Chapter 3: Hormones and Slingets

I think the only reason I didn't have a nightmare last night was probably because of the clothing I had to wear for tonight's tag match because of reasons involving Haruhi. I didn't mind the entrance clothing much, I sort of liked it besides that ugly symbol that was draped all over the back and any chance of hiding my identity with a mask or hat or anything was gone because right above it in big yellow letters was KYON for all the world to see. It honestly looked like a customized lettermen's jacket that felt nice to the touch. Must've been an addition by Miss Asahina. She had really gotten better at sewing.

The ring clothing on the other hand made me want to crawl back into Nagato's time room and hide there for about eighty years so hopefully Haruhi finds someone else to get to wear this. It was a slinget that would cover most of my body except from anything below the thighs, arms, and upper chest. The look of it screamed skin tight so anything left to the imagination wouldn't be. It had to be made by Haruhi and before you ask, I can tell which is Asahina's handiwork and Haruhi's 'vision.' It looked like she took a bunch of colours from several paint cans, mixed them together, and threw them all unto a white slinget. Knowing her, that's what she probably did. Just that minute I had checked my phone and noticed two unchecked text messages. One was from the self-proclaimed Ultra Manager herself and the other was from, of all people, Koizumi. Either way, I'm groaning. I checked Haruhi's first which read in all caps:

''AMPHITHEATER! YOU! 5:00 pm! WEAR YOUR GEAR! DON'T BE LATE!''

You want me to wear that? To the all the way to the Amphitheater!? I can only imagine what everyone would think seeing an average guy like me, walking around in a slinget, even worse if someone saw me in it from school. It would be social suicide, not that I had much of a social life unless you count the Brigade. Relax. I'll just wear some street clothes over the slinget. If Haruhi tries to go Haruhi on me, I'll just tell her I didn't want it to get dirty. Simple, right? There was no hiding the jacket though. I reluctantly checked Koizumi's message:

''Good afternoon, Kyon. Come outside in twenty minutes. I've got something to discuss with you.''

I can hardly wait. One engulfed breakfast, two protein bars, a mediocre shower, and some sardonic arm flexing later and I'm outside of my door. Was it just me or was it really hot because of the slinget? It felt like I was sweltering in this specifically placed heat! How did Haruhi get my measurements for such a tight piece of clothing anyway? Asahina definitely had mine, only for clothing with breathing room. Before I could conduct a theory on how Haruhi would sneak into my room and measure me while I was asleep, which could explain those dreams I've been having, Koizumi's Agency's limo drove up down the road. The door swung open, inviting me in.

I go inside the limo and as much as I tried not to look at Koizumi, who was freely wearing the exact same slinget I was wearing besides some differences in colour patterns along with the Letterman's jacket, I couldn't keep my gaze off of Nagato sitting across from me. First of all, I know Haruhi described her as 'imposing' and I can see that, just ask Ryoko, but this was borderline hilarious and odd. powerful humanoid interface; dispatched by the Data something or other to watch Haruhi as been decked out in what looked like a biker outfit. And no, I don't mean the girl bikers who wore a low cut top and kept her tongue out, I mean leather jacket, a tight looking tank top covered by a denim vest underneath, combat boots, leather pants, what appeared to look like duster gloves you could find in any dystopian biker film, and she even had aviators in her hair. I was in pure oddity to what I was seeing.

''Uhhh…Miss Nagato?'' She puts on the aviators before speaking.

''This is the outfit that was designed by Haruhi Suzumiya and Mikuru Asahina for me to compete in.''

Did you even have a training match like me and Koizumi? ''Instead of participating in weight lifting like you and Itsuki Koizumi did, Haruhi had me and Mikuru Asahina compete in matches against each other for 30 minute intervals.'' I can only imagine they were completely one sided. To my shock, she shook her head. ''No. I was given two tasks by Haruhi Suzumiya to train Mikuru Asahina in Moe style of wrestling and to be her protector for her matches or, in her words, enforcer. It even says on the back of my jacket.'' She took her jacket off and showed me the back of her jacket. There it read, 'ENFORCER' in white letters to contrast from the black jacket. It was even stained with the SOS symbol right below it like mine. Why don't I have a cool nickname?

