((Chapter heading is a line from the song Like You by Evanescence.))

3. Far Beneath My Nightmares and Loneliness

'Nothing.' Sitara sounded defeated even on the phone. 'I got nothing. It's like no-one even lived here. I mean … Yeah, a bit of stuff, but nothing personal. Like, at all.' She paused briefly. 'I'll swing by his garage, and …'

'No, I'm closer,' Marcus interrupted. 'This is taking too long.' He cut the connection and all but fled from HQ. He got on his motorcycle and drove the short distance like a maniac. Someone shouted after him, but he didn't care. He felt in his gut that he was running out of time.

When he reached the garage, he opened it from a distance and drove directly inside. 'Wrench?' he asked. He didn't expect an answer and he didn't get one. He spun and found the mask on the desk. 'Fuck. Sitara! This is bad.'

'What? What's wrong?'

'Someone must have followed him here. Taken his mask and destroyed it.'

She took a while before she answered. 'And left it in his garage? That makes no sense, Marcus, and I think you know that.' He did. He didn't want to. 'Come home, Marcus.'

'In a bit. I need a moment.' He walked out, feeling lost. He drove into the night without a particular idea where he was going. When his brain had decided to take him to the place where he had returned the dratted mask to Wrench was beyond him, but he followed his own footsteps all the same. This couldn't be. Wrench wouldn't leave them. Wouldn't leave him.

Biting his lips, Marcus made his way up to the roof. The sharp wind was biting his eyes, the cool air making him shiver.

Something moved in his peripheral vision, and Marcus froze. A lone figure, up here, with a gun held loosely by his side. He slowly lifted it up to his forehead, started trembling and put it down again quickly. Marcus swallowed, took the figure in. Startling him was certain to be disastrous. Tall and slender, shoulders slightly slumped and facing away. But unmistakable in every single little movement.

The gun was lifted again, this time in front of the man, and Marcus knew that he had just run out of time. Caution would take too long. 'Don't do that!' Marcus barely recognised his own voice. He covered the remaining distance at a run. He took the gun out of an unresisting hand and shoved down the figure's hood. Resisting the temptation to punch him, Marcus looked at Wrench. 'Don't ever do that,' he said again, taking the pale face into his shaking free hand.

Long, pale fingers covered his. 'What are you doing here?'

'Looking for you! I had no idea where to start, I didn't even think you'd be here, but … Hell, I've got no idea why, but I found your mask and drove and here I am. What the hell, Wrench?'

'Go away, Marcus. Walk away and forget …'

'I'm going to punch you if you don't shut up.'

Wrench's lips tightened. 'Fine. Threaten me with abuse then. Think you're the first?'

The icy tone made it clear that this wasn't a joke. 'I have no idea, you never talk about yourself. I think now's the time.'

'No. Now's the time to decorate this here roof with my brain.'

'Then why didn't you?' Marcus let go of him and took a step away. 'Why did you hesitate?'

'I …' Wrench swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing. 'I … shit, Marcus. I've fucked up so bad.'

'Do you want to die, Wrench? Then fucking do it. Knock me out, grab the gun, and kill yourself. Or, perhaps, you could talk to me instead. At least pretend that you trust me or even like me. You've done it before.'

'If you knew, Marcus, if you ever found out what I was, you'd all hate me. And then I'd lose the only family I've ever known in one fell stroke. I can't do that. I can't go back to being worthless to everyone on earth.'

'If we knew what? That you were with the Sons of Ragnarok? Guess what, we've figured it out.' He tapped his forehead. 'We're not completely stupid, you know?'

Wrench flushed so brightly his scar almost became invisible. 'Then why are you here?' he screamed. 'Why did you even look for me?'

'Because we trust you. And we love you.' He lowered his voice. 'I love you, Wrench. But right now I don't know if I even know you. So talk to me. Please.'

The wide blue eyes glistened in the faint light. 'Shit, M. You're making this difficult.'

'Good.' He raised his arms. 'What is this, Wrench? Was Horatio a worthless nigger to you? Am I? Did you just pretend that you care about me?'

The tears broke from Wrench's eyes and he wiped them away furiously. 'No. Fuck, no. Oh gods, Horatio wouldn't be able to stand the sight of me. I never used that word in my life and I'd thank you for not doing it either because it makes me want to break things. Or people.'

'The only one you can break right now is me. If you'd pulled that trigger, you'd have managed. And depending on what you'll say now it's still on the table.'

'That's about the last thing I want. You … you're one beautiful human being.'

