~I'm so excited by the responses I've gotten. It's great fun when an experiment seems to be working out. Remember: this isn't going to be an easy fix. I'll slowly peel back the layers to show why this complicated relationship exists.

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Chapter 3: Need

Longer flashback sequence

Another six weeks passed. The time had not helped much other than remind her how truly lonely she was without Jacob. Of course, her father was there. She was with Billy as often as she could. They'd find solace in shared memories. He knew what it was like to lose a spouse, a true soulmate. Most of the pack checked on her constantly. She was back to work. Emily insisted she could have all the time she wanted, but she couldn't miss another month of work. She would certainly lose her mind if she didn't return.

The day her period arrived, Bella stayed home and sobbed the entire day. She knew the timing had been off that last week of their anniversary, but it had been a fleeting thought. She wished there had been one piece remaining, but it wasn't meant to be. She doubted it would ever happen for her. Thinking about making a family with any other man, was torturous and she had no desire for it. She read phrases like, "in time" and "eventually, you'll move on," but all those grief pages she visited on the web didn't know what it was like for them.

Occasionally, she thought of Embry and that one morning. She hadn't heard from him and she hadn't reached out to him either. It was for the best. He was going to have to sort out his problems on his own. She tried not to think about it until one night she grabbed her keys to head out the door and ran smack dab into him on her doorstep.

"Going someplace?"

"Um, yes...for a drive to clear my head."

"All alone at night? You sure that's wise?"

"I know how to drive, Embry, night or otherwise."

"But...why not take someone with you?"

"Cuz that would defeat the purpose of getting away."

"What are you running from?"

She scowled, that should've been obvious, but she admitted it was a night she knew both Paul and Jared were patrolling and it was a rare occurrence. She had a tiny window of opportunity to be to herself. She didn't need a babysitter.

"Can I help you?" she rudely asked.

She wasn't nearly as welcoming as the other time he showed up drunk.

He seemed stone cold sober that night, but still just as awkward and confusing.

"I just came to say goodbye and to apologize one last time. I was a dick and out of line. Bye." He turned around to leave.

"Wait...what do you mean, goodbye?"

"I'm leaving."

"Here, as in La Push? The Pack?"

"Yeah, the pack doesn't want or need me, so to hell with them. I'm getting started with living out my dreams. Sam released me, he's quitting soon too. Leah's splitting, little Seth is going to handle it all in the long run. It's a gene pool thing. They all know I'm out. Believe me, no one shed a tear about it."

"Won't you miss it? What about your mom?"

"No comment on either."

She wanted to know a little more, so she asked a few more questions. He finally suggested she take the night drive with him. "If you don't, I'll probably follow you. Old habits die hard, I'm use to protecting you for Jake."

She didn't want the shared drive to be for that reason only, but she quietly followed him to his car and climbed inside.

He drove her to the harbor district where he rented out a loft space. She loved his place. It suited him. He had one area as a studio and a small bedroom. Neither of them brought up that inappropriate kiss or the talk of unspoken feelings. She figured denial was easier than confrontation. On the way home, she realized she'd actually had fun.

Spending time with Embry became a comfort. Sometimes, they didn't even talk since they were both on the quiet side. He was sensitive and so artistic. She became very impressed with his eye for things that weren't so obvious. His portfolio was growing and the word was getting out. He had a waiting list of clients that wanted him to shoot them. Most were beautiful women, but she never asked too much about that.

Months and seasons passed. He visited her at the bakery occasionally. Somehow, he knew to come when Emily was out. She also stopped off at his loft every now and then. They weren't seeing each other or anything, they just saw each other. She had no idea what they were doing, but he made her feel better. Not much else in the world made her smile anymore. Bella never told any of the others about her visits with Embry. It was strange to hide it. That made it seem like they were up to something bad and they weren't...not at all. The relationship was only companionship that entire first year without Jacob.

