Lawndale 2021
SDCU-0001-AAAA
Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV.
Sealab 2021 is property of Williams Street Productions, LLC.
Opening Theme:
Excuse Me, Excuse Me…
I guess I'll have to be direct
If you're gonna' stand on my neck
Then you'd better check under the sea
Cause that is where you'll find me
Underneath the Sealab!
Underneath the water
Sealab!
At the bottom of the Sea!
Episode 1-03: VIP
Daria Morgendorffer sat in her chair at the communications console, a few feet away from Jodene Sparks, doing her weekend homework. Meanwhile, Sparks was using his console to watch some TV while checking for notable communication transmissions.
Sparks was watching an episode of an old cartoon, with two characters walking down the sidewalk side-by-side. "I don't know, Zorak. I don't think my parents want me drinking beer," said Brak. "That's why we're doin' it!" Zorak replied. "Oh, okay!" Brak said. "So... anything exciting happen at school lately?" Sparks asked Daria nonchalantly. He'd already seen this episode.
"Mm," Daria replied as she worked on some algebra problems. "Oh, hey, do you remember when that VIP is supposed to arrive?" Sparks asked her. "Um, wasn't that your job?" Daria asked him. "Well, yeah, but I can't find the log of the transmission," Sparks replied.
"Hold on," Daria said before checking her console for saved files. "When did the transmission come in?" Daria asked him. "I think it was yesterday," Sparks replied.
"Okay, I found it," Daria replied. "Hmm, oh, they'll be arriving in three hours," Sparks said. "Then we take into account an hour for decompression," Sparks added.
"Is that enough time to prepare for their arrival?" Daria asked him. "Probably not, but we're not the ones who will be escorting the VIP through the station," Sparks said with a shrug. "True," Daria said in agreement.
"Who won't be showing who around?" Jane Lane asked as she entered the bridge. "Um, we won't be escorting some VIP who's coming to Sealab today," Sparks replied.
"Oh. Who's the VIP?" Jane asked him. "Uh, Daria, did the transmission log say who the VIP is?" Sparks asked him. "Let me check," Daria said. "It's some magazine writer named Val."
"Val? From VAL magazine?" Sparks asked her. "Yeah-wait, how do you know about a shallow magazine for teenagers?" Daria asked him. "I get bored sometimes, so I read whatever I find lying around," Sparks replied.
"Okay, but I'm certain that VAL magazines wouldn't be found lying around the bridge, where very few teenagers, myself and Jane excluded, would ever venture," Daria said. "True, but who says I pick up only what's lying around the bridge?" Sparks replied.
"Hmm, he's got a point," Jane said. "Well then where did you pick up a copy of VAL?" Daria asked him suspiciously. "I found it on the floor outside of someone's housing unit on my way to the bridge one morning," Sparks replied. "It had a picture of a bikini model on it, so I thought it was something else," he explained after seeing Daria give him a disbelieving look.
"Um, that bikini model was probably a seventeen year-old girl," Jane said. "Hey, seventeen is legal, isn't it? Besides, that girl was found only on the cover. Believe me, I checked the magazine," Sparks said firmly. "You were hoping it was a porn mag, weren't you?" Jane asked him.
"What was your first clue?" Sparks replied. "The bikini model," Jane replied. "Smart girl," Sparks said. "So, why would a writer for some kind of teen magazine want to come to Sealab?" Daria asked. "Who knows and who cares?" Sparks replied.
"Um, you did remember to inform the rest of the crew about the VIP, right?" Daria asked Sparks. "I think so. I know I sent a memo to Dr. Quinn about it, and I think I told the captain, but I don't remember anyone else being present. Oh, wait, Debbie was in here," Sparks said.
"Which Debbie?" Daria asked him. "I think it was White Debbie," Sparks replied. "Maybe," he added. "Stormy was in here too, but he got confused when I tried to explain that the magazine was named after its editor... or writer. Anyway, he ended up thinking that an actual talking magazine was coming to visit us," Sparks said with a smile.
Four hours later...
"So, like, where is everybody?" Val asked as she exited the airlock. Val was a woman in her thirties who had makeup that made her look like a woman in her thirties trying to look like a teenager. Her choice of clothing did not help in this matter.
