Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters find themselves in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's the way it's gotta be.

Note: The story Bilbo tells about the trolls is just because that's my favorite scene of the first movie so I had to include it in some fashion. Hope you enjoy heh.

Up A Tree

The next morning the dwarves didn't know what to be more surprised about, the fact that the hobbit had apparently risen before all of them, or the fact that he was immaculately dressed in a new outfit and smelled like honeysuckle as he went about warming up some breakfast. As before Bilbo offered to share the food he'd brought with him, charming them in spite of themselves. It seemed that unlike the rest of them the halfling had opted to bring real food instead of travel rations, which made his provisions a great deal more appealing and their acceptance of his offerings immediate.

Hobbits were curious folk, but by Mahal they knew their food.

Once everyone had added some of the hobbit's food to their rations the dwarves and Bilbo settled into eat, the friends talking amongst themselves while Bilbo just listened. He would learn more about them that way, and he really hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before and it was only ingrained habit that had had him rising as early as he had.

So he stayed quiet until Kili made an offhanded remark about how he hoped Fili, his brother, wouldn't have to deal with any elf delegates before they got back, the other dwarves agreeing with that since the prince got along with the pointy eared menaces about as well as Thorin did.

"If you'd like help dealing with them, I'd be happy to help." Bilbo told Thorin as soon as he'd finished swallowing. "I speak Elvish."

Surprised, Thorin asked why he'd bothered to learn that language, his tone making it clear that he thought anything related to elves wasn't worth knowing.

Knowing full well that it wasn't in his best interests to go into a spiel about the fascinating history and culture of the Elvish race, especially when he was in such awe of them and it showed, Bilbo simply explain his decision as a choice based on his love of languages in general. He would have loved to have learned to speak Khuzdul as well, he assured them, had the opportunity been there.

"As my consort you may learn it, though you need not worry about the elves. They are my burden to deal with."

"But I would be middle ground between the two of you." Bilbo protested, seeing a way to make himself useful to Thorin. "They would have no problem dealing with me, and if you just tell me what you want from them and what you're willing to pay then I could act in your steed. You'd never have to deal with them when it comes to trivial matters, only on the truly important matters."

"I promised you a life of leisure in exchange for your agreement to be my consort."

"And any consort who does nothing to help his or her people when they can does not deserve that title."

With mouths hanging slightly open the other dwarves watched in stunned silence as a hobbit not only argued, but was currently trading glares with their king as the two went back and forth with increasingly forceful tones of voice. They were pretty sure the men had forgotten that they even had an audience as they learned more about the arrangement between the two than they'd previously known.

And then their jaws dropped down to the ground when Bilbo slapped a hand over Thorin's mouth, cutting off whatever it was their king had about to say.

Oh no you don't, was all Bilbo could think, you are not telling the others that our marriage is going to be in name only. His level of personal pride might not be on the same level as dwarves, but he'd die laughing before he'd let anyone outside the two of them know how little Thorin desired him.

His mouth open wide in shock behind Bilbo's hand, it took Thorin a minute of unrelieved silence before it occurred to him why the hobbit had reacted that way. And the look in his intended's eyes, well that look suggested the much slighter man would gut him like a fish if he dared to speak another word about their future married life. He was not used to being looked at that way, least of all by someone he could disarm or kill so easily, and while normally the implied threat alone would be reason to kill him, in this instance…Thorin found the hobbit's behavior to be rather endearing, strangely enough.

He could feel Thorin's lips curve against his hand, Bilbo hand dropping away immediately since he wanted to see the dwarf smile.

"You have courage, Little One, though common sense..."

Scowling at the nickname and the other implication, Bilbo very pertly reminded the man that that nickname was very funny considering they both belonged to races that were noted for being smaller than many in terms of stature.

"Even though you are surprisingly tall for a dwarf." Bilbo belatedly added, finally realizing that not only had he possibly crossed the line, but had done so while they had a rapt audience.

"You'd do well to keep that in mind."

)

No one talked much after that, not even after they'd packed up and once again set off to continue their journey home. None of the dwarves knew what to make of this hobbit who kept surprising them as their preconceived notions were laid to ruins, and Bilbo thought it wise not to call too much attention to himself since he wasn't entirely sure he hadn't just insured a very cold reception at Erebor once the dwarves around him got done telling their kin and friends about his behavior earlier.

