Kureno Bird Brains: Inside His Mental Mind

by Neptune Fairy

What the heck? Who would ever guess that such a well mannered guy as Kureno would be a flat out weird, perverted lying scum? Beats me. Click above to see what goes on in this strange birdy's head...part of the 'Inside the Sick Mind of' series. r&r!

3. Akito ate my 7th Cousin

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket. Durrrr.

Hello. Today was very b-o-r-i-n-g. But hey, like you care. Another update, whooo!

Akito ate my 7th cousin thrice removed.

And then she ate my brother.

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"Oooh, Kureno, look! I'm eating one of your distant cousins!"

"GASP"

"Oh, yes! And your brother's a.s.s isn't too bad, either!"

"Eep!"

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Bi-atch.

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I couldn't take it anymore. I had to find out what happened in all the grocery stores down the street. I never get out much anyway.

I saw a Vons!

So I went over and into the poultry isle singing "LA DEE DA DEE DAH HMMHMMHMMMM"

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"(GASP) No! It can't be! MY FAMILY HAS BEEN ROASTED! SISTER! UNCLE! GRANDMA! WH.ORE-BI.TCH AUNT! NOOOO!"

"(People in store shoot dramatic stares)"

"What? Will you show some freaking concern here?"

-

…Wait a second…

(grabs self )

I'm in danger of becoming POT ROAST!

NOOOO!

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"Pot roast? Ooh, yummy-yum-yum, goody-goody-gumdrops! (does a dance)"

"Shutup Hatori homie."

"…(sad)"

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EVERYONE. IS. AGAINST ME.

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AAAANGST!

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Jiyfghdsafiuteot86745.

Hgatsf.

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Haha. Bet you can't decode that. I rock. MUA. HAAA. HAAAAAAAA.

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Does Tohru know she's the hottest sl.ut on the planet?

When I see her in her high school uniform skirt, it turns me on…it turns…me…on…

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"Kureno!"

"What now, Kisa? You ate my FATHER?"

"No, Kureno, you're masturbating on top of me, you serial rapist man-bi.tch!"

"…Dammit."

"I'm telling on you!"

"Telling who?"

"HIRO"

"…(runs)"

"(Hiro runs after)"

"(Gets kicked in the balls)"

"Hahahaha TURKEY"

"LIESSS"

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Turkey is the most emo nickname anyone can give me.

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It's so…emo.

-

So today I tried to stick a train up my pants and tell Uo it was something else.

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"Hey, Kureno! Is that a TRAIN!"

"Haha, no, Arisa! IT'S MY DI-"

"Hey you! Over there! You stole that from my TRAIN station!"

"…(runs)"

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Have you noticed how everyone here says TRAIN in caps?

Hells yeah.

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TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN.

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Yeah. I like that.

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"Haha Kureno! I ate your sister's TOES"

"TOES WTF DIE (electrocutes)"

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That's it.

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I don't care what anyone else says or does, BECAUSE…

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I'm eating an EGG.

Gasp!

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"(cooks egg for breakfast and puts on plate)"

"(Rin walks in)"

"(takes his first bite)"

"Um, Kureno, I think that's your nephew…"

"(Eats more intensely)"

"…"

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Yep.

Best. Breakfast. Ever.

-

Ooh! Are those Ren's BOOBS? (runs over)

A/N

Pervyness to da maxness.

…Review?

Neptune