Vegetable Juice
o3: 'Nyanyanyanyanyanyanya!'

"E-eh? There must be some kind of mistake here!"

"No. There's no mistake," said Agnes firmly. "You're going to be in this photo shoot along with Barnaby."

Kotetsu almost whimpered at the horrifying look Agnes was giving him. She looked like she wanted to butcher him and plant his limbs in her back garden as 'quirky' ornaments!

Wait…

Did Agnes even have a back garden?

That was something he had to discover, just to ensure the hands-being-used-as-a-substitute-for-gardenias situation (which was incredibly likely, obviously) never happened.

Kotetsu liked all his limbs exactly where they were, thank you very much.

Even so, despite his initial fear of Agnes, Kotetsu would not go down without a fight. He was a hero, wasn't he? He wasn't afraid; he would not be defeated by a scary woman wearing a lot of make up!

"Agnes, you know I never do photo shoots or whatever! Posing and looking cute is Bunny's job; I wouldn't want to take that away from him!"

Agnes raised a brow. "You're worried about stealing Barnaby's job? How very noble of you."

"Ahaha, well-"

"But Barnaby is in absolutely no danger of being out staged by you; of that, I can be quite certain."

"H-hey, I'm sure I have a few fans somewhere…"

"The deaf, blind or stupid, perhaps."

"T-that's kind of cruel!"

"The truth is."

"I didn't think for a moment I'd take the spotlight away from Bunny; I just don't want to cut into 'his thing', you know? I'd only get in the way if I was at a photo shoot too! Besides, I might end up breaking the camera lens with my face- you understand, right, Agnes? You're a… reasonable woman… Um…" Kotetsu looked down at the floor sheepishly, scuffing his shoes against the floor. "Sort of…? I think… Ahaha…"

Agnes' lip curled.

Ominously, she began to tap tap tap her fingernails against the very official-looking, very full folder clasped to her chest.

'Fingernails?' Ha! Those things were more like talons.

Kotetsu was suddenly, uncomfortably aware that claws like that could easily take out one of his eyes- n-not that he thought Agnes would do something like that, but, still…

Bunny always said it was best to be cautious.

Maybe he shouldn't try and incur her wrath further.

"Your face won't break the camera, but your face might get broken by me if you don't listen to what I say," said Agnes airily, flipping strands of bleach-blonde hair behind her shoulder in a dismissive motion.

Damn.

Maybe there really was some credibility to that whole 'Agnes is a demented murderer' theory Kotetsu's brain was beginning to form after all.

"You are Barnaby are a team. That's your big selling factor; the reason why you're so popular."

Huh. That was funny. Kotetsu always assumed they were popular because Bunny was handsome and attractive and everybody adored him, whilst he just hung around in the background being generally unappreciated by everyone.

Since when had that changed?

Agnes continued. "That's why you're going to do this photo shoot together, just like it should be. I'm sure you'll look fine. And if you don't…"

"I may not live to see the morning?"

Agnes smiled. "I'm glad you understand me. Now, follow me. I have your costume ready."

"C-costume?"

Dear God; they weren't going to be modelling swimwear again, were they?

Why was life so cruel?

When Kotetsu saw Barnaby waiting for him with his arms folded, Kotetsu's eyes widened in surprise.

He opened his mouth. Closed it again. Looked a bit like a fish for a few moments- before, finally, he managed to spit the words out.

"B-bunny! You're… you're… you're a bunny!"

"Your powers of observation never cease to amaze," said Barnaby flippantly, voice icy. "You are a genius."

True to Kotetsu's words, a pair of white rabbit ears was perched atop of Barnaby's head, flopping in front of his eyes in a manner that was equal parts strangely adorable and also one of the most hilarious things Kotetsu had ever seen since Antonio got that weird haircut all those years ago. The fact the rabbit ears were complimented by Barnaby's casual attire and a dormant, yet highly dangerous, glare only made matters worse.

Barnaby was trying so hard to look serious- but those ears were making it pretty much impossible.

Heh. Kotetsu couldn't help but grin a little at that.

Okay.

More than a little.

Try a lot.

Maybe Barnaby had a right to look so pissed off- but that was only making it worse.

It looked like Bunny's embarrassing nickname was beginning to catch on.

"Hey, Bunny, don't pull faces like that. The wind'll change and you'll be stuck like that forever. Then what will all your fans do?" said Kotetsu, voice teasing, as he lightly flicked one of Barnaby's bunny ears.

Ooh- they were really soft!

Actually, that was kind of nice…

"G-get off!" Barnaby snapped, voice stilted, as he slapped Kotetsu's fingers away.

"Ah, sorry, Bunny! I just couldn't help myself; you look so unusually adorable!"

