Percy and co Go On A Music Tour! Chapter 3: Mysterious Crap! Yummy!, a percy jackson and the olympians fanfic

Percy Jackson + co. Go On A Music Tour!

By Becky Creighton

AN: I'm so sorry I've taken this long to write this chapter! I had to sort out the actual storyline before I continued, because I sort of realised there wasn't one…but I hope you enjoy it! The song is to the tune of 'I Love It When You Call,' by The Feeling. In my opinion, this chapter isn't the best thing I've ever wrote, as I haven't done any work on this story for a while. But no matter; we have Perciliscious matters to attend to!

Disclaimer: I own: nothing, nothing, and more buckets of nothing.

Chapter 3: Mysterious Crap! Yummy!

Darkness.

Then someone flicks a switch.

A single chair stands on a barren stage; a soulless spotlight beams down on it from the ceiling, picking it out from the dark void.

Someone coughs.

If you are currently present there, you would be hearing every creak of the ancient floorboards and staircase as a figure advances up them, with something strapped around his neck. In his hand, an electric guitar cased in metallic sea-green paint. You would've also noticed that the person is wobbling like jelly.

He approaches, and coughs again.

For reasons that must surely be against logic, a microphone had materialised on the stage. The person takes it in his hand, and stammers out the following:

"U-uh, this is for…a certain someone. I know I did something wrong, and I know I'm a jerk and a terrible friend, but let me make it up to you with this song, kay, baby?"

If you listen closer, you might hear the faint sound of a boulder crashing on top of someone's dignity.

"A-Alright…I'll begin…"

He takes a deep breath.

And the plinky-plonky sounds of a techno keyboard dance into the silence…..

And

BOOM!

In a flash of dazzling light and colour

There stands I,

Perseus Jackson, proud guitarist,

And Grover Underwood, keyboarder extraordinaire!

"I found Kronos,

You found true love,

And then OH NOES,

He's not enough!

Luke is a dork,

You should've known,

Oh plastic fork,

Disaster prone!

Oh,

Ah, ah ah ah-ha-ha-ie,

I'm just making up these lyrics as

I just follow with this song

Oh,

Ah, ah ah ah-ha-ha-ie,

I wonder if you ever get

To see what's going wrong?

It would take so awfully looooong-ee-long,

It would take so awfully looooong-ee-long;

I love it when you care,

But your care is never there,

You keep back devast-ayshun

But never my anticip-ayshuuuuun,

I love it when you care

But your care is never there,

Wo-ow!

Grover: He loves it when you care,

He loves it when you care-air-air!

Woooo-ow!

Me: Remember me?

I used to be

Your best time

Half-Blood

Who you couldn't wait to see ,

We're far too bold,

Quests take their toll

With Kronos

Gettin' busy

And ol' Lukey

Gettin' old!

Oh,

Ah, ah ah ah-ha-ha-ie,

Is it just me or is this songfic

Really gettin' bloody long?

Oh,

Ah, ah ah ah-ha-ha-ie,

I wonder if you ever get

To see what's going wrong?

Honey, let's just get it onnnnnnnnnn-ee-on;

I love it when you care,

But your care is never there,

You keep back devast-ehshun

But never my anticip-ehshuuuuun,

I love it when you care

But your care is never there,

Wo-ow!

Grover: He loves it when you care,

He loves it when you care-air-air

Ah –

And then there was a power cut.

Life does these things to me from time to time. It sucks ass.

"What the?!?!?!" I cry, listening to a dying chord on my guitar.

Darkness. Again.

"This isn't Metallica!" someone shouts irately from the other side of the room.

Who the –

"You aren't Annabeth!"

"Annabeth?!?" the person replies indignantly. "Of course I'm not freaking Annabeth! I'm Clarisse, you dummy!"

The daughter of Ares steps out of the shadows, as the lights come flickering back to life. I didn't even need to have eyes or imagination to know the sort of dirty look that would be on Clarisse's face.

My mind is on something else.

The impact of her betrayal pierces my heart!

The melancholy alone is mine! Alas! Alack!

"What?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I wail, and get down on my knees. "She said she would be here! She said so! She saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaid……!"

"And you're not Metallica either, Jackson! Freakin' hell, this is the last time I buy concert tickets from the Stoll brothers!"

"They used my romantic plight for commercial purposes?" I sob.

Clarisse rolls her eyes. "Well, DUH! The Hermes' kids are opportunists, dumb ass! Besides, camp life gets boring after a while! We need someone's dignity to explodiate!"

"Explodiate isn't a word!"

"That's not the point!" Clarisse's piggy face turns red with rage. "The point is, I captured all that footage on my camcorder and this is going on Youtube the second summer ends! HAH!"

My pride and esteem goes flatter than a week old Coke.

"Why, Zeus, WHY?"

Clarisse has already ran for the hills, with the all important footage of my dignity's last stand, which is like the Battle of Little Bighorn Mark II.

Which is bad.

"Grover, we have to go after her!"

…

"Grover?"

"…Um, Percy, Tyson is waving at us and making goofy faces from behind the window. He's also giving Clarisse a piggyback-ride to cabin five."

"What?"

"Crud. Clarisse is showing the tape to her friends, and they've all started doing Percy Jackson impressions. From the looks of things, this tape is going to circulate around camp in about two hours, and after that, we shall have no salvation."

As if that wasn't soul crushing enough, Grover has more to tell. Someone up there hates me, and it's not just Ares, Kronos, Luke, and pretty much everyone I've ever uttered a syllable to.

"And now…Tyson is coming back, wearing a huge cheesy smile on his face, and he's…giving thumbs up?"

"BROTHER!" The Cyclops shouts happily, bursting through the wall, leaving rubble everywhere.

"Holy crap!"

"Brother, I helped Clarissy deliver the tape, and now everyone will know how amazing you are at singing!"

Grover and I let our mouths drop like an anvil out of a window.

"…Um, Tyson, that wasn't a good idea. We were crap, and we were singing to the wrong person, and it's probably going to end up as an Internet phenomenon by the time one of the Stoll brothers slaps it on Youtube."

"I thought you were great!" Tyson continues in blissful ignorance.

Ye gods.

"I wanna join your baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!" he squeals, and then gives me a monster Cyclops hug.

"Fine! But we have to sing the theme tune!" I announce boldly, getting over my fear of the situation.

"Theme tune?" Grover asks. "We never had a – oh yeah!"

Trio, in activation!

Poses, in position,

Melodrama, in usage!

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Half-Bloods,

Teenage Mutant Ninja HALF-BLOODS,

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA HALF-BLOODS,

Dudes in a summer camp,

HERO POWER!"

And so, with the addition of one naïve Cyclops, our heroes take on the quest of avoiding humiliation and singing their little souls out. Will they stop Clarisse laying a land mine under their pride? Will the Stoll brothers make another attempt to cash in on Percy's misery? Will Annabeth FINALLY take Percy back? Will the author of this story ever find something more useful with her life other than making poor Percy endure her fics? (NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!) Find out in the next instalment of this absolute random crap!

AN: Sorry, no crossovers this time. --; But if you have any suggestions for crossovers, then feel free to post them, but I'll only use them if I have, of course, read or seen the thing before. In this fic, as you probably know by now, anything goes.