December Underground

III

'Listen. I kissed the lies

Why must they be so kissable?'

-Summer Shudder

"I don't expect what I know I will never receive." His voice was suddenly gloomy.

"That's why you don't get any recognition; you let them pass you over." She said this as if she were a mother explaining something to a child that had been told the same ideology many times before. Severus' lip curled at the thought.

"I have no choice, I can't force people to thank me and I don't want to hear it from them anyway." How many times would he have to stress this point?

"You know, not everyone would need to be forced into thanking you. You should take Harry, Ron and I as proof." She said with confidence.

"Well that's an excellent argument considering you the only one who ever thanked me or even mention the subject for that matter." He countered.

"What?" She proclaimed with shock. "Harry and Ron never-"

"No. You honestly expected them to thank me, their most hated professor, for protecting them by murdering their idol and leading them to believe that they had to waste energy trying to kill me while they should have been focusing on the Dark Lord? Not bloody likely." He snorted.

"I can't believe those two!" They told me that they would 'have to thank you.'" She seemed genuinely outraged and it intrigued him.

"And of course, you most likely kissed the lies and welcomed the charade?" He again raised a brow in question, this time remembering all too well that she liked it when he did that. She certainly seemed to notice.

"I guess I expect too much good from people." She surmised.

"People often expect from others what they are themselves." He pointed out, hoping that she wouldn't notice the unintentional compliment. If she did she didn't show it.

"I still don't think this is what you deserve."

"You're probably the only one, except for Minerva, but you'll soon learn that life isn't the fairy tale we're all raised to think that it should be." For the first time since she arrived his voice was its normal, expressionless baritone.

"Obviously not." She scoffed, picking at her nails.

Severus watched her in silence, remembering her as the thought that had saved him from sinking into insanity during his stay in the Death Eaters' make shift gulag. He looked away when he remembered the day he found out about her engagement to Charlie. Maybe if he had told her his feelings she would have waited longer.

"How did you manage to last three years being repeatedly tortured?" She asked after a moment's silence. It was apparent that her need to know everything had not left her.

"They fed me." He said simply. "They didn't want me to die of course; frequently they reminded me that death was too good for me. Luckily they would occasionally forget about me for days at a time. Then I could rest."

"How did you keep from going insane?" She asked, how could she possibly still have that shocked expression? He chose to ignore the question.

"You've gotten the one thing you wanted form me, now it's my turn." He said, suddenly finding that there was something he needed to know.

"What?" She asked, looking wary.

"Why, Weasley?" He asked bluntly. Hermione visibly stiffened at the question.

"I don't think something that personal is of any relevance." She said sternly.

"I believe my story was far more personal than yours." He pointed out calmly, yelling and being snide wasn't the way to get information out of her. He had to abandon that tactic for the present moment.

"I don't see why it is of any importance." She said rather evasively.

"I think I deserve to know why you chose the man that you left me for. Since you claim that I deserve all of these other things I think you can give me that." Again his voice was calm.

Hermione remained still for a moment, once again picking her nails with the most minute of movements. After a long pause and a heavy sigh she finally decided on her choice of words.

"There was no reason really. It was just a prospect." She sounded timid and Severus thought that she might be embarrassed but he pressed on.

"Of?" he asked.

"Convenience."

"A prospect of convenience?"

"Yes."

"How so?" She took a deep breath, as if she were deciding whether she should answer before she spoke.

"He is a nice man, I already know his family. No one would give me the silent treatment for a week like they did when they discovered our relationship. He was… kissable." She listed.

"Did you love him?" He asked, not caring that it was unorthodox.

"No." She responded immediately. "Not like I did you."

Severus was on the brink of asking if she still loved him when she hastily changed the subject.

"How did you escape from Russia? Did the Death Eaters let you go?" He shook his head, not sure if he welcomed this change of topic.

"After a while the Death Eaters began to use magic again. Thankfully they didn't use it on me. It seems they'd grown to like their new form of torture." His lip curled for a moment before he continued. "When the ministry registered their location they contacted the Russian ministry and apprehended them. Since I was a prisoner they were bound by law to bring me back to England under the status of P.O.W. Besides that my trial and my decree of innocence are all that's left of the story." Hermione nodded to show that she understood.

"I guess that's it then." She said; her voice hollow. "It was nice seeing you." Severus looked for a lie in this as she rose to leave but couldn't find one. She was nearly to the door when he called to her.

"Wait."