Title: Tears Under My Pillow
Author: aquaxeyes
Rating: T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one
Full Description: Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
I would like to thank: Princess-Anime, melis, rosebudjamie, Cloud9WithSugar, karenwalker, evaya, serenity11287, cubbiegirl84, Lady Serpentina, jean, Alex, sousie, tokyohawkgirl, Connie, kissing katexo, Kana07, JJBrowneyes, Champion of Justice, the smiley face (I can't seem to save it so I just wrote it out), kireisnowtenshi, Infinite, Mars May Bite, Signature, blackaces924, svgurl410, diamondstar1808, skye668, thundergirl88, MoonPrincess568 and MayPenguin. I usually respond to reviewers who have an account on FanFiction, but please feel free to leave a request for e-mail notifications about my updates. And thanks for all of your support!
Author's Notes: I forgot to mention in the last chapter that Usagi's and Mamoru's thoughts are only written out when they're together. That way you will be able to get the feel of where their emotions lie as they interact with each other.
To address two things.. One, I'm estimating that the full length of this story will be about ten chapters or so.. Nothing special, because this was sort of an outlet for me because I've been so engrossed with my other stories that I'm having a writer's block on them. Which leads me to Two, I'm not giving up on my other stories. I'm a quarter of a chapter done with "Boku no Kokoro", three quarters done with a new chapter for "Perfect Strangers" and half done with the chapter for "You Never Know". I think I'm just pulling blanks on those stories because.. well, it's like acting. You get so into a character that it's all-consuming and then when you break away for life it's hard to get back into it. But I promise, I'm working on wrapping those other stories up between being a full-time college student, having two part-time jobs, and volunteering.
If you have any other questions about storylines, etc. please ask in a review or message me if you have an account. I'm more than willing to respond to them. Thanks.
Part Three. Good News.
Mamoru pressed his fingers onto his eyelids, trying to rub the vision of Usagi out of his eyes to no avail. Truly his wife had bewitched him. Day and night, with or without her, her blonde hair, her cornflower blue eyes, her petite nose and her beautiful smile haunted him whenever he closed his eyes. No matter who he was with, it was her scent invading his nostrils, her soft, pale skin that he wanted to touch.
Guess that would explain this morning. One minute he was dreaming of her in his arms and the next he'd opened his eyes and she was real. Warmer than in his dreams, her eyes more vibrant, her lips so inviting and he had to taste them. And then she pulled herself out of his reach and everything went cold. He didn't know why he thought she'd let him kiss her, let that one thing lead to another. He got carried away. It was too much to ask for, that Usagi would want him anymore.
What she said to him when he joined her downstairs stunned him. It made him ask himself, "Does she know or doesn't she know?" She was so vindictive that he was starting to think that maybe she'd known all along. Ridiculous, that thought. If she had, she wouldn't have stayed with him. No, she would have left the second she found out.
Mamoru jumped when he heard someone knocking at his door. Usagi? With a hope he thought died a long time ago, he moved to the door and opened it. "Reika? What are you--"
The redhead pushed Mamoru back inside his office and closed the door behind them. He swallowed thickly, hoping this wasn't going where he thought it was going. She was, after all, wearing a black dress that clung to her every curve and a thick layer of perfume. But when he finally got a good view of her face, he was relieved. Reika looked more stern than turned on. "We need to talk," she said and stepped past him to sit on one of his leather seats.
Mamoru raised an eyebrow at her seated form. Talk was something they couldn't do without getting naked. Given how serious Reika looked, it didn't seem like it would happen, but still.. He cleared his throat. "About?"
"I'm pregnant," she bit out.
"What?" Mamoru didn't mean for that to come out so rude, but he couldn't help himself. Disbelief, riddled with anger, had that effect on him. Gravity suddenly started to rain down on him as he gave her statement more thought. Reika, pregnant? They'd used protection every single time since the first time, so it seemed impossible to believe what she'd said.
"You heard me," she snapped, hurt.
"Sorry," he quickly said, guilty that he reacted so harshly. "It's just.. Well, I.. How far along?"
Reika actually smiled. "It's okay. It's not yours. It's Motoki's."
She looked so certain, but he had to ask. "Are you sure?"
She nodded, handing him a piece of paper he didn't see her holding when she walked in. "It says my baby was conceived six weeks ago. Motoki and I were on vacation then."
Mamoru scanned the printed doctor's analysis and the boulder on his shoulders was instantly lifted. He felt horrible that he felt such relief. It was like barely getting a hand out of the proverbial cookie jar right before someone else walked in.
It wasn't his baby, he had to remind himself of that. Then and only then was he able to stop thinking about how close he came to really losing Usagi. He bent to Reika's side and tenderly took her hand. "Congratulations. You and Motoki will make great parents." He said it with all the conviction he could muster.
Reika placed a hand on his cheek lovingly. "You understand what this means for us?"
