A/N: Okay, guys. Sorry for the delay. School's been kicking my butt.. again. You know how the beginning of the year is. Get this, get that. BLAHBLAHBLAH. So, yeah. Anyway, here it is. The last installment of "Journey Beyond the Moon." The italics are flashbacks. Enjoy! R&R!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Song belongs to Faith Hill.
I move over to her couch as fast as I can, partially in fear of being kicked out, and partially from the adrenaline rush I'm getting from the thought of actually having Alex in my arms again within just a few minutes.
She sits down beside me, not saying a thing. I think I'll take this as my cue to talk. "Where's Chad? Your mom?"
She shakes her head nonchalantly, "Out." I guess I can't really say that I was expecting her to be all that chatty tonight.
I nod. "Oh.. well I--" She cuts in.
"Why are you here, Paige?" Ah, I see someone's being a tad straight forward themselves tonight.
"I just wanted to see you, is all." She looks at me as if I just told her Marco was straight. I then add, "Wanted to talk a bit, too."
She nods, scoffing, "Why? What could you possibly want to talk about?" Now it's my turn to look at her as if she just said Marco wasn't gay.
"What do you mean why? What, I don't get to talk to you now?" Pause, "We're not even going to stay friends?"
She remains silent for a bit, as if thinking how she should phrase her more than likely sarcastic remark.
"I'm sorry, Paige. Go on, what do you want to talk about?" Wow, I wasn't expecting that.
I have to say that her being so.. so.. humble at a time like this is rather surprising. But then again, it's also rather surprising that she even let me in the door. Alright, she wants me to go on? I'll go on. Remember Paige, straight forward. Straight forward.
I slip off the black duffle I've been carrying since I left Spinner's car. Before I get a chance to open it up and unveil it's contents, a "what's in the bag?" leaves Alex's lips.
"Shh, hun," is all I answer back. Alex was never one to like surprises, and I was never one with the capability to hold them. But right now, I'm putting her interests off to the side, and fighting back every urge to just kiss her until she takes me back.
Out of my bag I pull out a small stereo and one of my most precious CDs, Faith Hill's "Breathe."
Alex sees my essentials and I know she remembers. Speaking up she says, "Paige, don't--"
"Shhhh," I interrupt her. She's not going to ruin this, protest this. I won't let her. Not tonight.
Pressing play on the keypad, a guitar followed by a female's voice fills the air.
I
can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that
way
Realization of what the song is, what it means, what I'm about to do, strikes all of her features, "No, Paige--"
Once again she tries to protest, and once again I interrupt her. "Dance with me, Alex," I breathe in a husky voice, pleading.
Like I said, tonight is all about being straight forward. Tonight is all about force. Forcing her to remember what this song means, to the both of us. Forcing her to give me a chance. Forcing her to face that I'm not backing down. Not when I've come this far.
She looks at me for a moment, deciding whether or not to trust me. Whether or not to see where this goes. Whether or not she should let the memory overtake her entire being.
She accepts to all three and takes my hand. And..we dance.
--------------------
The cool breeze keeps rustling both of our hairs as we sit under a great, big oak tree in the park. It's around five in the afternoon, and Alex and I have been sitting here since school let out. It's been a rough week for the both of us. We've hardly had any time to see eachother.
I mean, really see eachother.
Sure, we've walked to class together a few times, had a couple of lunches, she's even sat through a few Sprit Squad practices. But, I haven't kissed her in a couple of days. At least nothing more than chaste, anyway.
And I can't even begin to tell you just how much that has been killing me. I don't know what it is about this girl, but she's giving me feelings that neither Spinner nor Matt could ever ignite. Sure, I guess I liked Spinner and Matt alot, but my feelings towards them couldn't compare even in the slightest to what I feel for Alex. Alex makes me laugh. Makes me feel giddy about 98 percent of the time. Makes me hate sleeping, because being awake is just oh so much better. Makes me want to learn her body inside and out. Makes me believe in a future that'll be so bright, it'll be blinding.
And most important: she makes me feel loved
But the thing is, I'm not even sure if she does in fact love me. She hasn't said it yet. And even though I do love the blame game, I haven't said it myself either. I want to though, don't get me wrong. I want to scream from the hilltops. Write across the sky. Yell into the school's intercom, that I, Paige Michalchuk, love Alex Nunez. But the thing is... I'm scared to. I've never said the L word out loud. Or at least, not to anyone that I wasn't related to. I almost said it Spinner once. Almost. But I as I was trying to grow the balls to tell him, I realized that if he did say it back, it was only because he'd feel obligated. That's just the type of guy Spinner was. He wouldn't want to "leave me hanging," in a sense.
Spinner's a great guy and all, but I knew he didn't love me. I knew I didn't love him. I knew he wasn't the one. I knew he wasn't my future.
And most of all, I knew he wasn't Alex.
As for Matt, well, Matt was so much of a mistake, it's not even funny. That much was apparent when he gave me that joint as a "going away" gift. I always wanted to believe that Matt was the one, but somewhere deep down, I knew I was only kidding myself. What we had was a fling. There wasn't even the slightest amount of structure in our relationship.
There wasn't a mutual path set out for the both of us. There was only a dead end.
