Author's Note: This was meant to be split between two chapters. Hopefully you guys won't make me regret it! I love you all ~KK

Alternate Universe: Alive!Minato & Kushina. Kagome and Gaara are twins living in Konoha. Non-Massacre Uchiha Clan.

Byblis

Let's go slowly, discouraged,
We'll burn the pictures instead
When it's all over we can barely discuss
For one minute only
Not with the fortunate only
Thought it could have been something else
These days it comes, it comes, it comes, it comes, it comes, and goes . . .

— Lisztomania

Winter in Fire country was never welcome; thankfully it was typically short, to the point and never quite sweet. Ice settled quickly and snow fell. Everything melted by noon and every Leaf villager was knee deep in mud by January. However, night fell, congealed the mud and everyone's hearts as well.

No one ever slept well during a war.

Morning brought some reprieve, a sharp intake of ice into the lungs always rattled the bones and roused the soul. Villagers huddled in tight little knots, whispering and puffing into their rubbing palms.

The Hokage is mad…

A genius you mean, we have two Jinchuuriki…

Suna is too weak to oppose us…

Not if Iwa or Kumo join in…

Suna has enemies too…

The enemy of our enemy is not our friend when ninja are concerned…

There is always Mizu…

There is always somebody…

The same cycle rolled on wearily, vendors propped up stalls and opened shop. Women scuttled to the markets, vying for imported fruits and dismaying over the lack of Suna crafts. Trade stopped the moment the Hokage received reports of Suna scouts at his borders.

Kushina was still getting an earful from Mikoto about the lack of decent silk, which inadvertently meant that Minato got an earful. But when did he ever not?

Despite the dreary weather, the sun poked out of the pale blue winter sky and just as well, Konoha's own little ray of sunshine was roaming the streets.

Minato twiddled his thumbs as he adorned Kushina's newest creation coiled around his neck. It was quite warm, he mused, the knitted scarf that blazed with the most incriminating color this side of Konoha.

"Nice scarf," Jiraiya appeared out of an alleyway and fell into step with Minato's idle stroll.

"Good morning, sensei," Minato greeted as he gnawed on his dumpling. "—and thank you. Kushina knitted it for me."

"It's called crocheting, kid—and it's purple."

"Periwinkle, actually. Wanna a dumpling?" Minato's palm bloomed with a bento box meticulously packed by his kind wife.

"Don't mind if I do," Jiraiya said and leaned forward to swipe the doughy balls of deliciousness. "You're up early. The council doesn't meet until noon."

Minato shrugged. "War briefing and I have to prepare what I am going to say to the Clan patriarchs."

"You mean you have to come up with a good excuse for instigating international warfare?"

"Well, when you put it like that you make me sound…"

"Power-crazed? Inhumane?"

"I was going to say awesome," Minato replied glibly.

"Point proven," Jiraiya tousled Minato's blond spikes. "You might just be a little insane genius after all."

"I did tell you I failed every mental evaluation test since I was six, right?"

Jiraiya tilted his side, side to side, considering. "I believe you mentioned it once or twice—something about random impulses on skinning people alive?"

"Something like that," Minato's eyes darted to a cluster of civilian men by a dango stall. They were working class, most likely stationed within the quarries or harbors and were back to Konoha for the winter. They had such little say in the world around them. Minato wondered… "Excuse me!"

Six heads, each with their respective topknot, looked up and each set of eyes slightly widened at their fair-haired, fearless and world renowned leader marching over to them—with a purple scarf wrapped proudly around his neck.

Jiraiya raised a brow. This would be interesting.

Minato approached, grinned his typical brilliant smile that made people smile back, most of the time. "Ohayo," Minato bowed slightly, albeit awkwardly with his bento box and being mindful to not let his scarf slip into the mud. "My name is Namikaze Minato. What is all of yours?"

Six pairs of eyes blinked. Six tongues rattled off six very plain names that Minato forgot the moment he heard them.

"Well, you might not know but I am the Hokage—"

Is this some sort of joke?

He must think we're stupid…

I knew I should've paid my taxes…

You don't pay your taxes?

He's probably going to kill us…

He can hear all of you!

"—and well, I was wondering what your opinion was on this whole '' thing."

A pause rolled by and Jiraiya watched as Minato was crowded around by middle aged men like a new toy behind a windowpane before children. Minutes passed, Minato said his peace and while a few remained unconvinced and one man got red-faced about it, they all eventually conceded to Minato's infectious charisma and infallible ethics.

"So you see, if I was to hand over the twins I would be breaking my oath on protecting them and my wife would be devastated to lose them to a village who would use them as weapons. In the end we are promoting the greater good—oh, and did I mention Kagome saved my wife's life?"

All six men shook their heads.

"Oh, right that is classified etcetera, etcetera … just know she did and will help us much more in the future. I do not want any resentment forming towards her or Gah-rah from my village."

All six men nodded dutifully with respectful bows and reverent mutterings, they scattered and spread the word.

Minato walked triumphantly back to Jiraiya. "Sorry, sensei, I just needed to do a little damage control."

"You fear a coup d'état?" Jiraiya asked darkly.

Minato scratched the back of his neck. "Something like that."

"Well, if it helps I believe people near revere you like a god after the Kyuubi attacked."

"They wouldn't if they knew it was my fault and that my wife was the prior Jinchuuriki and my son is the current."

"Ah, but that is as you said 'classified etcetera, etcetera'?"

"Exactly," Minato remarked absently as they crested a rather steep road and came upon the Hokage tower pressing wearily into the bleak winter sky. The squat maroon and rimed building shouldered an impressive weight of snow on its roof, typically reserved for ceremonies and official use, it was now rendered useless from last night's weather.

I'll get some Genin to shovel it off, Minato mentally noted and strode forth with Jiraiya clogging his sandals (Minato wondered when his sensei's toes would succumb to frostbite) close behind.

