truth.

"Oh, nonsense. Step cousins don't even really exist. He's April's cousin. He's your ex-boyfriend slash old friend. He is not your cousin, so don't try to pull that one on me," Alex's retort was more true.

Rory had never once thought of Jess as her cousin. Doula, yes; but definitely not Jess. Rory never really thought of Jess anymore. Luke brought him up every once in a while with Liz or April, but that was the extent of thinking about him; only in passing. It was strange how it was all coming back to her in a span of two days; Jess's visit to Boston and her discovery of Alex's latest piece of work. No matter how many times she had told Alex that there were no feelings on her part, she knew that seeing Jess always brought back her feelings for him.

"Please, Alex. No more talking about this, okay? I love you and I don't want to have to punch you in the face," Rory was pleading now.

"I'll drop it for now, but once you get over the initial shock I'm going to bring it up again," Alex promised. Rory didn't even know how to respond, so she just hung her head and moved forward with the rest of the line.

A few minutes later and a few steps ahead, almost reaching the door, Rory finally spoke to Alex again. "That picture in your room of Jess and I, you know how we're standing with each other?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"We were standing like that before I kissed his jaw, last night. Two people who don't have feelings for each other don't stand like they are a couple in love. I… I don't know why I felt compelled to stand there with him like that. I don't know why I felt this ridiculous urge to kiss his jaw and smell his neck. I cannot have feelings for him," she whispered harshly. She was kicking her toe into the cement and watching as Jess signed another book with a forced smile.

"Rory, sweetie, you can have feelings for him," Alex said as he put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him. "You need to live your life. You are a very successful young lady and you have everything in the world that you could possibly want. You don't put yourself into relationships. Your last two relationships were crap and you're afraid to feel like you could love someone."

"Alex, he's Jess. Do you understand that? Like, our history is long and full of pain. We are two people that are awesome at hurting each other. I feel like that's the only thing we've ever had in common. He hurt me, I hurt him. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want him to hurt me. I can't fall for him."

"Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, you know damn well that you and Jess have a lot in common. Yes, you've both been hurt by the other person. Yes, it sucks to relive it. If you feel like you should make a move, though, then you should. Forget about the past. It can't be changed. You and Jess could have a real future together and you're being too careful," Alex wasn't whispering. Alex was letting everyone around them know that Rory may very well be in love with Jess.

"Shut it, Alex. There are not many people between him and us."

"Sorry." They stood in line. Before them, there weren't many people. Behind them, there were. She was nervous to face him. She was in rambling mode, so she had no idea what kind of nonsense would spew out of her mouth once she reached him.

"I can't do this, Alex," she was whispering again. Her eyes were sad and scared.

"Rory, you need to. We're almost up and he's already attempted eye contact multiple times. You must conquer this," Alex was now whispering.

"I must conquer this? Who says that?" Rory giggled at his choice of words.

"It made you laugh and calmed you down. I know what I'm doing." Alex smiled at her and she couldn't resist returning the favor. "Three more people, then we're up."

"Yes, that seems accurate. We can do this. I can do this. I'm fine. He's just Jess. I can do this. I can, I can." By the end of her rant, Jess had finished signing a copy of his book and the line was down to two. It seemed like every step Rory took closer to him, his smile was becoming less forced and so real he couldn't hold it in. Matthew was standing behind him and he was definitely bored which was probably making Jess's job a little easier. It was like time was speeding up because before she knew it, she was standing in front of him, smiling.

"I'm glad you came," Jess said, looking up at her smiling,

"Of course I came. It's a Friday afternoon; where else would I be, work?" She asked, joking. Obviously she called out of work for a chance to be a part of this.

"Why would anyone want to be at work right now when you can stand in line with a bunch of crazy people with horrible taste in literature?" He was self-deprecating. Normally she would find it annoying, but she knew how nervous he was for his books to do well, so she just let it slide. For the first time, he looked to the left of Rory. "Hi Alex, it's nice to see you again."

"You too. You're first book was great, so I decided to join Rory on her quest for your second one," Alex replied.

"I hope you like it," Jess said. He signed a book and handed it to Alex. "You too," he said to Rory, picking one up from underneath the table. "I already left you the longest inscription once Matthew noticed the line growing."

"Thank you, Jess. I really can't wait to read this. The inscription and the book," Rory took the book gratefully and with a smile. "We should go, let you get back to your public."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks for stopping by. I probably won't see you before I leave, so it was really nice seeing you," Jess told her, completely serious.

"I'm really glad that I ran into you last night," she replied.

