"Wah!"
"H-huh? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!" It was around one in the morning, and Shulk had crashed onto the hardwood floor screeching like a British little girl. He waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark before he could see who the invader of his room was. It was….Waluigi obviously. "Wah." He said.
"Dude, what the FUCK." Shulk got off the floor and turned to face the tall man. "Wah!" Waluigi said AGAIN.
"Dude, I have no idea what you're saying, but anyways, what are you doing in my room!" Shulk stared at Waluigi confused. Suddenly the door opened and Villager poked her head in.
"Hey Shulk, there's a meeting and OH MY GOD PUT A SHIRT ON!" She screamed, her face was turning pink (like her hair). Shulk was standing there in his boxers like the sexy alien he was.
"Wah!" Waluigi shouted.
"Yeah, I think my abs are pretty nice too, thanks." Shulk said to Waluigi. He had picked up a Wah dictionary so he could understand what Waluigi was actually saying.
"Okay, I'm leaving now!" Villager ran off to the meeting room. Then she ran into Peach. "Ohayou Murabito-chan!" Peach greeted the girl.
"Okay, first of all FUCK you and second of all, Shulk is fucking hot" Villager said to the weeaboo.
Peach gasped. "You ALIEN FUCKER! I knew this would happen" she said.
"Anyways, I fucking hate you!" the pinkette screamed at the princess before running off to the meeting room.
Peach gasped, she had no idea what she did to Villager-chan! Maybe Murabito-chan is a tsundere too? Peach thought as she went back to her room aka weeaboo hell.
Shulk and Waluigi walked into the 'meeting room'. The meeting room was actually just the computer area, the actual meeting room was closed, because you know, it was one in the fucking morning. Pit was sitting at a desk watching Go-Animate videos, when Dark Pit walked in. "Oh hey mate" Shulk greeted the emo as he walked past.
"Fuck you!" Dark Pit shouted edgily. He went over to where Pit was sitting. "What the hell are you watching you prep!"
"O-oh uh, I'm not watching anything! Also I'm not a prep! " Pit lied as he quickly switched tabs.
"LIKE HELL YOU ARE, GIVE ME THE FUCKING COMPUTER!" Pittoo snatched away the laptop, on the screen was the video Dark Pit gets in Dead Meat. "WHO THE FUCK LEAKED THIS!" He screamed before running out of the room crying. Almost on cue, Villager, Dedede and Palutena walked into the room.
"What is UP guys! Also why did Pittoo run away crying just now?" Palutena asked.
Everyone shrugged, except for Pit who looked away shyly.
"Well why did you call us here in the first place, and why at one in the morning? I need my beauty sleep!" Shulk cried (in British).
"Oh shit, well….okay everyone come over here I don't want anyone else hearing this." the goddess gestured for everyone to come near. They all huddled together like that one scene in High School Musical, "Okay so, we need to infiltrate the weeaboo base, but we have to have spies obviously." Palutena explained.
"I could do it!" Pit exclaimed, "I love Naruto!"
"No we need someone who isn't associated with me Pit, choosing you would be too obvious." Palutena said.
Villager looked down, "...Okay, I'll go in" she said. "I already look like a weeaboo, plus Peach thinks I'm her friend so it won't be hard getting in." Villager added.
"I'll go in too!" said Dedede as he took off his robe, which made Falco who was sitting across the room very excited, that bird fucker! "See, I'm pretty much wearing a kimono, they'll go HAM over that shit!"
"Okay! Well I guess two is all we need then…?" Pit concluded.
"Yeah I'm pretty tired, can I go to bed now?" Shulk asked.
"Well I guess you can go, but tomorrow we need to discuss the game plan!" Palutena answered.
Everyone then went to bed, and slept, they would need it for the day to come.
The Meme Team pulled up to Bed Bath and Beyond in their new van, Palutena faced the group "Okay team, we all know what the plan is, Villager and Dedede will go in pretending to be weeaboos and earn their trust, then one of you will place a recording device in the room, then you two need to get out quickly!" she explained.
"Alright, I'll take the recorder since I can pocket things also I'm pretty sure he'd lose it." Villager said, throwing shade at Dedede.
"What the fuck did you just say about me you-" Dedede was then shoved out of the van along with Villager.
"Just go inside already you two!" the goddess yelled at them. After some serious grumbling, the two made it up to the front of the store, as the automatic doors opened they were hit with a strong cherry blossom scent.
"Ugh, not even a minute in here and I already have a headache…its just like Mission Impossible." Villager mumbled.
