Chapter 3

Weeks passed. Life at Hogwarts seemed to me to be much like it always was. I studied and kept to myself. The addition of Lupin's tutoring sessions did little to change that fact. We rarely spoke of anything besides Shakespeare, and I wouldn't consider us friends by any stretch of the imagination. I still traded insults with his friends on a frequent basis, but Sirius did seem to have lost some of his ferocity. That was undoubtedly all due to Lupin's admonishment. God knows that it wasn't out of any change of heart.

I had snuck back down to the shack on several nights, but rarely did I catch anything more going on than the pair fooling around. On one night, I did overhear a bit more of Black's groaning over something or other that Pettigrew—who I now knew to also go as Wormtail—had brought back from his time with the Reverend Riddle. Lupin once again quieted him on the whole matter, telling him that what Pettigrew believed was his own business. I have to admit, I was anxious to find out exactly what the Reverend could be doing to cause such a stir.

It was two weeks before Christmas break when I finally decided to go find out for myself. Though Hogwarts was not necessarily a religious school, it did have it's Puritan roots like most other schools and universities in New England. There was still a chapel on school grounds where they held Sunday services, as well as offered a number of religious services for students. The new headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, had seen to it that the chapel was not strictly limited to one religion. A Catholic priest, a Methodist minister, and the Presbyterian reverend all offered their services to the school. Reverend Riddle's Wednesday night youth group was by far the most popular of the events held on weeknights.

Personally, I found the existence of God to be rather debatable. I had never believed. My grandparents made a big show about going to church on Sundays, but that didn't mean I had been raised with any kind of faith. Mother didn't seem to care if there was a God; he couldn't stop her from doing as she pleased. As for my father…does it matter? All I know is that I was uncomfortable in that church group from the moment I walked through the door.

I saw Peter Pettigrew sitting in the very front row looking like a dog waiting for his master, and sneered. A few of my fellow Slytherins had also found their way into Riddle's fold. I was shocked to see Lucius sitting there, but I knew that his parents made it a point to be as waspishly predictable as possible. Before World War II, there had been some sort of scandal when Lucius' father said that he admired Hitler, but of course that was quickly pushed under the rug. After all, I knew my grandfather had similar beliefs. I took a place beside my friend, and stripped off my coat. "It seems I've been missing out," I commented nodding at the crowd.

"Not really," Lucius said with a yawn. "I only come because my father seems to think it will look good if I have faith."

"Wonderful reason for coming to church," I muttered.

He laughed. "And why are you here?"

I shrugged. "Curiosity."

"And that's better?"

I didn't get a chance to answer. Reverend Riddle entered the room with a sort of forbidding air about him. Though he was young and handsome, his eyes and features were cold as ice. The smile that came to his thin lips as he stepped up to the pulpit was no more inviting. "Good evening, gentlemen. I am glad to see some new faces among you. Perhaps you could introduce yourselves," he suggested.

One by one, the other boys said their names, and shook hands with the minister. Finally, Riddle stopped before me. "You look very familiar to me, boy," he said offering his hand. "I know you have to be Alexander Prince's grandson."

I nodded. "Severus Snape, sir," I said grudgingly.

A smile curved his lips. "And how is your mother?"

I knew there was something he was implying here, and I didn't care for it. "She's fine."

"Eileen always was a good woman," he said just loud enough for the straining ears in the room, "Yet no one is without sin. I was sorry to hear that she was forsaking her marital vows." My mother's divorce was a sore subject. Many people believed that she would be condemned to hell for it…. I had other reasons for believing that. Every eye in the room was on me, and Riddle knew it. He waited until there were a few faint whispers. Now was the time for the kill. "God forgives sin if we repent."

"I'm sure he does," I murmured under my breath.

Luckily, Riddle moved on, and finally made his way back up front. His sermon wasn't enlightening in the least, but he did seem to make a mark on those listening. Like most ministers I had known, he stuck to the old fire and brimstone. Riddle seemed to favor the theme of the times being more depraved than ever before. It took all my will to keep my eyes open through his bullshit, but I managed. Lucius somehow kept his own snores quiet.

When it was all over, I was half way to the door when I heard Riddle call my name. "Severus, I was wondering if you and I might have a chat?" he asked.

I noticed that Peter looked somewhat envious, and out of spite I agreed.

Riddle took a seat in the back pew, and motioned for me to sit beside him. "You're a great deal more intelligent than the other boys, Severus," he told me softly, as though it was a secret that only he and I knew. "I was much like you when I was younger."

"You were?" I asked humoring him.

He nodded gravely. "They envy you, and so they will not accept you."

"Lucius and I are friends," I hissed sullenly.

The reverend only smiled. "Of course you are. I only mean that Peter has told me that you aren't friends with the boys he is. In fact, he tells me that they aren't very kind to you at all."

"Does this have anything to do with the "salvation" of my soul?" I asked bitterly.

