** Disclaimer: "ER" is property of Warner Brothers Television, NBC, and all respective producers and cast. I have written this story for fanfiction and nothing else. I am not making a profit from this. This is simply for fanfiction enjoyment. **

Spoilers: All the episodes up until "It's All in Your Head"

Rating: PG-13 for strong language

Summary: Susan's, Rachel's Elizabeth's and Mark's thoughts after "It's All In Your Head." Each one of them are devastated by their own thoughts. If they only knew what the other was thinking…

Acknowledgment: I'd like to thank Lori (SixteenOzs)! Her thoughts have sparked my own thoughts and ideas. Thank you so much Lori!! J

If You Only Knew

Elizabeth 's Thoughts

Ella, I'm beginning to think that I'm the only one in this entire world who loves you. I thought your Daddy loved you, but now I'm beginning to think that I was wrong, and that scares me. How could Mark do this to us? To you? If he had come down hard on Rachel the first time, maybe none of this would have happened. I'm so torn right now. A part of me wants to blame Mark, and the other half of me is saying "How dare you blame your husband! You think he wanted this to happen?" But if Mark really loves Ella, why won't he just send Rachel back to St. Louis?

My husband doesn't seem to be the same Mark I fell in love with. He's changed so much since we married. It's like he doesn't even care about his family. How could Mark miss Ella's appointments? And to leave me watching over Ella while he treated patients downstairs?! His daughter was fighting for her life, and he was downstairs... at work. He just seems so distant now, it's like he's a whole different person. Mark Greene doesn't care about his family. I can say this in my head, but I can't say it out loud. I've even tried to say it out loud in the hotel, when it's just Ella and me, but even then, my mouth just can't form the words. It's like a part of me just won't believe it. For some reason, a part of me still refuses to believe that Mark doesn't care about his family. Maybe I'm in denial.

Mark's been begging me to come back home, but I can't. Not with Rachel there… and maybe not even if Rachel leaves the house. God, I'm scared.