He nodded, turning his head so that he could kiss her open palm. "In a way I'm kind of relieved."
The redhead laughed, holding his face again. "Me, too. I love Motoki and.. I care a lot about Usagi." She bit her lip, staring straight into Mamoru's eyes before adding, "She's a remarkable woman."
Mamoru knew it took a lot for Reika to say that. It had become increasingly hard for her to save face in front of Usagi when the four of them were together. Reika admired Usagi, and she didn't want to hurt her. It was Mamoru that had been the one who kept convincing her to continue their affair. Him and his selfish wants. How he was glad that Reika's pregnancy had saved them both.
They chatted for a while longer before Reika said she had to go. As he walked her to the door, she turned to face him once more. "You know," she said, "I would have had an abortion had this child been yours." That stung, but he knew as well as Reika that he would have wanted that. There was no way he was going to own up to Usagi and Motoki. No way that he could hurt them both.
Reika said goodbye and left his office, probably for the last time. Mamoru walked back to his desk and sat there in complete stillness for a few minutes.
Reika would have been willing to do what was necessary to keep things secret, but could he honestly say that for Michiru or Ami? Mamoru's mind cleared as he thought of the third woman he had taken up in a moment of desperation. Mizuno Ami, one of the doctor's in the rehabilition unit of the hospital. She was kind and patient to all of her patients, and had the smallest crush on him. He could tell and for the most part ignored it, until one day, both Reika and Michiru weren't answering his calls..
Mamoru balled his hand into a fist and clenched until he swore all the blood had drained from it. This was it. Reika was too close a call. If he wanted to make sure Usagi could never leave him, he'd have to end it with Michiru and Ami.
Reaching for his phone, he dug through his memory bank for Michiru's number. Within seconds the number was dialed and the earpiece was ringing. Michiru picked up after the third ring.
"It's Mamoru," he said.
Immediately, Michiru replied with, "Haruka's back in town."
Surprise flooded through him. Tenou Haruka was Michiru's boyfriend. He was also an international car racer who was always out of the country for some reason or another. When Michiru showed up at the hospital with Haruka's little sister for a consultation, Mamoru was instantly drawn to her. They got together whenever Haruka was gone and would take a break from each other when he returned. Which was why Mamoru was confused. Haruka wasn't supposed to be back for two more weeks. "For how long?"
"Two months. The season's over," Michiru explained.
Mamoru raised an eyebrow. This was working better than he thought. "I called because I'm done."
There was silence on the other line. "Is there a reason why?"
Mamoru took a deep breath. "Because I can't risk you accidently becoming pregnant. Trust me, Michiru-san, it's nothing personal. I just don't think that I could do that to you."
Again, there was a long pause. "Wasn't that why we were getting together in the first place?"
If Mamoru had been standing, he would have fallen over. But he was sitting, forced to take in what she was saying. "No, Michiru-san, I wasn't trying to get you pregnant. What the fuck would Haruka-san think?"
She snorted uncharacteristically. "Haruka would wonder what we were doing while she was gone."
"Sh--She?!" Mamoru practically bellowed.
"Yes, Haruka is a fucking woman, Mamoru-san."
Mamoru felt his chest constricting. Dear God, Michiru was a lesbian--bi-sexual--whatever. It wouldn't have mattered to him, save for the fact that she and her girlfriend were using Mamoru like a sperm donor! "You're not pregnant, are you?"
"No," Michiru said harshly, "And it's making me wonder if maybe it's you."
Mamoru shook his head in disbelief. How could he have been that stupid? He could kick himself for being so careless. "Goodbye, Michiru-san," he said, and hung up.
He didn't know how long he sat there with his head buried in his hands, but when he finally looked up, he was quite resolute. If Michiru was as crazy as to believe he could give her and Haruka a child, what on earth would Ami be thinking? He didn't know that much about Michiru and knew even less about Ami. "This is what I get for sneaking around on you, Usako," he muttered, shaking his head.
He got up. There was no way he could get any work done, not with these horrible thoughts running through his head, about what kind of psycho Ami might turn out to be and how it would destroy Usagi. What he needed to do now was find Ami and end things before they went too far.
Mamoru's palms were sweaty as he walked through the busy hallway on the third floor of the hospital. He could hear the sounds of men, women and children interacting with their nurses and doctors, trying to recuperate from some sort of accident. He couldn't help peering through some of those doors and saw a woman with an amputated leg, a child with a cast around both his ankles.. Jaw clenched, he saw their suffering. Immediately he thought of Usagi.
Though he had never laid a hand on her in an abusive way, he had hurt her on something deeper than the physical level. He knew when she told him about her father's death that he should have been there to comfort her, but the man had never liked him. He insulted Mamoru's family and continued to try and set other men up with Usagi. She was never swayed, yes, but Mamoru lost all respect for her father.