"After you," Jiraiya scurried forth to open the door for his student.

Minato shivered into his cloak and was welcomed with the luxurious heating of his 'office'. The lobby was plainly furnished with a few wilting plants sipping at the pale light from the windowsills and a stack of heavily outdated magazines. Minato flicked on the light switch while Jiraiya slipped open the blinds.

"Not again," Jiraiya commented as the light revealed Tsunade overworked apprentice.

"Ohayo, Shizune-san," Minato greeted the slumped form of his receptionist.

Shizune jumped up from her desk, frazzled and looked dazedly up at the Yondaime. "O-Ohayo, Hokage-sama."

"Did you fall asleep here, again?" he leaned down and rose a brow at the drool spot on the rather ancient text the Chuunin had been studying before fatigue had gotten the best out of her.

Shizune blushed. "H-hai, Tsunade-sama wants me to be Jounin and she… is sort pushing me a little hard."

Translation: Please, for the love of god help me!

But to Minato there were two types of people in the world— those who belonged to the awesome Team Jiraiya and Team Tsunade.

Then of course was the miscellaneous group that Minato filtered the other 99.7 % of the world's population into.

However, Shizune was definitely on Team Tsunade and Minato, well that went without saying.

Minato smiled down at the teenager. "Well, be sure to have the coffee ready for the council meeting this morning. We are going to war and any fatigue will impede our major decision making skills and may cause catastrophe for our nation and even for the world as a whole."

Shizune paled. "When—when is this meeting, Hokage-sama?"

"Three minutes."

Shizune was already down the hall fumbling with the coffee bean grinder.

Jiraiya shook his head. "Tsunade will kill you if you give Shizune-chan a heart attack."

Minato shrugged. "She killed the office pet last week. She deserves a little hazing."

"Which one?"

"Fluffy, the goldfish—don't you remember? He was two years old."

"That translates to a millennia in fish years, kid. And what ever happened to Spot?"

"The chinchilla?" Minato looked over his shoulder as he peered inquisitively over Shizune's desk. "He… escaped," Minato commented eerily as he rerolled the scroll and tied the twine binding. "Kakashi and Rin swear that you can hear him at night."

"Maybe if our dear Kushina-chan let you have pets then maybe you wouldn't feel the need to pawn every stray or festival prize off on your innocent little Chuunin.

Minato tucked the scroll and a cluster of other papers under his armpit before heading towards the stairwell. "You honestly think Kushina will let me get a puppy?" There was undiluted, childlike hope in the Hokage's voice. He only had three evil babies at home for Kushina to contend with, what was one more…?

"No," Kakashi loomed at the top of the stairwell.

Jiraiya peeked over Minato's shoulder as they clambered the final ascent. "How'd you get in?"

"Aside from the front door always being open, I have my ways," Kakashi drawled and pushed off the wall as his sensei and the Sannin reached the top of the stairs. "Did you finish your latest work, Jiraiya-sama?"

"Ah, wouldn't you like to know? I am only the creator of the highest quality of modern literature this world has to offer."

Minato tossed looks between his boisterous sensei and his apathetic student. "Are you two talking about porn, again?" he asked innocently.

Kakashi blinked hurriedly while Jiraiya adamantly defended his masterpieces.

"Kakashi I expected more from you." Minato spun on his heel; conference room bound and said, "I am telling Rin."

"Sensei—" Kakashi watched dismayed as his sensei departed down the halls.

Minato's blond head poked from around the corner. "Ah, unless you can conjure a summary for the clan patriarchs as to why we are at war with Suna while still portraying me in a decent light."

Jiraiya snickered. "Blackmail… I taught you well, kid."

Kakashi sighed, feeling defeat creep over him. "When?"

…

"—so concludes the official précis, as written by the Hokage," Kakashi finished in a monotone and set down the synopsis on the podium.

At the back of the room someone gave a very audible cough.

The patriarchs lined the polished wooden table and each held their own copy of Kakashi's synopsis of the war effort and Konoha's reasoning. This was a ceremonial front, if anything, the clans were bound to the village in more ways than one and unless they wanted to be exiled they would have to give their consent and send their clansmen into battle.

Kakashi sighed at the long aching silence that weighed upon the room. This was awkward, his sensei should have been doing this but who was he to complain to? Jiraiya? The Sandaime? They all glorified Minato and overlooked his abuses on his students. Kakashi cradled his cheek in his palm and blinked his only visibly grey eye at the clan heads. It sucked when your sensei was the Hokage and it really sucked when your sensei was the Hokage and had stage fright.

"Where is the Hokage presently?" Hyuuga Hiashi asked the lanky teenager with pale hair and nearly three fourths of his face obscured.

"War briefing," Kakashi said dully. Without his ANBU mask he must have appeared pretty pathetic. "He must prepare before the Council convenes this noon. I am to accept any petitions you may have with..." Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose. "…his awesomeness."

In the back of the room, Jiraiya gave a thumbs up. Kakashi felt utterly mortified.

Kakashi hated blackmail.

The only consolation Kakashi received was that most of patriarchs were relatively young and had been schoolmates with his sensei, so they must have been familiar with his antics. Kakashi prayed they were for his reputation's sake.

"I have a petition," Uchiha Fugaku, newly entitled Captain of Police and patriarch as well as new father to his second son. "I would like to see these newest 'citizens' of Konoha."

"As would we all," Hiashi seconded, earning a grunt from Akimichi Chouza and a firm nod from Yamanaka Inoichi.

Kakashi spied his friend, Sarutobi Asuma standing behind his elder brother. Asuma gave him a pitying look and then a shrug before his brother tuned in as well.

