Chapter 3 – Plaguing Doubts

Hermione gasped. She couldn't believe it. Ron in an abandoned classroom, making out, with…Malfoy! Blinking furiously she leapt away from the room and dashed down the hallway trying to get the sounds out of her head. Oh why did she have to follow Ron to try and talk to him? Why couldn't she have left it till later? Still running, she didn't even know where she was heading until she saw the Fat Lady. Ignoring the questions she panted the password and clambered into the Common Room, trying to control her breathing as she flung herself into an empty chair by the fire. Wow. What? Her mind still tried to reason itself out of the inevitable conclusion. Ron. With Draco. Those sounds. She shuddered. What…how? Oh, she'd only wanted to talk to Ron, she hadn't known she'd witness…that. Her hands tried to distract her mind by pulling out some books and opening one on her lap though her eyes refused to cooperate, staring into the fire vacantly. The flames flickered together and apart snaking upwards and jumping down again, reds melting into oranges changing to yellow and then black. What was this thing Ron was doing and what did it mean for him and Harry?

"Hermione? What's wrong?" Jerking out of her thoughts, Hermione felt panic as she saw that flaming head of hair on top of worried blue eyes. She couldn't look him in the eye, cheeks blushing fiercely. That had certainly been a quicky. Her stomach squirmed and she knew she had to get it straight in her head so she plunged right in.

"I know." He missed the weight of her tone, eyebrows raised and a grin on his face.

"Everything? Yeah, I know." He settled into the seat next to hers and held his bag in his lap, waiting for her to explain, which she did haltingly.

"No, I know about you and…" She trailed off, unable to continue, hand clenching the arm rest tightly. Ron had already paled, assuming the worst and reluctantly she confirmed it, whispering. "Malfoy." They both shuddered, Ron as red as Hermione. They looked at the floor between them, in awkward dragging silence. Then Ron sighed and unable to further bite her lip she blurted under her breath. "What were you thinking?" Looking around him at the other people in the Common room, Ron stood and beckoned, leading Hermione up to his dorm. They both sat on his bed and after briefly looking at Harry's bed, Ron turned to Hermione and tried to explain.

"It's…well it's…" The silence weighed heavily on them again, amplifying their breaths and the scratch as Ron fiddled with the strap of his bag. "It's not anything really. Well, it's something it's…" He sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat. "It's just a 'fling'." Hermione shook her head as if to un-hear the confirmation of her suspicion, there was no way…they were sworn enemies!

"A fling? With Draco Mal-" A strangled noise from his throat stopped her incredulous rant. Doing it was bad enough he didn't want to hear it out loud; especially not from Hermione of all people. Oh Gods, she must think he's sick. He turned to her slightly, voice low and shaky.

"Look, I know it's not…it's…I shouldn't be doing it. But-" Looking at Harry's bed he sighed and through her condemning silence told her the bare truth. "It helps me forget about…about Harry." He chanced a look up to her face and saw her expression frozen in the stirrings of horror before her eyebrows lowered and her mouth closed. He sighed, closing his eyes to accept his exile. "I just want to feel wanted." Hermione's eyes softened completely and she pulled her friend into a fierce hug, half-crying.

"Oh Ron!" Relieved both at her sympathy and to have finally told his most shameful secret, Ron let out a choked sob, wrapping his arms around her small frame finding immeasurable comfort in her embrace. Hermione closed her eyes, fighting the tears that were wearing down her thin defences. She would not cry, she would not cry. Ever since Pavarti and Lavender had both started going out with guys she'd been looking around wondering what it was that stopped her from getting any offers. She tried not to think about silly things like that but hearing Ron almost whisper his same desire for love she realised, it wasn't childish to be wanted. It was painful to be left unwanted, to be passed over for someone else. In that moment, she would have accepted anything Ron had done to escape that aching pain, she would have forgiven him anything.

