AN: My informative speech wasn't on baking, though hindsight it should have been. To be fair, during my final speech (an "impromptu" speech that had to be two minutes and we had like thirty seconds to prep for), I had to choose whether hot chocolate or eggnog was the better holiday drink. I went with eggnog, and the justification was an eggnog cream cookie cup I had made the previous Christmas. Unfortunately, there were no samples.
Adrien Can('t) Bake
Chapter Two: In Which Adrien has Performance Anxiety
Alya was in heaven. Whether this statement was metaphorical or she had actually died and gone there she wasn't entirely certain yet, but the fact remained that she was on Cloud Nine.
It had started when her boyfriend of two months had arrived at school toting her favorite blended, caramelized coffee drink – an open admission of defeat in their most recent bet, which he had been fighting against since he first began to suspect he would lose during the beginning of the week. (She had known he would lose as soon as the bet was made, which may or may not have been cheating. But, considering the bet involved their two darling, infuriatingly oblivious friends, it really was his own fault for taking her on in the first place.) Sufficiently caffeinated, she had been more than happy to sit behind him as one of the parties in question – teenage supermodel Adrien Agreste, best friend of one Nino Lahiffe and future husband of one Marinette Dupain-Cheng (though, as the coffee energizing her system proved, he was still blissfully unaware of this fact) – continued to stress over his lack of a topic for the class presentations. She loved Adrien to death, both as her boyfriend's best friend and a friend of her own, but she couldn't help but be amused at his panic. As Nino continued to point out to him, the assignment wasn't really that difficult, and he really didn't need to be making such a big deal about it. But it was Adrien, and Adrien was aggravatingly thick at times, and if he was going to insist on being a Moron then she was going to insist on enjoying every last minute of it.
Her mood had only improved when Marinette had arrived early (for once), bringing with her a box that had her supplies for the presentation and a smaller, light green box of what she knew to be fresh-baked cookies from her parents' bakery. She had known Marinette would be baking for her assignment since Monday – she was actually the one who had suggested it, if for no other reason than the look of pure longing Adrien was currently giving the box (and by association Marinette). Of course, Marinette had instantly shied under the onslaught of attention from her long-time crush, and Adrien was just as blind to it as ever, but if anything that only made things better for Alya. While she couldn't wait for the day they stopped dancing around each other and just hooked up already, the yenta side of her was enjoying their little awkward tango entirely too much.
…eh. Tango wasn't quite the right term. Given the couple in question, it was more like a cha-cha. Or a two-step. Or really just a Very Very Awkward Shuffle.
But she was patient, and she could wait it out. She was positive she would be rewarded for her efforts one of these days, and she was definitely collecting on part of that reward today.
Her smile was practically splitting her face as she watched Adrien collect his cookie(s – he had managed to snag two!) from Marinette. As if Adrien constantly telling Marinette how much he loved cookies wasn't good enough, Marinette had actually mixed up her words enough to tell him she hoped the cookies liked him, too. She could only imagine how bad their flirting would get once they were together and could manage to do it properly. Even worse, Adrien had almost been home free, a thousand unwitting compliments lavished on his future wife, when he had managed to let slip the fact that he had never used a kitchen before. As much as Alya wanted to feel bad for him, the absurdity of it all had been too much – though the Poor Entitled Rich Kid sob story had been what landed him that second cookie. Her sides were killing her as Nino ushered Adrien out of the classroom, shooting a sympathetic look at the red-faced Marinette, and off towards lunch. Alya sighed, taking in a deep breath as she leaned against Mademoiselle Bustier's desk.
"Girl," she said, laughter in her voice as she wiped away a tear and looked at her bestie, "you two are going to have the most adorable, socially awkward dorkmuffin babies someday."
"Alya!" Marinette shrieked, dropping the glass bowl she had used to mix her batter. Alya winced as it bounced off the desk and headed towards the floor, but the wince quickly turned into a whistle as Marinette shot out an arm and grabbed it.
"Nice reflexes," she mused, impressed. Marinette rolled her eyes as she put the bowl back in the box, huffing as she quickly packed her supplies. "So that went well."
"Yeah," Marinette agreed. She grabbed the box and led them from the room. They had already agreed they would have lunch at Marinette's, as she wanted to drop off her box before the rest of the day. "I wasn't too worried about it, though. I've been baking forever, so I was pretty sure I could get a dozen scooped in the time limit."