Soon after the solemn anniversary of his death, she was surprised with a gift in a beautifully wrapped box covered in brown shipping paper. It was the dress. The black dress she admired one day while thumbing through his wardrobe for models. A short note was inside, I like the way this looks on you. I never let anyone else wear it. Weeks passed before he called again. He asked how she would feel about getting dressed up and coming over for dinner. He assured her, he wasn't attempting to cook. There was a great little bistro close to his place, that he was ordering from. She wondered why he didn't want to have dinner at the restaurant, but he only suggested staying in. She surmised, it was so it wouldn't be confused with a date, because he didn't want to date her and she wasn't ready to date. They'd never had dinner before, only talks, maybe a light snack or a cup of coffee. She was taken aback by the request. If dinner at his place wasn't a date, then what was it? It didn't feel like hanging out when she got all dressed up and obsessed about her appearance for a few hours before he was due to arrive. He came one evening, she slipped out unnoticed by her neighbors. Bella would never forget that night.

The glimpse of light pulled her from her flashback. Somethings were still the same. He parked in the same spot, flashed his headlights briefly and then sat there in the dark until she ran out to join him. He was there, same as that first non-date night. She would always tell herself, the next time would be different, but it never was. She ride off down the road in total darkness til Embry switched on the headlights and they'd go to his place. Sometimes, very rarely she accompanied him to a swanky nightclub they knew none of their friends would be caught dead in. They'd end up having spectacular sex, even though she always said going to see him wasn't about that. Afterwards, he'd hand her clothes over and take her home. She never stayed the night and she hated herself every time, but she never stopped. She repeated the same sequence over and over.

"You look amazing. Sorry, I'm late. I got an important call before I walked out the door."

She shrugged. He looked around. There was no sign of anyone else. "Hey," he wouldn't start up until she looked at him. "Do you not want to go or not?"

"What if I said no?"

"Then I'd say please, I've missed you."

She'd missed him so much. He hadn't called her in over six weeks.

"Just drive, Embry." He did, but he didn't stop trying to coax something out of her.

"I'm sorry, I've been busy with work. I went to New York for a location shoot. You know how it is?"

"Yeah, I hear there's no cell phone service in The Big Apple. I wonder how they all manage since it's one of the most populated cities in the world." She sent him a few text messages and her feelings were hurt when she never heard back.

"Fine, I get it...just say it. I'm an asshole."

"You're an asshole," she snapped without hesitation.

He laughed, but she didn't because it was the truth and he knew it.

He also knew there was no getting through to her when she was pissed. She was mostly pissed at herself for even being in his car on the way to his apartment. Bella made it worse by asking about her, "Seen Lauren lately?"

"Maybe. Do you really want to know?"

She didn't, but she did. He'd let her see his private portfolio on several occasions. There were countless beautiful faces and gorgeous bodies. She remembered the first time she saw some nudes. They were tastefully captured but it was still so intimate she couldn't stop from asking if he ever slept with any of them.

"I'm a professional, Bella. I can take a naked woman's picture and not fuck her."

"So, you don't sleep with any of the models?"

He looked away and didn't answer her. That was all she needed not to hear. He did. When she later came across Lauren Mallory's photograph, she finally lost her shit and sounded like a jealous girlfriend. "You take pictures of Lauren? Ugh, I can't believe she's in your collection. Don't you know how much I hate her?"

"No, I wasn't aware. Look...she heard about me and that I was local. So, yeah...she's not a bad model."

"Is she one of them?"

"One of them, what?"

"You know, you've been with her, haven't you?"

He gave her the silent treatment again. She was set to walk out on him that time and hitch a ride back home, but he stopped her. They had no real commitment or understanding. He could sleep with whoever he desired, but why Lauren of all the women in the world? He argued, sometimes things just happened because he was a guy. When beautiful women threw themselves at him, he had trouble saying no like any red-blooded male. She was so disgusted by the whole revelation and yet he still got her in his bed that evening. What was wrong with her? Obviously, a lot, but there was much more wrong with him. They both knew it. She refused to bring her up again, it had been many months but still seemed so fresh.

"Are you going to give me the cold shoulder the whole night? I'm sorry about New York, Lauren, whatever else you're mad about. Can we talk? I said I've missed you."

He went on to say, since he was so late, he assumed she had dinner already, but he had some wine and snacks ready. He really wanted to show her a new series he'd been working on, some of the New York stuff. They were getting close. She should keep quiet about the things that bothered her, but for some reason, she wished he felt as bad as she did. It was a gamble to bring it up again, but she was exhausted from the back and forth on top of her rampant memories. "So that guy came by again."

"What guy?"