"Hi, you must be Val," Debbie Dupree said as she extended a hand forward, which Val eagerly accepted. "So, I was supposed to meet some girl named Daria," Val said. "Really?" Debbie asked, confused. "Yeah. One of her essays was submitted to us by teacher at the Sealab primary high school, O'Neil I think his name was," Val explained.
Val turned to her left and stepped back after seeing an Asian woman staring at her with wide eyes. "Hello, I am Angela Li, part-time principal of Neww Llaawwndale Hiigh and head of Sealab Security," she said.
"Cool!" Val said. "Being safe is super important! I am so down and jiggy with that!" Val added. Debbie cringed at the woman's slang. "Anyway, you mentioned one of the students here, allow me to help you find her. Apparently, she was not informed of your visit through proper channels," Li said as she and Debbie led Val through the halls of Sealab.
They soon entered the bridge, finding Daria and Sparks at their consoles, monitoring the communications of some research submersibles that were re-docking at Pod 02. "Ah, Miss Morgendorffer," Li said. Daria turned around and looked at the trio.
"Hello," Daria said, slightly annoyed. Sparks turned his head to take in the sight of the three women before returning his attention to his console. "Hi, Daria, I am super excited to meet you! My name is Val, of VAL magazine!"
"Okay, Val of VAL Magazine," Daria said. "I received your essay the other month an I thought it captured exactly the kind of edge that our magazine needs to keep up in today's world," Val said, causing Daria to raise an eyebrow. "What essay?" Daria asked her.
"The one that your English teacher, Mr. O'Neil sent in to our magazine," Val explained. "Which one?" Daria asked, growing irked. "It was that parody essay that compared the outlooks of young people today with the outlooks of young people from ten years ago. Despite being a parody, I think the edgy tone you gave it was excellent!" Val explained.
"Hold on a second," Daria said before accessing her console. "Would Mister O'Neil please report to the bridge? Would Mister Timothy O'Neil please report to the bridge," Daria said into her microphone. "Now, Miss Morgendorffer, surely you realize it may take a while for him to reach the bridge from Pod 17," Angela Li said.
"Oh, but I wouldn't want the man who submitted my essay to miss out on the glory that he's allowed me to have," Daria said in monotone, using subtle sarcasm in a way that only Sparks was able to catch. Sparks smirked as he realized what Daria was going to do as soon as O'Neil would arrive on the bridge.
"Oh, Daria, that is so sensitive and caring of you, to make sure that Mr. O'Neil gets to see the fruits of his efforts," Val said with actual sincerity. "I'm just doing what I feel is appropriate," Daria said. "You know, not a lot of people would be that caring. I am totally jiggy with that kind of behavior," Val said, causing everyone else on the bridge except Miss Li to cringe.
Forty minutes later, when O'Neil arrived at the bridge, he gasped in surprise at seeing Val talking to Daria. Daria, for her part, had been trying to tune out Val when she began talking about... stuff. Daria did not care one bit for anything that Val had to say, and listening to the woman for over forty minutes was driving her to the edge.
"And that's why girls shouldn't put out unless the guy actually does own a proper sports car," Val said. "Ah, Mister O'Neil!" Angela Li said in relief as soon as she spotted O'Neil, for she too had begun to feel worn after listening to Val talk about her magazine for so long non-stop. "Miss Val? From VAL Magazine?" O'Neil asked in surprise. "That's right!" Val exclaimed with a smile.
Please, someone, anyone, kill me now, Sparks thought. There hadn't been a single transmission or communication line that required his or Daria's attention since Val had visited the bridge. He already had a low opinion of Mr. O'Neil, having been sent to his crew self-esteem classes twice after making dark jokes that two people had taken the wrong way. Knowing that he would have to listen to O'Neil and Val speak with each other in the same room as himself was making him feel sick and hopeless.
"O'Neil, can I call you that?" Val asked him. "Sure!" he said. "Okay, anyway, O'Neil, Daria here gave me the impression that she was actually unaware that you had submitted her essay to my magazine! The poor girl, being surprised by a visiting celebrity during work hours," Val said.
"Oh my, I had thought that perhaps she might be given the day off for this!" O'Neil said nervously. "Wait, did you inform anyone else of this girl's wonderful accomplishment?" Val asked him. "Well, I read the response letter and it said that you would be arriving incognito, so I assumed that meant you wanted to see things without people acting differently if they knew your identity," O'Neil said.
