Lucy's POV
Loneliness is indescribable. There is no way to truly define it without using a dictionary. Loneliness is a mental game; but it's the hardest game I've ever played. That's what I feel like every time I look at the door or out the window or really, anywhere. The thing is that, there is so much to do but I lack the determination and focus to get anything done. Even just sitting around seems like more of an effort than to do something.
I glance around my room for something brainless to do. Everything is a mess and I just can't clean. But I do anyways. It's better to just clean something because you decide to clean it on your own, than having your parents hover over your shoulder. Except my parents are who knows where, and Helena and Liam really couldn't care if my room was clean. Honestly, the only person who would give me crap for cleaning something is Quinn or Logan, since I'm not on speaking terms with Nicholas.
I don't plan to talk to Nicholas. Even though he wants to talk, I don't want to talk. Just one of those problems that you wish never happened, but instead of trying to fix it, you just wish it disappeared and that everything could go back to the way it was.
I would say that I think too much but thinking too much seems like a possible yet impossible idea. See? I think too much.
Through loud music that's blasted from my room, I clean. I clean till there is nothing. Then I unpack my car, and clean again. I clean until I have completely rearranged my room. Which of course works for me because I haven't changed anything about my room since it was first assigned as my personal 'guest' room. But now I have the room as my own.
I manage to maneuver everything in the vicinity so that I have a vintage view of my room. In a way, it reminds me of an artist's dream. Cleaning and redecorating has at least made me focus on other issues. Such as my parents, Nick, Solange, the Drakes, school. Least of all do I dread thinking about school, no matter how much drama is going on, school is something I can't avoid.
School is something that just can't be taken care of. I can't pass, I can't fail, what can I do? Everyone says that it will get better but they don't know the truth. Christabel hasn't started school yet with me. Nicholas doesn't know that I struggle with school. If anything, he thinks its immature high school drama. Even though it is high school drama, its grades that tear me up the most. I try so hard to prove that I'm smart but I am not superior to the Drake's. I'm not even equal.