Authors note:
I've another story on the go, but will keep going with this one too. They seem to be the perfect antidote for the other as I write. Plan is to update once a week. The day may vary.
I edit myself, so sorry if I've missed any mistakes but am super tired today.
Quinn woke and felt the warmth against her back, Rachel had shifted in the night and her arm was now across Quinn's waist, a hand resting on her stomach. It felt so nice that she didn't want to move, but it was also a little awkward and the fact that it felt nice confused her. It was okay to hug your friends, spooning them was another matter and liking being spooned? Well, she couldn't keep thinking about it, so she gently lifted Rachel's hand off her and went downstairs in search of something suitable for Rachel's breakfast.
Rachel appeared a few minutes later, blinking the sleep from her eyes, Quinn turned to face her and couldn't help but smile at how adorable she looked.
"I've not got much you can eat." She said as she examined another box in the cupboard, checking its ingredients before discarding it. "I need to get my Mom to pick some vegan stuff up."
"We could go out? If you wanted I mean. I just...well it's been nice hanging out together and I don't have plans, but if you do then don't worry. I'll just head home and do the homework I neglected yesterday."
"We'll go out." Quinn took Rachel's hand and led her back upstairs. 30 minutes later and they were heading out the door for breakfast.
"This is awesome." Rachel held out her fork for Quinn to try to the blonde happily accepted, perhaps it was a little strange to share a fork, but she didn't want to think too much on that. Spending time with Rachel was turning out to be the most amazing thing, she was glad they'd come out for breakfast, she didn't want to spend another Sunday on her own. Her Mom had gone to church early and would then go to play bridge or something with her friends, which Quinn knew was just an excuse to drink. Quinn rarely saw her on Sunday's and that worked out fine, but she hated being alone too. Having Rachel as a friend was actually better than she'd ever imagined. She must have been staring at the brunette for too long, because when Rachel looked up at her quizzically she felt like she'd been caught out and a blush crept up her neck, she desperately tried to hide it with her hand.
"Sorry." She mumbled.
"What for?" Rachel asked.
"I was staring. I was just thinking and..."
"It's fine." Rachel blushed a little in return as she smiled and Quinn was back to thinking how adorable the girl was. She shook her head, desperate to lose this train of thought.
"How do you feel today? I mean all the stuff with Finn yesterday."
"I feel good. I think I was just being silly, he means well and a Lima wedding isn't terrible."
"You've got to be kidding me." Quinn spat out between clenched teeth. "What about dreams Rachel. Who are you these days?"
"I'm still me Quinn, I just think I have a shot at love. I can't give that up."
"Love? What happens when you are still in Lima in 10 years, got 2 kids, no job, no life and no awards. No applause, no fame, no success."
"I'm sure I'd be happy being a Mom."
"You'd give all your opportunities away for love?"
"No, I just..."
"Don't give me that crap about what ifs and Finn preparing for if it doesn't work. You can never prepare for if it doesn't work, you need to focus completely on making it work, on being a success. If you don't? Well, then you will fail."
Rachel dropped her gaze to her fingers and she idly picked at her nails, she looked back up at Quinn, then to her hands, then up again. "I don't want to hurt him, I love him."
"He should understand, he should be pushing you towards your dreams and not holding you back through fear."
"I know, I guess, but he's there for me and he loves me, he just wants this, it's not much to ask is it?"
"I can understand him wanting to keep hold of you. I like you and I don't want to go our separate ways at the end of this year, I'm going to miss you."
"I'll miss you too."
"But I want you to go, you have to go. If I don't get into Yale and I'm stuck here, well I'm not giving up, you taught me that much, so how can I stand by and let you stall your own dreams. 17 is too young Rachel. Go. Live. Dream. If Finn loves you as much as you say you love him then he'll be here when you get back, or he'll follow wherever you go, but it has to be about you now, you won't get another chance like this."
"I get it, I do, just I need to work that out for myself, it's my decision."
"Sure." Quinn slumped in her seat and she felt her heart do the same in her chest. She knew she wan't close enough to Rachel, that her advice wasn't the advice Rachel would listen to and it filled her with regrets for all that had happened between them in the past.