''You do! Isn't Kyon your nickname?'' Koizumi, I wouldn't really call my nickname 'cool'.

''What did yours say?'' Koizumi grinned and turned his back slightly, pointing his thumbs to the back like he felt pride in it. On the back said, 'SIC' in bright yellow letters on the back. Again, ugly logo. I assumed SIC meant Second-in-command with both in agreement. In life and in wrestling, I'm stuck as Kyon.

Koizumi resumed his natural position and his grin started to falter a moment. Finally, some realism.

''It's safe to assume we didn't bring you down here just for small talk.'' I'm going to assume this as something to do with Haruhi. Let me guess, closed space? They both nodded. Where are my 10 points? ''There have been closed spaces opening up at an exponential rate over night on random days. The odd thing about it is that they only last about a minute before dissipating, so we can't get there in time.'' Then why do you seem a little startled over this? Shouldn't you be celebrating with a good night's sleep or whatever Espers tend to do?

''If only it were that simple.'' Do I even have to say that he laughed right before he spoke? ''These spaces reach a certain size and then disappear after a minute. Me and the rest of the Agency have tried to figure out what could have been causing these Space Bubbles.'' Wouldn't these be insignificant otherwise? What about Shinjins? ''The Celestials? There have been no sightings since December of any of those and the bubbles haven't been around long enough to allow them to assemble. These bubbles could be nothing or they could be something else.''

I knew Koizumi well enough that when he broke his façade and seemed like he was actually worried or contemplating something, he was thinking long and hard about it. I also knew that it would somehow involve me and indirectly, Miss Nagato.

''Have you found any theories or anything that could come to mind?'' He shook his head.

''Not a clue. We were thinking about asking you about anything different besides our recent muscular transformation. I still need to get groceries too after our fight.'' What would I know about these bubbles? The only thing I can remotely think of involving Haruhi and these Bubbles were…I instantly went into full on red mode.

''You are experiencing humiliation associated with an increase in body heat and sweating. Is something troubling you?'' You'd better believe something is troubling me now.

''Nagato, Koizumi, I've been having strange dreams recently.'' They were all eyes to what I had to say and I spoke to them about these dreams about a girl, chanting my name in my sleep. I told them that these dreams started lasting marginally but noticeably longer by the day. It was mostly auditory but that was it. I merely discarded it as some wet dream but knowing this is happening, I don't know what to think.

''If that is the case, then there could be something involving that.'' If you're planning on what I think you're planning to say, don't. Yeah, Haruhi is radiant and I wouldn't mind being with her on her good days like last evening when we were walking home or that dr…Can't tell him that. On her 'normal' days, I would only imagine how many penalties I would get for not holding the door or not pulling out her chair or not calling her 'good night' because I fell asleep from massaging her back all day, to which she would give me a penalty for not doing a satisfactory job. Besides, she even said love was a mental illness. That's when Nagato made an excellent point.

''In my observations of humans, I have noticed a common quality of your behaviors, one in particular that is relevant to this situation: you often say what you do not feel. This is associated with the defense mechanism known as displacement.''

So, you're saying that Haruhi is feeling? Nagato shook her head. Cryptic as always.

''Haruhi Suzumiya is finally reaching a stage in her life where her biological feelings are beginning to develop in her dreams. If this is not catered to and these Bubbles left unchecked, it could cause a disruption in the data that would be very unsatisfactory for everyone here.''

''…or maybe you're dreams are just unconscious thoughts of you wanting to compete in front of a live crowd.'' Way to drop the suspense, Koizumi.

''Regardless, the Agency will continue to keep an eye on the situation. If any new development occurs, I will let you know.'' If anything new happens and I end up in another pocket dimension with Haruhi again, I think I'll know.

We ended up having a quick dinner at an Agency owned restaurant which oddly enough I passed by hundreds of times before ever entering. I wonder how many of these places does Koizumi's Agency own? All three of us had large portions of food with Koizumi picking up the bill.

''It was the least I could do for all of those times you had to do the same.'' Even when he's generous, he's still creepy.