"Then please leave your signatures on this," Kakashi instructed as he passed around a the 'ceremonial clipboard'. "I will consult…" he sighed. "His awesomeness once the war briefing is over and please abide by the village-wide mandate that no utterance of either Jinchuuriki nor of the Ichibi no Jinchuuriki's sister is to be… well, uttered."

The clipboard made its rounds and every clan signed off accordingly, one ridiculously swirly signature at a time.

"Any others?" Kakashi cast a blank look about the room.

"I have a just a general question," Hiashi spoke, arms folding into his haori sleeves. "One that you could answer Hatake."

Kakashi tossed a glance over to Jiraiya leaning against back wall. The Sannin nodded. "Proceed," Kakashi said, feeling like a pompous ass.

"Is there a specific reason as to why we are not allowed to speak of the situation at hand?"

"The civilians are easily perturbed by the idea of Jinchuuriki, rumors are bound spread, my sensei knows this but to limit hostility towards the twins ensures smooth assimilation into our culture and stability of the seal in the long run," Kakashi explained. He was going way beyond the call of duty by proctoring this meeting. He was about to retire from ANBU, he had no place here…among these old people. "The seal's health is heavily intertwined with the Jinchuuriki's mental state, hence why many of you were completely unaware of Kushina-danna until… recent events."

A ripple of murmurs coursed through the clansmen as patriarchs they were entitled to such information but it was still a tender bud to pick with gossip.

"Anything else?"

Akimichi Chouza raised his hand. "I was told there would be free coffee and doughnuts."

…

"…our manpower is thrice that of Suna's, our spies have determined that the obtainment of the Shukaku was a sort of last ditch effort to restore their military power," Shikaku's voice droned on as he incessantly crinkled his already wrinkled papers.

Minato's eyebrow twitched. "What about the last appeal? We sent another didn't we?"

"Their reply was quite clear when they sent back the headless messenger, Hokage-sama," Shikaku reminded. "This is a personal vendetta, not a war."

Minato slumped in his chair and prostrated himself across the papers. He had arranged them in perfect sequence to lay his head upon.

"Hokage-sama?"

Minato's eyes shot open. "Sorry, cold weather makes me sleepy."

"And having three children at home has nothing to do with it?"

Minato let out a very audible sigh. "Only two of them ever cry and Kagome sleeps through the night now."

"Wait until they're walking."

Minato shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "Gaara doesn't allow Kagome to walk. When she tries, his sand just yanks her back down. Kushina is already scheduling them in for a psychologist."

Shikaku let out a gruff chortle and the scars on his face twisted into a grin. "They're brother and sister, Minato. They will pick on each other."

Minato twiddled his thumbs and leant back precariously in his chair. "I don't know, Shikaku—I have a feeling its more than that." Minato stared at the ceiling. The twins were odd. More so, Gaara was odd and Kagome was a happy baby, almost too happy. Kushina swooned at every little giggle and gummed smile while Gaara watched on silently. Gaara did not like to be touched, he seemed fond of Kushina though, allowing the occasional coddle or peek-a-boo. Minato had a feeling it was because they were… well, both redheads. "Naruto is starting to become more aware and I caught Kagome gnawing on his hair the other day in the playpen—and you know Kagome likes someone when they eat their hair."

Shikaku shook his head. "Has she eaten your hair, Hokage-sama?"

"Gods no!" Minato almost fell back in his chair. "I'm only allowed to hold them when they are asleep…ever since the incident."

"You mean the time you collapsed from internal hemorrhaging while holding Naruto?"

"Kushina is convinced I did it on purpose." Minato shuddered, feeling ill at the very memory. "Every time one of them spits up now…I gag."

"At least you are able to be in the same room with them now, Hokage-sama."

"Yeah," Minato grinned sheepishly."I am getting better, but only because my kids are ridiculously good looking—unlike yours Shikaku, how can you stand touching that thing?"

"Your kids are weird looking, Minato," Shikaku snapped back. Shikamaru was still a baby. All babies had squished faces… didn't they? "Kagome is the only normal looking one. Gaara is a ginger and Naruto is a towhead."

"That's 'Hokage-sama' to you, baby basher."

"Oh shut up, I've known you since I was six," Shikaku conceded to the lapse of formality and the façade quickly deteriorated as he seated himself on Minato's desk and leveled him with a stare. "Minato we need to talk."

Minato tossed a glance over his shoulder. The bleak winter sky and the mud and sleet filled street looking very appealing at this moment. "Pray tell," he smiled his award winning…well, smile.

Minato just forgot that whenever he did this, Shikaku rebuffed with a frown. "What's going to happen to the twins?"

Minato raised a brow. "I thought by declaring international war, I made my intent for them pretty clear."

"No, I mean you personally," Shikaku seemed to grimace at his next words. "You and Kushina haven't filed adoption papers. You can't play house for now and then ditch them later when they actually start to cause problems." The twins being odd were an understatement. Shikaku had glimpsed them during a play date when Kushina had toddled in with them, one on each hip and Naruto strapped to her chest. The dark eyed and ever smiling Kagome had poked Shikamaru's nose and had proceeded to gum him mercilessly while stoic Gaara had watched eerily. Kushina fed Naruto as the infants rolled on the carpet and Yoshino poured tea. Not a moment later, a pitched wail had sent Shikaku running from his office and over to a frantic Yoshino who was coddling a screeching Shikamaru. Kushina had remained stupefied.

His son's face had been slashed.

Kushina had disappeared with the twins and her son in tow, but not without Kagome's violent protests as her chubby arms outstretched to Shikamaru as if to remedy his wound.

"Has anything strange happened lately— you know on the home front?"

"Aside from my wife's demon being unleashed unto my village and being resealed into my only son," Minato gave a heartfelt chuckle. "—nope, nothing out of the ordinary."

"Minato, I'm serious, has Naruto or Kushina been injured mysteriously or have the twins been doing anything… you know—weird?"