"Bye, Rory."

"Bye, Jess." There was nothing else to be said, so he nodded and Rory and Alex stepped away from the table and out of the store.

"You did the right thing by going today and for sticking it out. I know it was hard," Alex said.

"It wasn't so bad. He was behind a table, you know. No physical contact makes the situation ten times easier," Rory explained, laughing a little towards the end.

"Listen, I need to stop by work for a little while. I'll meet you at home, though. Go, read that inscription before I get home and do it myself," Alex announced once they reached the hotel.

"Okay. I'll see you at home," Rory kissed his cheek before they parted ways. She walked home, fingering the book. She noticed that it was longer than The Subsect and it was taking a lot for her not to open the book. She didn't want to open it until she was in the comfort of her own home. For some reason, she thought that it would be easier then, when she was alone without the prying eyes of Cambridge Street.

When Rory reached her building, she pounded through the door and into her apartment, sitting on the couch with her legs folded beneath her. She decided, though, that she would need a cup of coffee while reading this. After she brewed a cup, she took her seat on the couch again. After a few breaths, she opened the book and saw his slanted handwriting filling the entire first page. Then, she decided, she needed to read it. Even if it didn't say much, it meant a lot more than that.

Rory,

I don't really know what I should say to you in this, but I'm going to try. I'm really glad that we ran into each other. We don't see each other at all and after spending even a little bit of time with you, despite everything that's happened, I realize how much I miss you. Rory Gilmore, because of you I have done everything in my power to change and to be a better person. Two novels and zero successful relationships later, I truly believe that I can be a good person. I am not that seventeen year-old boy who was hated by everyone, except for you. I am a twenty-six year-old man with a past and I have grown from that past. I owe it all to you. Without your constant presence in my life, even if you aren't there physically, I would never have gotten to where I am today. Two people in this world have showed me the two different ways to love someone. You, Rory Gilmore, were my first love. Luke is like a father to me and I know that he has had a similar role in your life. We are two very lucky people to have him in our lives.

Lastly, I want to do something that I have never done for you. I want to apologize for the times that I let you down. I was young and I was the epitome of stupid. You changed my life the second I met you. You're a force, Gilmore; don't let anyone take that away from you.

-Jess

It wasn't his best writing. In fact, due to the crunched time and his nerves, it was some of his worst. It meant a lot to Rory, though. She had never gotten an apology from him, and secretly she had always wished for one. Sure, it was such a long time ago and they had both grown up, but he had really broken her heart. He was the first boy to ever break her heart and she had never forgotten it. Rory knew that he deserved an apology too. After reading the inscription that he had written for her, she was determined to make sure he got one.

Rory had to wait around until the book signing was over, at least. She couldn't just storm in there and apologize in front of a bunch of strangers. That definitely was not an option. So, she started the book and got lost in it almost immediately. In fact, when Alex walked into the living room, and saw her sitting there, she was completely oblivious to his sudden appearance. This was a shame, because the look on his face was priceless. No one had ever looked so triumphant in the history of the world. He had to sit next to her on the couch, and swing his legs onto her lap for her to notice his existence.

"What's up, Alex?" She asked, placing the book on her lap.

"I have a surprise for you and you better appreciate it, because I had to whore myself out to get it," he announced, smiling. He was waving a folded piece of paper in front of her face – her very confused slash amused face.

"I'm scared. What did you do?"

"I have a date with that guy who works at the front desk. You know, the one that has been asking me out for a year now."

"Why did you finally agree?" Rory asked. She was sitting up straighter now, really listening to whatever Alex had to say.

"Baby girl, in my hand I hold a very important number to a very important room. Now, you don't have to use it, but I would greatly appreciate it. I now have to go on a date with this man and I want it to be worth something."

"Just give me the paper, Alex. And if it's for whom I think it's for, I'll use it. I need to talk to him," Rory said, reaching for the paper. Alex handed it over with a smile and when she unfolded it and saw the name at the top, she too smiled. "Thank you."

"Anything for you. Can I read the inscription now?" He asked.

"Oh yeah, take it. I need to go," she handed him the book and kissed him on the forehead. Once she had thrown on her jacket, she was out the door. She practically ran to the hotel. She wasn't even sure why. He had probably just gotten out of the signing and she had no idea how she would apologize. She just knew that she had to do it and that it meant a lot to her to get there and get it done.

