Welcome back to the final installment of No More!
If you've made it this far, you must be a glutton for punishment, just like me. I admire your dedication. Thank you again to those of you who left a review, your support and feedback are greatly appreciated. Speaking of reviews:
speedermeen- thank you for the enthusiasm, I hope you managed to stop screaming in the last few days.
Usiel21- I started this with the hope that I could give it a happy ending, but I try to go in the most realistic route with my writing, and I just couldn't picture Mike ever being able to come to terms with El actually dying.
darthstormer- just imagine the feels I had while writing this. I don't cry often, and I had to put my laptop down more than once so I wouldn't get it wet. My mind scares me sometimes, especially when it creates things like this.
AliKattt-I tried my best to go in a separate direction, and I'm glad you like the journal idea.
Supernova8812- I'm glad you like the story enough to analyze the differences between mine and The World Stopped. I'll recommend reading something happy along with them to regain some feels. As for Dr. Owens' questionable methods, it's a legitimate counseling approach(according to my research at least) that is used to build two-way understanding in difficult cases.
KeepCalmandLoveStrangerThings- thank you for your appreciation. I don't know about my writing this better, it's just a different take on the same concept. I will always have a weird love/hate for The World Stopped and its sequel because I love reading them, but they're just so sad. Thanks for the feedback and support
Sorry if those took a while to read, I just really like to respond to my readers. As a forewarning, I haven't proofread most of this, and I can't say I remember much of what I wrote. I put this entire story together in a morning, and then swore not to edit it ever again because it makes me too sad.
Without further ado, grab your tissues, and enjoy the inner thoughts of Mike Wheeler...
Mike's Journal
November 10
Day 8
Hi El,
I miss you so much, it feels like I can't breathe sometimes. We had your funeral on Wednesday, November 7th, the day we first met. We were all there for it, even Dr. Owens came. Mom said I should bring flowers, but I knew you didn't want them, so I brought you another box of Eggos, your favorite. Nancy says I should start seeing Dr. Owens to help with all of this, but they don't understand. Nothing is going to make this better.
I wish I'd gotten to tell you that I love you before it happened. I hope that, wherever you are right now, you know how much I love you, now and forever.
December 5
Day 33
I got in another fight with Troy today, but this time I won. He started making fun of you, so I beat his face in. I don't think he's going to try to bully us anymore after that, but if he does I'll actually kill him this time. I was suspended for it though, so my mom and dad aren't happy. They just don't understand, they never knew you. Nancy is still making me see Dr. Owens, but he doesn't help. He says he 'understands', just like everyone else, but they don't. They didn't know you like I did, they didn't love you the way I did.
December 15
Day 43
Tonight was the Snowball. I didn't go, but the others decided to see what it's like. I didn't want to go if it wasn't with you, I promised to take you after all. Do you remember what I told you about it? The big cheesy dance in the gym at school, with bad snacks, pictures, and decorations? I know you would have looked beautiful for it, you always looked beautiful. I don't know how you could make being covered in dirt, with ripped clothes and a nosebleed, look beautiful, but you always did. You'd have been the most beautiful girl there.
I miss you so much. If there is somewhere you go when you die, I hope you're in the best place. You deserve it, a thousand times over.
December 25
Day 53
Today was Christmas. The only thing I was wishing for was that this would all be a terrible dream, but it just keeps going. Mom got mad when I didn't want to spend time with them today, even when our other relatives came over. One of my cousins tried to mess with your blanket fort, but I stopped him. Mom got mad at me for that too, but I don't care. Sometimes it still feels like you're around when I sit in there. If you're out there at all, even as a ghost or something, please just give me a sign. I'll bring the supercom every night, just like before.
January 3
Day 62
It was back to school after winter break today. Everyone was talking about what they did over break, like vacation and the presents they got. They don't even know what you did for them, what you sacrificed for them to do that. Troy looked like he wanted to start something too, but I scared him off. If you were here he wouldn't have dreamed of picking on us again, not after you broke his arm. I'm still calling you every night on the Supercom, so if you're out there, please pick up.
