Chapter Three

The next day was weird. I didn't have any obligations right then, so I just sort of wandered around. I had a plan to job hunt, but I wanted to wait a day or two before throwing myself out there. Instead, I just walked around town, hands in my sweatshirt pockets. For a June day, it still somehow managed to be brisk - that's what you get for living in a mountain town, I guess.

I passed by familiar houses, saw familiar faces. I went down to Stark's Pond and picked up a few stones for skipping. As I made my way down, I saw another familiar face sitting by the edge of the water, his feet dipped in.

Butters.

I walked up behind him. "Hey, Butters, what're you doing here?" I asked him, now standing next to him.

Butters looked up at me and smiled. "Oh, hey Kenny!" he beamed. "I'm just sittin' here, is all. Been here a few hours, I s'pose. Don't really got much else to do."

I smirked at him. He was always so happy. "You mind if I join you?" I inquired, not even bothering to get the answer as I sat down.

"Now, why would I mind that?" he posited. "It's always nice to hang out with you, Kenny."

I handed him a few stones, and we each took turns skipping them, seeing who could get more. Butters had a better arm than I thought. At one point, I glanced over at Butters, and with the sun reflecting off the water and onto his face, I just couldn't look away. I never realized how much he had grown up from that naive little kid we all used to mess with. I had grown closer to him over the years, and I know he actually considered me his best friend out of all of the other guys.

He glimpsed back over at me. "You alright, Ken?"

I snapped back into reality for a brief moment. "I was just thinking about how much time has flown since we were kids," I confessed.

Butters chuckled. "Well, I guess there has been a lot changing, hasn't there?" he pondered. "We're all going off to college...well, not all of us. You and me, we're staying here together. And I think that's just swell."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Really?"

Butters grinned at me. "Well, sure!" he piped. "If there was gonna be one person I get to spend all my time with, I don't think I'd want it to be Eric or any of the others. They're okay, but no one has ever really stood up for me like you do. You've always had my back."

I was honestly touched by his words. I tried to mask it by skipping another stone. To be honest, Butters was someone I was always comfortable with, and I don't know where I'd be without him all these years.

"Hey, Ken, you remember when we used to play superheroes and all that?" he asked me, changing the subject.

I scoffed. "Yeah, but weren't you actually a villain?" I recalled. "Professor Chaos?"

Butters giggled. "Bringer of destruction and evil!" he recited. "And you were Mysterion...the superhero who couldn't die. Where'd you come up with that one, anyway?"

I shook my head with a smirk. "I guess I just have an active imagination," I lied. I keep forgetting that I haven't actually died since 5th grade, and I think everyone else forgot as well. I'm not quite sure why I stopped dying. Maybe it was just becoming a tired old gag.

But I shook it off. "Why do you ask?" I returned the questioning to him.

Butters shrugged. "Do you think that Professor Chaos and Mysterion would ever team up?" he asked me. "Like, if there was a force so strong to bring them together? Like, they seem so different, but they turn out being more alike than they ever realize?"

This confused me. "What are you trying to say?" I queried.

Butters put his head in his hands, using his and fingers to hide his face. "What I'm trying to say is, have you ever thought you were being something you're not?" I could hear a tremble in his voice. "Like, say I've just been pretending to be Professor Chaos, because that's who everyone expects me to be, but really I'm Doctor Tranquility?"

I pursed my lips. "I'm sorry, Kenny, I'm not following," I told him, shaking my head. "Are you saying that like, you regret being Professor Chaos?"

Butters furrowed his brow a little bit and did a slight nod. "I guess, metaphorically, yes," he agreed. "Say that from a young age, I was forced to be put into that box of Professor Chaos. But for so long I've questioned it. There were times where Chaos looked at himself in the mirror and said, 'this isn't who you really are' and then you're standing there with General Disarray and your minions, and you convince yourself that this is the only way you're supposed to be."

Okay, so Butters was going into some deep philosophical shit, and I was not following. "Butters, I'm sorry, but I'm not getting the metaphor," I said. "You need to come out and say what you need to say."

Butters gulped. "Come out...and say it," he repeated. "Okay, well, you know how you said earlier this year that you didn't care who you dated, as long as you love them? They could be boy, girl, whatever?"

Oh yeah, I forgot about that. It hadn't been really too big of an issue anyway because I haven't had a girlfriend since freshman year. But why was Butters asking me about tha-

Oh.

Oh.

"Butters, are you…?"

He nodded. "I like boys, Kenny," he confessed. "I spent a long time being confused about it. I mean, maybe I still do like girls deep down, but I know I definitely like boys. But when I was with girls, something felt off about it."

I gave a little half-smile. "Why were you so afraid to tell me, Butters?" I asked him gently. "You know you can talk to me about anything."

Butters took a deep breath. "That's not the part that scared me, Kenny," he exhaled. "That's only part one."

I held my breath, but I really didn't know why I was. Something told me that he was going to say he was in some weird fetishist cult or that he secretly murdered three people and ate their dicks or something. But what he said instead was far more tame.

"I like you, Kenny," he sighed. "I have for a long time. And I know there's no chance of you liking me too, I just wanted to come out and say it. I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend, because I don't wanna put that kind of pressure on you. But I wanted to get it off my chest. I think that's part of the reason why I was so confused - because for so long I thought I wasn't supposed to like boys, that I was supposed to like girls. But then I went through that whole bi-curious thing, and I know my dad is bi-curious too...but I don't know how he'd feel about me being gay and such. I really don't know how my parents would feel."

I was speechless. I know my dad wasn't too cheery to hear that I wasn't a full-blown macho straight man like him. My mom said she always sort of knew. Kevin laughed, and Karen loved me still.

But Butters...liking me? That seemed almost too much for me to wrap my head around.

"I need a little while to think," I said quietly as I stood up. As I started to walk away, I turned back to him. "Congrats on coming out, though. I'll talk to you later, I promise."

I glanced back over my shoulder as I walked away from Stark's pond, and I caught a glimpse of Butters taking the largest stone he could find and chucking it into the water. I watched it make a huge splash as he flopped down onto his back, exasperated.

I really hope I didn't just fuck up right there.