To add to that, he had just been promoted. His superiors were expecting all sorts of great things out of him. He had to put one hundred and ten percent into everything, or he would lose his spot as chief neurosurgeon probably indefinitely.
It was that choice that ruined everything. It came down to his heart or his career, and boy, did he regret what he chose now. He could have opened up his own medical office, he could've been happy with the prestige he already had, but instead he had to have more. Maybe he thought he was doing Usagi the favor, too, since he thought she would be the proudest of him. Instead, she'd withdrawn from him and put all she had into her work. That was a bite in the ass, but it wasn't like he was going to complain that his wife did exactly what he did when the opportunity struck.
Mamoru didn't have a missing leg or a pair of broken feet. The thought of comparing his pain to those patients was preposterous. No, he was missing something immaterial.
He took two more steps and turned into the next room. And walked into Ami comforting a young boy who was leaning on her arm and covering his left hand. Mamoru halted, watching as the boy looked down and slowly let go of his hand, revealing the prosthetic thumb and index finger he now had. He was looking up at Ami with such heartbreakingly hopeful eyes and asked, "You promise?"
Ami nodded. "When you learn how to operate those two, you'll be playing baseball again in no time." She looked up as she finished that sentence, like she was acknowledging Mamoru for the first time since he stumbled upon them. "Ah, Doctor Chiba," she said, giving him a kind smile that lit up her entire face.
"Doctor Mizuno," he greeted. He gave the boy a polite nod. "Who do we have here?"
Through further discussion he found that the boy's name was Ryuu and that he lost his two fingers to a neighbor's rabid dog while rescuing a baseball in his backyard. The dog had chased him into a corner and viciously bit at his hand. Luckily, Ryuu was wearing a baseball glove, or he would've lost his entire hand.
Mamoru wanted to shake his head at the injustice. Ryuu would have to learn how to eat, how to write, how to play his favorite sports all over again. Those weren't things an eight-year-old should have to worry about. However, Ryuu didn't seem to be that scared, especially after spending time with Ami.
The boy's mother came to pick him up, and soon enough, Mamoru was alone with the blue-eyed bluenette. He always found it strange that she had unnaturally blue hair. It was so uncharacteristic of her. Maybe she did it so that her patients wouldn't be rigid around her? Then again, Ami didn't exactly follow the rules. That was what Mamoru commented on first. "You know we're not supposed to encourage our patients like that, Doctor Mizuno. That may or may not give them false hope, which we could be liable for should something go wrong."
Ami looked stubborn. "Ryuu-chan's parents were given quite a hefty allowance. Thanks to their neighbor's insurance company, Ryuu-chan was given our top equipment. I doubt telling him he'd be able to play baseball again would be anything more than fact."
Mamoru tried and failed to hide a smile. He shrugged in concession. "When you're right, you're right."
Ami's smile widened, but she hesitated to say more. Eventually, she asked, "I take it you're here on a personal note?"
He nodded, feeling dread sink into his bones. Breaking it off with Ami would be difficult, he knew it. When he and Reika got together, it was spontaneous. With Michiru, they were sexually attracted--and Michiru had her own agenda. But Ami liked him, respected him in a different way than Reika and Michiru, and turning on her would cause her a lot of pain.
It had to be done, of course. Otherwise he would cause Usagi pain, and Usagi he loved. With that in mind, he said, "Whatever it is between us, it has to stop."
Ami looked indifferent, but her blue-gray eyes were filled with unshed tears. "What made you come to this decision, Mamo-chan?"
He wanted to look away, but she needed him to see her as he told her the truth. "I'm married. And I want it to stay that way."
Ami already knew Mamoru had a wife, but this was the first time he expressed any kind of devotion to her. Yet all she said was, "I see." She stood up and spaced herself from Mamoru, angling herself so that he almost couldn't see her face.
Mamoru realized it pained her to have to be so polite, especially when he was hurting her feelings. "I'm sorry. Really sorry, Ami-san. I feel like I took advantage of you. I shouldn't have. It was unprofessional, not to mention immoral of me, and I--"
"Mamo-chan, please," Ami said, cutting him off. "Don't apologize."
She looked like she was about to faint. He wanted to go over to her and give her a hug, but he couldn't risk giving her false hope. He just couldn't. So he stayed away and watched her as she tried to rein in her feelings.
After a considerable amount of time passed, she was able to meet his eyes again. "I hope you work things out with your wife," she said, and quickly excused herself.
He stood there, wondering if he should run after her, make sure she was okay. Maybe ask if they could still be friends. Of course, that would be impossible. Asking that of her was asking too much. He had been selfish enough.
Then it hit him. He was free. He had ended things with each woman he'd gotten involved with, and he was finally free. He was too guilty to smile, but he was relieved beyond measure. He would go back to his office, see his last two appointments and wrap up the paperwork and go home on time. For the first time in a year he was looking forward to it.
End Part Three.
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