January 19
Day 78
I never got to tell you when my birthday was, it just didn't seem so important back then. I'm fourteen as of today, and the party came over to celebrate. We watched a bunch of movies, and I beat Dustin at Dragon Chess for the millionth time. I really wish you were here to celebrate with us.
February 14
Day 104
It's days like today that hurt the most. It's supposed to be all about love, so the only thing I can think about is you. I planned a whole date out for us, though. I bought you a bunch of flowers, eleven roses, and a box of Eggos. I even made a little Eggo pendant for a necklace. The whole date didn't really go as planned, but it doesn't matter. I still got to spend a few hours with you at your grave before Nancy and Jonathan made me leave. They keep saying they understand, but they've been saying that for months now. None of them knows how I feel. If you were here you would understand, but then again, if you were here I wouldn't be feeling this way in the first place.
February 17
Day 107
I started going to church today. I know it sounds stupid, but I saw it in a bunch of movies, so I thought I'd try it. It doesn't seem so bad. If they're getting things right, that means you're in heaven right now, which you deserve more than anyone. Maybe someday we can be together there...
March 10
Day 128
I've got a bunch of things to tell you about today. I started doing the whole Youth Ministry thing at the church, which is basically a group of people younger than eighteen that do weird religious games and community service. Other than that I'm going to be volunteering with the preschoolers and kindergartners after school. I even bought a cross necklace so that God can see what I'm doing all the time. Maybe he'll finally grant my wish and let this all be a dream.
March 22
Day 140
It was Will's birthday today, so I'm writing this at his house instead of in the fort. The others went home after the party because their parents had other plans for the weekend, but I don't have anything going on until Sunday. Normally I sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag, but the heat stopped working after the party, so Will and I are sharing the bed to stay warm. I never realized how small he really is until he was right next to me. And I never knew he was always so cold, you would think it was below freezing outside. I just hope it's not a side effect from the Mind Flayer, so I'll do my best to keep him warm.
April 12
Day 161
Spring Break started today. It's basically just a week in the middle of April when you don't have school. The party wants to go to the arcade every day, but I'm actually going on a retreat with the Youth Ministry for a couple of days at the end of the week. They just don't seem to realize how important God can be in their lives. I won't be in the fort for a few days, but I'll bring the Supercom with me so I can keep calling. If you're out there, answer if you can.
May 17
Day 196
It was Dustin's birthday today. We played a whole bunch of video games and watched movies, and his mom put out the best party spread I've ever seen. I wish you could have been there, you probably would have been really good at video games after some practice.
June 14
Day 224
Today was the last day of school, which means I'll have a lot more free time. I won't have any schoolwork to worry about, and half of my volunteering is going away until next year. I've been visiting you as often as I can this year, but now I'll be able to come more often.
July 4
Day 244
It was the 4th of July today. I guess you probably never learned what that was, but there are always a bunch of fireworks. They're really cool to watch, and you can see them from almost anywhere in town. The party went to the park where they were actually happening, but I wanted to watch with you, so I brought you some more Eggos to share. I hope they have fireworks in heaven, so we can watch them together, someday.
July 29
Day 269
The party left for a beach trip today, something to do before all the back-to-school stuff starts. Joyce managed to convince Hopper to come with us, but he still isn't doing too well. You can smell alcohol around him whenever you see him, and we're pretty sure he's back to abusing his antidepressants again. We still miss you so much. You never got to go to a beach and swim before, or build sandcastles. I'm sure Heaven has beaches somewhere, so we can go together when we see each other again.
August 13
Day 284
It's officially back to school season now, so mom is making us all get new school clothes. You never cared what I was wearing, and I wish mom could be the same way. It's going to be weird starting at Hawkins High in the fall, and I really wish you were here to start with us. I'll make sure to tell you all about it.
September 4
Day 306
Today was the first day of school. It's not terrible so far, but the upperclassmen keep giving the party weird looks. I really hope they don't try to cause trouble. Still missing you every day, I love you.
September 17
Day 319
It's been getting worse and worse at the high school since we started. The stupid upperclassmen keep picking on Will because they think he's gay. I've gotten in three fights with them already when they tried to give him swirlies, but it's worth it for him. I wish you two could have gotten to know each other, you're a lot alike. Don't worry about me though, I'll keep the party safe.
