Chapter 3

It's been almost two years since his resurrection when Helbram starts to dream about it. At first, he doesn't pay much attention to that particular dream because as sometimes happens it begins with death and blood, and he is standing there, surrounded by corpses and fire. When he glances at the bodies he immediately notices that they are humans and when he looks at his sword, it is red and sticky with their blood. He shrugs, grateful because maybe this night he will not be haunted by what he loved and lost.

He is looking around, trying to remember this particular village – but there has been so many that they blur together in his mind – when he sees him. He is kneeling down next to a body, lifting it as to make sure that it's dead, and from where he is Helbram can only see his back. But to him, it's enough. He can't forget those clothes, he can't forget his shape. Harlequin.

But that's impossible, right? He's sure he is not dreaming about the day his friend died, the place is different and he is still in Aldrich's form. He can't remember this happening. Maybe this is a dream and not a memory? Still unsure, he takes a step towards the other Fairy but he probably makes some kind of noise since the other tenses and rapidly turns towards him. Helbram looks at him astonished. He is Harlequin, it is really him, and now he is looking at him shocked. When he speaks, he is cautious and his eyes are full of suspicion –Harlequin has never looked at him like that, not even when he suspected that Helbram was planning some kind of prank. "How are you still alive?"

For a moment, Helbram can't answer and he just stares at him. When he finally manages to open his mouth to speak, the world around him starts spinning and his vision blurs and he feels a sharp pain in his chest, exactly where his heart is, and then-

He wakes up gasping for air, his fingers clawing the sheets and his heart beating fast. He breathes heavily and looks around, but the village on fire has disappeared, replaced by the bricks wall of his chamber in Liones' palace.

It was just a dream. It was just a dream, right? Except that every dream he had in the last year was a memory, something he remembers living. And it was so real, he still feels the heat of the fire on his skin and the weight of the sword in his hands.

But it's impossible. Harlequin is dead, he knows that, he saw him falling from a cliff, he saw the blood spatter in the air and he has never found his body. There is no way that he met him in a burning village, there is not-

His head hurts and he closes his eyes, trying to breathe, to calm, to do anything that can stop this stabbing pain.

He stays like this for hours, until the sun starts illuminating the room, focusing on his own breath. It was a dream, that's all, he finally decides. His first real dream. He'll soon forget about it.

Except that he can't forget, because the dream comes back the following nights, and he is always in the same village and he always sees Harlequin kneeling on the ground, looking at him with those wide, shocked eyes. And then he starts seeing it during the day as well, at first only sometimes, when he closes his eyes, and then more and more often, until it becomes almost impossible for him to focus on anything else. Helbram does his best to hide this from Hendrickson, trying to figure out alone what is happening to him – he doesn't want to ask his help, not if he can avoid that. Maybe there is something wrong with the spell that brought him back to life? Or the only thing wrong is his own mind, and he is finally going crazy?

It is the rose that makes him remember everything.

The garden of the palace is a quiet, solitary place, where he can retire when he has no task to perform, since other people rarely come here. The only ones he sees are the Princesses, but they never stay too much. Besides, they don't speak to him – just once the little one, Princess Elizabeth, approached him with a shy, soft smile, asking him who he was, but Princess Veronica immediately grabbed her and dragged her away, not before glaring at him as he was the worst kind of criminal. To her, he probably is the worst kind of criminal, but she doesn't even know how much she is right. Not that Helbram cares about what she thinks, even though he finds pretty funny that the only human who seems to realize how dangerous he is it's a little girl.

It's a beautiful, sunny day, the air is warm and pleasant on his skin, but Helbram's mind is a mess when he finally enters the garden, blinking a few times to get used to the sunlight. He should be working now, searching for the next fragment of the Coffin of Eternal Darkness, but he can't because he just saw it again – that dream, that nightmare, more vivid than every other time, and he just can't focus on something else. Maybe, he thinks, the sight of the trees and the blooming plants that adorn the garden will make him relax a bit.

It's as he sits on one of the stone benches that are built between the trees that he looks up and sees the roses. He already saw them multiple times, he is sure about it, there is plenty of them in the garden, but today there is something different, something that pulls into his chest when he lays his eyes on the flowers, like it is fighting for getting out.

And then it does, abruptly, and it's different from the other times. The fragments he sees are no more shatters of a dream, but memories, memories he remembers happening to him.

