February 17th

Yep, I knew we were just about due for another conspiracy. Some guy's going around, calling himself Vincent Grayson and saying that he's Allison's dad. Everybody's believing him except me and Donnie. Again, we should've made the smart one the leader.

Turns out that there's some kinda faerie magic being put to use, and "Vincent's" really an old enemy in disguise who's made some magical friends and wants to put us out of our miseries, using Allison to string us along while he's busy brainwashing most of us. I looked up them "faeries" on-line… and this don't look too good. Yeah, they're mostly puny little elf things who wouldn't put up much of a fight, but they don't fight fair. I ain't never looking at Tinkerbell the same way again.

At the convention, Allison and I had a big fight over this Vincent guy, and I ain't gonna lie. It hurt. It hurt a hell of a lot. I don't know what he said to her, but it's pretty clear that he's been making her rethink being with me at all. She didn't look me in the eye for the rest of the convention, and I knew that I had to get her something to protect herself from him in case he proves dangerous.

Faeries are apparently afraid of iron, so I found this little necklace with a die-cast iron turtle pendant on it. Took me a while to find something like that, but I'm definitely happy I did. Don gave me some rusty iron knife to give her, but I think I've been hanging around girls long enough to know that they're more likely to keep jewelry on them than weaponry. And even someone as kickass as Allison ain't no exception.

I got to her apartment after the convention was over, and she didn't really look happy to see me. But she let me talk. And I think, without that fake dad of hers around her, she was more willing to listen to reason… even if it was as unreasonable as telling her that she's been put under a faerie's spell. I gave her the knife, telling her that Donnie wanted her to have it, and then I gave her the necklace, like it was just something nice I saw and wanted her to have. I really would've wanted to wait to give it to her until her birthday on Sunday, but didn't want to risk her going around without something to protect herself with.

It's funny. I mean, earlier today, my biggest worry was Rob. Rob and how he'd react to me and my bros. I didn't appreciate him saying we got "cute costumes," and I really didn't appreciate him being too touchy-feely with Allison, but he seems all right enough. Still, I worried a bit about losing her to him.

Yeah, I'll admit it. I pretty much live in constant fear that she's gonna wake up one day and realize that she's with somebody who can't give her nothing that most girls dream about. I can't take her out on dates, I can't meet her friends, I can't even promise that we'll be anything more than what we are right now. I mean… not that I'm thinking of anything long-term or nothing, but with a guy like Robby, she at least can think about getting married or having kids or something someday. And though she never says nothing about it… I know she wants to have kids. Because when I look at her dealing with Mikey and his stupidity… I see a great mom. And great moms should have kids. That's just the way it should be, since it seems like so many bad moms end up having them instead.

She doesn't seem to have much of an interest in Rob, though. For better or worse, she's still choosing to stick it out with me. At least, until she finds out that the jewelry I gave her was actually just another way to protect her from the guy she still thinks of as her dad. Let's hope I think up a good birthday gift just in case this whole thing blows up in my face.

February 18th

Well… I feel like holing up in my shell and not coming out for another six months. Turns out that "Vincent" was really Drako in disguise. We kicked his ass quick enough, but he ain't what's making me feel like crap. Don and me found out that the real Vincent Grayson's been dead since '01. And I just came back from telling Allison that.

She had just been… really, really happy at the thought of having a real family around her again. Instead of taking care of Rob's family or of mine… she had her own. And I never realized that that was something she's wanted for a long time.

Rob got kinda beat up around the head, so we took him back to his place and he's slowly dealing with knowing who we really are. Once Donnie drugged him up and got him to sleep, I stayed in his living room with Allison while the guys went back home. Allison was watching over Rob's baby, and I brought up the records that Don found about her real father. She wasn't taking it too well.

I took Rosalind out of her arms and tried to get the kid to go to sleep while Allison cried for a while. Damn, I can't stand to see a girl crying. Especially not my girl. And while Rosalind started crying over seeing Allison upset, I realized that she was kinda like my girl, too. Allison's been taking care of Rosalind ever since the kid's mom died, and if she was the only kinda kid Allison was gonna have while with me, then I gotta treat her like my kid, too.

It was a wacky thought. I mean, I don't really get to deal with babies or nothing too often, so suddenly adopting a two-year-old as a weird, unofficial, distant stepdaughter made me think that I was losing it. But I gotta admit… there's something about the little brats that grows on ya after a while.