"I'm happy that you care enough to say that and to think that." Rachel placed her hand on top of Quinn's and gave it a small squeeze. Quinn looked up at her startled by the touch.
"I do care." She said, but her voice sounded hoarse from where she'd been trying to control her emotions.
Rachel smiled back and Quinn watched as she entwined their fingers, her heart was racing now and she felt something stir in her stomach as the gesture overwhelmed her. She jerked her hand away quickly and regretted it the second she saw the hurt in Rachel's eyes.
"Sorry, I uh." Rachel stuttered.
"No, its me. I'm not so used to being friends and touching and...it's nice." She put her hand out and took hold of Rachel's, holding it lightly but not bold enough to repeat the gesture of entwining their fingers again, it had just felt so intimate.
They talked and ate and eventually it was time to go there separate ways. She saw Rachel move towards her hesitantly and knew it was related to her reaction earlier, so she took a bold step forward and pulled Rachel into her arms. Burying her head in Rachel's hair, she couldn't help but inhale deeply as she squeezed her tightly.
"Thanks for spending time with me." Rachel's face was a little red as she backed out of the embrace.
"Never thank me, I had the best time. We should do this more often."
"We should." Rachel's megawatt grin was back and it was beginning to have a strange effect on Quinn's stomach.
"You'll think about what we talked about?"
"I promise."
xoxo
Rachel closed the door and rested against it, sliding slowly to the floor. Everything had been perfect, everything felt right, she had Finn and she had a commitment, but she always felt like something was a little off. Quinn was messing with her head, yes, she decided that was it. Perhaps this was all some plot to ruin her and steal back Finn? No, she shook her head. Quinn seemed to care, but it wasn't Quinn or what she said, it was the fact that Quinn was just voicing the things that had been swirling around Rachel's head ever since Finn had asked that question. It had felt so right, but now it felt like a huge weight hung around her neck and it was becoming too much to bare.
The thought of the wedding Finn talked of and the wedding she'd dreamt of were just the tip of the iceberg. Her dreams, her hopes, they suddenly all felt less important, they had for a while. She'd been enjoying the happiness of her relationship bliss, the joy of finally getting the boy, but now it just didn't seem enough, she was still that Rachel Berry inside.
"You okay baby?" Hiram asked as he walked out of the door. "Everything all right with Quinn last night?" his concern written all over his face. She quickly jumped up and ran into his arms.
"Quinn's perfect Daddy, the best friend I could have asked for."
"Did Finn do something?"
"No, it's me. I did something, I gave up a little bit of me to make him happy and each day I add to it."
"Rach, baby you're not making much sense."
"I said I'd marry him."
"You can't marry him, you're only...oh." Hiram finally took in the ring on his daughters hand. "you've hid that well."
"I didn't want to tell you, I knew you'd stop me."
"You knew right!" his eyebrows were now buried deep in his hairline and Rachel watched his expressions change as he tried to process the information. "You can't. What about your future? All the lessons, all the time. Your passion? What does Quinn say?"
"Quinn thinks I'm crazy, so yeah maybe I am, but Daddy he loves me and I love him."
"So wait! Wait until you've lived a little. Go out and chase your dreams and if Finn or anyone else tries to stop you, well then they aren't people you should be around anyway."
"I know and that's pretty much what Quinn has been saying too."
"Quinn sounds like a very clever girl, you should listen to her more."
"Maybe." Rachel let out a deep breath as she spoke and let Hiram walk her to the kitchen, as he made her a hot chocolate she contemplated how she was going to fix the mess she was in, but occasionally her thoughts drifted back to Quinn. She'd been amazing and she'd pushed her at the right time, she couldn't imagine a better friend. A small smile pulled at her lips and her Daddy eyed her curiously.
"So what are you going to do?"
"I need time."
"Why didn't you say that to Finn at the time?" Hiram retorted.
"I can't take it back now, its not fair, but my eyes are open. My dreams still matter. Is that enough for now?"
"For now." Hiram conceded. "But I'm watching you and if I think you're unhappy I'm going to be a lot more honest with you."