Around that time, it was about 10 minutes before we had to get to the Amphitheater to prepare for our tag match. I had so many questions in mind about this: Who were we facing? How would we win? Where would we go from there? Nagato nor Koizumi knew how to respond or just shook their heads. Right but I do recall Koizumi saying that I should take more liberties with the rules. Duly noted. We made it to the entrance of the Amphitheater where Haruhi and Miss Asahina awaited us. Haruhi was wearing the same outfit she did last night, frantically waving at us while I caught a glimpse of what Miss Asahina was wearing or should I say hiding. She was wearing a large pink robe with 'MOE' ' in bright reddish letters above the (You guessed it) ugly logo. I'm starting to wonder if those bubbles have anything to do with that giant insect from a while back. There was also a furry hood attached to it that barely hid her descending cherry locks. I didn't know what she wearing underneath but whatever it was, it had a front view of what the men would love to see, me included.

''H-Hello, everyone!'' She whispered with a small blush in between her cheeks. Then came Haruhi, looking defiantly at me. I think I rehearsed this. She pointed at me, preparing to try and chew me out in front of everybody again.

''Haruhi, before you say anything. I just wanted to say that I didn't want my slinget to get dirty before we got to the show.'' I don't think it got dirty, but I can surely say it got sweaty. God, it's hot! She quickly adjusted her tone and put her hands on her hips. Was that a small glimpse of speechlessness, Miss Suzumiya?

''Fine! That's why you're only Kyon.'' That's my nickname, right? ''Anyways, the two you're facing are some number 1 contender wannabees who think they could beat anybody in this dumb town. I answered the challenge and made them put their contendership for the titles on the line!'' Number 1 contenders?! You expect me and Koizumi to beat two guys who have probably been wrestling for years AND on the top level in the tag division?

''Have you no faith in your SOS Brigades men?'' If we were all men, that would've worked. Then came the smile of triumph, here it comes. ''Now we're gonna whoop them back to the bush leagues!''

The Amphitheater was vastly different from when we were filming The Adventures of Mikuru Asahina a while back. It was still an outside venue on a nice sunny day and we had a decent crowd turn out including, to my utter shock, Kunikada with Tsuruya? He must have gotten the guts to finally ask her. Good job, my friend. But why did you have to come here, in front row no less? There was a large arch way which was probably where we were going to enter the arena from and a large ring in the middle of the stone circle. The locker rooms which was where me and Koizumi were was situated behind a small forest. It wasn't bad but it wasn't the cleanest place either.

It finally came time for us to prepare to go out for our match. Me and Koizumi had our pads and boots on, which definitely clashed with the slingets and the jackets. Did I seriously use the world, 'clash?' Our opponents Go Akabe and Montel. I didn't know who they were or what they did. All I could tell was one was from here and the other was from the U.S. somewhere. Not sure. They came out with music and boos, so I'm going to assume we're going to be cheered. Is that how it works? Did we even have a choice for music?

''Oh, don't worry. Miss Suzumiya had already prepared a theme song for us to go out on.'' It was safe to assume it was a collaboration with the ENOZ girls and maybe Miss Nagato, something similar to what they played at the culture festival at North High. We were told to go out in five seconds.

''I guess the girls are a bit late.''

''The girls are coming out with us?''

''Of course.'' He turned to me, smiling. ''They are our managers for tonight after all.'' They can do that?

''GO!'' Koizumi without a second thought thrust out into the arena, waving at everybody and smiling in real Koizumi fashion. Just eat it up. There were cheers for him a plenty and then it was my turn to come out, and by my turn I was pushed out there by Haruhi.

''Get out there, Kyon! Don't wait for me!'' My pro wrestling debut involved me, falling on my face on a concrete floor by a girl who was half my size. This is how world champions are made. I finally got up and I noticed the lights and the crowd. It was something. I vaguely remembered that night me and Dad went to see that show but now, I was in the middle of it. It felt great. It felt like I was a gladiator entering into combat for the first time for only one thing in mind: glory at any price. I walked with a sway in my step, ignoring what had happened earlier and ignoring the catchy and corny theme song, Haruhi chose. I could've swore it went ''hare hare..'' something. I am definitely choosing the next song. Me and Koizumi were finally in the ring and the Haruhi was waving at everybody, seeming the most excited she's been in days. Miss Asahina was very scared to go in and felt nervous about the whole thing, only being escorted by our Enforcer was she able to get to ringside. I think I saw Tsuruya taking a video on her phone of her, laughing. Poor Asahina.