'Then what drove you to consort with those racists?'

'I wasn't very selective about who I'd hang with, okay? I didn't even know what sort a lot of them are. I knew someone who was with them and had a way in. I had to hide, and they were there.'

'Who did you hide from, the cops?'

Wrench shook his head. 'My mother.' He turned away again, his hands balled into fists. 'You … have a family, Marcus. People who loved you, cared about you from the day you were there. I was a burden. When I turned out to be a difficult kid, it got worse. At worst, I got beaten, at best ignored. And then … my father died. And my mother … well. You can't imagine how this is, but she hated me. He just didn't love me enough to bother protecting me, but there's still a mile of a difference. She'd tortured me from when I was little. Giving me rotten food, forcing me to eat it again if I threw up, putting out cigarettes on my skin … But when he was dead … well. I got this.' He indicated his scar. 'I still think she'd have killed me if I had stayed. I was 14 years old and had nowhere to go. One guy who'd been in my school was with the Sons of Ragnarok. He offered a community and that I'd learn something – and I did, Marcus, they taught me all I know – and that I'd be safe. I couldn't say no.'

'And their views? You don't share them? You were pretty young when you joined.'

'I am not a Nazi, Marcus, not even close. I never was, hated everyone equally. I understand if you don't believe me, though.'

'I believe you. I remember how you reacted when it turned out Lenni was collaborating with them, and I refuse to believe that you were acting.' He opened his arms. 'Come here?'

'Why?'

Marcus shook his head. 'Because I really want to hold you, Wrench.' He frowned. 'And I got a feeling you need it as much as I do.'

After only a moment of hesitation, Wrench let him put his arms around him. He stood stiffly at first, then slowly melted into his embrace, bringing his own arms around Marcus in turn. He hid his face in the crook of his neck and a tremor ran through the lean form. 'I'm not worth it, Marcus.'

He only held him tighter. 'You're coming back with me, Wrench. I'd prefer if you left me that gun. I'm not sure I trust you around anything you can use to harm yourself with right now.'

A quiet chuckle rippled through Wrench. He extracted himself form Marcus's hold and kissed him softly. 'Keep it, I don't want anything to do with it. You were right. I don't want to die. And it seems that you at least don't think I'm a lost cause. The others, though …'

'Well. Up until the moment that I found your mask, we were all sure you'd been kidnapped. But, Wrench, you said it yourself. You're one of us, we're your family. We'll tell them what happened. You have to, now, you can't keep it to yourself. But if I know them at all, it won't change who you are to them. And I'm dead sure it wouldn't have changed a thing for Horatio, either. Not after all this time. You're a fucking mess, Wrench, but you're our mess and we've got your back.'

Ϡ

Wrench felt naked as he walked into the hackerspace in Marcus's wake. He'd never gone there without his mask. Destroying it had been the first step of his suicide. There was no going back from that, he had thought, and now here he was. Naked. Frightened. Weak.

The chime from the lock and his own mark on the wall were jarring, mocking him with the traces he'd left of himself. He hesitated, but Marcus didn't let him, guided him inside and went downstairs ahead of him. 'Hi,' he said. 'Look what I found.' Sitara and Josh both came around the corner and stared at Wrench.

'Hi, Wrench,' was all Josh had to say, but there was a small shift in his expression, a small shift towards something that looked like triumph. Another might have nudged Sitara and said, 'Told you.'

The woman, on the other hand, overcame her stunned disbelief quickly. She raced towards them and hugged Wrench fiercely. Then she let him go and punched his shoulder. Hard. 'You son of a bitch. You scared us! Do you need help? Do you need to shake them off?'

He swallowed and nodded jerkily. 'Yes. I think so. There are a few … they expect me to take you over. And kill you in the process. All of you, I guess, but mostly Josh and Marcus. I'm not going to let them anywhere near you and they aren't the forgiving sort. So I'll have to kill them first.'

Sitara sighed. 'Yep. That's how I thought this talk would go. Are you all right, Wrench?'

'Is that even relevant?'

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. 'Is that relevant? Fuck you, Wrench. I'm thrilled that you're back. Can't you see that?' He smiled. He didn't mean to, but there was no way he could stop himself. Sitara punched him again, but much more gently. 'One thing though. I want the truth, Wrench. All of it. I want to know who you are. Can you do that for us?'

He felt Marcus squeeze his hand, telling him he wasn't alone. He squeezed back. 'Yeah. You're my family. You got a right to know.'