Hiram passed her a cup and she wrapped her fingers around it, taking comfort in the warmth against her hands. She had a lot to think about, but for now she wanted to carry on being her Daddy's baby girl, she grinned at him and he sighed, knowing that grin meant pancakes and he was cooking.
xoxo
The week passed and their friendship grew, Quinn hadn't forgotten her plan, it just didn't feel like a plan anymore, it just felt like something a friend would do for another friend. Rachel didn't want to talk about the engagement or her future and Broadway was a definite no go. It was frustrating at times, but the real problem she was now having involved what lines were being crossed in their friendship. Her head was spinning and constantly filled with thoughts of Rachel. She watched her sing with a smile on her face, she danced close to her during numbers and found that she was getting quite good at elbowing Finn out of the way. It was becoming unbearable watching the pair together, Rachel had definitely tried to calm things down when Quinn was around, but Finn couldn't stop manhandling Rachel and it was becoming more than irritating. The engagement was still on and the ring still sparkled at her. Puck had assured her that Finn and Charlie were getting close, but Quinn wanted it to change and soon.
"Are you going to Pucks? Finn asked me and I just wondered if you were going too?" Rachel sat down and unpacked her lunch.
"I was thinking about it, but I don't know." Quinn pursed her lips, she wanted to go, but knew it was going to be full of couples and there was one couple she could do without spending the night with, even if one half was fast becoming her best friend.
"Why? I'm going to be there, you have to go." Rachel looked at her imploringly and she began to get lost in the doe eyes and pouty lips.
"Yeah Q, you really have to come. I'm going all out." Puck interrupted the conversation and sent Quinn a smirk.
"All out?" she repeated, eyeing him curiously.
"Yep, so you better show or whats the point."
"Well, that's settled then, you're coming Quinn. Finn and I can give you a ride if you'd like?"
"No, it's fine, I'll make my own way." She answered a little too quickly and saw Rachel flinch.
"Sure." Rachel looked a little dejected, but Quinn couldn't handle being in a car with Finn and Rachel, not right now. Confined spaces were definitely off limits.
xoxo
Quinn could hear the music as she made her way up the path, she was late, she hadn't been in a rush to watch all her friends making out with each other. Her hand wavered over the doorbell. She had reservations but knowing she could see Rachel was enough to make her lean forward and press the button. She loved seeing her each day and spending their free time together. It was all great, that was unless Finn was around. Finn just got in the way and Rachel changed, she'd fawn over him as he pawed at her. So far Quinn had managed to keep a distance when they'd been together, but a party at Pucks was going to make things really difficult. Before she could think further the door opened and Puck grinned at her mischievously.
"You've been avoiding me." He pulled her to one side.
"No, I've just been with Rachel."
"So you're plan is working?"
"I'm not really running a plan anymore, I just, well I like Rachel, we're friends, but she's not budging on this engagement."
"Well, I've not forgotten, what do you think tonight is for? Charlie is here, Finn's here."
"Does he like her?"
"Not the point, she's hot and she's into him, so it'll be a big test."
"That's the plan? So if Finn turns her down for Rachel it's just going to make Rachel go wild."
"Rachel has asked me five times already about where you are. She's asked about Charlie once. So maybe you're the real distraction here."
"Having a female friendship is obviously important to Rachel, I'm just hoping it is enough to make her see she doesn't have to depend on Finn."
"Friendship, yeah sure Q, you go with that."
"What?" she looked at him genuinely confused and it didn't help that he laughed at her before walking into the living room.
"Quinn's here." She heard him call and a second later Rachel was stood in the hallway facing her.
"You look so pretty." Rachel said, suddenly shy as she walked towards Quinn. The blonde was still recovering trying to catch the breath she lost the second Rachel came in to view, she had made a real effort. Her dress, her makeup, her legs. Quinn found herself raking her eyes over the shorter girls frame and blushed when she realized what she was doing.
"Stunning." She was surprised at how deep her voice sounded and she noticed Rachel double take as she looked into her eyes. The brunette was soon in her arms, giving her a brief hug, but tonight it lingered a little longer and Quinn had really needed that.
"I was getting worried you weren't going to show." Rachel pulled out of the hug and took Quinn's hand, leading her into the kitchen. She grabbed a beer and took a long swig.
"Have I missed much?"