After Rosalind finally fell asleep, I put her in bed and went back to Allison. She looked a little zombied-out, so I sat next to her and held her for a while. I mean, she's been attacked a bunch of times since she's met us, and she can stand up to a beating or seven… but this is the first time those attacks have been more than physical. Those faerie bastards hurt her, and it wasn't a kinda hurt that I could fix by bandaging her up or swearing revenge. I don't handle these kinda hurts too often, so I wasn't really sure what I could actually do to help her. So I just decided to wing it.

I told her I loved her. I had done it before, when I was trying earlier today to get through the brainwashing Drako put her through, but this was the first time that I… that I really said it. I wasn't saying it to save lives or nothing. I wasn't saying it to prove a point. I was just saying it because I… because I felt it. I felt that complicated mess of emotions screaming all sorts of things in my brain, and I knew plain and simple that I couldn't really run from it no more. I'm in love with this girl.

She didn't say nothing for a while, so I held her a little closer and said it again. I don't know, maybe I thought she didn't hear me or something. But when I said it again, I guess I realized that I was just saying it because I liked the way it sounds. We fight. We argue. We get jealous and do a lot of kicking and screaming. But we still managed to keep this up for six months, not willing to trade in all those pushes-coming-to-shoves for anything in the world. And finally coming out and saying, "I love you," made me realize that it felt like those words was always meant to leave my mouth.

She finally gave me a funny look, telling me she heard me the first five times. She told me she loved me too, but… I don't know. It's not that I don't believe her, since sticking with me all this time is so irrational that the only thing that'd make her do that has to be love. It's just… she's still upset, over her dad and over the fact that she got played so badly.

It must be tough, finding out the day before your birthday that you've been an orphan for years. I kinda stopped and wondered about my own biological parents for a second, but then I remembered that regular turtles don't got the same kinda family values that humans have. Lucky me I ain't no regular turtle.

After a while, I told her something kinda… sappy, I guess. But damn, if it wasn't true. "I'm here for ya, kid. I'm not just saying that because I'm the boyfriend and that's what I'm supposed to say. I'm saying that because I am. I'll be whatever you need me to be—boyfriend, brother, best friend, teacher… I kinda do prefer boyfriend, though. Still, no matter what it is you need, just look for that in me. Cuz I'm here to make you happy. And from now on, you're family. In a different way than Casey or April, maybe… but you're still part of my family. And I love you. And I ain't never gonna let nothing like this happen to you again."

She gave me a comment about me trying pretty desperate to sound romantic, and I definitely deserved it. Still… she knew I meant it. Because she always seems to know those things that really matter. And heck, that's just another reason for me to love her.

February 19th

This'll be my last entry in this journal.

It's about four in the morning, and I couldn't sleep. I'm feeling a little sick, so I think I'm gonna miss the last day of the convention. Just as well, though. Allison won't be there, and I'll just pay her a visit later tonight or something. I'm not gonna let a fever keep me from spending time with her on her birthday, especially not after all we went through yesterday.

I figured out what to give her. Something within my budget, something from the heart, and something that she'll hopefully enjoy for a long, long time. I'm giving her this book.

See, I've got that rough draft of her movie that I look back on every so often, and I still read her cards and letter from when she was living in LA. But she ain't got nothing of me. Her only reward for bearing with me over the past six months is looking at my ugly mug. So I figured she'd like to see some other part of me: the me she created. The me I'm trying to be… for her.

And yeah, I'm pretty sure that it's a pretty cheap gift for something that's doubling as both a birthday and anniversary present. But still, she don't know I know her birthday (she must be the only human in the world who doesn't talk about it for the entire week beforehand, I think) and she's probably pretty sure that I wouldn't even remember the day we first kiss. But I remember. It's hard to forget when I first took up one of my favorite hobbies.

Mikey still bugs me about it just about every day. Don still gives me those little smiles, making me wonder how he really feels about her while at the same time telling me that no matter what, he's always got my back. Leo's finally started to ease up about things, and I think Splinter's beginning to see her like a daughter. It's official. She's family. And I ain't never letting her go. Hope she's happy to be stuck with me.

Sixteen months I've been writing in this thing. For sixteen months, I haven't been able to think of much else but her. And yeah, I don't know how it happened. But it happened. And I'm glad it did. And more importantly, I'm glad I finally got the guts to admit that it happened.

Here's to another half a year… and a whole lot of years after that.