"Well, there was that time I awoke to Gaara crawling on the ceiling hissing at me and Kagome pointing at me and chanting in some unrecognizable language…" Minato stroked his chin. "I'm just kidding, Shikaku and no, the twins are very accustomed to Naruto and Kushina. You must remember, Gaara is a Jinchuuriki and Kagome is the reverse. Gaara destroys. Kagome heals. It's as simple as that." Why was everyone so surprised when Gaara had a little violent outburst? Kagome would always be there to repair the damage, if not stop it altogether.

Shikaku grit his teeth. That was not reassuring at all. "And what about custody?"

"Kushina and I have agreed that the twins do not see us as their parents," Minato admitted begrudgingly. "They will live on their own when the time comes." Both the council and he agreed having two Jinchuuriki in one village was dangerous enough, let alone the same household.

Shikaku blinked, stunned. "Kushina is alright with that?"

Well, no, Minato immediately thought, recalling the rather violent tirade she had over his refusal to sign the adoption papers. "It is for the best, in the long run they would discover their true parentage and history. To legally bind them to me would cause resentment for they would be forever bound to Konoha and would leave them to be prime targets for my enemies to exploit. Plus… I do not see them as my children. Kushina does," Minato said simply. Maybe it was a bit harsh, but Kagome was not his daughter and Gaara was not his son. They were the Kazekage's and something nagged on him that he could not adopt children that already had parents. "Just as well, I believe the twins are more aware of the situation then most believe. Kagome knows I am not her father and Gaara regards me as if I have kunai instead of a bottle."

Shikaku pushed off the Hokage's desk. "In a way I understand, it just seems pointless to throw your country into war unless for the sake of your own children."

Minato slammed a palm on his desk. "See, that is everyone's problem—they try to categorize my relationship with the twins. I am not their father, I never will be."

Shikaku's face slacked. The Hokage, the easy going goofball Namikaze Minato has just yelled at him.

The door at the back end of the roomed peeked open and Hatake Kakashi poked his masked face in. "Sensei."

Minato let out a breath. "What?"

Kakashi paused at his sensei's tone. "The clans have been dismissed."

"Good," Minato slumped in his chair and beckoned in his student. Kakashi slipped in. "We were just finishing up." Minato tossed an icy look to Shikaku.

"I guess we were," Shikaku responded gruffly and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

Kakashi sidled alongside the Nara and sheepishly handed him a paper.

"What's this?"

"A summary of the war effort, every clan head got one," Kakashi said as Shikaku perused the document absently.

Shikaku promptly crumpled it and tossed at Minato's head. The paper ball bounced off his tuft of yellow hair and the door slammed with Shikaku's exit.

"Sensei…" Kakashi sighed.

"It was his fault," Minato defended as he shuffled some papers to look 'official'. "Any petitions?" Minato eyed the clipboard tucked under Kakashi's armpit. "I take that as a 'yes'."

"A problem, sensei," Kakashi handed his sensei the signature document. "They want to see the twins, all of them do." This was bound to compromise the twins' security.

Minato looked at the clipboard, deciphered the political jargon and let out a short 'hah'.

"What is so funny?" Kakashi had a bad feeling about this.

"This is nothing to worry about," Minato stood, crumpled the paper and let the clipboard clamber to his desk. "Where is Jiraiya-sensei?" Minato was already dashing out the door.

Kakashi broke into a light jog. "He is already with the council—sensei can you elaborate? The clans encompass nearly one third of Konoha's population, if they do not approve of the twins—"

Minato paused at the top of the stairwell and whirled on his heel. "Kakashi, Kakashi…" He clapped a hand on his student's shoulder. Since when was Kakashi so rigid? "This is just their wives' ploy of getting an invite for their kids to the twins' birthday party."

"But… but it may breach national security."

"That's what I said and then Kushina rented a cotton candy machine."

Kakashi blinked. "…I don't follow."

"I love cotton candy, duh."

…

The first conscious thought that Kagome ever had was…!

"Kagome-chan! That is…not sanitary!"

—that her brother's boogers tasted good.

Kushina swooped down into the playpen and picked Kagome up by the scruff of her onesie. "Kagome-chan, hands out!"

"Baaah," Kagome cooed and wiggled her fingers while the pretty redhead lady wiped her hands clean. She was set back down with her brother and Gaara blinked at her. She crawled over to him and was immediately embraced with the familiar feeling of sand. Kagome giggled happily and proceeded to chew on her brother's hair as a reward.

Kushina shook her head and dragged the twins' playpen into the living room. Naruto was splayed on his belly, wedged between pillows so as to not fall off the futon. With a leaking bottle halfway latched onto Naruto slept. Kushina plopped herself down on the carpet, eyes mindful of each infant's doings and proceeded to lick her one hundred and third envelope of the afternoon.

She really hoped envelope glue was not poisonous.

If she died would the other two hundred and ninety seven people even care to come to her funeral because they did not get invitation to the twins' birthday party?

Kushina huffed. No one appreciated her!

The front door opened. Minato trudged in with his usual bright, near fanatical charisma severely dimmed. "Tadaima…" he said pathetically and began to shimmy out of his muddy boots.

"Aren't you gonna say 'hi' to your children?" Kushina snapped and licked her one hundred and forth envelope.

Minato stiffened as he hung his cloak and periwinkle scarf on the coat rack. "Kushina, you have stop that."

"Stop what?" she asked innocently, recoiling for the attack!

"You know what," Minato drawled, not one to be baited so easily.

They only had one child. Kushina needed to keep that in mind.

Kushina settled into a dark brooding after that. "How'd you're meetings go?"

"Long," Minato announced as he slipped into the kitchen and Kushina heard the fridge open.

"Use a glass," she called.