Malfoy. Harry shifted his bag higher on his shoulder, feeling a little warier around his nemesis without his best friend as back up. But then again, the Slytherin was on his own as well. If there was a fight, Harry was fairly confident he could take the little slime ball. The blond saw him too as they approached each other in the corridor and Harry tried to ignore him but was frozen by a calculated sneer.

"Where's your boyfriend Potter?" Flinching, Harry's mind went blank in shock. How did he…? Did he really know? Coughing slightly he glared back and snorted, trying to act like he wouldn't even respond to such a weak jab. "Trouble in paradise?" He carried on walking and didn't hear Malfoy follow him. Turning a corner his shoulders collapsed down in the release of tension and he ran a shaky hand through his hair. Malfoy didn't know anything. He had just thrown out a random insult, he had no idea that he'd hit a weak point. Still feeling nervous, Harry raced to the Gryffindor tower, his stomach dropping further with each step.

Sitting in the Common Room after a good cry with Ron, Hermione was deep in thought. A familiar voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she looked up to see little white teeth biting a rosy lip.

"Here, come upstairs with me." Very aware of the similarity to the other confessional tone she'd heard earlier, Hermione wondered what Ginny would divulge. Once settled, Ginny rubbed her neck and said distractedly.

"I just…I just don't know what it is." Hermione frowned, lost. Seeing this, the red-head breathed deeply, now focused. "I don't know if what I have with Harry is just us being together, or us being friends with, added stuff." Now understanding, Hermione wasn't sure what to think, her mind still trying to cope with Ron's love life. She decided to try a technique she'd overheard the other girls in her dorm using.

"Well, think about Harry, picture him in your mind. Got it?" Ginny closed her head, paused and then nodded. "How would you describe him?" -

"Quiet, well, quieter than the other guys I know…Erm, thoughtful, and awkward in a cute way…" She frowned. "He's really quiet actually, thinking about it." Without opening her eyes, she went on. "Lately we don't talk about much, I talk and he kind of just sits there nodding and I know he's not concentrating, he's thinking about Quidditch or Ron." The brown-eyed girl was suddenly alert.

"Ron?" Opening her eyes, the red-head looked at her friend, looking annoyed and exasperated.

"I don't know what is going on with them, but something is definitely happening, it's so annoying! I just want Harry to pay attention to me everyone once and a while!"

"Ginny, come on it's not like he ignores you!" -

"Well, okay so he doesn't 'ignore' me, but I just don't feel like it's enough anymore." She breathed out and shrugged, fiddling with a loose thread on her jumper. Aware that she had the happiness of several people in her slender hands, Hermione chose her words carefully.

"It sounds like you need to talk to him and figure out what's best for the both of you, what you both really want." Nodding, Ginny looked up and gave a gentle, thankful smile and as Hermione left, she had her fingers firmly crossed.

He found Ron alone in the dormitory, lounging on his bed reading the Quidditch Weekly. His relaxed pose only irritated an already hysterical Harry. Panic written all over his face, he almost leapt at his reclining friend yelling.

"What did you say? Who did you tell?" At this commotion Ron sat up, confused and concerned.

"What are you talking about?" Harry didn't take his eyes off his best friend's face as he hissed.

"Malfoy!"Ron flinched. Harry saw. For a moment, they were trapped in each other's shock before panic took over and Harry began pacing erratically as Ron spluttered.

"Harry, I-"

"You told him didn't you?"

"No, I swear I haven't said anything to anyone!" Ron's stomach twisted slightly as he thought of Hermione, but pushed it away, she didn't count, he needed to tell her, he needed to let it all out to someone. Harry didn't stop pacing, Ron left stunned on his bed, caught between being indignant and afraid as he tried to decipher his friend's fierce mutters and interject. Finally Harry snorted dismissively and flung himself into bed. Ron stared, hurt, as his love pulled his curtains shut abruptly and twisted his mouth as he did the same; tired and angry and incalculably sad.