"Don't say things like that! I'm not meant to be 'adorable'," said Barnaby, scowling.

"Alright then. 'Strong and manly'," Kotetsu rectified, a teasing grin still playing across his lips. "Yep. Those are definitely 'strong and manly' rabbit ears right there if ever I've seen them. Good job!"

Barnaby's cheeks turned light pink. "Shut up, old man! It's bad enough your stupid nickname become popular enough to the point where magazines even call me that- but this is beyond a joke. This is ridiculous. T-they expect me to go to a fashion shoot like this?"

"Hm~ You're beginning to sound a little like Blue Rose, you know. I should've figured you'd be even vainer than her, given how… poofy and styled your hair always is," said Kotetsu, laughing, as he playfully ruffed Barnaby's gold curls.

Hey, they were kind of soft too, just like petting a small animal~

Idly, Kotetsu wondered what shampoo Barnaby used. It was kind of funny imagining Barnaby spending hours and hours doing his hair every morning, when Kotetsu just slapped his hat over his head and called it a done job.

Barnaby's face turned red at this unwanted contact. He began to sputter angrily- before, finally, the amazing ability of human language flooded back to him.

"Stop that or you'll mess it up for the photo shoot!"

Kotetsu laughed, though he did relent in the head patting. He didn't want to upset Barnaby too much; not when he already looked so angry/offended about the indignity of having to wear a pair of rabbit ears.

Barnaby was the sort of person who got upset over little things like that, and Kotetsu didn't want to push him too far.

Even if it was fun.

"I don't understand why you're so cheerful," said Barnaby bitterly, trying to adjust his hair; carefully running his hands through it to ensure not a single strand was out of place. "You have to wear something like this, too."

"Who, me?" Kotetsu prodded himself in the chest. "I have to dress up like a bunny?"

"Not quite."

Kotetsu started suddenly at this new voice. He'd been so busy teasing Bunny (the kid needed to learn to laugh at himself just a little; he was always so serious!) he hadn't noticed Agnes coming up behind him.

Barnaby sniggered slightly at Kotetsu's obvious surprise, and Kotetsu stuck his tongue out at him in retaliation.

Barnaby and Agnes rolled their eyes at him in perfect synch.

"Whoa… Have you two been practising that or something?" Kotetsu asked, looking between Barnaby and Agnes as he pretended to shiver. "That was way to perfect to be a coincidence. I-I'm a little creeped out here…"

Barnaby muttered something that sounded a lot like 'idiot' under his breath, but Kotetsu wasn't the one wearing a pair of (actually, kinda, no, more than 'kinda', cute) rabbit ears of his head, so Barnaby's insults didn't have quite the cutting edge he obviously wanted them to have.

"Don't be ridiculous," said Agnes, sighing. "Here. I have your 'costume' for you. Just wear these on your head and you'll all set."

Kotetsu looked at the object Agnes was holding forwards for him to inspect; Barnaby leaning forwards curiously so he could peer over Kotetsu's shoulder.

When Barnaby saw what Kotetsu's 'costume' was, he began to smirk.

Kotetsu, meanwhile, groaned.

"Cat ears?"

"Well, tigers are just big cats. Besides, you're known under the name of 'Tiger and Bunny'- I thought dressing up like respective animal would further show the strength of your partnership during the photo shoot," said Agnes, in a tone of voice that clearly said 'don't question me; I am in charge and I am always right.'

Kotetsu still questioned her anyway, though- merely because he was an idiot like that.

"But cats aren't really… Well…"

"Cats aren't really well what?"

"Um… threatening?"

There was a reason Kotetsu's superhero name wasn't 'Wild Kitty', after all.

Actually…

D-didn't that sound kind of like a porn star's name?

Kotetsu felt himself turn red at that thought.

Oh, great. This just got better and better.

"Well, these aren't making me look very vicious either," said Barnaby, tugging at one of his bunny ears with a pained expression on his face.

"I don't know. Once I took Kaede to a petting zoo and a rabbit bit my finger," said Kotetsu. "Then can be kind of dangerous, too."

"Oh, sure," said Barnaby, glaring. "I think it's obvious who has the worse deal here, old man." A sigh. "If you hadn't given me such a stupid nickname this wouldn't be happening."

"Ahahaha, well… I-I see I might have made a mistake now…"

Kotetsu laughed awkwardly as, tentatively, he picked up the pair of ears from Agnes hands. He looked at them with narrowed eyes.

Then, with the air of a man who was being led up to the chopping block, he placed the stupid ears on his head and struck a pose; hands held up, fingers curled over as though they were paws.

"Meow?"

