Chapter 3- Talks: Part 2

"I get the feeling that you think way too much."

"So where do we go from here?" Kurt asks, shivering slightly from the cold night air.

That's a very good question. Where do we go? Kurt has made it plainly clear that there is nothing left for him in Lima. My family are in Forks, though. Alice might have seen my suicide coming once I'd made the decision. I turned my phone off hours ago so nobody would interrupt the whole trying to kill myself deal. I can imagine that she has texted me if she saw enough. I guess that Kurt will have to come to Forks. Well, if he wants to. It's all very complicated.

"It might sound indecisive and irritating, but where do you want to go? What do you want to do?"

Kurt coughs slightly. "What are my options?"

"You could come home with me to Forks. If I'm being too forward, we can figure something else out."

Kurt shakes his head once. "Where else do I have to go?"

His voice sounds so incredibly broken that I don't dare disagree for fear of hurting him anymore than he's already been by the world. He doesn't deserve such a thing to happen to him, yet the Universe has seemed to throw curveball after curveball at him. Kurt seems to have batted them all out of the park but now he's tired of picking up the bat. He's going to let the next curveball hit him. Or, at least, he was going to until I showed up.

I guess that I was the latest curveball in his life. A suicidal vampire stopping him from doing the one thing that he wanted to do most and having this insane kismet connection with him? That's bound to throw a spanner in the works. I know that it has for me, anyway. It has stopped everything that I was planning, simply because I was 'using his bridge' as he put it. Now I have to go from here. Usually, that would be all kinds of unnerving but, with Kurt by my side, I think that I will be able to do it. Move forward, I mean.

"Not that I don't want you to live with me, but are you sure there's nothing else that you can think of that you would want to do?"

Kurt looks down at the ground, biting a lip. "Everyone I would turn to is either dead or gone elsewhere without association. I have nothing. Hence the whole bridge jumping exercise."

I nod, because what else is there to do? It's not exactly an awkward situation anymore, but still. "So it's a plan? You'll come back to Forks with me?"

Kurt smiles and it's such a rare and genuine sight that it fills my heart with warmth. A feeling of something bubbles inside me and I haven't felt like this in a while. Despising who I am doesn't really leave a lot of time for smiling and feeling happy. Sometimes, when somebody is thinking of something that makes them happy, it makes me happy too, but that doesn't come around very often. I'm glad that Kurt has given me a reason to smile. And that I've given him one too. That's more than I can think about.

"What's it like in Forks?" Kurt wonders and I hate the answer I immediately think of. It's dull and inconsequential.

"Truthfully, there isn't really much too it. It's nice if you want to avoid drama and just live your life peacefully, but unless you go to Port Angeles or Seattle, you're not going to encounter much excitement."

"It's a little like Lima then, I guess. There was basically just the mall and the coffee shop."

"You said 'was'?" I notice.

Kurt sighs. "I guess I've just gotten used to not being around anymore. Past tense has been kind of my thing lately. Whenever people would talk about me after I did it, it would be in the past tense. I kind of applied it beforehand to make it easier. Maybe I thought that it would prepare me and get rid of any lingering doubt, I don't know."

"You had doubts?"

"Of course I did. Didn't you? There wasn't anything tying me to life, but ending everything still required some extra thought."

I nod. Of course I understand. "Another reason why I needed to be far away. So that there was no turning back. Once I left Forks, it would be a straight path until the end."

"Until you started to use my bridge," Kurt smirks.

"Until then. And I'm glad I wandered around aimlessly until the world pulled me to your bridge."

"Me too," Kurt smiles again and the bubbly feeling recurs. "When should we leave? I mean, it's night time now, so we wait until morning? We could crash at my place. Well, I'll crash and you…stay awake I guess and do whatever you do at night."

I laugh, because I never really think about how weird it is that vampires don't sleep. Humans actually do sleep and that seems weird to me because I haven't slept in over a century. "I'll probably just sit and read a book or something." I'm secretly fascinated to see how Kurt looks when he sleeps. I imagine that he's even more serenely graceful than when he's awake. I feel sort of ashamed of myself that I'll happily watch Kurt simply breathing in and out. It's not for a perverted reason, it just intrigues me how humans can be so peaceful.

"I have another question," he abruptly follows up his last statement before I can answer.