A pause, and then an opened cupboard reached her ears as she heard Minato begrudgingly use glassware for his daily dosage. The man was like a cat, or better yet a newborn baby with the dairy. "Kushina…" A glass was put down. "We need more milk."

"Surprise, surprise," she grumbled. "You're getting it, I've been taking care of three babies all day while planning this birthday party."

Minato's blond head poked in around the corner. "And I've been dealing with an international crisis."

"Well… that does sound almost as bad," Kushina tilted her head. "Call up someone, then. You're the Hokage make it a mission or something, oh and be sure to write it off so the village can pay for it."

Minato blanched. "This is why you're not Hokage."

Kushina smiled. "While you're out be sure to deliver these." She gestured to the mountainous stack of invites. "I'll have the rest finished by morning."

"Why can't you mail them? Normal people do that."

"Because then I would have to pay for postage!"

Uzumaki Kushina was cheap.

It wasn't until three hours later, when the Great Yellow flash had spent more time talking to the elated invitees than delivering them did he return home with lukewarm milk in hand and three babies in his bed.

"Another night on the couch, it seems," Minato conceded and turned off the television. The grainy light fizzled out and the four huddled forms were motionless in the darkness. Minato crept out of the bedroom, shelved the milk and flopped against the sofa with a relieved sigh.

"Baaah!"

Minato near jumped out of his skin and off of the sofa at the horrific sound.

Kagome blinked, her dark eyes shimmering from the shaft of city light streaming in from the window.

"Yeah, okay." Minato scooted, picked up Kagome by the scruff of her onesie and expectantly awaited as the little one year old snuggled herself in against his ribs. "This is not going to keep on continuing, stinky. You drool on me every time."

Kagome was already asleep.

He did not know it at the time, but he could not have been happier.

Minato nodded off but not before spotting a little figure standing watchful in the hallway. "Gaara… at least pretend not be so creepy," he muttered before letting sleep pull him under altogether.

Okay, maybe he could have been a little happier.

…

This was worse than their wedding.

Minato glanced about the rented out pavilion that Kushina had heated and stocked to the hilt with balloons. Winter was an afterthought as the snow was melted and the residual mud was covered with synthetic turf.

A petting zoo (more for Minato than anyone else) was stashed to far end, complete with guinea pigs and pony rides. Face painting galore sidled alongside a mob of clowns and a jumpy gym was currently being inflated. And of course the cotton candy machine along with other confections was being set up as well.

They can barely walk, let alone ride a pony.

Minato thought as he nailed in the picket sign.

"Minato, what on earth is that?" Kushina demanded with Naruto on her hip and Kagome and Gaara holding onto her skirt like a lifeline. Gaara was a tad petrified of the goats which meant Kagome was petrified of goats. Minato could not blame them. "'Baby Free Zone'?" Kushina read the sign's plastered red lettering. "You've got to be kidding me."

Minato shrugged. "I don't want other people's freaky kids near me." Minato shivered at the thought of a hundred sticky little fingers reaching out for him. "Kagome is allowed… and maybe Itachi-kun…" Naruto still had a spit up issue and Gaara kind of… always wanted to strangle him.

"Baaah!" Kagome exclaimed, jumping up and down with pigtails bouncing. She was wearing a pastel yellow parka and although it was cold, it seemed a little ridiculous.

Gaara seemed to glare at him as he was wearing a matching parka, although it was mint green. Naruto burped, he looked like a stuffed orange starfish.

Kushina hung her son over her shoulder and gave solid pats to his back. "I can't believe you, I invited everyone's children because I thought you were over this!"

"I am…" Minato gestured to the little sign. "Just at a safe distance. Besides this is where all the men can do men things. "

"Oh, no! Jiraiya is not—"

"Kushina, this is a children's birthday party not going to going to do that again," Minato assured his wife as he began to construct a fence out of some extra chicken wire the petting zoo donated.

"Minato," Kushina sighed. "What are you doing?"

"Securing the perimeter, what else does it look like, Kushina?" Minato asked owlishly. "Look," he leaned over the fence and grabbed a cup of punch. "I can access sustenance without ever having to leave my base!" In military hindsight this was an invaluable sight of operation. "Now I just need cotton candy…"

Kushina looked down. "Kagome go in with Minato."

Kagome looked up, smiled and toddled towards Minato. "Baaah!"

Gaara gave a frantic looks between Kushina and his departing sister.

"One is my limit, Kushina," Minato said with shrug as Kagome pulled on his coattails. "Watch the drool, stinky or you're going in with the goats." Kagome whimpered in response.

"Gaara c'mon, I'll show you the clowns—they have red hair like us!" Kushina bent down and gathered the boy up on her other hip and disappeared into the crowd of workmen and caterers.

Minato sipped punch and Kagome had some as well, turning her parka pink instead of yellow and Minato showed her how the paper cup could be a hat. People eventually filtered in, some extremely early and most on time, right on the dot. Minato kept count by watching the mounting stack of gifts to the far end of the pavilion.

"Sensei?"

Minato and Kagome looked up, both were occupied with their three tiered castle of cups to notice Kakashi's approach. "Stinky, is Kakashi allowed in?"

"Baaah!" Kagome's response was to tackle Kakashi's leg and maw it.

Kakashi detached the toddler by picking her up by the hood of her park and bringing her to eyelevel. "Biting. Bad," he said flatly and flicked her nose.

Kagome erupted in a cacophony of wails.

Minato was absolutely horrified.

He snatched her away from his inhumane student. "— she is not a dog Kakashi," Minato huffed and then proceeded to flick Kakashi's nose. "Flicking babies. Bad."

Kagome started giggling and soon her sounds melted into hiccups.

Kakashi blinked. "First recon was deployed to Suna this morning."

Minato set Kagome down. Damn, his hands were sticky, again. "I know, Kakashi. I ordered it."

"Rin was assigned to that group."