Doubtless, if that had been a scene from a shojo manga (didn't Karina like to read those; hiding them behind fashion magazines when she thought other people might be watching?), sparkly hearts would, doubtless, have erupted behind Kotetsu at his 'adorkable' (or just plain 'dorky') pose.

Agnes had to stifle her smile.

Barnaby didn't even bother.

"H-hey! I'm doing my best here! Geez, I'm getting too old for this."

Kotetsu pouted a little in a mock show of annoyance, but, to be honest, he didn't care. If destroying his pride was all it took to make Barnaby smile like that, then he'd gladly do it. Kotetsu got the feeling Barnaby hadn't done much smiling in his life.

Kotetsu's reputation didn't mean all that much to him anyways- it was just…

Damn.

It was kind of embarrassing wearing those stupid ears.

What if his mother saw him dressed up like that as she flipped through a magazine- or, worse still, his brother? He'd never hear the end of it, honestly. His life wouldn't be worth living.

'Is this what heroes do nowadays? Whoa, it's a lot different than I imagined it, brother- but you stick at it!' Snigger, snigger.

That would be his brother's response.

As least Kaede would never have to learn the truth about her kitty-cosplaying dad.

But it was all worth it to see that small, slightly hesitant smile on Barnaby's face.

"Man, I'm exhausted!" Kotetsu sighed, collapsing on a couch in the main room of the Hero TV building. Who knew standing around doing embarrassing poses whilst wearing a pair of kitty ears on his head would be so tiring?

Barnaby must've had pretty good stamina (not to mention patience) being able to cope with photo shoots like that virtually twenty four seven, in addition to his hero work.

For perhaps the first time in his life, the cameramen had actually shown a vague flicker of interest in Kotetsu, too. It never used to be like that. Whenever Barnaby had been modelling clothes the cameramen were all over him (well, not literally; that would be disturbing and highly inappropriate, given Barnaby often didn't wear a lot when pictures were being taken of him), asking him to pose for more and more shots and, oh, would you mind trying this on- and look at that smile, you're perfect!

The cameramen, of course, did not know that underneath the icy smiles Barnaby affected during his photo shoots lurked impatience and irritation- but Barnaby seemed to exist in an almost constant state of irritation all the time, so maybe it didn't make much difference.

During those photo shoots Kotetsu would always be told to stand to one side. He wasn't needed, wasn't necessary- just an accessory to Barnaby who followed him around everywhere, a little like a stray dog. Even though they were a 'team', they hadn't really been treated as such.

Kotetsu had hated- well, not hated, hate was a pretty strong word and it took too much energy to hate anything (apart from maybe, like, broccoli)- Bunny from the moment he saw him; sure he was some arrogant little kid who only cared about his reputation and his perfect hair instead of saving people.

That had been wrong though, hadn't it?

He'd been dead wrong…

Suddenly, a shadow fell across Kotetsu's body.

Barnaby was standing over him, hands on hips.

Had he done something wrong…?

"What on earth are you grinning about?"

Huh? He'd been grinning?

Damn it. Apparently, Kotetsu's face was conspiring against him; making his expression all silly and sappy when he thought about the fond memories he'd shared with Barnaby.

He'd never been the best at hiding his feelings.

"Aha… Nothing, Bunny, nothing!"

"Good. Then get up and let me sit down, too."

"Ehh? But there's another couch; go sit on that," said Kotetsu petulantly, looking up at Barnaby from under his eyelashes.

"I don't care," Barnaby replied, equally as childishly. "I want to sit here, not over there. Move."

"And if I said no…?"

"I'd sit on you."

Kotetsu grinned. "A lot of people would consider that a reward rather than some horrible threat. You have a lot of strange fans, Lil' Bunny, ahaha~"

To Kotetsu's amusement, Barnaby's face turned light pink at this. It reminded Kotetsu a little of the time he'd teased Kaede when she tried experimenting with her hairstyle; 'trying to attract some guy, are you? The young grow up so fast!'

Kaede had gone a funny red color, like an overripe tomato, and hung up on him, which had made Kotetsu feel like a bit of a dork, but he figured it was fine. Parents were allowed to say embarrassing things to their kids.

It was practically in the job description.

At least he could live up to that when it came to be a parent, even if he failed spectacularly at everything else.

"W-whatever," said Barnaby, trying to shrug off his embarrassment. "You have three seconds to move, and then I'm sitting on you."

"Ahh, you're being such a spoilt brat, Bunny."

"And you're being a selfish, lazy old man."

"You always respect your elders and betters, or… or something, anyway."

"Yes. I think that only applies to people who actually are your betters."

"That was pretty harsh! Look, don't sit on me, Bunny, I don't think my old bones could handle it!"

"One."