"The one from the bank building across the street. He's nice."

"The one that keeps asking you out?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you tell him to back off, he's pretty much stalking you."

The mortgage broker, Bret was hardly a stalker. He was very friendly, and also had an addiction to her petite four's. He told her he had a wicked sweet tooth. It wasn't obvious by the looks of him. He was in great shape. The two of them got along well from the start. He did bring up a date on several occasions. She used her newly widowed status as her safety net. It worked, but she could tell he kept testing the waters, thinking as more time passed, she might reconsider.

Embry, of all people, caught him chatting her up one afternoon. Bella noticed he was less than pleased. She fantasized he was downright jealous, so she was scraping the bottom of the barrel of her tricks to bring him up.

"Don't tell me Brad asked you out to dinner after work again? That guy's pathetic."

"Bret."

"Same difference, you're never going out with him, why doesn't he give up?"

She politely folded her hands in her lap and didn't respond. She was more than use to his silent treatment. It was time for a taste of his own medicine.

"Bella, right? He's not your type. You told him no over and over."

She rested her head back on the seat and let her head fall to the side. Embry kept glimpsing her way. "I don't know, these past few weeks were strange for me, he did ask last week and I said I'd think about it."

She felt the car slightly accelerate underneath them. It wasn't a lie. She really said it after many I'm sorries, but it's too soon. It was merely a test, to see if she could muster up the nerve. Maybe was enormous in the grand scheme of things.

"I don't know what the big deal is. You said last time, you would never come out in the open. I'm your dirty little secret."

"When in the hell did I ever call you that? I said it wasn't fair to you, because of everything that's happened. You know how the pack is? You're like the kid sister and I'm the black sheep. Why can't we keep things the way they are?"

Bella went on to explain the very reasons going out with Bret wasn't such a bad idea. He was successful, kind, patient, good looking. The fact that he was so uniquely different from anyone on the reservation was refreshing. Maybe she needed a complete overhaul. She'd been thinking about getting her own apartment closer to the bakery and farther away from watchful eyes. Emily already told her she thought they would be a nice fit.

"What the fuck does Emily know? She's forced into love by wolfy magic. That guy's a tool."

"You don't even know him. If you can see airheads like Lauren, then why can't I see someone else? We aren't exclusive, are we?" She was practically screaming in her mind for him to just say the word that they were and she'd have him pull over. She wouldn't be able to wait until they made it back to his apartment.

"No, I never used that label and about Lauren..."

"What about her?"

"Nevermind...back to Brad."

"Bret."

"Whatever...he thinks he's hot shit making people dreams come true or crushing them with a stamp: denied. I know the type. He's on a power trip. He hides behind his expensive suit and fancy desk shuffling papers and sorting pens most of the day. He probably has a tiny dick he's trying to overcompensate for."

That made zero sense. She was feeling pretty damn smart for what she'd done by mentioning this other man. She truly did think he was nice, even though he probably wasn't her type just like Embry pointed out, but boy did it feel good to make him squirm. "I doubt he has problems with his manhood."

"Why? Something going on I don't know about?"

"Yes, he comes in most afternoons...I put up the closed sign and I let him fuck me on the counter where I ice the cupcakes. The whole time I scream about his giant cock."

She covered her face after saying such an embarrassing falsehood. He lost it for a second when she felt the car swerve. "I guess I deserve all this because I never replied to your texts."

She shrugged.

"I don't know what was wrong with me this last month."

"Six weeks," she corrected.

"Okay, six weeks...that makes it so much worse, doesn't it?" Her arms were folded tightly across her chest, but he pried them apart. He got hold of her left hand. She watched him pull it up to his mouth where he kissed it sweetly. "I'm sorry," he whispered once more. She was sorry as well but she didn't say much at first, before she finally got the courage to speak a little truth.

"Why are we doing this? You have glamorous women at your beck and call. For God's sake, you have a waiting list. You don't even need me. All we do half the time, is torture each other."

He still had her hand and she was astounded how just a stroke of his thumb on her skin made her insides turn to goo. "That's where you're wrong." He looked at her earnestly. The look had her hypnotized completely. The soft confession from his lips weakened all her defenses, "I need you more than you'll ever know."

~Thanks so much for reading.

Hit me up with your feelings. This one rips me apart a little.

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