He sees his best friend recognizing him, surprise to find him alive, and he feels his own incredulity and shock because he has passed centuries thinking that Harlequin was dead and now he was right in front of him. He remembers feeling so puzzled at first and then calming abruptly, because it was all too strange and unexpected and he was still trying to process that his best friend was here, alive and healthy. He remembers explaining coldly to him what he had done in the past centuries, his will to make him understand the sorrow and the rage he had borne until that moment.

And then Harlequin was crying and Helbram was bleeding, the metallic taste of his own blood in his mouth and the hot, sticky liquid on his fingers. It was almost painless, to die, and it happened in a moment, so fast that he had barely realized that he had been killed by his best friend. For a moment it was peaceful and he was so relieved to cease hearing the screams and the rips.

But not now.

Helbram falls on his knees, his head in his hands, his eyes wide open and full of tears. His best friend killed him. Harlequin killed him, without a thought. For one moment, Helbram wonders why he did it, how he could do such a thing to him. But soon it's clear. Harlequin didn't understand him, he didn't understand his torment and torture, he didn't understand his rage. And how could he? He wasn't here, held captive in a tiny cage, forced to watch his friend dying because of him. He didn't hear their screams and the sound of their wings being ripped. What Harlequin had seen looking at him was a murderer, an insane and uncontrolled person, and he had decided to end his life.

But that makes no sense. He was Harlequin's best friend, they had passed centuries together. How could he just kill him, without even a word? And for what? For humans? Since when Harlequin cared about them?

Helbram shakes his head, trying desperately to understand, to make sense of all what had happened. But he can't. So he remains like this, laying amongst the plants, and even when he feels his own magic canceling, turning him back to his original form, he doesn't move. He doesn't care if someone sees him like this. He doesn't care about anything anymore.

When Hendrickson goes looking for him, probably annoyed by the fact that he is not in the library doing what he should, he found Helbram still curled on the ground, in his true form, his eyes red and still wet. Helbram hears his steps stopping next to him, but he doesn't even raise his head.

For a moment, Hendrickson doesn't speak, probably studying him and trying to understand why his Cardinal is laying in tears in the middle of the garden.

"... what's happening, Helbram?" He finally says, his voice slightly irritated. "You should be working. And you know you can't stay like this! Did someone saw you?"

Helbram considers not to answer and just stay like that, crying all his tears. But he feels the need to tell him, to say those words out loud, and so he raises his head. "He killed me." His voice is raspy and trembling, but he has to continue. "My best friend. He killed me."

Hendrickson's eyes widen and he raises a brow before asking, "So, you remember your death?"

"I do." Helbram falls silent, but only for a few seconds, because there are other things he wants to say. It's not easy to find the words, though. "He barely spoke to me, he just ... did it. Why? Why did he act like this? I was his best friend!" He glances at Hendrickson, foolishly hoping that he will have the answer, that he will finally give a meaning to all of this, a meaning that will make return Helbram's world exactly like it was before.

But Hendrickson just stares at him, his mouth set in a hard line, imperturbable as usual. So Helbram looks away, shaking his head. "What's the meaning of all I have done? All I did, it was for him, to revenge him and my friends. And he killed me for that. He killed me." He has no more tears, he just feels empty and tired. When he speaks again, his voice is almost a whisper. "Kill me, Hendrickson. I don't want to continue like this anymore."

"Why do you say that?" Hendrickson's voice sounds ... strange, although he seems calm as usual, but Helbram wouldn't be able to explain why, not at this moment.

Helbram hates him, hates his calm and his control and the lack of emotion when he feels so devastated and in pain. He turns towards him abruptly, glaring at him. "You didn't hear me?" He hisses, "It's all senseless, all my life was senseless!"

"No, it wasn't."

"How can you say that? After everything I've done, Harlequin killed-"

"Yes, I get it. Your friend killed you, without even respecting what you have done for him. But let's be honest, you didn't do it entirely for him or for your other friends." Hendrickson stoops and looks right into Helbram's eyes, his stare hard and cold; there is no compassion in his eyes. "You did it for yourself, Helbram. You told me so. You did it to stop feeling guilty for something you had caused. You did it to bury your own pain, not to alleviate the suffering of your dead friends."

Helbram is frozen in his place, his eyes fixed on Hendrickson's. He can't look away, he can't move. The man's words are stuck in his mind, hunting him and tormenting him. Is that true? He suddenly realizes that maybe it is.

Helbram started killing for revenge, he is sure about it, but then there were those sounds and those screams tormenting him and killing humans made them stop, although only for a while. It made him feel better, and so he had continued and continued until exterminating them became natural as breathing. He had continued, Helbram realizes, not because he wanted to – although he had wanted to make the humans pay for what they had done – but because he had to. He wasn't able to stop, he needed it.