"Ahh, I'd love to move, but you see, I'm really too comfy right here-"

"Two."

"You wouldn't treat your partner so cruelly, would you, Bunny?"

Barnaby smirked as he looked down at Kotetsu, still sprawled in a lazy heap across the couch.

"You really don't know me at all, do you? Three."

And with that, Barnaby flopped down onto the couch with minimum grace or elegance- landing his full weight directly on Kotetsu's stomach.

The noise of pain Kotetsu made was very satisfying.

"O-oof! Ah, Bunny, you're really heavy! You don't look it, but you weigh a ton!"

"Well, thanks. You're incredibly charming, too."

"Bunny, get off! Get off get off get off I can't of can't breathe!"

"I did give you a warning."

"I didn't think you'd..." Cough, cough. "Actually do it!"

Barnaby only smiled. "Yes, well, consider this revenge."

"R-revenge?"

"For making me wear those stupid rabbit ears earlier. You might just've killed my reputation with your inane nickname, old man."

"Aww, c'mon, Bunny! D-don't be such a kid! Y-you're killing me here! I'm literally dying!"

Slam!

"W-who's killing who? Are you alright?"

The sudden appearance of Ivan in the doorway, his face pale with worry, was enough to make Barnaby push himself off Kotetsu in alarm. In his haste, Barnaby very nearly tripped over his feet (a huge departure from his usual elegant motions), almost face-planting onto the floor.

If Barnaby's nose got broken, his legions upon legions of fans- many of whom wanted Barnaby to sit on them, apparently, according to some strange survey Kotetsu had stumbled across on the haunting planes of the internet- would be pretty pissed off.

Kotetsu couldn't let Barnaby's face be marred!

Luckily, Kotetsu managed to reach forwards and steady Barnaby, grabbing hold of his arm.

Barnaby's many fans all heaved a sigh of relief.

Unluckily, this sudden movement only made Barnaby fall over backwards.

The end result was almost cliché, really.

Barnaby fell backwards… directly into Kotetsu's arms.

Yep.

Because their previous poses just hadn't been embarrassing enough.

Both Kotetsu and Barnaby turned red from their sudden proximity- and their embarrassment was made all the more pronounced by the wide-eyed look on Ivan's face.

"What… are you doing?" Ivan asked gingerly, looking between Barnaby and Kotetsu in alarm.

Kotetsu spat out a few strands of Barnaby's hair (how had they ended up in his mouth?) and began to speak.

"Bunny was trying to suffocate me. I managed to stop him just in time."

"Oh… So then… you were having a fight?"

"Um, something like that," said Kotetsu, laughing nervously; speaking for both himself and Barnaby, since it was obvious Barnaby had momentarily lost the ability of human speech. "P-pay it no mind, ahaha!"

Well, that was subtle.

And why was he still clinging onto Barnaby like that?

The moment Kotetsu's grip slackened Barnaby fell off the couch and onto the floor- thump.

Oh.

So that was why he'd been holding onto him so tightly.

Kotetsu hoped Barnaby wasn't going to get bruises or anything, because Barnaby almost certainly blame him for that- 'how dare you mar my perfect skin?'- and then Kotetsu's life wouldn't be worth living for a few days.

"Well, if it was just a fight I guess that's… fine… It's what you do all the time, anyway," said Ivan slowly, biting his lower lip. The poor kid looked a little like he'd stumbled across some kind of satanic ritual. He was completely lost for words. "Although…"

"Although what?" asked Kotetsu, tilting his head to one side.

Ivan gestured at his head vaguely.

"Ears."

"Ears?"

"Cat ears. You're… wearing cat ears… Kotetsu."

"Hn? I am?"

Kotetsu's hands reached up to pat his head.

Then, he froze.

H-how had he not noticed they were still there? Where was his hat?

"Bunny," Kotetsu whined, as he glared down at the collapsed form of his colleague, "why didn't you tell me they were still there?"

Barnaby only smirked.

"I thought they suited you, so I didn't say anything."

"B-bunny!"

Meanwhile, Ivan had taken on Kotetsu's usual role of being very confused.

a/n: Nyoron~~
Yeah there is a ridiculously large amount of Tiger & Bunny fan art with them dressed up with kitty/bunny ears respectively, it's kind of adorable :3

I guess you can tell pretty easily thus far that this story was originally gonna be unconnected shorts, given its disjointed-ish nature, but there is kind of sort of an overarching 'story line' that should make itself apparent next chapter… um, I hope… :3

The meme here is:

http : / / www . youtube . com / watch?v=i2pe33dgLzE&feature=related

haha that's not the original miku version though, s'the Tiger & Bunny one I found ;3
Everybody knows that meme under a different name now though XD

~renahhchen xoxo