"That's not what I was talking about, and you know it," Alya chided, poking her in the side. Marinette's cheeks, predictably, turned a lovely shade of pink.
"O-oh, well…" Marinette mumbled. She bit her lip and looked down, and Alya laughed again as she caught the girl before she tripped down the steps of the school. Nino looked back at her before turning the corner with Adrien, and she tossed him a wink. He shook his head before they disappeared, and Alya smirked as she looped her arm through Marinette's and led the girl down the steps.
"I'll bet you anything Adrien actually tries to bake now," she said as they started towards the Dupain-Cheng bakery. "I would pay good money to see that. It would be a disaster."
"Alya, that's so mean!" Marinette cried. She adjusted her grip on the box to hide her nervous fidgeting. "Adrien's so great at everything he does. I'm sure he'd have no trouble baking."
"…even if he's never been in a kitchen before?" Alya wheedled, a grin curling her lips. Marinette bit her lip to hide her own smile, but Alya knew better. Marinette found his antics hilarious, too, and it was only her chronic crush keeping her from snickering about it as well.
"Well, Mademoiselle Sancoeur seems very nice," she finally said as they reached the bakery. Alya held open the door, lifting an eyebrow as Marinette walked through. "I'm sure she'd be willing to at least help him find the kitchen."
Oh, yeah. Cloud Freakin' Nine.
The day only got better from there. A great lunch (Sabine was an excellent cook, on par with her own professional chef mother) was followed by an akuma-free afternoon, and once classes were done they had the weekend to look forward to. It didn't hurt that Nino was supposed to be joining her for a movie that night. Alya didn't think her day could get any better until they left the school building for the second time that day and found Nino and Adrien talking by the steps. From the looks of it. Adrien was still stressing over his upcoming presentation. Alya grinned at Marinette, nudging her side, before she unhooked their arms and ran over to Nino. She offered up a brief wave before wrapping her arms around Nino's waist and pressing a kiss to his cheek. Adrien took it all in stride, having long since gotten used to her exuberance and honestly happy for his friends, and greeted Marinette as she arrived beside him.
"What time's the movie again, babe?" Nino asked, pulling out his phone.
"Seven," she answered, and he nodded as he put his phone away and looked back to Adrien.
"So I could probably come over for an hour or two tonight," he said, "or just come over tomorrow. It really shouldn't take that long to get something done between the two of us, and you said you're free all day tomorrow, right?"
"I think we've established that I could use all the help I can get by this point," Adrien said, rolling his eyes. Alya lifted an eyebrow and shared a look with Marinette. "But I can't do tonight. I still have fencing, and I have an evening shoot scheduled, too. I probably won't be home before your date."
"So tomorrow," Nino said, and Adrien nodded.
"Unfortunately. I'll try to brainstorm something tonight, but so far every idea I've had has been horrible," he said.
"I keep telling you it doesn't have to be good," Nino groused. "It just has to be something."
"What's going on?" Marinette asked. She was frowning at the both of them, and Alya couldn't help but smirk. She had forgotten Marinette hadn't been privy to Nino's bemoaning Adrien's idiocy over the assignment all week. Adrien looked at her, suddenly sheepish as he ducked his head. He looked like he was trying to shrink into the wall he was sitting on.
"It's nothing," he mumbled, kicking his heels against the wall. "It's dumb."
"Adrien's behind on the project," Nino deadpanned. Adrien shot him a glare, but her boyfriend was past caring by this point. "He can't decide what to do his speech on, and he's been freaking out about it all week. Being the wonderful bro I am, I offered to help him out this weekend."
"You still don't have a topic?" Marinette asked, surprised. "But aren't you supposed to present on Tuesday?"
"It's been a busy week," Adrien mumbled, looking up at her. "And, like I keep telling Nino, it's not like I actually have a talent to start with. I just…everything I think of seems so lame."
"You have plenty of talent!" Marinette said. Alya's eyebrows soared as her friend reached out and placed a hand over Adrien's own. She shot a look to Nino, whose eyes were locked on their friends' joined hands. "Don't be ridiculous! Besides, it's just an informative speech – it's not like you have to present on a talent."
"That's easy for you to say, Marinette. You're super talented at everything, and look at your presentation! You're so good at baking, and your speech was awesome," Adrien sighed, reaching up with his free hand to rub at the back of his neck. "Mine's going to be so lame in comparison."
