23 Weeks Pregnant

Even though Ben and I don't have an official title for our relationship, we've been spending a lot of time together and he wants me to move in with him. I won't do that unless we're married, but the more time we spend together, the more I think about it. Since I've been spending so much time with Ben lately, today, I'm going to Grace's house to catch up with her.

Grace: So what's been going on with you and Ben, are you in love with him?

Adrian: I love him; I don't know if I'm in love with him, but I love him.

Grace: With the difference being?

Adrian: What I feel for Ben is a mature love. I know I love him and I know he loves me. He's the kind of guy that I've always wanted. He's there. I mean my dad was never there and my mom was barely there, but Ben is there.

Grace: Is being there enough?

Adrian: Being there is everything.

Grace: I don't like the thought of you marrying somebody just because they're going to be there but have no strong physical attraction to. Maybe being there is everything a child needs, but I don't know if it's everything a woman needs.

Adrian: It's different when you're pregnant. The whole world is different. I can't just think about myself I have to think about the baby. And when I think about the baby, I know she loves Ben because Ben is her daddy and he's good to us. It makes me love him.

Grace: well don't get married to Ben just because you're pregnant and you like all of the nice things he does for you and the baby. You have to really love him to marry him; if you don't it's just not fair.

Grace doesn't really understand what I'm going through. Not just with this, but with everything. She grew up with both of her parents married and they were there for her all the time. I never had that. So now that I have someone who makes me their first priority, I couldn't ask for anything more.

Ben is taking me to dinner tonight and it sounds like he has something special planned. My parents can tell I'm excited, so this of course starts another conversation about marriage with my dad, but my mom isn't too happy about it. I really hope that my dad doesn't try to push Ben into marrying me. If he does, I would never know how Ben really feels about me. My mom doesn't want us to get married right now because she wants me to still accomplish everything I wanted to.

Cindy: You know Adrian, you don't have to be with Ben just because you're having a baby together.

Adrian: I know that, but I love Ben.

Cindy: You love him or you love him because you think you have to?

Adrian: I really love him.

Cindy: But what about what you want? Like what about your goals? You wanted to be a lawyer, what happened with that?

Adrian: I can still do that.

Cindy: How? How would you have time or money for college?

Adrian: Ben's dad said that his company would give me a scholarship and that he would set up a trust fund for the baby.

My mom isn't exactly for mine and Ben's relationship but she is trying hard to be supportive. When she got pregnant, my dad offered to marry her but she didn't want just an offer so they ended up breaking up and she didn't want anything to do with him. He paid child support but that was it and my mom was completely independent. She's worried that if I become too dependent on Ben, it's going to blow up in my face, but I know that will never happen.

Ben sent his chauffer to pick me up for our date. I don't know what he has planned but it seems really romantic. I got out of the car and Ben was there waiting for me. As soon as he greeted me he got down on one knee.

Ben: I love you Adrian.

Adrian: You do love me, don't you?

Ben: I do love you, and I would be honored if you would be my wife.

Adrian: Yes!

Ben: You don't want to think it over?

Adrian: No.

I'm so excited Ben and I are engaged. I can't wait to tell everyone!

26 Weeks Pregnant

Our parents offered to pay for our wedding. I had originally planned on having a big wedding with everyone from school, but after a lot of debate, our parents changed their minds and decided they would rather put the money they would have spent on a wedding towards a condo for us to raise the baby in. I think that's a great idea, especially since not everyone on our original invite list was all that thrilled about us getting married in the first place. We've been looking at condos for the past few weeks now and Ben doesn't seem to like any of them. I hope he can make up his mind soon.

We found a condo that I really like, it even has some furniture already in it so that's one less thing we need to buy. It's so nice on the inside, it's in a great neighborhood, and it's affordable. It has everything on my checklist down to the color of the appliances, but Ben still seems to have issues with it.

Adrian: Ben is there some issue why you don't want to leave home? Are you afraid you and I can't handle raising a baby on our own? Because we're still going to have plenty of help and I'm sure we'll be fine.

Ben: I just don't think that this is the place.

Adrian: Are you going to think any place is the right place?

Ben and I worked through his issues with the condos. He was afraid of leaving home and I guess he has been ever since his mom died a few years ago. Not that I can blame him, but I know that we can work together to create our own memories with each other and our daughter.

28 Weeks Pregnant

Ben's dad bought the condo for us. We're really excited about it and we've already started buying stuff for the nursery. Even though I'm only a teenager, I love shopping for baby stuff. We decided not to move in with each other until after the wedding. Even when we're engaged I still think it's inappropriate to live together before we're married. My mom's job still calls for her to be gone most of the time, so this morning she told me her plans for the next few months. Our wedding is only a few weeks away which is cutting it close to my due date, but it's not like we can push it back any further.

Cindy: I'm going to be away for most of the next four weeks, but then I'll be off for almost another four weeks so I'll be here to help with the move, and the wedding, and the baby coming.

Adrian: Thanks, Mom, but I think everything's under control.

Cindy: Do you? What are you going to be getting married in? What are you going to be wearing? What about a photographer? Did you order the flowers?

Adrian: I've still got a few weeks and it's just a tiny little wedding.

Cindy: But it's your wedding and you're going to want all of this stuff. Have you and Ben talked seriously about finances? Like are you going to open up a joint checking account or keep your money separate? Is there a prenup?

My mom brings up a lot of good points. I guess I didn't really think of the reality of how much there is in planning a wedding, even a small wedding like ours. It stressed me out a little bit to hear this stuff. Ben and I know we want to get married before the baby comes, but I guess we better get our acts together soon. I sure hope we know what we're doing.

As if I wasn't stressed out enough, I ran into my friend Amy on my way to school. She had a baby her freshman year of high school and she made me realize that I might not be ready to have a baby either.

Amy: So are you excited for the wedding?

Adrian: Yeah I can't wait, but there's still a lot I need to do first.

Amy: And what about the baby?

Adrian: We're getting the nursery set up and buying a lot of things

Amy: Yeah, newborns are a lot of work. You're going to be really tired for a long time. And with everything you have going on with the wedding, and moving in, and having a baby, I don't know how you're going to do it. Your hormones go crazy. Oh, and breast feeding, you are going to breast feed right? It's so wonderful and weird at the same time. And only a little painful starting out, of course not as painful as childbirth, but it doesn't take long to forget that.

Talking to Amy only freaked me out more. Part of me thinks she was just trying to scare me, the other part of me knows that she is right. I don't have much time left and it stresses me out knowing that I have to get all of the stuff for my wedding and learn about the ins and outs of motherhood.

When I told Grace my insecurities at school, she didn't help at all. If anything she made things worse by agreeing with my parents and Amy. I hope I can get all of my confidence back soon because obviously I'm running out of time

Tonight Ben and I are going to the condo to set it up some more. I figured setting up the baby's room would help us open up to each other. I'm hoping we can help each other out.

Adrian: So are you worried about getting married so soon?

Ben: No, I'm not worried. Why? Are you?

Adrian: I'm not worried, I just didn't realize how much there still is left to do.

Ben: We should get it all done in time. Don't stress out about it.

Adrian: It's hard not to, I mean we're still so young and we're having a baby so soon.

Ben: We're going to be great parents. Our parents are going to help us. We can get a nanny to watch her while we're at school.

Adrian: Neither of us knows anything about babies.

Ben: Whether we know anything about them or not parenting is just like anything else, we'll learn as we go.

I knew I could count on Ben to make me feel better, I just hope he's right.