"Besides," Hendrickson continues, standing again, "I suppose you'll want to take revenge on your ... friend, since he killed you."

That makes Helbram jerk. "What? What are you talking about?" Take revenge towards Harlequin? That's no sense! It had been two hundred years, and Hendrickson said that the Fairy King's Forest was destroyed and so were the Fairies. If Harlequin was alive, he was surely in the Forest, with Elaine and the others of their kind, and therefore he died there – he died, then, he really died, and although Helbram has just discovered that he was still alive after the fight with Aldrich, it hurts him to know that he was destroyed with the Forest. He can't help.

Hendrickson presses his lips together and joints his hands behind his back before answering. "I could have ... located your old friend. He's still alive, of course," he adds when he sees Helbram's incredulous glare.

"W-what? When did you ...?" Helbram shakes his head, trying to understand, but then he remembers. Hendrickson wanted to help him discover what had happened to him. He has never told anything after their first talk, and Helbram had thought it was because he hadn't found anything. Apparently, he was wrong.

"After killing you, he was taken to trial and sentenced to 1000 years of reclusion," Hendrickson explains slowly. "Being the Fairy King, he took the responsibility to let you kill so many humans without intervening. Then, some years ago, he joined the Seven Deadly Sins."

"But he wasn't there! None of them was-"

"He disguised himself, of course, just like you do."

That makes sense, Helbram thinks, and at the same time, like all of the other things Hendrickson is saying, it makes no sense at all. It's just too difficult to handle this new information when just a few hours ago he was resigned to Harlequin's death. "Which one?" He asks finally.

"The Grizzly Sin of Sloth," Hendrickson answers, calmly.

The picture of the fat, old man appears in Helbram's mind in a second. He was so different from his best friend, so more human, that he would have never noticed that they were the same person. Then, another information comes to his mind and he glares at Hendrickson, clenching his fists so tight that he feels his nails scratching his own skin and the blood wetting his fingers. He doesn't care. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you would have taken this the wrong way. You would have wanted to meet him, to speak with him, and I don't want you to do that. No, King can still be useful to us and I don't want to let him know that I'm using his dead friend to my own purposes. Besides, you didn't even remember your death. You didn't need to know."

"How … how dare you?" Helbram is out of breath, and with surprise, he realizes that he is angry, furious, and he would like so much to kill Hendrickson right now. The only problem is, he can't harm him. Despite his hate, Hendrickson is still his Master. And so he stays still, anger burning in his chest and in his eyes. "How dare you not to tell me that?! If I'd known, I-"

"You what?" Hendrickson interrupts him, tilting his head, a mocking grin on his lips. "If you had known, you would have met him? Talked to him? And for what?"

Helbram grits his teeth and opens his mouth to answer, but he can't. He suddenly realizes that he doesn't know what he would have done. He doesn't even know what he wants to do now. Meet Harlequin? Speak to him? But how? How he is supposed to face him after what happened?

He lowers his head, passing his fingers through his hair, trying to think, but it's so difficult to focus right now.

He hears Hendrickson sighing, as he has to deal with some stubborn kid who is throwing a tantrum. "Helbram, remember that I'm your master. You will obey my orders, no matter what you want. But since you have served me well until now, I can give you this. If the Sin of Sloth will betray us, and I believe he will, he will be yours. I don't care if you want to talk with him or to kill him, the only thing I need is that he doesn't interfere with my plans."

Helbram looks at him with wide eyes, trying to process his offering, but he doesn't answer. It's still difficult to think clearly.

Hendrickson probably understands that, because he sighs again. "I should have known that this would have upset you in such a way. For today, you can have some times to think about it, but tomorrow you will return to your task, willing or not. And now, return to your human form. I really hope no one saw you like this."

Helbram doesn't know exactly how he got to his room, but after some time – minutes, hours, he doesn't know and doesn't care – he is laying on his bed, in his original form again. Even though he is tired, he can't sleep. His mind doesn't stop thinking about Harlequin and Hendrickson and everything. At first, his thoughts are confused and difficult to follow, but then, while hours pass and day is replaced by night, he manages to calm himself and to think more clearly. It's not easy. But he has to.

Helbram knows that he doesn't want to kill Harlequin. He could never do such a thing. Even though he killed him, he is still his best friend. But that doesn't mean he is not angry with him, that he doesn't want to yell at him, making him see how he hurt him.

But how to do that? How to make him really understand what Helbram passed? Harlequin can't imagine it. He has never seen his friends dying right in front of him, knowing to be responsible for that, he has never heard the screams of his beloved without being able to do anything to help them.

