A pine tree diverges in a wood. ch. 3
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
…...
Dipper, Mabel, and Soos could only watch in both amazement and horror as the Gobbelwonker they'd
seconds ago were running in terror from...was now being ripped to pieces by a hail of bullets and missiles descending from a large black plane.
UNCLE! UNCLE! I GIVE! I'LL TURN IN MY RUTABAGAS! YAH LOUSY BULLFROGS!
Surprisingly shouted the gobbelwonker as it suddenly sprouted a mechanical arm that was waving a white flag.
"Wait- wha-" spoke a befuddled dipper.
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP! OR WE WILL CONTINUE FIRING!
Bellowed the planes loud-speakers.
"I'm out! I'm out!" Pleaded old man Magucket as he jumped out of the cockpit of the now revealed fake
Gobelwonker.
Dipper would be disappointed by this revelation if he wasn't so busy watching in awe as the plane
landed and multiple people started to pour out and secure the area. One person who seemed to be in
charge immediately ran over to them.
"Are you kids alright?!" Shouted the clearly distressed man. "Are either of you injured!? Do you need medical assistance!?"
"Whoa- whoa- were fine!" Shouted the startled dipper.
The man gave a sigh of relief. "Good...okay...good..."
The man just then just stood there...staring at them.
Dipper then nervously coughed. "Uh...and you are?"
"Wha- oh, right!" The man quickly composed himself. "The names Phil Coulson, agent of shield."
Dippers eye's widened. "Oh my glob! Agents of shield! You guys are agents of shield!"
"Agents of who?" Asked a confused Mabel.
Dipper gave Mabel a weird look. "Come on, Mabel. Agents of shield!"
Mabel just stared at him blankly...
"The world-wide government agency that handles all supernatural, meta-human, or extraterrestrial matters?"
Mabel continued staring at him blankly...
"Who went public after the battle of New York?"
"Uh...battle?"
Dipper glared at her in disbelief. "Are you seriously- the battle of new york! The battle between the avengers and the alien Chitauri?"
"Uh..."
"The battle that leveled half of new york?"
"Um..."
"That was all over the news and internet for months after wards?"
"well..."
"School's all across the country were closed for weeks, your seriously telling me you don't remember that?"
"I remember not being in school...kinda..."
Dipper rubbed his forehead in frustration. "Unbelievable..."
Phil inwardly chuckled. Just like her mother...
"Oh!" Exclaimed Mabel suddenly. "Dose what your saying have anything to do with that cute blonde armored beef-cake with the weird hammer?"
It took all of dippers strength not to face-fault.
"Yes, that would be Thor. From Norse mythology, who we now know is an alien."
OOOOOOO! Squealed mabel peversly. "Momma likes even more!"
Okay, note to self: keep mabel away from Thor. Thought phil to himself.
"Seriously though, this is great!" Shouted dipper excitedly. "There's something really weird going on in this town! And I think it has something to do with this book!" Said dipper as he showed him the journal.
"Book?" Queried phil, as he was handed it.
"Yeah, I found it in a secret compartment in a hollowed out tree in the middle of the woods!"
"-Of course you did." Said phil absentmindedly as he ruffled through the pages.
-Great, yet another "Great Big Book of Everything"...like the world didn't have enough of those lying around.
Meanwhile, dipper continued to babble. "So I'm thinking we should do a full on investigation here.
Full analysis. Full forensics. Full everything. And then send it to the lab- wait, is that how you say
that...'send it to the lab?'"
"Right, sure, we'll do all that." Said phil as he handed it to simmons. "Okay, simmons standard G.B.B.E. Protocol."
Simmons rolled her eyes. "Another one?"
Phil sighed. "Fraid so-"
"Wait, "another one". What do you mean?" Asked dipper.
Phil chuckled. "Yeah, hate to tell you kid but your not first kid to find some weird book of strange wisdom...shield has a whole warehouse full of them."
Phil then quickly moved to cut Dipper off before he could pelt him with a barrage of questions he knew were coming "-And while were on the subject, can I just ask why a clearly smart kid like yourself just made such a big mistake?"
Dipper looked at him confused. "Mistake? What are you-"
Phil chuckled. "Come on dipper you've read plenty of books. What always happens when the main character shows off his macguffin, to some mysterious stranger who just entered their lives?"
Dippers eye's widened in shock. "Your gonna take it from me aren't you?" Said a very resigned, dejected dipper.
Phil let out a sigh. "Look, I'll make you a deal. After we analyze it, if it's just technically an ordinary
book. By which I mean it's not sentient, not magical, has no unknown tech embedded in it. I will give it
back to you." Dipper beamed.
"But that's not what I want to talk about." Continued Phil. "I mean first that thing with Mabel and Norman, now this-"
"Wait, how'd you know about nor-" Dippers eye's widened. "Wait were you guys the one's who dealt with the gnomes?"
Phil smiled. "Like I said your a smart kid." While dipper tried to hide his blush, Phil carried on.