"Heh, more like MEMEssion impossible" Dedede snickered, Villager glared at his shitty pun.
"Who do you think you are, Pit?" She scoffed.
ANYWAYS, The walls of the store were now painted a bright pink, and had several anime posters hanging along them, cherry blossom petals floated through the air like confetti. Castle in the Sky by DJ Satomi was playing throughout the store as well. As the duo walked to the back of the store, one area stood out completely against the anime hell. It was completely black and there seemed to be rock music playing instead of shit-tier trance music, like a mini Hot Topic.
"Hey let's go check that area out first!" Villager called at Dedede, who was looking at the pocky.
"Dude, don't tell me you were gonna buy some." Villager stared at the king.
"I'M HUNGRY OKAY! Plus pocky is kinda good, don't judge!" He snapped back at her.
"Whatever, let's just look here first." The pink haired girl walked over to the emo area of the store, she looked inside and saw two people standing around, seemingly having a discussion. One was a teenager, who looked quite slim and had their face covered, and the other seemed to be a young hipster girl with long blonde hair, one was wearing a Quiksilver shirt and the other was wearing a Roxy shirt.. The taller of the two quickly turned around to face Villager, the teenager's red eyes seemed to pierce into her, but they quickly softened after not seeing any threats.
"Hey, what is it!" The younger girl called.
"It's just a weeaboo." The teenager responded.
Villager sighed in relief, the two unknown turned around and when back to browsing the dark area, which Villager would later take note of. And then she noticed that Dedede was gone. "Oh where the hell did he go too!" Villager cursed to herself. She went up to the registers and saw him buying pocky. "Are you fucking serious Dedede?!"
"I SAID I WAS HUNGRY!" He defended himself.
As the two argued AGAIN, Peach happened to walk up.
"Murabito-chan? Is that you desu ka?" she asked happily.
Villager and Dedede turned around to face the weeaboo, she had her hair in pigtails, and was wearing a Hatsune Miku shirt. She also was wearing a pair of jeans with a skirt over it.
"Um….hai! It is watashi and my friend!" Villager said, slightly cringing at what she saw standing in front of her.
Peach's eyes narrowed a bit, "Your…...friend?" she asked.
Villager noticed her mistake "Oh g-gomenasai, kore wa watashi no tomodachi desu!" she said quickly smiling.
Peach then giggled, "Oh Murabito-chan, you're so kawaii when you speak in romaji!" she then looked over at Dedede and gasped, "Is that a honto no kimono?!" She squealed, "I totes have to introduce you two to my group desu!".
The weeaboo princess then grabbed the two memes by the arm and walked to the back of the store, where the office was. She then opened the door, it was an even bigger anime hell than before! There was a giant TV in the back of the office, and there were several people sitting around in bean bags watching a shoujo anime, also there were many shelves with anime figurines lined across.
A pink balloon turned around from her seat "Konnichiwa Peach-sama!" the creature greeted the princess.
"Konnichiwa minna-san! I brought in some tomodachi desu!" Peach said happily. Villager cringed at Peach's fetishization, "Minna-san, kore wa Murabito-chan, and Dedede-daio desu!"
Then a young boy turned around, "Villager? You're here too?" It was Toon Link!
"Link!" Villager ran over and hugged her friend.
Peach however, was PISSED. "Toon Link-kouhai, her name is Murabito-chan! Not Villager! Dame desu nee!" She scolded the superwholock.
"O-oh sorry, Peach-sama…" Toon Link scratched the back of his head nervously, I guess those animes were getting to him.
"Hey you wanna watch Sherlock with me? Toon asked.
Villager looked away, "Uh, I'd...love to but I'm kinda busy at the moment." She loved her friend dearly, but even she knew he was superwholock trash.
"Aw, well maybe next time?" Toon Link asked, his cat eyes were sparkling, "I totally have to introduce you to Robin the next time you come over! he then added.
Villager looked into his desu eyes, "Toon Link…...no.".
"WHAT!" He screamed, Anime Vice President Marth then looked over to them "Toon Link-san! Shizuka ni! I'm trying to watch Fruits Basket!" he whispered to him harshly.
"Oh, sorry Marth…" Toon Link looked down.
Dedede looked the anime clock on the wall, he was sure the Meme Team would be worried by now. "Hey uh...Murabito-chan, remember we have an ANIME CONVENTION we have to go to soon?"
Villager looked up "Oh crap!" she cursed. She still had the recording device too, and then she noticed the empty box of pocky her partner was holding. "Dude, give me the box" She whispered to him.
"What why!" Dedede protested.