"Adrien, come on," Marinette sighed. She took a step closer to him and lifted the hand she'd been touching, holding it in both of her own. "Just find something you're interested in and tell us about it. You said you have fencing today – you could always tell us something about that. Or one of your other extra-curriculars! You're being way too hard on yourself."
Alya felt it was important to note that, from the moment Marinette had picked up his hand, Adrien's eyes had widened and remained locked on their joined hands. She felt it even more important to note that his cheeks had stained a light pink – Adrien Agreste was actually blushing. Her fingers itched, her inner reporter and fangirl demanding to record the moment, but she knew any sudden moves would break the spell. Marinette Dupain-Cheng was speaking coherently to Adrien Agreste. Marinette Dupain-Cheng was touching Adrien Agreste and not having a complete meltdown. And Adrien Agreste was actually blushing because of it all. She was so proud of her baby girl!
Adrien, poor boy, looked completely dazed. Marinette somehow managed to keep her cool, though, and stood there with a brilliant smile on her face. After a moment, Adrien blinked and returned the smile. He curled his fingers around her hand, bringing his other hand up to rest against the back of hers – and Alya knew the moment the spell was broken, Marinette's face turning a fiery red as she realized just where she was and what she had been doing and who had been involved in the whole ordeal.
"Thanks, Mari," he said, ducking his head towards her. Alya could almost hear her gulp. "You're such a great friend, you know?"
"Y-yeah, problem!" Marinette squeaked. Her eyes shot open as she tensed. "I-I mean no problem! I'm always yours! For here! HERE FOR YOU!"
Adrien laughed and squeezed her hands before releasing them. He shook his head, his grin much more natural as he said, "You're so cute, Mari."
Aaaaand there went her brain. Nino's hand was clamped over his mouth, nearly suffocating himself as he tried not to laugh, and she was fairly certain her lip should be bleeding from how hard she was biting down on it. Marinette was frozen in place, her hands twitching in front of her from where Adrien had released her, but Adrien had been distracted by a beeping. He glanced at his phone and sighed, hopping off the wall.
"I've gotta get to the gym," he said. He looked back to Marinette and gave her one last smile. "Thanks again, Mari. I'm really glad we're friends."
"See you tomorrow, then?" Nino managed to ask. He sounded slightly strangled from the laugh he was still trying to keep in.
"Yeah, tomorrow. Text me when would be good," Adrien said. He adjusted the strap of his bag and sighed again. "But for now, the gym. At least my schedule tomorrow isn't quite as fenced in."
"Duuuude," Nino groaned, used to Adrien's puns, but the poor joke seemed to be enough to snap Marinette out of her catatonia. She snorted, her hands flying up to clamp over her mouth, and Adrien grinned at her before waving and heading off.
"Hey, Adrien!" Marinette called before he was completely down the steps. He paused and looked back, and she smiled at him. "You know…you're really funny. Why don't you tell us about how to tell a joke?"
"Mari, no!" Nino and Alya both cried, but Adrien seemed to honestly consider it. A slow, Cheshire-like grin curled his lips before he looked back at Marinette like she had just given him an all-access pass to her bakery.
"You know, I am pretty pun-ctual," he said, snapping his fingers. She groaned with Nino, even though Marinette was too blinded by her crush to do much more than giggle. Of course she was going to find anything he said funny. "That might actually work. I really like that idea. Thanks again, Marinette!"
"Welcome," she sighed dreamily as she waved him off.
"What the hell, Marinette?" Nino groaned. "His jokes are terrible! You should have stuck with the fencing idea!"
"Seriously, Mari," she sighed, looping an arm around her shoulders. "You may think he's cute enough to be funny, but his puns! He thinks he's a regular Chat Noir, but in reality he's just…bad."
"Chat's actually not that funny," Mari mumbled, but Alya just shook her head.
"However not funny you find Chat," she said sagely, "Adrien is worse. You better hope Nino can convince him to do something else."
…Nino wasn't able to convince him to do something else.
It wasn't for lack of trying, but by the time Nino had arrived at Adrien's house Saturday morning he already had five pages of research on the history of puns, what made a good pun, and a three-page list of some of the worst puns imaginable. He had even started a slideshow showcasing some of them. After nearly two hours spent begging him to think of something else for the love of God PLEASE, Nino had finally facetimed her in a final act of desperation.