And the worst part was the fact that he couldn't apologize for what he'd said because while Bilbo wasn't sure what Thorin would look for in a life partner, he was sure that the king would have no interest in someone without strength of character. He couldn't look weak, especially when dwarves seemed to think that his people were timid and easily frightened by nature.

Perhaps that was true in many cases, but he was both Took and Baggins, and that meant he was tougher than most. Probably. He hoped.

It was only during and after lunch that the chatter really got going again, most of the talk revolving around how they were going to safely navigate a stretch of ground that wouldn't allow them to encircle the cart and its passenger. It was also not the best in terms of terrain, which was how it came to be that Bofur was assigned to ride on the cart and lead the pony instead of Bilbo, who decided not to argue with this decision since he wouldn't mind the company and his ego wasn't so big that he couldn't admit that Bofur could probably handle the pony better than him in an emergency.

So after lunch Bilbo found himself sitting beside the dwarf as they headed out, the hobbit torn as to whether he should attempt to engage the dwarf in conversation or not. Luckily this particular member of Thorin's company was more observant than most, because he sensed the hobbit's hesitation and immediately set about putting Bilbo at ease.

"You needn't worry about Thorin, if you are. It can only do him good to have a consort with some backbone as far as I'm concerned. Man's too hard headed for three dwarves sometimes. I wouldn't apologize either, if you want my opinion." Bofur took his eyes off the trail just long enough to wink in Bilbo's direction. "You'll be good for him, I'm sure of it now."

Ears burning just a little Bilbo smiled gratefully nonetheless, relieved to hear that at least one of his new companions still liked him after his height comment. "Thank you, Master Bofur."

"Just Bofur's fine, especially with you insisting we call you Bilbo." And with a grin on his face the dwarf asked if Bilbo made a habit of going toe to toe with people who were a great deal stronger and bigger than him.

"No, thankfully, I usually have more sense." A rueful look came into the hobbit's eyes. "And that earlier argument ended a lot better than the last time I angered someone a great deal bigger than myself."

Concerned and intrigued, Bofur immediately wanted to know what had happened.

"I got thrown into a tree."

When Bofur just stared at him in dumbfounded shock Bilbo couldn't help but grin quite mischievously as he launched into the story about how he'd come to be thrown into a tree by a very angry mountain troll.

It had happened when a sickness of unknown origins had come to the Shire some ten years before. They'd come to call it 'The Sleeping Sickness' because it seemed to drain all the energy out of those who caught it, and caused them to lie about in bed without the strength to so much as lift their head. Many remedies had been tried, all failing, and so when a good friend of his had caught the sickness he'd decided to head to a valley a day's ride away from the Shire where there were plants that his mother had once told him had strength building properties. It had seemed worth a shot and he hadn't gotten sick so he'd thought that perhaps the strange plants his mother had been feeding him since he was young had had something to do with it.

He'd collected as much of the plants as he could and had decided to spend the night there in order to give his pony a rest, the beast old and not used to the pace he'd set for it that day. It was while he was cooking dinner that he'd been set upon by three mountain trolls, the horrible creatures passing him around between them as they discussed whether to boil him alive, chop him up and put him in stew, or just fight for the right to eat him whole and raw.

"However did you get away?" Bofur wanted to know, it a real struggle now to keep his eyes off the incredible storyteller beside him, who painted such a vivid picture in his mind that his heart was pounding in his chest even though he knew the hobbit came out of it all right since he was sitting right beside him.

"By convincing them I was a dwarf."

"What?!"

"Well you see they'd never seen a hobbit before so they had no idea what I was. Once I realized that they were a little leery of eating me because of that I formulated a rather genius plan if I do say so myself. I told them that I was a dwarf, only I'd been struck with a horrible, mutating disease that had caused my muscles to waste away, my beard to fall off, and had caused my ears to become misshapen. I told them that I'd been cast away by my kin because I was highly infectious, and that they should go ahead and eat me because then my misery would end. Then I added that at least I knew I'd be avenged against them since they were sure to be infected themselves when they ate me, and then they'd rue the day they met me."

"That's brilliant!"

"Thank you." Bilbo had to stop himself from puffing up a little at that, especially since this story always got him looks from his elders when he told it back home. "Anyway, my ploy worked, obviously, because I'd hardly gotten my explanation out before the one holding me threw me in disgust, sending me sailing into a tree quite a distance away from them. As you can imagine that could have ended very badly for me, but luckily my coat managed to catch on a jagged branch, giving me time to regain my senses before I attempted to get down on my own. I was quite battered and bruised by the time I got down, but I was alive to tell the tale which was more than I had expected. My poor pony though, they ate her instead."