"Just trust me!" Villager snatched it out of his hand and quickly put the recorder inside. The penguin then realized what she was doing and nodded.
"Gomenasai Peach-tan! But we REALLY can't miss our anime convention…...desu." Dedede said to Peach.
Villager quickly hid the box of pocky with the recorder behind an anime figurine. "Um...Jya nee Peach-chan!" she said, she then looked over at Toon Link, who waved to her sadly.
"Ah, Jya nee you two! Have a good time at the anime convention!" Peach said goodbye to her 'friends'. The two memes then hightailed it the fuck outta there! Villager gasped for fresh air the second she got out of the cherry blossom HELL. The Meme van quickly pulled up to the store and the two quickly jumped inside.
"Did you guys get the recording device in there?" Shulk asked.
"Yeah, we put it in a box of pocky! They'll never suspect a thing." Dedede answered.
"You clever bastard!" Shulk looked inspired, his eyes were sparkling, but maybe that was because he had been close to the weeaboo hellhole for so long.
"Well it was my idea." Villager mumbled.
"Yeah but I had the Pocky!" Dedede proclaimed.
"WAH!" Waluigi screamed at them, they all jumped in shock, Shulk then looked at his friend. "What's wrong mate?" He asked. Then he noticed that Uptown Funk was playing on the radio.
"Oh, he wants you guys to quiet down!" Shulk said to them.
"Wahahaha!" Waluigi nodded and laughed, he then started dancing to the song.
Villager then noticed that Palutena and Pit were gone. "Hey where are those two?" she asked.
"They went to go see if any other stores have been weebified." Shulk answered. It was silent for a couple moments, "So…. what were the weeaboos like?" He then asked.
"Well, most of them seemed pretty nice except for Peach!" Villager grumbled. "She even yelled at one of my friends who's in the group!" she added.
Suddenly the door to the van opened, Palutena and Pit both stepped inside. However, the angel looked kind of distressed.
"Hey what's wrong?" Shulk looked at him concerned. Pit shoved a flyer into the sexy aliens chest. The Smash Shopping District is getting a new look! it read, it had several anime characters along the flyer. "What the bloody hell?!" Shulk said as he read the flyer.
"I can't believe the weeaboos are taking over the entire area!" Pit finally cried out.
"What the HELL is this!" Villager grabbed the flyer.
Dedede looked at the paper and shrugged, "I can't even read" He then sighed sadly.
"Uh yeah, we could tell." Villager replied.
Dedede glared at her "Fuck you!" he cried.
"Wah!" Waluigi snatched the flyer away, he then started to sniffle and cry.
Palutena started the car, "Oh come on you guys, I'm sure it won't be that bad! I mean they're weeaboos, we can take them out easily."
Pit looked away, "Yeah, easy for you to say, you're a goddess!" he huffed.
Palutena looked at her son "Pit you literally killed the god of death, don't give me this shit" she then turned to face the group, "Besides, we're going to McDonald's, don't be such negative nancies."
"Hell yeah!" The entire team cheered, their mood doing a 180.
-one hour later motherfucker-
The memes got their food and went to sit at a table, Pit, Shulk, and Villager all sat next to each other, then Pit shifted awkwardly in his seat, he hadn't really talked to the other two since the team was made. "So, did you see anything weird while you were in Bed Bath and Beyond?" He smiled awkwardly, trying to start a conversation.
Villager opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted, "Haha yeah, it was YOU Pit! Loser preps!" they all heard from a distance. Fuck.
It was... DARK PIT AND HIS BAND OF EMOS! "Why the fuck didn't you invite me to McDonalds mom!" He yelled at Palutena.
"Um...because you have your own rude friends?" the goddess said.
"Yeah bro, you're kind of an ass." Pit commented.
"You weren't even PART of this conversation Pit-stain, don't give me that shit!" Dark Pit screamed.
" Uh, You did call him a loser prep first, mate" Shulk quickly defended his friend.
"WHO ASKED YOU, FUCKING POSER I BET THAT ACCENT IS FAKE!" Dark Pit yelled and ran off to sit with his emo friends. Shulk huffed, how dare Pittoo say that about his 100% authentic accent! The memes all looked over to where Dark Pit was, but something was different. With the emos, there was...PEACH!
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" The entire Meme Team yelled.
"Konnichiwa Meme-Team desu!" She waved.
The blue haired emo girl sitting next to Peach cringed.
Oh I feel you girl! Villager thought as she looked at the emo.
Peach then got up and walked over to where Palutena was sitting, the princess smiled sweetly, "Konnichiwa Palutena-sama!" she said.