"Alya, babe, please convince this numbskull that he can't do his presentation on the merits of puns," he begged.
"Ha! Look at this one – it's great for you!" Adrien laughed from off-screen somewhere. "People say I look better without glasses, but I just can't see it!"
They both groaned. She ran a hand down her face, sighing heavily.
"I take it he's going with the jokes, then?" she asked. Nino held his phone out, and Adrien suddenly appeared on the screen.
"Hey, Alya! Yeah, it was a really great idea! I need to thank Marinette again – she's so great," Adrien sighed happily, and Alya snickered.
"Oh, yes, the greatest," she quipped. She spun around in her swivel chair, smirking as Nino mouthed Help me! while Adrien was distracted. Her eyes landed on a card taped to her wall. It had been part of her Christmas present from Marinette, a custom pair of gloves designed to keep her hands warm while still allowing her to use her phone in the winter, and a grin curled her lips as she thought back to their conversation after class. "Y'know, Adrien…you know what would be really nice, to say thanks to Marinette for giving you this great idea?"
"What?" he asked, looking at the phone in interest. Alya grinned at him.
"Well, you already told her how much you loved her presentation. Why not show her how much you actually paid attention by making her some cookies? You know, to say thanks for being such an inspiration to you?" she asked. While Adrien looked like he was honestly considering the idea, Nino had visibly paled. He was furiously shaking his head, but Adrien's smile was growing with every passing second.
"That's…that's brilliant, Alya!" he said. "I told her I wanted to try to bake some, and what better way to say thank you for all her help? Plus, she's always making stuff for everyone – she deserves to get something made for her for once! Hey, Nino, since I've pretty much got this covered, want to help me bake instead?"
"I…uh, s-sure, bro," Nino stammered. He shot Alya a look while Adrien rambled on, and he muttered out a quick excuse before running to the bathroom. When the door was closed and he was standing over by the shower, he turned furious eyes on Alya. From the way the screen was shaking, she figured he was gripping the phone pretty hard. "Alya, are you insane?!"
"What?" she asked innocently, snatching up a pen topped with an orange feather to twirl between her fingers. "I think it's sweet that he wants to do something to thank Mari."
"He just wanted to thank her – you're the one who put the idea of doing something in his head! You couldn't just leave well enough alone, could you?" he silently shrieked. "You know what he's like once he gets an idea in his head! He's gonna try and bake now, babe! You know he can't bake!"
She grimaced slightly, recalling her own words to Marinette: it would be a disaster.
"He'll kill himself!" Nino continued. "And me, now that I'm helping! He's gonna kill both of us, Alya!"
"Nino, calm down!" she sighed. "Don't you think you're overreacting? I mean, just because he's never baked doesn't mean he can't bake."
"I hope you take comfort in the fact that you got your boyfriend killed, Alya," he deadpanned, his eyes lowered in a glare, "and condemned Mari to a loveless existence by killing her potential boyfriend, too."
"Oh come on!" she groaned. "Look, I'm sure Monsieur Agreste will stop him long before he manages to find the kitchen. And if not him then Nathalie will. You have nothing to worry about."
"His dad and Nathalie are at the main offices all day, Alya! We're here alone!" he cried. Alya brought up a hand to rub at her temples. She was never going to get her blog update done at this rate…
"Look, Nino, you'll be fine. Just let the guy try, ok? If anything bad happens, I'll owe you a coffee," she said, and his raised eyebrow let her know he wasn't buying it. She rolled her eyes and held up two fingers. "Two coffees. And a cinnamon roll. And one of those fancy tumblers."
"Like the one I got you for our one month anniversary that you conveniently lost in the Seine?" he deadpanned, and she had the decency to look properly abashed. Nino had gotten her a lovely Ladybug tumbler, thinking it would be great for Ladybug's biggest fan and creator of the Ladyblog, and it had taken all of a week before Chat Noir had accidentally knocked it into the Seine during an akuma attack. (It was her own fault for putting it down in the first place, but she had been so close to the action and just had to get a decent photo.)
"Exactly," she said. She smiled at him. "Look, I have to finish my blog post. You go make sure our precious little snowflake doesn't burn the house down, and I'll call you tonight, ok? Love you."
"You owe me," he grumbled, and Alya chuckled as he disconnected the call. He would be fine. Besides, what was the worst that could happen?