The paper in her hand was crumpled by the time she reached the elevator at the hotel. She didn't even need to psych herself up to press the button. She was determined, remember? It took a few minutes and she was just staring at the numbers on the paper until it reached the lobby. Room 521, fifth floor; the elevator ride shouldn't take very long. And when it finally did reach the lobby, she practically jumped in. She made sure that the doors closed to leave her alone in there, and she hoped that it didn't stop on any other floors between the first and the fifth. She needed to tackle this completely alone and she didn't want to waste any time. No one, she was alone and she was happy to be alone.

The fifth floor was looming ahead of her and she finally slowed down as she walked to his door. She stuffed the paper into her back pocket. She hoped that Matthew wasn't the one to answer, because that may have killed her buzz. She knocked and she knew that he'd check the peep hole and she was finally nervous about facing him and having to apologize. The door opened too slowly, it was definitely Jess.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe, smirking.

"I have to get something off my chest. And I have a really nosy roommate who has connections in this hotel," she explained, stepping closer to him. He just nodded and gestured for her to continue. "Thank you, for the inscription. I loved it; it was real and raw, and it meant more than you could ever imagine."

"I had to say it. After everything, I had to do it," Jess whispered and averted his eyes. Rory took another step closer to catch his attention.

"I'm so sorry, Jess," she started, and this definitely caught his attention and caused him to finally look at her. She spoke up again, not giving him a chance to say anything. "I was a huge jerk to you in Philadelphia. It was a horrible thing to do and I never wanted to hurt you. I wasn't thinking of your feelings when I did it and I'm sorry. I went to see you because I wanted to see your life and your home and who you had become. You being so perfect and this new Jess, but still so much like the Jess I had loved, made me mad at him. It made me want to hurt him and I couldn't and I ended up hurting you. And you were so right, you didn't deserve it."

It was his turn to step toward her, letting the door close behind him. "Rory, it's okay. You don't have to do this," he said, putting a hand up to stop her from continuing. She surprised him, and grabbed it with her own, intertwining their fingers.

"I did, though. You apologized to me and it meant so much. I couldn't let you leave the city without saying sorry myself."

"Thank you, then. It does mean a lot to me. I'm not going to lie to you and say that it didn't kill me, but I hurt you first. I wasn't holding a grudge," he was practically whispering.

"Neither was I," she was whispering as well. He followed her lead and held onto her other hand. "Jess, what are we doing?" He didn't answer; he just pulled her towards him and rested his forehead against hers. She looked like she was about to cry. "Jess…."

"I don't know what we're doing, Rory. But I do know that last night killed me, okay? I have never wanted to kiss you more than I did last night, but I stopped myself and I don't want to stop myself anymore."

"Then don't," she whispered. He nodded before crashing his lips to hers. She kissed him back immediately. She let go of his hands and one of hers plunged into his dark locks while the other went around his waist. He pulled her closer as well, by placing both of his arms around her back. He pulled away from the kiss and looked into her eyes for any kind of sign. They were still holding onto each other, though.

She leaned in once more and kissed him softly. The kiss was all lips and he was eager to accept it. She ended the kiss by pulling out of his grasp, but balled his shirt in her right fist. He kept his hands at his sides, completely at a loss of what to do.

"I need to go home," she said, refusing to look into his eyes. She heard his sigh and felt her hand fall from his shirt when he stepped back and leaned against his door. "No, this was a good thing. It was," she pushed.

"Then why are you running?" His voice was husky, and his breath was shaky. She was hurting him again and it was killing the both of them.

"I'm not. I'm just going home, okay? I need to process this, I'll call you, I swear. Don't look at this like I'm running away," she pleaded and he nodded. They finally looked at each other again, and she couldn't help but smile.

"What does any of this mean?" He asked now.

"Everything," she answered. He smirked and nodded, completely agreeing with her nonsense answer. He reached for her waist and kissed her one more time.

"This is all you, Rory," he said when the kiss ended. She nodded and walked away. She turned back around when she was about halfway down the hall. He was still standing there, watching her.

"This is good, Jess." He nodded again and walked back into his room. She took a breath and continued her walk to the elevator. She was alone in it again and she took her phone out from her pocket. She looked through her contacts and stopped when she reached her mother's.

When she was out of the elevator, she hit the green call button and listened to it ring. She stopped walking once she was standing outside of the hotel and listened some more.

"Babe! How are you?" Lorelai asked when she answered the phone.

"Can you pick me up at the bus station tonight?" Rory asked. "I need to see you and get out of the city for a few days."

"Of course I will. Is everything all right?" Lorelai asked, much more concerned.

"It will be. I'll call you when I'm close, okay?"

"Yeah. I love you, Rory."

"Love you too, Mom."