Palutena looked up at Peach "Hello…...Peach." She said looking disgusted.
"Palutena, I want to introduce you to my tomodachi, she's a kami too!" Peach giggled. Suddenly a pink haired anime girl walked into McDonald's, it was…..…MADOKA KANAME!
Palutena gasped "M-Madoka?!"
The weeaboo goddess smiled, "Hello, sister.".
"EHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?" The entire store went, then it was silent.
Both of the angels looked confused. "Um mom, you never mentioned there was a WEEABOO in our family!" Pittoo finally said.
Peach glared at her husbando-to-be, "Pittoo-senpai! You shouldn't talk about Madoka-sama like that!"
Palutena looked at her emo child, "Honestly Pittoo, where the fuck do you think you get your archery skills from!" she was fucking done.
"NOT A WEEABOO GODDESS!" He screamed.
"Um…..I'm right here, and to be fair, we're both weeaboo goddesses" Madoka shyly added.
Palutena rolled her eyes and then turned to her sister, "So, what are you doing out of space?" she asked, while slightly glaring.
The pink haired goddess looked over to Peach, "Wellllll, Madoka-sama is helping me take over the entire Smash Shopping District!" Peach giggled.
Palutena snapped, "PEACH YOU FUCKER I KNOW YOU TOOK MY BELOVED BED BATH AND BEYOND AWAY FROM ME, GIVE IT BACK!" the goddess rose suddenly from her seat. People were starting to stare, both the Meme Team and the Emos looked over at the commotion.
Bowser and Miyamoto looked at each other, and then at their son Bowser Jr., "Come on honey, let's get out of here!" the turtle dad then picked up his wife and son and quickly left the restaurant.
Peach rolled her eyes, "Palutena, I didn't take your Bed Bath and Beyond! I just….gave it a renovation!" she smiled sweetly. "Also I even got Master Hand's approval to do so with Madoka's help, isn't that just kawaii desu nee?"
"That's fucking BULLSHIT!" Palutena screamed, "There's no way Master Hand would let you do that, he hates anime!"
Peach shook her head, "Oh but I'm not lying Palutena-sama! We've already started taking over- oh, I mean renovating other stores desu!"
Peach then looked over at the clock on the wall. "Oh! Is it that time already? I guess my tomodachi and I have to go, we have a very important meeting to attend, sayonara minna-san!" Peach then made her way to the door.
Madoka looked over at the goddess mom, "Well I guess I'll see you around, sister." she smiled as she walked out the door.
"Fuck you!" The other goddess screamed at the two of them, but they had already left.
She sunk down into her chair and laid her head down,
"Hey, are you alright?" Villager asked the frustrated goddess.
"I fucking hate Peach." Palutena groaned.
"Same, same..." the small girl patted the woman on the head.
"Uh…..mom…" Dark Pit walked up to Palutena.
She looked up at him glaring, "Can't you see that mommy is having a mental breakdown?!"
He looked down shyly, "Well um...the thing is, me and my friends need a ride home…" the emo angel said.
Palutena raised an eyebrow. "How the fuck did you even get here then?"
"I flew, obviously!"
"Really?"
"Okay….. I stole Ganondorf's car…. and I may have accidentally crashed it." the angel confessed.
The goddess gasped, "YOU WHAT?!"
"ITS CALLED BEING HARDCORE MOM!" Pittoo screamed.
"Someone's totally getting GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED!" Pit laughed,
Dark Pit glared at him, "One more comment like that and your Go-Animate account gets it!"
Pit gasped, "You wouldn't DARE!"
Meanwhile with the rest of the memes, they decided to chat with the emos.
"Soooo... why was Peach here with you guys?" Shulk decided to ask.
"That's not really any of your business, is it?" the pokémon Mewtwo responded, with his arms crossed across his bara tiddies.
"Wah." Waluigi replied.
Lucina shrugged, "Honestly we don't know what the hell her deal is, but we know for a fact that she's a dumbass prep!"
"Mhmm, I agree wholeheartedly!" Villager nodded while she ate her fries.
"Hmph, well at least you're right about something." Mewtwo scoffed as he ate a chicken nugget via levitation powers, which caused Dedede to glare at him.
"You…...you MURDERER!" He screamed at the pokémon.
Mewtwo raised a non-existent eyebrow, "Says the one who stole food from everyone in one game, and had an entire anime series where you tried to kill a pink ball for no reason?"
"THAT WAS ONE TIME! Besides didn't you kill a bunch of scientists?!" Dedede countered.