"That's right! But I guess someone was going to be taken by surprise either way, right?" Val replied excitedly. "Oh yes," Daria said flatly, "I am just overflowing with emotions of shock and delight at this turn of events." "Do you have something in your throat?" Val asked her. "I have some throat lozenges with me," Val offered.
"No, the sheer intensity of my emotions has proven to be too much for me to handle. This is how my body compensates," Daria lied. Just wait till I introduce you to Dolphin Boy, Val. Even O'Neil doesn't like being around that tubby little toad.
"So, I assume that you're here to take a tour of the station, since coming down to Sealab isn't something that you do on a whim for just an hour," Daria said. "That's right, D! Is it okay if I call you D?" Val asked. "Sure, why not," Daria replied in monotone.
"So, when do we begin the tour?" Val asked her. "Right now. Please follow me as we make our way to the orphans' quarters, so that you can introduce a young generation to your magazine," Daria said.
After grabbing a long-distance travel cart, which was set to auto-pilot for non-licensed drivers, Daria, Val, O'Neil, and Li made their way to Pod 02, where the orphans were housed. "So, these orphans... do they, like, wear rags or do they have proper clothes?" Val asked.
"Miss Val, these orphans live inside of Sealab! They have proper uniforms," Angela Li said. "Besides, rags would present a security risk if they got caught in a door." Almost there, thought Daria as the cart pulled up to the housing block that housed the orphans.
"Wait here, I'm going to grab one of the most precious of our orphans," Daria said as she hopped out of the cart. I need to get a license for those things. Daria walked inside of the unit where Dolphin Boy lived, and after negotiating with him, returned to Val and the others.
"Miss Morgendorffer, I'm sure that there are others who would appreciate being around Miss Val much more," Li said. "Val, this is Dolphin Boy. Dolphin Boy, say hello to Val," Daria said. Dolphin Boy emitted a series of chirps and squeaks. "Oh my god, what is he saying!?" Val screamed. This was actually what a normal person's typical response to meeting Dolphin Boy would be during the first meeting.
Dolphin Boy chirped again. "Now, young man, what have I told you about telling people that their clothes look too young for them?" Li reprimanded Dolphin Boy. Dolphin Boy looked slightly ashamed, and he promptly returned to his quarters.
"I'm sorry Val, but Dolphin Boy assured me that he really wanted to meet you," Daria said in a false-apologetic tone, or as much of one as her monotone could convey. Val quickly recovered from her trauma. "I'm okay. I don't blame you. Anyone who's anyone will say whatever they can to get close to someone like me," Val said.
Daria mentally frowned at this. There is one other option that I can use to get rid of her and hurt her without bodily injury or killing her, Daria thought. "Hey, Val, I know another person, who's actually around my age, who might appreciate meeting you," Daria said.
"Are you perhaps referring to your sister?" Li asked her. "No. I'm referring to someone I met a little while ago during that school dance that someone said was mandatory for all students to attend," Daria replied. "It was the cross-school dance between New Fielding and New Lawndale," Daria clarified.
Silently, aside from Val spouting off about how girls should be proud of their bodies but be ashamed of their sexuality, the group rode in the cart as it made its way through the pods, eventually coming across the Pod 21 Housing Block. "Here we are," Daria said as the cart parked outside of Housing Unit 21-AA-0034.
The Sloane residence. Tom, that was his name, right? Yeah, and his sister...Eliza? No, Elsa? Elsie, yeah, that's it. Elsie Sloane. Say goodbye to your sanity, Val, and goodbye to Sealab as well. You'll be scrambling for the nearest airlock after we're done, you double-standard setting hypocrite, Daria thought as she pressed on the doorbell of the somewhat ornate entrance.
After a minute, the door was answered by Kay Sloane. "Hello, Mrs. Sloane, is Elsie home?" Daria asked. Miss Li is with you, does she want Elsie for something? I know that she's been using her voice guard at all times, Kay asked telepathically.
No, I just want Elsie to share her voice with someone...worthy of being exposed to it without warning, Daria thought. Kay looked at Val and recognized her. She smiled a sweet, welcoming smile, although Daria could tell that it was an act.