It's then that he has the idea. Helbram widens his eyes and holds his breath; that … that could work. He doesn't know what Harlequin did in the last few centuries, but he can suppose he will have someone he cares about. Maybe a friend, or more that one. And surely, comrades. Like the other members of the Seven Deadly Sins. Maybe they are not his friend – even now Helbram can't really picture Harlequin fraternizing with a bunch of criminals – but they have probably some type of connection.

And since Helbram can't hurt Harlequin, not physically, he can hurt them, kill them, tear them apart, right in front of Harlequin if it's possible.

Because maybe if Harlequin knows how it feels, he will finally understand and he will apologize for killing him like this. Helbram smirks at the thought, thinking that maybe he won't forgive his best friend immediately – he doesn't deserve it, he has to understand how Helbram has suffered. But he knows he will. He can't stay mad at Harlequin forever. And then, they'll be able to be best friend again. Harlequin probably won't be pleased by Hendrickson's plan, but Helbram thinks he could be able to convince him, to let him see that the humans deserve it. He will explain to him that all of this – the fact that Helbram started killing in the first place, hunted by his rage and remorse, and the fact that Harlequin had killed him – all of this, it's the humans' fault. They were the first to attack them for their foolish, disgusting desires, they were the ones who killed their friends and who lead Helbram to insanity. Harlequin will see this and he will understand that they have to die. Maybe he will even help them.

Yes, Helbram thinks, and finally falls asleep, a smile on his lips. He will wait until the right opportunity ...

But in the end, he will have his best friend back.

Between all the Holy Knight he had to deal in the last few years, it turns out that Guila is the one that bothers him the less.

The first time he meets her, in the court of the palace, he doesn't even look at her twice; he has no interest in that little human girl holding her father's hand and looking around with curiosity.

He knows her father, though, a weak Holy Knight who foolishly decide to put his life in Hendrickson's hands. Helbram is not sure about what exactly Hendrickson was trying to do that time, but it didn't work, not even a bit. But he doesn't particularly care about Dale, and when he disappears – no one knows exactly how – the only thing that bothers him is that now he would have to find him. Hendrickson doesn't want someone to casually find him and understand what happened to him, and so he wants the ex-Knight dead. Helbram rolls his eyes when he hears that, but as always he can only obey and start looking for Dale, but that turns out to be an incredibly difficult task.

He meets Guila a few years later, now a young adult training to become a Holy Knight, but still, he doesn't pay attention to her until she approaches Hendrickson. A few weeks later, she is a member of the New Generation and one of the strongest Knight in the Kingdom. And, apparently, his apprentice, since Hendrickson wants him to train her; it seems that Guila has really drawn his attention, and he doesn't want someone less trusted than Helbram to take care of her.

At first, Helbram is less than thrilled at the idea of passing all that time with a human, but soon he realizes that it could have been far worse. Guila is young, and yet she is capable and serious and ready to follow his orders, and she seems also to be pretty smart, for a human. Not really smart, since she willingly decided to drink the Demon's Blood, making herself another slave in Hendrickson's army, but she sometimes asks intelligent questions and she learns fast.

Of course, it's not like he likes her. She is still a human, after all, and she is selfish and greedy and ruthless as all the humans are. But she is an excellent instrument.

It's because she is one of the strongest Knights of the New Generation that Hendrickson decides to send her against the Seven Deadly Sins – as he had predicted, they are gathering again – with the order to kill them. Harlequin will be there, Helbram knows that and he has to fight the urge to run there to see him again – and maybe finally put his plan in motion. For now, the Sin of Sloth is still an ally of the Kingdom, and Hendrickson still wants to take advantage of it.

Still, Helbram is not surprised when Hendrickson sends him looking after Guila since she didn't come back whereas the Sins did. He is surprised to find her alive, tied to a tree and with her face scribbled, and he is surprised when he realizes that this actually relieves him. Finding other Knights like Guila would have been difficult, he says to himself. This is the only reason.

But that's nothing compared with the thrill that he feels when Guila tells him that King – Harlequin – has betrayed them, that he reunited with his comrades.

When he reports this to Hendrickson, Helbram is ginning and his eyes are shining. Because finally, his time has come.

Soon, he will finally meet Harlequin again.

A/N: And this is the end! I did it!
So, although I passed all those chapters basically torturing him, I really like Helbram, I swear. He is a complex and tragic character, and I really enjoyed trying to explore his feelings and motivations, and I hope I didn't make a mess.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who favorited, followed and commented this (I've really appreciated that), and also to everyone who just read it!