Minato paused. "Quiet down, stinky," he murmured as Kagome's hiccupping baby talk had become a bit too raucous for such serious discussion. "You're angry, Kakashi. I can see that."

Kakashi's only visibly grey flicked down to the toddler, who wilted under his gaze. Kagome whimpered. "Yes," he gritted out and there was a deep well of anger behind those words. "You sent Rin to the frontlines for this—" He shot a sharp motion with his hands to the fettered pavilion around them filled to the hilt with festivities. "If she dies for some mollycoddled brat—"

"I think you should go home," a disembodied voice followed by a scarred hand clapped onto Kakashi's shoulder.

Minato watched as his student shrugged it off and disappeared into the growing crowds. "Fugaku?" Minato looked over to the Uchiha patriarch with a squirming infant strapped to his front. "Thanks, I guess." He looked down to a cowering Kagome, knelt down and poked her cheek. "Stop it, stinky or you'll make me cry too."

"She has an excellent sense about people, your student looked awfully upset," Fugaku commented and watched the dark eyed child slowly bloom with a smile. "Almost enough to start a fight with a one year old."

Minato stood and Kagome did her favorite thing by running circles around his legs and swinging from his coattails. "Kakashi is just protective of Rin. After losing Obito he hasn't been the same."

"Yes, I believe none of us are," Fugaku commented darkly. It was a rather sore subject that his clan's Bloodline Limit slipped out of their grasp. His gaze then traveled to the picketed sign and then cast a dry look over to the squealing toddler at his Hokage's heels. "'No Babies', huh?"

Minato laughed nervously. "Heh, you can come in… but little Sasuke-kun there has to remain restrained."

Fugaku took a step into the Baby Free Zone and rocked on his heels. "It doesn't matter, Sasuke can't walk yet."

Minato raised a brow. Was that disappointment in his voice? His kid was like five, six months old? "How old was Itachi when he could—"

"He was swimming by this time," Fugaku commented gruffly, eyes trained on the punch bowl.

"Oh," Minato shuffled awkwardly. "Want some punch?"

"No," Fugaku pulled out a flask and took a swig. "Want some gin?"

"Um," Minato looked frantically around. He was regretting doing this prior 'men stuff' as well as Fugaku's invitation. "I'll pass." He never had a drink in his life. "So, where is Itachi-kun?"

Fugaku shrugged. "Itachi is sort of afraid of clowns."

Minato blinked. "I'm sorry—what?"

"Last time we went to a birthday like this—he nearly killed one, kunai strait for the jugular…" Fugaku smirked. "Kid's a natural."

"You are supposed to go for the carotid," Minato muttered as Kagome was jumping around their feet. "Wait, what was your six year old doing with a kunai?"

Fugaku shrugged. "If you want to bleed him out slowly and get information you slit a vein…" Fugaku rebutted and took another swig. "Anyways, instead leaping out a window…" he gave a very pointed stare at Minato. "—he naturally seeks to eliminate a threat."

Minato gave the squirming Sasuke a very pointed look as well. "What can I say—I have catlike reflexes."

Fugaku gave him a very dry look. "Send your student to the frontlines, Namikaze. He'll be of more use to the war effort protecting that little medic-nin than by moping around the village."

"I need Kakashi here, no ANBU will be deployed, yet," Minato's eyes darted down to the ground. Kagome had learned to untie his boots. "And yes, you have no say in my mandate, Fugaku."

Fugaku smirked against the lip of his flask. "I never liked you, Namikaze but you're a good leader— even I can admit that."

Minato laid a palm over his chest. "Why Fugaku, I'm touched."

"Good, because Mikoto is coming this way and I told her you and I were on good terms," Fugaku's flask disappeared and he gently patted a sleeping Sasuke.

Minato watched as the crowds sifted and Uchiha Mikoto materialized just a scant few meters away. Her lovely face was smiling right at him. She wore a seamless blue shift and balanced a rather impressive large box on her hip with a frilly bow plopped on top. Itachi was at her thighs and was wearing a very gloomy outfit for a six year old. "Why on earth would you tell her that?" Minato waved.

Mikoto took her chance and scuttled towards them.

"Because she has it stuck in her head that one of our sons will marry your daughter."

"Stinky?" Minato looked down frantically to Kagome who was 'singing' and then to rapidly approaching matriarch and heir.

"Nah! Nah! Naaah! Nah!"

He looked over to Fugaku, whose eyes said, 'sorry' and immediately knew what had just happened.

Minato had been cornered.

"Minato!" Mikoto wrapped an arm around his neck and kissed his cheek. "And little Kagome-chan," she greeted and knelt down to the girl, setting the colorful box just in front of the grabby one year old.

"Woah there, stinky," he reprimanded a reaching Kagome as she had a tendency to put everything she liked into her mouth. This included colorful ribbons and gift wrap that were most definitely poisonous. "There's a gift table over there, Mikoto."

"Oh, well a little present for Kagome-chan won't hurt anyone." Mikoto stood and Itachi quirked his head at the picketed sign. He did not enter. "Itachi, get in here."

Itachi pointed at the sign and Mikoto poked her head over the chicken wire fence.

Fugaku sighed. "Itachi you're not a baby, are you?"

"No, tou-san," Itachi shook his head. "But Shisui said I was… I am having an 'identity crisis'," the prodigy seemed to quote.

Fugaku pinched the bridge of his nose. That was the last time he gave Itachi any Pyschology books. Last time he was convinced Sasuke had an Oedipus complex because he was breastfeeding. "Shisui is an idiot. Get in here."

Minato's eyebrows shot up. "He can read?"

"He's six," Fugaku drawled, as if it explained everything.

Minato counted his fingers. He had been four. I guess it does.

"Of course he can!" Mikoto beamed and dragged her son in Baby Free Zone. "He can do arithmetic all the way up to academy graduation age and he's starting this fall."