"Please," Kay said warmly, "Come on in, Miss Val." "Hey, thanks!" Val replied, not even thinking about the fact that she hadn't told Mrs. Sloane her name. Daria and Val both walked into the Sloane Unit. "So, is Elsie home today?" Daria asked Kay again.
"Yes, she's in her room, doing some studying. Shall I retrieve her?" Kay asked. "No, I'll do it. I think she might appreciate having a friend say hello before she meets...my guest," Daria said as she walked around the living room and over to the Bedroom Hall. if her memory served her correctly, Elsie's room was on her right, while Tom's room was on the left.
She saw the sign saying earplugs or headphones needed as knocked on the door. Elsie slowly opened the door, her frown quickly turning into a smile. "Hello," she whispered, the only way that ordinary mortals could hear her voice without going mad.
"Hi," Daria said in her usual tone, although with a Mona Lisa smile. "Elsie, I have a favor to ask of you."
Line Break
Daria and Elsie made their way into the living room. Kay noticed that Elsie didn't have her voice modulator with her and almost frowned, but then she remembered hearing Val speak to her while Daria was speaking with her daughter for the past ten minutes, and allowed herself to smile at what was to come.
"Hi, Elsie, I'm Val! You know, from VAL magazine!" Val said. She is so self-absorbed and vain. But I must hear her speak for a short period before deciding to use my voice. I must make sure that she is worth the damnation that I may unleash, Elsie thought as she listened to Val speak.
Ten minutes later, after hearing Val's speech about girls being proud of their bodies but needing to be ashamed of their sexuality, which brought a frown to everybody's face, Elsie narrowed her eyes. "Um, I hate to break it to you, Val, but you're setting up an unfair double standard by telling girls to be proud of their bodies but to also be ashamed of their sexuality. This sends a confusing message, and honestly, we don't need something like that causing additional confusion, pain, and suffering to what teenagers already go through," Daria said.
"Oh, please!" Val retorted. "I thought you were cool, Daria!" Val said, angered by the fact that Daria disagreed with her. "I thought that you were smart, and I wanted to show that smart is also hot and in, but someone as lame and uncool as you couldn't possibly get that or be hip and happening," Val said, her awful use of slang being the final straw for Daria. "Very well. Elsie, why don't you tell us what you think," Daria suggested.
"Your soul is but an empty, hollow shell which surrounds a seemingly endless void, and your life is but a lie and a sham. You know nothing of the truth that exists within the universe, and your shallowness is so complete that it almost resembles depth, yet that too is but an illusion. For this, and the hypocrisy which you seek to spread and the messages which you use to manipulate people into buying and reading your garbage, you shall endure eternal suffering by my decree," Elsie said.
Val's eyes had widened and her pupils had dilated. Her mouth was open in a voiceless scream. Her ears were bleeding and her mouth was contorted into a painful passage of despair. "W-wwwhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!?" she finally screamed to the heavens before she ran out of the room.
Elsie smiled as she heard a thud outside as Val collapsed onto the hallway floor. "Miss Val!" they heard O'Neil say in alarm. Daria smiled at Elsie and nodded her head. "That'll do, Elsie. That'll do," Daria said. Elsie then grabbed Daria and pulled her into a kiss before dragging her onto the floor. "Now, now, Elsie, remember to mind your hands when saying thank you," Kay said with a gentle but firm tone. "Yes, Mother," Elsie said, her voice sounding normal to her immediate family. "Okay, Daria, you should be immune to my voice now, but I need to make absolutely certain," Elsie said before dragging Daria into another kiss.
Line Break
"So, do you think she'll ever come back to Sealab?" Sparks asked the next day as he, Daria, Jane, and Elsie Sloane watched the submersible vessel transporting Val slowly return to the surface. It would be several hours before it broke the surface and properly re-pressurized itself, but the menace had left Sealab, and all was right with the station.
"Eh, as long as she's in that coma? Probably not for a very long time," Jane said. "I can't believe I wasn't there to take a picture," she added.
"Don't worry," Elsie said, her voice sounding fine to the girls and Sparks, "I'm sure you'll see something cool next week." "If you say so," Jane said. Daria simply smiled at her success.
Line Break
Ending theme: The Tower That Ate People, by Peter Gabriel. Why? Because it's a great song, that's why.