A/N: sorry I've been taking really long to update. Lifel's been a bitch and I have very major exams in October. (GCE O Levels)

OH and FYI, Natsume and Mikan did not do it in the previous chapter. Also, some of you said that you were confused over the last part in the previous chapter. What basically happened was that Natsume wrote a will the day before, gave it to Hotaru, who then read it out (aka the last bit).

Disclaimer: Gakuen Alice is not my property.

It's OK to die

3. White vision

When I die, will you do anything to make me come back?

(Sakura Mikan)

He was, the never ending well that wanted to hold everyone's troubles, and owed him thirty six overdue assignments.

So said Narumi-sensei.

According to Yoichi, he was the big brother to everyone- the type you could cry on for hours and hours and all he'd do would be to console you with his warmth.

He, in Tsubasa-senpai's opinion, hated the world so much that it consumed him.

Of course, he said it jokingly but that wasn't really the point, was it?

Ruka told me that he was trying to understand so many things- why I never gave up on him, why I smiled so much. He had the biggest of hearts around and could never stand watching his friends suffer.

Hotaru… well, all she said was that he was in love with my underwear, the pervert.

I think, Natsume's in love with me. I really do, even though he said it to my face. There's still this element of doubt but I do think he's in love with me. The kind of 'let's grow old together, just you and me, on the see-saw, L-O-V-E' love.

As for me? I am most definitely in love with him. Still is, and I'd like to think he still loves me too. As long as he's breathing, I can be sure that the mental capacity called Natsume loves me. So why, though?

Why did everyone speak in past tense when talking about him?

"Hey, Mikan."

Mikan Sakura looked up. A downcast Ruka had greeted her.

"Natsume's going to be fine." He said, assuring her. She turned her back against him.

Against him and the world.

While the students in the cafeteria buzzed about, sneaking glances at their table, they gossiped about the latest on the situation with the infamous Kuro-Neko. Some claimed that Natsume was infected with AIDS. Others had more accurate information and revealed how Natsume had left behind a will to his closest friends. And at the table Mikan sat at? All her friends were trying to make her eat, trying to cheer her up.

Hotaru, sick of watching Mikan mope around, slammed her hands onto the table, tipping over Koko's coke.

"If you stay that way, I won't bother helping Hyuga live." She said, evidently pissed off.

Upon her statement, Mikan looked up for the first time in many days. Everyone at the table winced, looking at how much she had changed within the week. Even though she was already skinny before, she looked positively anorexic now. Her face was gaunt, her cheekbones jutting out.

"What?" she whispered, her voice coarse. Her soft whisper was not missed by anyone at the table, as though they'd been listening closely, hoping to catch the sound of her voice.

Mikan's love for Natsume burned her.

"Yes, I can help Hyuga." Hotaru said irritably. "It will work, but I'm not sure how well it will. But I have a condition if you want me to help you."

Everyone expected the blackmail queen to demand a minimal fee of at least 5000 rabbits. Instead, Hotaru's face softened and she said "Smile. Eat. Don't give up. You love him, don't you?"

Mikan swallowed and nodded her head.

"Then don't give up on him."

"Are you sure he'll be fine, nii-san?"

Subaru Imai pushed his glasses up and looked into the eyes of his sister. "It seems that way. However, his physical illness is caused by his alice shape. I can't cure his alice shape, or lessen it's effects. So basically, as long as he controls the usage of his alice, he should be able to live for a healthy lifespan."

"That's good, right Mikan?" Ruka said, only to find that the girl was standing outside Natsume's door, watching him connected to the multiple tubes.

"Yeah," she whispered. "It's good."

"I should probably tell you this." Subaru sighed. "He's going to be blind. The brain damage affected one of the nerves. It might be temporary, or it might be forever. Just be there for him when he wakes up. I've moved him back to his bedroom so that he will have a familiar environment, at the very least. How long he takes to adjust is dependent on you."

Mikan smiled, knowing that Natsume would pull through. "And we can give up on his stupid will." She added, happy with how things became better.

"Hotaru, come." Subaru waved his sister forward. "I need to collect his prescription."

"I'll take you two there." Ruka offered, calling on his eagle mates to speed up their journey.

Now alone, Mikan hesitated, her hand hovering above the doorknob. Taking a deep breath, she entered the room.

(Sakura Mikan)

It made me sick, hearing the constant beeping of the machines that told me Natsume was alive. I took a seat next to him and placed my hand on his forehead. I supposed being blind was better than being dead, or in a coma. Thanks to Hotaru's brother, Natsume was out of the coma, alive, and possibly well.

Then, I could feel his head stirring. I quickly withdrew my hand from his forehead and he called out in a raspy voice.

"Polka?"

I grabbed his hands. "I'm here."

"I suppose I'm not in heaven, because it's so dark." His tone was dry. "At least I'm alive. But why didn't you turn on the lights? I can't see you."

"Natsume, the lights are switched on."

Then I realized what a stupid statement I had made.

The minute I'd said that, Natsume stumbled, landing on the floor. He started bawling, going into a state of shock.

"I- I can't see?" his voice was strained and tears were leaking from his eyes. Natsume went hysterical, pulling on his hair, groping around at the same time.

I had never seen him lose control before, and it scared me.

"Natsume. Natsume!" I reached out to grab his hands. "I'm here, relax."

"You don't understand, Mikan." He swallowed hard. "It's not about losing my vision. Before, I was engulfed in darkness, unable to see my life ahead of me. Then, you came, giving the light." His voice was a mere whisper by now. "And now, I can't see the light anymore. In this case, I wished I had died."

Natsume groped around once again and I held his hands. "How can you give up, just like this?" I yelled. "You're not giving up, you're not!"

We both sat on the floor, and eventually, I leaned back into his chest.

"At least, I know you love me enough to want me alive. Despite my wishes." He whispered.

A/N: I'm really, really sorry about the lack of updates. I may have to update in another 5 months (so sorry!!), because my O level examinations are coming and I need these 5 months to really, really focus. Man, the education system here is tough. Not to mention that my grades for certain subjects are hitting an all time low (gotta find a balance between subjects!) I have the Chinese paper earlier, on the 26th of May. Wish me luck

Of course, the 'review' factor will most definitely speed up that process of updating ) hint hint