"Private tutors," Fugaku grumbled. "Expensive as sh—"

"Anything for our children's benefit!" Mikoto cut him off. "Isn't that right, Minato?"

"I guess, Kushina and I haven't really thought about all of that yet what with the war and all…"Minato shifted uncomfortably and scooped up Kagome who was just about to ingest tinsel. "Kagome can say Gaara's name though, watch—" Minato pinched Kagome's fat cheek so she could face him. "Hey, stinkers, who's your brother?"

"Gaaaaaaah!" Kagome took a deep breath. "Raaaaah!"

Minato grinned. He could not have been prouder. "See? She'll be reading in no time."

Each respective Uchiha blinked.

Mikoto giggled a bit too enthusiastically. "Oh that was darling," she crooned and patted Kagome's little pigtails. "Now, that deserves an early birthday present—"

"I should get her brother—" Kushina would kill him if Kagome opened a birthday present without a camera, let alone her twin brother.

"No need, this one is especially for Kagome-chan," Mikoto hummed and pushed Itachi forward. "Itachi picked it out, didn't you, Itachi?"

The six year old blinked at the Yondaime. "Hai." He wrapped his arms around the box and awkwardly walked towards Minato and the outstretching one year old in his hold.

Minato set Kagome down gently and held her back by the hood of her park. She ran in place. "Baaah!"

Itachi walked around the box and approached the little girl. "Happy Birthday," the child prodigy said blankly.

Kagome stilled completely and her large dark eyes blinked inquisitively at the boy who was nearly twice her size.

"Kagome-chan, why don't you give Itachi a hug?" Mikoto goaded, nudging her son forward.

Kagome's eyelashes fluttered for a moment before she swiped Itachi's hand and pulled. "Dah! Dah!" She pointed in some arbitrary direction until the prodigy conceded and let her lead on.

Minato immediately reached out—

"Let them be, Minato. Itachi will watch after her."

Minato swallowed hard, realizing with horror that they were already gone.

Kushina was going to kill him.

"Is he vaccinated, at least?"

…

"Oi, Minato, its cake time," Jiraiya announced to the tight little knot of men in the Baby Free Zone. Minato was doing a repeat of his academy days where he would isolate himself only to draw more people to him. The Baby Free Zone had turned into the 'popular kids table' and you were only admitted entrance if you had your kid was restrained or vaccinated, preferably both or simply no tot at all.

All heads poked up at the word cake.

"Oh, good," Minato strode off and his entourage followed. "Can you hold this?" He plopped an enormously heavy box into his sensei's grip.

Jiraiya fumbled, what was in this? A set of bowling balls? "Where's stinkers?"

"Kagome is…with Itachi-kun," Minato explained.

Jiraiya sneezed as ribbon tickled his nose. "Well you better get her back quick before she's married off or worse, she doesn't blow out her candles."

"Excellent point," Minato looked around frantically. "Oi, Shikaku—"

The Jounin Commander paused, sent a yearning look across and to the three tiered chocolate cake at the epicenter of the pavilion. "Yes?"

"I'm still mad at you— so go and find Kagome, or I will charge you with treason or something," Minato scrunched his eyebrows together in a very 'intimidating' way. Shikaku let out a growling sound in the back of his throat as he beckoned Inoichi and Chouza to saunter back into the crowds with him.

"Minato."

Minato yipped at the sight of his wife. "Kushina—what is on your face?" His wife looked like a psychopath.

"Face painting, look—" She gestured to each infant on her hip. "Naruto is a cat and Gaara is a clown."

Gaara did not look amused, despite the painted red smile. Naruto looked dead.

"And what are you?" Minato shuddered at the orange blotches spattered across his wife's beautiful complexion.

"An orangutan, duh." Kushina then proceeded to do an imitation which was awkward enough without having to hold two babies.

"Are you drunk?" Jiraiya wrapped his free arm around Kushina and patted his comatose godson on the head. "Because I know… I'm about to be."

"Jiraiya if I so much as take a single whiff of alcohol at this birthday party, I will personally castrate you."

"Tsunade would like that."

Minato shuffled awkwardly. Nearly half of the men here had brought some sort of 'contraband' and he was most definitely sure that the punch bowl was no longer 'kid friendly'. At least that is what Minato had gathered from the way Fugaku and Shikaku had been loitering near it for the past hour.

"Jiraiya what is that obnoxious thing?" Kushina wrinkled her nose and Gaara eyed the present with a suspicious eye.

Minato jutted in. "Mikoto and Fugaku's—I mean Itachi's gift to Kagome."

"What about Gaara?" Kushina looked down to the older twin, who probed the box with a thin thread of sand. Kushina gently tapped his wrist. "Not in public, little one." She looked up to Minato. "We had a bit of a scare earlier, a goat escaped the petting zoo. They haven't found it since."

"Escaped?" Minato looked around. "How can you lose a goat?"

Kushina shrugged. "No matter, we have to get the twins over to cake, everyone is about to sing…" Kushina trailed off as her eyes found her husband's coattails empty. "Minato, where is Kagome?"

"Oh, I don't really know..."

"You don't know?" Kushina echoed. "How can you lose a baby?"

Jiraiya swore he was getting déjà vu.

"I did not lose her; she is simply is with Itachi-kun." Minato grinned. When Kushina's face crumpled into a foul expression (furthered by the face paint) he pointed to the tipsy Uchiha by the spiked punch bowl. "Fugaku said it was okay!"

Kushina looked murderously in Fugaku's direction. Gaara was stiff in her grasp.

Far off, Minato heard a commotion and watched as a tight throng of people (definitely a fire hazard) rippled with anxious movements. A woman fainted, children started to cry and a few youths dove into the heart of it all.

"What on earth is going on over there?" Kushina wondered aloud.

