10 ways to annoy Jonathon of Conté

disclaimer:

me: yay! second chapter of my fan fiction!

alana: whats this chapter called?

me: 10 ways to annoy jonathon.

alana: that sounds interesting.... wait. what was my chapter called?

me: ......um.... (looks wildly for exit...any exit... notices window)

alana: WHAT WAS IT CALLED!!!!!!!!!

me: um.... well it was a lovely chapter with a disclaimer and all saying that i don't own tamora pierces works or anything...

alana: WHAT WAS IT CALLED!!!!!

me: (edges towards window) well.... it was called.... ooo have i mentioned i like your hair today?

alana: what was it CALLED?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me: (now at window... preparing to jump) um...well... 10 ways to annoy... alana the lioness.... (jumps out window)

alana: (catches me by ankles... pulls me in) now. you. die!

me: arrrrgggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!! gasp gurgle.....

here goes

10.) Follow him around constantly curtsying. When he complains inform him "it was the trap he was born into." Laugh.

9.) At every possible opportunity remind him that Alana chose a low bred thief over him, a prince. Wonder aloud what major flaw the prince has that could make this happen.

8.) After saying the above phrase about 50 times invite George over for dinner. Bring popcorn

7.) ask him a million times before he takes a bite of food if he is sure he wouldn't like a taste tester

6.) Tell him Thayet has been cheating on him. When he asks with whom refuse to tell him. When he threatens a dire death reluctantly inform him that he has been bested by … (pause for effect) the voice of the tribes! Inquire if purple is the natural colour of his face.

5.) Ask him if he is enjoying being a grandpa… need I say more?

4.) Inform him that having a sexual relationship with a squire is just plain wrong (bordering on paedophile-ness) no matter what gender and he should be ashamed!

3.) Continuously call him Joanna no matter how many times he says its Jonathon

2.) Ask him how he feels about the fact that Alanna has a nick name and he doesn't. Imply that this means Alana is better. Lock them in a room together with swords. Bring popcorn, chocolate and pretzels.

1.) Ask him if by wearing a big crown he is compensating for something…