The song had finally ended and we were told to go to opposite sides of the ring. Me and Koizumi were on the left and Go and Montel on the right. A man in a suit walked to the middle of the ring with a microphone. To me, this was odd.

''Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is set for one fall under tag team rules and it is for the number 1 contendership for the Tag Team Championship. To my right, weighing at a combined weight of 502 pounds. Go Akabe and Montel , the East-West Exchange!''

Not a bad name. Montel was a bit leaner than Akabe and Akabe was defined.

''To my left, making their pro wrestling debut. At a combined weight of 436 pounds. Representing the SOS Brigade, Itsuki Koizumi and Kyon!''

SOS Brigade, my nickname, and twice my weight. So much for keeping a low profile. I swore I could hear Tsuruya laugh like a witch and Kunikada laughing too. How can you pose in such a strange outfit? To my reluctance, we took our jackets off and I took the apron. It looked like Koizumi and Akabe would start the match. Fair enough, I get to watch for a moment and relax.

About five minutes in, we have Haruhi screaming her lungs out into her Directors' cone thing at Koizumi whenever he started to lag which wasn't often. He was really holding his own in there against what appeared to be a seasoned vet. They exchanged some grapples and holds but no one got the advantage. It was as if Koizumi and Akabe had faced each other several times or Koizumi's been doing some research. Besides the basic holds, I didn't know much. Five more minutes and still, a pure stalemate between the two. Any German suplexes turned into backflips or a roll, any arm wrenches turned into a flip, and any time one went to run at the other, it would turn into a sweep and grapple war. At one point in the match, Koizumi and Akabe had a staredown; they were sizing each other up but they both knew what was really happening. What happens when the irresistible force met an immovable object? Ever hear the answer to that riddle? They tag out. Koizumi took his hand out towards me and I clapped it. I looked at Haruhi and then at Nagato and Asahina.

''Destroy him, Kyon!'' Thank-you, Ultra Manager. Mikuru was clapping for me and the fans were cheering. I sure hope it was for me. Akabe tagged in Montel and it was a fresh match once more. I'll do what I do best. I grappled Montel; I tried. He was fast. He sidestepped and kicked me with some strange dance style. It knocked me back. Anytime you deal with someone who was faster than you, Ryoko for instance, you either had Nagato help you which was out of the question here or you trick them. He ran at me and I scissored his legs. He feel throat first into the middle rope. Now for me to play my favorite game: I have til five! I put my knee to the back of his neck.

''I have til five!'' I yelled out. Some of the fans started booing me. What the hell?

''Kyon, you idiot! Stop cheating! We want them cheering for us!''

I thought you wanted to win!? I reluctantly let go at 3. God's orders. Montel was still on the bottom rope, head poking out of the middle. You're about to meet my knee, good sir. I went outside of the apron and ran as fast as I could at full velocity with my knee. Down goes Montel. The crowd continued to boo me. What do you want!? Maybe some aerial action could make them cheer for me. I went to the top turnbuckle and, well, I didn't know what to do. Elbow drop? Body slam? Too late. Montel high kicks me in the leg. Going groin first into the steel? Not something I want to do again. He goes up with me. What are you doing? Just throw me off or something. That's exactly what he was going to do. He jumps and does a backflip. The velocity drops me down the floor and on my back. He seemed to hurt himself too. What is it with wrestlers and attacking my back? Better than getting stabbed, I suppose.

Three minutes into my time, I managed to get the fan to cheer for me and, by association, the Brigade again by addressing them whenever I hit a move on Montel. A slam there, a knee strike here, a few knife chops. He would get in a few shots too with that crazy dance fighting style of his. I should've took martial arts lessons when I was younger, I am Japanese after all. Not to mention, I can't 'cheat' anymore. Haruhi demanded it and the fans boo me for it. If they only knew I was trying to do two things in this match: help isolate Space Bubbles and win a match against professionals. Around two more minutes into the match, I could tell Montel was tired.

