Remember to R&R! In this chapter, they head to RiverClan to try and convince Mistystar and co. to fight the forces of evil that are the software geniuses and send a warrior to help them. On with Chapter 3!
CHAPTER 3-THE DASTARDLY BLOB
"Ring ring."
"What?"
"I said, ring ring."
"What are you playing at?"
"ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!'
"Okay, okay, sheesh," Becky mewed irritably. "Hello, who's there?"
"Me!" Leafyflame burst out laughing at her own joke.
Longpaw shook his head. "Not cool, mom."
"Who cares? We're here," Becky announced, flicking her tail across Leafyflame's face just to annoy her. They'd swum across the lake (because it was so much easier than simply walking across to their camp) and trekked across the horseplace (where Longpaw had feverishly marvelled at two mating horses) they were finally there. At least, they were nearer to their camp. Which Becky had no idea where it was.
"Boola hula hoola doola," muttered a strange voice. The sound of drums was carried in on the breeze.
"The hell?" Longpaw asked himself.
"That sounded...strange..." Becky muttered, casting shifty glances at a squirrel happily eating an acorn a few fox lengths in front of her.
"BOO!" yowled Leafyflame at the squirrel. She laughed psychotically.
Longpaw turned to Becky flatly. "She's always been like this ever since that coconut fell on her head..."
Suddenly, a row of girls wearing skimpy can-can costumes paraded in, kicking their legs up high, singing something about a flashback.
"Oh God. Not another pointless flashback. I get them enough at home when I watch my embarrassing school production videos..." Becky muttered.
"Tabbypelt! Tabbypelt! I did it! I caught a mouse!" screeched a young Leafyflame, now Leafypaw. Her shrill screams attracted the attention of a nearby small rodent...
Who was grieving for his young, viciously killed by this young she-cat.
The mouse ran across the ground to hide under a leaf...
But was unfortunately picked up by an eagle...
But chased off by a squirrel...
Who dropped his nut and shrieked, and climbed down to get it...
This made the tree shake...
This made the baby squirrel squeak and disturb a coconut on the tree...
This made it fall directly onto Leafypaw's head.
DONK!
Becky and Longpaw looked up at the monitor, not noticing the camera was on them. Longpaw realised first. "We're on? Oh, okay. So yeah, it's pretty heart-wrenching that I'm an only child and I have to take care of my mother all by myself."
"You have a whole Clan to take care of Leafyflame," Becky sighed. "Not saying that would be enough."
"Agreed."
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" raved Leafyflame behind them. "Take that you stupid squirrel! Now you'll pay for what you did to my noggin!"
"...Uh, right. Hey, what happened to the Boola Dude?"
"You mean the Boola Duda," Longpaw corrected his friend.
"...Whatevs. But seriously, what happened?"
"BOOLA HULA HOOLA DOOLA SHOOMA COOLA FRUIT OF THE LOOMA..."
"Did I just hear, 'Fruit of the Looma?' " Becky asked confusedly.
"Yeah, I heard it too," Longpaw mewed. "We should be extra careful-"
" RIVASHMIVA!" screamed an unearthly voice from behind them. The three cats whipped around and saw the RiverClan warriors, decked out in tribal wear, chanting and stomping to the beat of their own "music".
"...Fancy dress party?" was all Becky had to offer.
"Boola. We will take yoola to our looda," said one cat with a torn ear.
"Wait-Tornear? Aren't you meant to be with us?" Leafyflame mewed curiously.
"They have a great dental plan," was all Tornear said.
Becky rolled her eyes. "If we can end the Curiosity Party, we have work to do. Yes, take us to your...looda."
They soon arrived at the RiverClan camp, the warriors chanting "BOOLA HULA DOOLA SHOOMA COOLA FRUIT OF THE LOOMA" over and over again. At last a relatively sane-looking warrior approached them.
"I am Licktongue," he mewed graciously. "The Great Mistystar will see you now. Please, enter her den."
As Becky and co. entered the den, they saw a sight that was too repulsive to even write about, but I'll describe it anyway because the rest of the chapter won't make sense if I don't. Mistystar was...plump.
No, not the right word. Obese.
Horrifically obese.
She looked like Meg from the Star Wars Family Guy crossover parody, except without the slime. Fat folds rolled out from underneath her like waves, and every time she moved in the slightest, there was a revolting flapping sound that was caused by her immense girth slapping itself. Seriously, she must have weighed about 900 pounds. Her eyes were blank, but her mouth was wide open as she burped. The shockwaves carried Longpaw, Becky and Leafyflame off their paws. Their ears were ringing afterwards. Licktongue came in to translate.
So Becky repeated her story to Licktongue, Licktongue occasionally translating for Mistystar, who belched every time he spoke. Licktongue finally looked at Mistystar.
"We must wait to hear her opinion," he mewed.
They waited...
And waited...
And waited...
BURRRPPPPPP.
The shockwaves rippled out and again carried the three adventurers (must I explain who?) off their paws again.
"The Great Mistystar has spoken!" screeched Licktongue excitedly. "And she says she believes you about John Smith the software genius, or whatever his name was. And she says that I, and my apprentice Hyacinthpaw, will accompany you to the other Clans."
"Sweet! Let's go then!" Hyacinthpaw bounded up. She was extremely pretty, in a schoolgirl kind of way, with light ginger fur and sparkling green eyes. Her beautiful white paws looked like...beautiful white paws. Longpaw was instantly infatuated.
"Sweet StarClan, she's hot!" he yowled.
Hyacinthpaw rolled her eyes. "Toms," she mewed, rolling her eyes. "I'm glad I wasn't born one." Licktongue cuffed his apprentice around the ear. "Hey!"
Becky got out her wallet and paid Mistystar twenty human dollars. "Keep the change," she mewed, "and buy yourself something nice. An all-you-can-eat-buffet, perhaps, hmm?"
Yay! End of third chapter! RiverClan is convinced, but will they fear so well with...THUNDERCLAN?
I have no clue.
But rest assured that there is more to come x3
Next chapter-THE DASTARDLY BLOB