Minato did not know it but this had the makings of being a disaster.

…

The girl was strange.

Uchiha Itachi rested his chin on his knees and studied the little one year old. She wanted to eat his hair, of that he was certain but she just as easily restrained with a Shadow Clone. She eventually stilled and resumed an eerie ogle.

She had dark eyes.

"You look nothing like your brother," Itachi stated. Another few minutes and his mother would be satisfied with this interaction. "And where is your chakra?"

Kagome blinked. "Baaah!"

Itachi's spine straightened. He had had enough. "Take her back," he ordered the clone.

The mirror image of himself, ducked out of from beneath the table and into the crowds. Itachi watched as his clone sifted between the people. Did he really look that small? No wonder Shisui always called him a shrimp.

Not a second later Itachi heard a distinct wail and saw a puff of smoke that accompanied the pull of chakra of a dissipated clone. He was already darting towards the sound.

His mom was going to kill him.

The crowds pressed together, Itachi slid under knees and clambered over chairs to reach her. Then the knot of people loosened to a brief break. Kagome was screaming her head off as she sat on the ground. The crowd remained unaware as most people startled at the rampaging…

Goat.

There was a goat about to sighed.

"Get it!"

A woman shrieked, people pushed and shoved while some began to chase the thing. The animal became cornered, the crowd encroached on the goat and the defenseless, unseen toddler rooted at the mercy of the mob's feet.

Itachi dove—

"Kill it!"

The mob did as well.

He coiled his body around the smaller one and rolled with Kagome tightly clung to his chest.

Itachi felt his heard a muted crunch as someone stumbled over him. A heel wedged itself between his ribs and pressed down. Itachi did not let go.

Kagome screamed.

That was the moment a huge wall of sand descended upon all of them.

…

Minato did not quite know exactly what had happened; all he did know was that—

Gaara exploded.

And the pavilion was filled like a sandbox. Minato's blond head popped out of a dune and he coughed up a mouthful of grains. He glanced about, spied people windblown like frail autumn leaves and a desiccated bouncy room. "Kushina!" Minato called. He was stuck. People were gathering themselves up, brushing off and patting down their little ones.

Gaara stood in the center of the destruction, alone.

Well, not quite because before the little redhead's feet was a trampled Itachi and an unconscious Kagome in his grip.

Gaara held out a hand expectantly, palm splayed as if awaiting some form of payment.

Itachi remained motionless for a moment on the dunes, and then he did a wincing motion as he strained to get up. Kagome did not stir.

Itachi's eyes looked up, glazed from the pain of a punctured lung; all he saw was an evil clown.

Itachi reacted instinctively and struck out, hand blossoming with a flurry of flames from a Katon.

A protective wall materialized before Gaara's front and then spindled into a spear-like shape that lashed out against Itachi's cheek. The skin burst open and a red crescent splashed across. Gaara flicked his wrist and a hand of sand rose up and picked up the limp prodigy.

Gaara's cold cyan eyes and small body all spoke for him. Let go.

Itachi just clung tighter.

Gaara shook him hard. Kagome whimpered.

"Gaara!" Minato called and flickered by the Jinchuuriki in a rash influx of chakra. He made a grab for the boy only to be repelled by a shaft of sand. His palm began to bleed profusely.

Minato watched in fascination as red rivulets swelled and trickled down to the sand laden earth.

It completely absorbed his blood.

A shudder raced over the Jinchuuriki's small body. Gaara's pupils dilated.

Kagome's dark eyes snapped open. "Gaaaraaah," she cooed.

Gaara ceased his violent shaking. The hand disintegrated, dropping Itachi and letting Kagome wiggle free. In a single moment, the female twin appeared agile as she leapt to her brother and tackled him. Grain by grain, the sand dissolved into the air, into nothingness…

A procession of unintelligible babbles racketed forth from Kagome's frantic baby talk. Minato was transfixed with the exchange but on his peripheral he watched as people circled, gawked and whispered.

Itachi had saved Kagome's life. Gaara had reacted to his sister's cry for help. Both were most definitely lifelong enemies.

Kagome was trying to control her brother but it was too late.

Minato could only toss an apologetic look to Kushina as she frantically cradled their son. She knew. Naruto would be next.

People would only see Gaara as a demon now and Kagome as the demon's thrall.

Eventually, suspicion would turn to resentment, resentment to hatred and the villagers would turn on them.

It was only a matter of time…

But Kagome would never falter from her brother's side.

…

Resentments festered, the twins grew and war raged on. A year passed, Rin died and Kakashi rejoined the ANBU ranks. Another year, the twins turned three and Tsunade lost her lover. She disappeared into the wilderness and Jiraiya grew solemn. Suna was overcome with a great depression as trade became stagnant and a famine ravaged their dwindling resources. Konoha flourished and people spat in the name of the twins' homeland. Like a wretched beast, Suna persisted and Minato could not bring himself to give the final blow.

Suna was a rotted shell of its former self and it was not until the twins' fourth birthday did Minato receive correspondence that the Kazekage, Gaara and Kagome's father, was dead.

His own personal ANBU guard had slit his throat and had sent the bloodied kunai as a token of surrender to Minato.

But resentment is an old wound and memory an acrid salt.

Suna withdrew and grew strong once more and awaited the day they could reclaim their lost children.

Suna remembers, Minato thought as he watched a bloodied sunset.

As did Gaara and Kagome.

Author's Note: Enter: Uchiha Itachi, among others. AKA Arch nemesis of Gaara and BFF of Kagome:P ...Naruto's role is quite predictable as for Sasuke... well, lets just say this story just doesn't have him have a crush on Kagome for no reason. Wrongly worded, Sasuke will not like Kagome, much to Itachi's chagrin. Reviews reflect the update speed:) Just as well, you will have my eternal love! ~KK

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