"Yeah, we had a couple of predator drones in the area, saw your predicament, and we acted...sorry about the mess by the way."
"No, no, it's cool, thanks, you really saved us there." Assured Dipper
"Your welcome." Said phil with a smile.
He then turns to Mable. "But seriously though, Mabel you went alone into the middle of the woods with an older guy you barely knew?"
Mable suddenly looked very shamefaced. "Well, sure, when you say it like that-"
"How would you be able to say that well?" Asked dipper skeptically.
Mabel then decided to go to Sweater town...
Phil just shook his head. "Seriously, what are they teaching you kids in schools these days?"
He then handed them a couple of com-links. "Here, take these. You two get into any trouble, or your
not sure about something, or have a question, or whatever. You call me with these. Night or day, there
programed to immediately reach me no matter where you are."
Both kids nod as they put them on their wrists. Phil let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, your boat seems jaked-up, would you like a lift back?"
He was barely half-way through his sentence before the pines twins and soos were running up the ramp.
LATTER
Back on land phil confronted Ranger mcgucket about his dad's actions.
He then confessed he'd been well aware of what he'd been doing but didn't let on because he couldn't stand to see what his father'd become, didn't want to encourage his behavior, but most of all every time he'd tried to turn him in the police would never take him seriously and mocked him.
Confused by this, phil and his team went to find said policemen...not only did they not have to look far
but there opinion of them(as well as the hope that the human race is not doomed as a species) went
down several notches.
They could only stand there in stunned silence as they watched sheriff blubs(who somehow locked
himself inside his squad car) get further hopelessly tangled up in his seat belt. While deputy Durland
tried to get him out...by shoving beavers into the gas tank.
"-the sad thing is, their actually the smartest cops on the force." Said ranger mcgucket as he shook his head in disgust.
"Please tell me your joking." Said phil in a quiet pleading voice.
Mcgucket snorted. "I wish. Bad as these jokers are, at least they can leave the station.
The others can never grasp the whole push/pull concept, and can't even get out the door!"
"Riiiiight." Mused phil more to himself then anyone there. He quickly turned to his team.
"Right, fitz and simmons. I want you to do every type of test possible on the environment or anything
else you think might be the cause of this"...Phil struggled to find the right word. "-stupidity. There's no
way this is natural...at least...I hope it isn't..."
Shaking his head he continued. "You!" He shouted at old man mcgucket. "Your going to a shield psych-ward!"
"Well, Donkey-spittle!" Shouted a depressed mcgucket.
"Ward! May! Please help them, this is just embarrassing both to them and the human race as a whole."
Grudgingly, they both went to rescue the idiots.
"You two!" Shouted phil at the pines twins. "What are you doing tomorrow!?" Demanded phil.
Dipper flustered in confusion. "Well- we were-" "Not anymore your not." Interrupted Phil.
"Tomorrow your getting guns, your getting permits, your getting gun training, and any other weapon or form of self defense you think would be best.
"Wha- GUNS!?" Cried Dipper in shock. "Isn't that dangerous!?" Squeaked Mabel
Phil handed the twins back the journal while deliberately flipping through it to show him all the most
dangerous creatures.
"More dangerous then facing any of these with no way to defend yourself or competent police to save you?"
The twins paled. "so tomorrow you say?" Asked Dipper.
"Good lad!" Shouted phil as he patted his head, causing dipper's last camera to fall out of his hat.
"What's that?" Asked phil as dipper picked it up.
Dipper suddenly felt embarrassed. "Well...your probably going to think this is silly but I bought multiple disposable cameras-
"-To protect against the inevitable first camera getting ruined." finished Phil. "That's not silly, that's just common sense. You really are are smart kid."
Dipper felt really flustered...then he gives out a depressed sigh. "Yeah, well apparently not smart enough to know a fake monster when I see it."
Said dipper as he tossed the camera into the lake...right into the jaws of the real Gobelwonker.
"-Or smart enough to hold enough to hold onto his last camera." said dipper dejectedly.
Phil frowned, then turns to simmons. "Simmons are your analysis drones still active?"
"Yes, sir." She says with a nod.
"Any chance they got a picture of that?"
Simmons smiled. "A picture, full bio-scan, and all the other data you need to prove a cryptids existence."
"Good, copy it, and give it to dipper."
Dipper's eye's lit up. "Really?"
Phil smiled. "After all you'd been through? As long as you promise to split the 1000$ with your sister it's all yours."
"Wow! Thanks!" Shouted an ecstatic dipper.
"-Consider it a late- early birthday present." Amended Phil quickly.
….Meanwhile...
A mile away four people were hopelessly stuck tangled in a tree.
"How did this even happen!?" Demanded ward. "Actually, forget that, how is this even possible!?"
"I said I was sorry!" pleaded durland.
"No, don't speak." Insisted may. "I can't guarantee your safety otherwise."
"Really?" Blubbered blubs. "What's the danger?"
"Us." replied ward flatly...
…...
TO BE CONTINUED?
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