September 28
Day 330
Today was Lucas' birthday. He and Max finally became an official couple. You didn't get the chance to know Max either, but she's okay. She could never take your place in the party, but she's a nice person, and she's not afraid to get her hands dirty when the upperclassmen are being assholes. I've still been calling every night, so if you hear any of the messages, please respond. I'll stop by your grave again tomorrow with more Eggos.
October 1
Day 333
I got suspended again today for fighting. The upperclassmen were trying to give Will a swirly in a full toilet though, what was I supposed to do? Of course, mom and dad didn't understand that. They wouldn't understand if it walked up to them and bit them in the ass. And even when I tried to explain it to them, dad got really mad and slapped me. I'm not sure if it's really worth trying with everyone anymore, the only ones still giving me a real chance are Will and Nancy.
October 5
Day 336
Mom and dad announced that they're getting a divorce. Dad moved out right after that, and mom won't give us any explanation. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, our family's been falling apart for a long time now. You'd understand if you were still here, or at least you'd try. You always tried with everything, no matter what, you never gave up. I don't know if I can keep trying though, it's all starting to be too much to deal with. I can feel the pressure in my chest coming back again, just like it was right after you died. If you're out there, please help me. You're the only one I know strong enough to get through all of this.
October 18
Day 350
The party made plans for Halloween this year. The theme is supposed to be our characters from D&D, so I would be going as a paladin. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to go though, it just doesn't feel right without you there as our mage. Nothing seems to feel right these days, then again, nothing's felt right since last November. It's been almost three hundred fifty three days again, and the pressure in my chest is definitely back again. It hurts to breathe sometimes, and the nightmares have been getting worse again. We might be together again sooner than I thought.
October 22
Day 353
This will probably be my last journal entry. I gave calling you one last shot, but still no answer. Unless something happens between now and when I finish this entry, I'll be seeing you really soon.
I guess I should say some goodbyes, that's what they do in the movies, right? I know it's been a tough year for everyone, mostly because of me, but I hope you guys will read your parts at some point. Consider this the last will and testament of Michael Wheeler.
Nancy, I can't thank you enough times. You never gave up on me this year, no matter how many times I've given up on myself. Every Saturday when you dragged me to see Dr. Owens I resented you for it, but it was more than anyone else was trying to do. Whatever happens, don't blame yourself. You were the best older sister anyone could ever asked for, and don't let anyone ever tell you differently. Holly's going to need someone like you in her life, so just keep doing what you've always done for us. I love you, no matter what.
Mom, I know if you read the rest of this journal you'll think this was your fault. We haven't been on the best terms for a long time now, a lot of which is my fault. I don't want you to blame yourself either, this was my decision, and it's one I've been trying to put off for a long time now. I just can't do it anymore, which isn't your fault. I hope you and dad can work things out between you, for Holly's sake. Don't forget that I love you.
Holly, it might be a long time before you can read this, but I hope mom lets you see it someday. I guess I won't get to see you grow up anymore as your big brother, but I know you'll do just fine. Make sure you listen to mom and Nancy, they're smart people, but don't forget to listen to yourself too. I had so much fun getting to spend time with you during the after-school programs last year, and I hope you can still remember them when you read this. You were a perfect little lighthouse for me this year; you never expected anything from me but to be your big brother, and it really helped on some of the worst days. Never forget that. I'll always be watching out for you, wherever I end up, and I love you so much.
Will, you were the first friend I ever made. By now you're more like my brother than my friend, so I wanted to put you up with the rest of my family. You're the nicest, most caring, and considerate person I've ever known. It really helped to know that you could understand some of what I was going through this year, and I hope you know that. Don't let the bullies at school get to you, they're just a bunch of mouthbreathers. You're Will the Wise, and you can do amazing things, ones that nobody else could ever do. Never forget that you were my brother, and I love you like one.
P.S: I want you to have my D&D stuff, all of it. There's a new campaign that I wrote in my notebook for you guys, and I want you guys to enjoy it, even if I'm not there. You're always the one to get us to work together, so I hope you can keep the party together and having fun.