Riddle's smile only wavered for an instant. He had the practiced moves of a man who knew all too well how to use people. "It just might. God does not mean for us to be solitary creatures, Severus. We are to find fellowship with one another. Come to our meetings from now on, and I assure you that you will feel much better. Jesus grants a happiness and fulfillment that only He can."

I snorted. "I think I should go study now."

I didn't bother to say goodbye to the reverend, nor did he give me any more parting than a nod. Reverend Riddle was a strange man. To be honest though, part of me was strangely attracted to what he offered. He had stroked my ego enough to make me consider coming back, but that did not mean he had given me faith.

Faith is an odd thing. Those who have it in earnest are a blessed few. They have an amount of comfort the rest of us sorry fools will either search for the rest of our lives or renounce it for spite. To believe in something so strongly that nothing can shake it was a feeling that was foreign to me, yet I was drawn back to that chapel. I did not attend any Sunday services there, nor did I race back for more youth meetings. I came in the deserted twilight when the stained glass was just dimly glowing, and the pews were empty. I never prayed, and I rarely stayed long.

One time, I was there later than usual. I stepped through the doors just in time to see Lupin exiting the confessional followed by a bespectacled old priest. The priest's deep, richly accented voice seemed to echo louder than Riddle's ever could as he spoke: "God iz alvays vith you, my son. Ee does not harbor zhe hatred zhat ve mortals so ovten do. Ve can only love because He first loved us." He stopped speaking when he saw me, and smiled genuinely. Turning back to Lupin, he nodded. "I vill see you at mass?"

"Yes, Father," Lupin replied biting his lip. His eyes passed over me nervously as he scurried off.

I simply stood there staring at the old man. His hair was thin and still clung to a few wisps of brown between the graying strands. I judged him to be in his early sixties. The priest looked to be a man who had weathered the storms of life. "Have you come for confession, my son?" he asked me.

I shook my head. "I'm not even Catholic."

"Zhen what have you come for?" He took a seat in the pew and slid in far enough to allow me a spot.

I sat down without thinking, and shrugged.

"I am Father Pavel," he said holding out his hand.

"Severus Snape," I returned. As I took his hand, I noticed the faint appearance of numbers on his forearm just above where he had rolled his sleeves. I was not naive enough to not know where that mark had come from.

He caught my gaze, and gave a somber sigh. "Did you think zhe Jew vere the only ones zhe Nazis put in camps?"

I shook my head. "I wasn't trying to be rude," I told him honestly.

"Of course not," he agreed. "Do you like zhe chapel here?"

"I don't know. It's peaceful here. Isn't that reason enough to come?"

Father Pavel smiled. "For some, it iz; for others it iz not. Zhere are many reasons to come to a church. Almost as many reasons as zhere are as zhere are people who come. You are one of zhe boys Remus talks of."

I looked away. Morbidly, I wondered if Lupin had ever confessed about his relationship with Black. Did he think that I was the one? "And what does he say?"

"Ask him, not me," Father Pavel told me with a chuckle. He took off his glasses and began cleaning them with a cloth. "You know, vhen first I come to this country I vas still very young. I think zhere was no reason to come to zhe church because my father and mother could no longer make me. I think that God vould not care if I came or not. Zhere are other things for him to be thinking about right zhen, and I vas not much to vorry about vhen there is still so many people in zhe vorld suffering after zhe war. God thought differently of zhis. He cared zhat I did not go or pray."

"And what if there is no God?" I asked before I realized the words were on my lips. Despite my lack of faith, I was not one to be disrespectful to a priest.

Father Pavel didn't seem to be bothered by my question at all. In fact, he seemed to invite it. "I believe zhere iz a God, and it iz more zhan enough for me. If zhere vas no God, I doubt any of us vould have survived zhe Nazis. Even science cannot prove all things. Darwin himself marveled at zhe complexity of life. Man iz more zhan just random acts of some cosmic happening. Does science give you enough to make you happy even at the vorst?"

I didn't answer him. "But what if you die and you've had it all wrong?"

"Zhen nothing happens, but I vill be very sad for it. And if zhere is a God, I forward to finding the answers to my questions."

"You would question the creator of the world? Isn't that a little presumptuous?"

The priest laughed out loud. "No vonder Remus likes you so very much. Are you alvays so pragmatic?"

Frowning, I crossed my arms sullenly. "There is nothing wrong with being practical. You can't take everything on faith."

"You have answered your own question," he told me with a nod. "I vill not keep you from your peace any longer. Have a good evening, Severus."

I sat in that pew for a while longer. Between Reverend Riddle and Father Pavel, I was having my first real thoughts on God in ages. Now, I still didn't believe, and I doubted I ever would. There was too much of my nature that wouldn't allow it. The church was not a place for me. Strange, but I did not think of Riddle's group in that way. For whatever bizarre reason, I decided to go back. Perhaps I thought that I would suddenly belong there, if nowhere else.