"Not really. Puck has been trying to get us to play games, but no one is drunk enough yet, so he's not having much luck. Besides Finn thinks it's inappropriate now that..." Rachel stopped and her eyes locked with Quinn's. The engagement was becoming a prickly subject between the pair.
"Perhaps tonight he could let you have some fun at least."
Rachel was distracted and Quinn followed her gaze, right to Finn and the girl Charlie that he worked with. She saw how the red head gently ran her fingers up and down his arm as they talked.
"Let's have fun, I can do fun." Rachel gulped and poured two shots of tequila. Quinn smirked as she knocked hers back, feeling the burn as it rushed down her throat. She watched Rachel grimace before sucking on a lime.
"Party!" Puck chanted as he joined them. They took another shot, but as Rachel suggested a third, Quinn took the bottle from her hand.
"Lets pace ourselves, yeah?"
Rachel nodded and opted for a wine cooler instead, her eyes drifted back to Finn. Quinn sighed but it was lost in the sounds from the other room. Rachel left her side to sing and when she next saw her she was sat on Finn's lap. It wasn't what she needed, so Quinn took another beer and headed out into the back yard. The night was mild and the stars bright, she didn't know what was happening, but at least when she didn't have to watch Rachel and Finn together she could almost breathe and the urge to hit things was significantly reduced.
She didn't know how long she'd been out there, but when the door swung open she knew it was Rachel that had come to find her, a now very drunk Rachel.
"Quinn." she half shouted. "Where've you been?"
"Just getting some air."
"Well, don't, I need you near me."
"You were with Finn." Quinn replied flatly.
"I love you Quinn, you're the best friend I could ever have hoped for." Rachel was slurring a little as she sat down next to Quinn and swung her arm over her shoulder. "You're so pretty, so very pretty."
"I think you've drunk too much."
"It's still true, you're pretty and you've been so lovely to me."
"You still don't listen to me." Quinn grumbled. She was still an angry drunk, but when Rachel's fingers ghosted across her cheek she looked up, her heart a flutter. She got that now all to familiar feeling in her stomach as her eyes locked with Rachel's.
"I do." Rachel spoke softly. "I believe in my dreams, I know I can do this."
"And Finn?"
"I'm going to talk to him soon. I'm waiting for the NYADA confirmation first, honestly it's stress I don't need, so..."
"You're going to say no?"
"I'm going to ask him to wait for me. If he agrees then I'll keep the ring, I see no need not to."
"No, no need I guess." Quinn shrugged and dropped her head a little. Rachel's fingers were now under her chin, moving her face back up so that she was forced to look at her.
"I'm doing what you wanted aren't I?"
"I just want you to do what you want."
"I think I am, it's just complicated." Rachel's fingers were slowly tracing a line along Quinn's jaw and the blonde could barely think, the sensation was filling her with confusion, Rachel was so close and suddenly it was getting really warm, which seemed strange as it was night and late, but she was sure the temperature had risen about 10 degrees. Rachel stopped what she was doing and held Quinn's gaze. She could almost feel the brunettes breath against her lips, she didn't know when they got so close, but she found herself leaning in a little more, closing the last few centimeters. Rachel's eyes darted towards her lips and Quinn saw her pink tongue poke out slightly, before Rachel looked back into her eyes. She arched forward that little bit more, wetting her own lips as she moved, no real thought was passing through her mind, she just knew Rachel was about to kiss her, she was sure of it and she knew she wanted it, her heart was pounding against her chest and she was certain Rachel could hear it too. She gave in and closed her eyes, but their lips didn't meet. Instead the door swung open and hit the outside wall with a bang.
"Rachel, you need to get in here now!" Mercedes called from the step and the two girls flew apart. Quinn nearly fell off the step and before she got her balance, Rachel was gone and she was left to wonder if she'd just imagined the whole near kiss thing. She couldn't believe they were so close, she couldn't believe how much she wanted it to happen and then it all hit her, her feelings for Rachel really were more than friendship and perhaps they always had been. She threw her head back and looked at the stars for inspiration but none came. She could hear a commotion inside and when Rachel's voice lifted above the others she was on her feet and back in the room in a flash.
Note 2: How was that? It's early because I wanted to get into this story before the MJ episode comes along and confuses me.