Dear Fanfiction Writers Sincerely, Characters of Sherlock

by The Mad Writer of Brooklyn

Tired of the odd and sometimes terrifying stories we fanficiton writers write about them, the characters of BBC's Sherlock decide to write the Fanfiction community letters complaining of their various storylines. And remember, every time you R&R a Unicorn puppy is born

3. James (Jim) Moriarty

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

First, I would like to congratulate you all on writing all the Johnlock fics so well! They're simply delicious.

However, I'll remind you that, while I do respect both of them for their supreme intellect and specialness, I am not in a sexually promiscuous relationship with either Sebastian Moran or Sherlock Holmes.

And I am certainly not in love with Molly-trust me- or Sherlock's little pet.

Although some of your ideas on kidnapping and torturing him were simply beautiful, I'll probably try and carry out some scenarios of my favorites when I come out of hiding.

Also, I would really appreciate it if you stop claiming that I have insecurities about my height-I don't-or about my abusive parents-seeing as how my parents were in fact very rich and very attentive to me in my primitive years.

And for all of those who are wondering: No, I am not interested in a Mary Sue OC as my love interest-How boring!

Mycroft on the other hand, considering the time we spent and the fact that he is neither my friend nor my enemy, is not too bad of choice, if only he'd lose a few pounds.

With Love, James Moriarty.

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PPS: Dreadful sorry about that, but do you know the price of advertising these days?! Preposterous!