Lucas, you're my best friend. I know we had our differences a couple times, but we always managed to stay friends. This year hasn't been great between us, but I'm happy that you finally got enough spine to get Max to be your girlfriend. You were always the more rational one between us, so I leave protecting the party to you, and I know you'll be great at it. No matter what, don't let everyone fall apart after this. You were like a brother to me too, so I hope you know how I feel writing this.
Dustin, I know we didn't meet until the fourth grade, but that doesn't mean you were any less one of my best friends. Even when I was at my lowest, I could always count on you to come in with a joke, even a bad one. I hope you can try to cheer everyone up after this, if anyone can do it, it's going to be you. There are so many things that I can't put into words for this, the things that really matter. Don't think that you're any less of a brother to me either, you were one of the best.
Max, we haven't known each other very long, and I haven't exactly been the greatest person during that time. I'm sorry for everything that happened between us, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You're an amazing person, and you're never afraid to get right into the middle of something. Lucas is going to need your help protecting the party, I know I did. I'm sure if I was in a better place this last year we could have become great friends, but as it stands, I'm still really glad I got to know you. I want you to have my Supercom. As an official party member you need to have one of your own, so take mine. It's the least I can do.
Mrs. Byers, you were as good as a second mother to me. You never said no when I asked to stay over, even when it was probably super inconvenient. Even with all the weird stuff that happened, you never stopped caring about us like your own kids. I can't ever say thank you enough for everything you've done for me, but I hope you know that I love you like family.
Jonathan, you were as much an older brother for me as Will sometimes. You taught us how to play D&D, and even when you stopped playing you always wanted to know how it was going. I hope you get to go to NYU after this year, you'll be the world's greatest photographer in no time. I'm sure of it.
Steve, we never really got along. You were always the 'Mr. Popular' dating my sister, but I'm glad you stuck around for everything that happened. You and your nail bat will always have a special place in my mind, so thanks for keeping us safe on our special mission last year. I don't really know you very well beyond that, so I'll just say good luck with whatever you do in the future.
Hopper, we ended up being more alike than I'd like to admit. We both fell apart after El died, which probably wasn't the greatest way to remember her. I hope you can get back to the person you were when she was still around, no matter how much we didn't like each other, he's a lot better than who you are now. We never really did talk about the year you were hiding her. I can't say I'm not still mad about it, but at least it kept her alive that long. If it meant that she would still be alive, I'd rather you still be hiding her away. At least try to get better, if not for yourself than for her memory. She didn't die for this.
El, you have been the love of my life since the moment we met in the woods. There hasn't been a day that goes by without me missing you, or thinking about you. Ever since you died I've had an empty feeling in my soul, and it won't get smaller or go away no matter what I try. I can't keep going in a world that you're no longer a part of, so I'll be joining you soon. We can finally be together this time, the way we should have been the first time. I love you, now and forever, more than anything else in the world.
I love all of you so much. Don't let this break you apart, you're all stronger than that. You'll all be great people, and you'll all do amazing things. I know it.
Goodbye everyone...
That's all folks, I hope everybody enjoyed, or at least didn't cry too hard, and that you still have some feels left after reading. I created the dates at random, except for the big holidays, so don't take any of them as canon.
If anyone out there ever feels like they're alone, please remember that you're not. There are people out there that care, people that will do anything and everything they can to help you if you give them a chance.
I know this is just a story, but words and ideas can make a big difference for some people. Don't let that difference be something bad, ask for help if you need it. The suicide prevention hotline is available 24/7 for support at 1-800-273-8255
To all my readers, thank you if you made it this far. This is the first story I've ever written and posted that I'll be able to say is complete. If you're looking for something happy to read(which I highly recommend after a story like this) you can check out my other story Number Games, which starts off with a bunch of happy fluffy chapters, or any of the other hundreds of stories about Stranger Things.
Until we meet again, wander free wherever the road of life may take you!
UPDATE: If you want some kind of happy ending to this tragic story of Mike and Eleven, I will be posting a new story(I don't know if it'll be a one-shot or a multi-chapter story) about Mike and El reuniting in the afterlife. I have an interesting idea for how to go about it, and I'm looking forward to it now. A big thank you to iAmCC for giving me the idea in their review, I never would have thought to write some kind of happy ending after this without you!