Mewtwo looked insulted, "I had good reason too!" he cried.
Dark Pit then walked over before the two could argue more, "Guys my mom is giving us a ride and why the fuck are you preps sitting here!" he screamed at the Memes.
Waluigi looked right into his eyes, "...Wah" he whispered.
"Dude, what the FUCK." Dark Pit looked disgusted.
"If your mom is giving you a ride with us, why do you care if we sit with your friends?" Villager asked, slay girl slay.
Dark Pit looked to his emo friends for backup, Lucina shrugged and Mewtwo simply looked the other way. "Well…..because you're all preps!" He stammered. Everyone looked at Dark Pit with a disappointed face. "Ugh whatever, let's just go already!" He said while glaring at the Memes.
"Wait! Shadow Link is still in the bathroom, we can't just leave him!" Lucina reminded Dark Pit.
"Oh shit!" Dark Pit yelled.
"Relax guys, I'm right here." A voice was heard, a boy with red eyes and purple hair walked over to the table. He then looked at the Memes, and then at Dark Pit. "Uh, why are there preps here, Pittoo?" He asked.
Dark Pit shrugged, "The fuck should I know?" everyone glared at him because he was so fucking emo.
He looked away edgily "Anyways, we should go now losers.".
But as he turned around, he gasped at what he saw.
"Oh hi honey!" Palutena greeted her husband.
It was Ganondorf! He was wearing a hawaiian shirt and flip flops, quite different from the usual emo band shirts and black nail polish he always wore. He kissed his wife, and then looked straight at Dark Pit.
"Oh SHIT!" Pittoo whispered. Then he looked at his step-dad, "What the hell are you doing here, Ganondork!" He screamed, the emos all laughed at his shitty pun from 2008.
Ganon sighed, "Son, I'm not a mad king of evil, just a disappointed king of evil. But what matters….. is that you're safe" he scolded his step-son after learning the fate of his car.
"Fuck off, you aren't even my real dad!" Pittoo said before storming off.
Ganondorf sighed, "Where did I go wrong?"
Palutena sighed, "I'm sorry honey, I'll buy you a new car.
The couple then hugged, but were sadly interrupted yet again,
"HANDS OFF MY CHICK!"
IT WAS IKE! Ike CENA, to be more specific, the son of John Cena and one of Palutena's many ex boyfriends. His muscles were fucking sexy, he was wearing an obey snapback, $200 jordans, knockoff ray-bans, and adidas basketball shorts.
"Hey babe, you came to McDonald's without me?" He asked Palutena.
"Ike you piece of shit I'm not your girlfriend anymore! That was like 7 years ago you fucker!" Palutena screamed.
"Haha, and then what? ;)" Ike asked, while flexing.
Ganondorf was PISSED. "THAT'S MY WIIIIIIIFFFFFEEEEE! HOW DARE YOU TALK TO MY WIFE THAT WAY!" He screamed, before warlock punching Ike Cena in the face. But he didn't know this was... THE REAL Ike Cena. suddenly Ganondorf and Palutena heard trumpets playing the Ike Cena theme on repeat. "Oh no," Ganon whispered. "I'm dead. I'm fucking dead" he continued to say. Ike was furious, he punched the king of evil nearly a million times in half a second. It was fucking remarkable.
"Oh no, Ganny-poo!" Palutena cried, cradling her nearly dead husband's body.
"B-before I die... Palu-Palu... tell Dark Pit... he's a fucking asshole...and he'll never be a TRUE emo..." he said in his last breath. He began to gasp for air, and eventually he was coughing up blood. "I WILL, GANNY-POO, I WILL! I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU DADDY!" The goddess sobbed. Eventually he stopped breathing, Ganondorf was fucking dead.
Dark pit looked at his dead step-dad.. "He's... he's dead... he killed him...…..thank you Ike Cena…." the dark angel rejoiced.
Ryu was watching from a seat by the window. He was in tears, "It's just like when Vegeta got mad at Beerus for hitting Bulma" he cried. He started clapping as if it were a play or something, but everyone ignored him.
Ike Cena smirked, and left the room with a single sentence after telling the guy at the counter to turn the Ike Cena theme off of the McDonald's speakers.
"This isn't what I wanted this to come to."
Sorry if the chapter is kind of long guys, I'll try to keep it consistent but eh, shit happens ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't believe Ganondorf is fucking dead. Also yeah I totally put in two (technically three i guess?) non-canon characters into this fic and there's even more to come! Anyways, like always thanks for all the nice compliments and see ya next time ;)