"Fire away."

"What are you afraid of that you think is irrational? And don't say yourself because that's such a cliché answer for someone like us."

I think. There's only one answer. I sigh. "The butterfly effect."

He frowns, cocking his head to the side. "Why that?"

"To think that something so miniscule and insignificant can have such catastrophic repercussions is terrifying, I think. It's just…that…I have power over things. Certain things. If I have a lapse in judgment and decide to bite a human. Suddenly, the world of those around that human changes. They start to grieve, nothing's ever the same. So I just think that one event that you don't even think matters could have such sonic boom into something potent and inordinately significant isn't something that I like to think about."

Kurt looks up at me, wide-eyed. "I hadn't really thought about it much, if I'm frank."

I swallow and eye him solemnly. "I think about it all the time. Sometimes whenever I'm doing something that, to others, would seem menial and not worth further reflection, I wonder how I'm impacting my own future as well as the futures of people around me."

"I get the feeling that you think way too much."

I try to laugh, but the sound gets caught in my throat. "I have a lot of free time with not much else to do."

He shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't believe that you haven't slept since your transition. That must be strange to get used to. Oh, we're here."

He stops, looking at the building in front of him.

Wow, I never thought I would be back here. I figured it was going to be bridge, then morgue or maybe I would get washed away by the current and never really end up anywhere. Or maybe a shark would eat me.

I chuckle at the latter thought and he looks at me quizzically. I shrug. "Your thoughts are somewhat amusing."

He grunts a little, but it's playful. "I had a question about that. Could you…I mean, are you able to obtain information about my dreams as well as my conscious thoughts."

I'm stumped. That's an interesting question. I've never really compartmentalised the two before. I've seen enough of Emmett's subconscious and it was a little more than I needed to know. "Yes. At least, I think so. Is that a problem?"

Kurt shakes his head. "I want you to listen. Or read or whatever it is that you do. Would it be too much to ask if you record things that I dream about? I've always been curious and I'm one of those people that never actually remembers the things that they dream about. If you don't want to do it, I can do without it. I just thought that it might be interesting is all."

That would be very interesting. For him and for me. I can get to know him a little better without having to have awkward conversations. Not that we've held anything back, really. I mean, we met just prior to our suicide attempts. I think we can kind of bypass small talk.

"I would be happy to do that. If you can find some paper or something, I can make lists of significant information that you're thinking about as you sleep. I think it's a lovely idea."

Kurt unlocks the door and I instantly feel how cold and barren the place is. There's no life here and no signs of happiness. I suppose that's a given, though, considering Kurt's situation. I plan to look around, but he walks straight down to the basement. A moment passes before I realise that this is his bedroom. No wonder he isn't as happy as he should be. Basement bedrooms can't really stimulate positivity. I'm shocked that he had remained in the room. Then again, I don't think that he would have been happy moving into his father's old room. That would not have been healthy, either.

"I'm sorry it's a mess. I'm usually extremely anal about the tidiness of my room, but I've kind of just let it go lately."

I look around and it's not what I would have expected. Musical theatre posters adorn the walls and pure black curtains hang in front of the window. There's a tall vanity that stands by his bed and a large closet sits in the corner of the room.

I wish this was tidier. Edward's probably disgusted by it.

"No, I'm not. My bedroom isn't exactly in use for sleeping, but there are CD's and clothes pretty much everywhere. I'm not exactly clean when it comes to my room. Sometimes I pass the night by cleaning, but not very often."

"I know what you mean," Kurt yawns.

"You should get some rest. We have a long day tomorrow. You'll be packing and moving to a new state, after all. That's not exactly a picnic in the park."

He chuckles but nods anyway, getting under the thin sheets and stretching himself out. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Would you mind lying with me for a little while? Until I fall asleep, at least."

My heart spins in my chest and now all I want to do is lie on the bed and stroke his hair while he sleeps peacefully. "Of course I will."

I climb onto the bed and he seems to snuggle up closer to me. His head rests calmly on my chest and slide down the bed a little more so he can be comfortable.

"Thank you," he whispers groggily.

"What for?"

"Everything tonight. I'm glad I met you."

"I'm very glad I met you too."

He snuffles slightly and it's the most adorable sound I've ever heard. "I'm glad you didn't die."

And that's all I need to hear.