All that dancing finally got to him. Koizumi, you remember that move I was going to do to you? Watch this! He was on his knees, he was the prey, and I was the predator. I run towards him and he flips on his back and kicks me threw the air! I sailed unto my back near Koizumi. Why do I try doing that? I tag Koizumi in. He runs in like a man on fire, taking out Akabe and going after Montel. He threw him to our corner and I was still trying to breath. You better not tag me in this early! Montel was exhausted and Koizumi was in the gridiron stance. He pumped his fist into the air three times, yelling out each time.

''S…O…S!'' The crowd exploded to it. Haruhi exploded to it. Miss Asahina exploded to it. Miss Nagato stood stoic. Koizumi hit's that weird clothesline on him, jumping to the second rope opposite me. He wasn't done. He had something else in mind. He threw him out of the way and raised his arms mid-level. The crowd started clapping each time Koizumi rotated his wrists, his hands freely flowing. Clap…Clap…Clap…Clap…Montel gets up. Big mistake. Koizumi kicks him and Montel bends over. He grabs his head into a front facelock. The opposite hand raises, raising five fingers up. He takes that hand and rotates it around Montel's neck and jumps. The crowd jumps. Haruhi jumps. Asahina jumps. Nagato stands. Montel goes head first into the mat and Koizumi takes the pin. 1…2…3! Ding Ding!

''Here's your winners and new number 1 contenders for the Tag Team Championship: Itsuki Koizumi and Kyon, the SOS Brigade!''

The crowd cheered and the girls all entered the ring. Haruhi hugged us both and yelled out. ''We did it!'' We? You mean you as in me and Koizumi, right? Our song starts playing and I raise my hands. Might as well feel some accomplishment for it, even though Koizumi was getting most of the attention, deserving bastard. Speaking of bastards, I swore I saw that sneering one look at me from beyond the crowd. I don't know if he was there but it sure felt like it.

''Kyon, are you okay?'' Oh, Asahina!

''Yeah, I'm fine. I swore I…never mind.'' We continued celebrating for about two more minutes before leaving. Not bad for our first match.

''Alright, Team!'' Haruhi had us at the diner, preparing her announcement. ''The SOS Brigade are one step closer to worldwide recognition! Nice job team, but Kyon.'' Of course. ''You can't just freeze up on that turnbuckle. You could have won there instead of Koizumi saving you time and time again.''

Well, you go up there and see what it's like. I needed a good move. Ow! A swift hand came out of nowhere to reach my cheek. ''What was that for?''

''Cheating! SOS Brigade members will be cheered! We never cheat. Got it?'' I gave a faux salute and sat back down. ''Back to business, you two are in line for the tag team titles this Wednesday at an actual arena this time! Which means you will both have to train hard!'' She then turned towards Asahina. ''Even Mikuru. She will be having her debut match right before the title match! I made sure Yuki taught her everything about Moe style and you will even get to show off that new uniform for all of this city to see!'' Apparently, Moe style was a nickname for diva wrestling, according to Haruhi, where the competitor was more than likely attractive and ill trained, so she would either win matches by stumbling around looking cute or have an enforcer, in this case, Nagato. ''Oh stop crying, Mikuru!'' She held onto her, gently. I swear, if I have another dream again! ''It's no disqualification! Yuki will have your back the entire time.''

She looked nervously at Nagato, who looked at Asahina for a slight moment, nodding. ''You know it.'' That was calmly youthful. Wait a minute, Wednesday!? Isn't that a school day?

''Don't worry about, Kyon! Okabe knows about what we're doing and offered to give us as much time off as we need as long as we do the assignments he gives us. So, no slacking! Fame waits for no man!''

And just like that, the road to the tag team titles awaited us…

A.N.: So, Koizumi is blowing up as a face and Kyon is a should be heel who knows nothing of the face/heel dynamic. So yeah, The SOS Brigade's theme song is Hare Hare Yukai which I do not own either and for those wondering what move Koizumi used to end the match, it's called the Twist of Fate for those wondering. I thought it suit him. Kyon will have his own soon and as for him planting someone on the mat, wait and see. Romance subplots have been established as well as a closed space one. I hope this was a good chapter and now it's time to hit the books for me!

As usual, review, give constructive critique, and any tips that may help make this story better. I know how this will end and I know how this will hit the rising point so I hope to finish this within the month, if not by early next month.

Until then, good night and good luck.