Bilbo's smile faded a little as he remembered poor Marigold. He'd taken to growing the flowers she'd been named for in his garden, a sort of memorial, and he would miss their bright color. He could only hope that this new pony of his didn't meet a bad fate.

"And did the plants help your people, then?"

Immediately perking back up Bilbo was delighted to say that they had, though it had taken a passing tinker with knowledge of the sickness to finally rid them of the problem for good. A very nice man, that tinker, excellent wares of fine quality.

Falling into a discussion about the buying and selling of wares, both men passionate about the art of bargaining and disdainful of those who never argued a price, Bilbo and Bofur had a lovely time regaling the other with the best deals they'd managed to wrangle both in buying and selling.

"You really should work on Thorin to get him to let you help him with the elves." Bofur declared at one point, slapping his knee in enjoyment. "You'd be much better at it than him. You've a right sharp mind, Bilbo Baggins, and the charm needed for this sort of thing." It went without saying that Thorin and diplomacy didn't often go hand in hand.

Blushing quite prettily Bilbo somewhat bashfully thanked the dwarf for the compliment. He didn't know about charming, but his mother had always said that one of a hobbit's greatest weapons was their minds. They weren't built for combat, nor did their lifestyle and culture provide much opportunity to learn. Their ability to hide and go unnoticed were certainly valuable in dangerous situations, but that wouldn't save them if they were caught by whoever meant them harm. If they were captured than all they had was their wits, and that they could keep as sharp as any blade even in the Shire.

Fairly sure he would have liked Bilbo's mother Bofur said so even as he thought to himself that the halfling beside him really was rather cute when he blushed, and he could see why Thorin had picked him. He might not be attractive by most dwarven standards, but then cuteness wasn't exactly considered appealing unless one was referring to their children. He was a toymaker though, so he had a great appreciation for the adorable and cute.

He'd do what he could to see Thorin and his new friend were a happy couple, Bofur decided with renewed determination. He wanted Bilbo to keep smiling so prettily, and Thorin to forget himself and show them a softer side they'd rarely gotten to see over the years.

)

The sound of the halfling's laughter was musical in nature, the dwarves having to work hard not to look back towards the cart that was positioned in the middle of their company, Bofur apparently saying something that Bilbo found utterly hilarious once again. In the two hours the two had been traveling in the cart together the others had been caught again and again by the laughter and interesting faces their friend and Bilbo were making at each other, Kili nearly running into a tree in distraction at one point. Thorin, for his part, had allowed himself only a couple glances backward to check on the pair, disturbed by his strange feelings regarding the fact that the two seemed to be becoming as thick as thieves. Hadn't he wanted them to be friends, knowing that Bofur would be a good one for his consort to make?

So why did he have this puzzling desire to punch the toymaker?

Shifting to glance in the direction of the cart yet again, Kili wondered outloud what they were talking about now, his insatiable curiosity getting the better of him. Plus his future uncle did tell some very interesting stories, and he was eager to hear more as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

Unfortunately Thorin had made it quite clear he didn't think he could be trusted to talk to Bilbo AND drive the cart.

"They'll be talking about your inability to stay on your mount if you keep directing your attention behind us instead of forward, nephew."

Shoulders hunching at his uncle's tone, he knew it all too well, Kili tried and failed to look like he didn't know what his king was talking about. "You know, Uncle, perhaps you should ride with the hobbit after our next stop. You are getting married after all, and I'm sure he'd like your company."

If his uncle was sitting in the cart he wouldn't be able to yell at him as easily, plus the two together would be a lot less distracting since they quite obviously didn't along nearly as well as Bilbo did with Bofur. Uncle Thorin wouldn't be interested in stories either, so that would mean the hobbit would save them for later, when he'd hopefully be around to hear them.

The look Thorin gave him in response to his suggestion had Kili going very, very quiet.

Appreciating the silence, though he had no doubt it wouldn't last long, Thorin turned all his concentration to what lay ahead, refusing to acknowledge the way the hobbit's laughter and smiles threatened to shatter his concentration, or his desire to be the one the halfling was heaping those sweet gestures upon. The safety of his company and consort were all he should be thinking about, the plans he would implement once he returned to Erebor the only thoughts that should be competing for his attention.

Besides…he would have years to enjoy his consort's laughter, smiles and sass.