Though if I do see Matt around again, I'd like to thank him. Thank him for breaking up with me. Thank him for disappointing me. Thank him for the joint. Because honestly? All the things he did, only pushed me farther into Alex's arms. A place I never want to leave.
Suddenly I start to feel slow kisses being placed along my neck, torturing me in the most pleasant of ways. And as just as soon as they started, they end, "Where are you, Paigey?"
Where am I? Toronto. Park. Heaven. "I'm right here, Alex. Where are you?"
This earns me a laugh. "Hmm, I'd have to say... sanctuary."
I look over into her chocolate eyes and I can just feel the honesty spilling out of them, and quickly pooling into mine. I realize then, right then, that today is the day that I have to tell her I love her. No doubt about it. She needs to hear it and I need to get it off my chest. Slowly, little drops of rain start to fall from the sky.
"Guess every good thing must come to an end, huh?" Oh, how right she is.
A crack of thunder erupts from the sky, and it begins raining cats and dogs. We run with our hands grasped for what seems like forever to the parking lot. Finally reaching my mom's van, we're both soaked down to the bone with water. Shuffling inside, I turn on the heater and look at Alex. Her already dark hair is darker and matted to her face. Her white wifebeater has turned see through and the ends of her jeans have turned dark blue. Drops of rain are slowly making routes down her cheek. One drop, two drop, three.
She's still the most beautiful person I've ever seen.
Alex's eyes drift over to mine and she smiles, "Take a picture. It'll last longer," Ever the smartass, my girlfriend.
I only smirk at her before starting the engine and pulling out of the parking lot. Half way down the block I decide to turn on the radio. The thing about me and Alex is that we don't always need to fill in those little gaps of silence between us. We can just leave them be and be content with eachother's company. That's something I've never had with anyone else. So usually when we drive, I just put on some music because we both know we're just as happy as we would be if we were talking.
Switching the station a few times, I finally come across a song I love. 'Breathe' by Faith Hill. I actually own the CD with this single on it, but I haven't listened to it in awhile. It's probably buried beneath piles and piles of underwear inside my dresser somewhere and I'm honestly too lazy to go and look for it. I find this song calming though. The lyrics, the slow guitar riffs, the smooth voice. It's all so soothing. So comforting. So warm.
Just like Alex. This song reminds me of her, actually. All the warm, little fuzzy feelings it ignites in me are the same warm, little fuzzy feelings Alex sparks. But then again, what love song doesn't remind me of Alex?
I turn my head a bit and notice Alex's lips moving in sync with the radio.
"All
my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying
wrapped up in your arms"
Wow. Alex likes this song? I never could of guessed. Alex has never really been the.. mushy type. Well, okay. That's a lie. But, when she's mushy, she's mushy with her movements, like cuddles and kisses. She's never really struck me as the John Cusack type, willing to hold a radio over her head.
"The
whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear
Is the
beating of your heart"
As
we continue to get closer and closer to my house, I continue to watch
Alex out of the corner of my eye. Her lips are barely even moving,
but I hear her voice loud and clear. Her angelic voice that sends
shivers down my spine
each and
every
time. "
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm
melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby, all we
need is just to be"
I decide to turn down the volume a bit, straining just to hear her a bit better. Her lips continue to move, not stopping or screwing up once. Not even noticing the lowered music. Not even noticing my content and persisent staring. No, all she pays attention to are the riffs and raindrops on the window pane. All she pays attention to are the words she must know by heart.
"Caught
up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the
way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just
breathe"
As the last note gets higher, so does Alex's voice. With the way she can sing, I don't understand why she didn't ever join choir at school. Or even start a band. The latter would be more typical "badass Alex" though. I giggle at the thought of what Alex's reaction would be if I suggested she'd join choir. I know by now that I probably wouldn't even get a verbal responce. Just a look that said, "You've got to be kidding," with a "No one can see my soft side baby, only you," subtext.
Giggling again, I realize that the music has stopped playing and that Alex is staring at me as if I've suddenly grown an extra head.
"Are you okay, Paige?" She asks, with mild concern, but also with a hint of amusement.
"Yeah, hun. I'm fine. I was just enjoying your singing," I smile broadly.
She blushes, "Oh, you uh, you heard that?"
"Well, it is a small car, Alex." I say matter of factly, basking in my girlfriend's sudden embarrassment.
She giggles along with me. "Oh, yeah," she pauses, sobering up. "Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to distract you while er, driving."
As if anything she does could ever be a bad distraction. "As if anything you do could be a bad distraction. Hun, like I said, I was enjoying it. You sing really well. How come you've never sang in front of me before?"
She smiles, "Well, hate to break it to you Paigey, but your choice of music sucks. You with your Backroad Boys and In Stink."
"Hun, first of all, my music does not suck. Second of all, it's Backstreet Boys and Nsync."
"Same thing," she says as I turn off the engine, finally reaching my house.
"So, you're telling me that you don't like either of them, but you like Faith Hill? Wow. I've never seen you as the 'Howdy ya'll' type," I say with a very visible smirk.
She blushes, "I'm not. I just like that one song. Sue me," her face then turns serious. "My.. my cousin used to play it all the time when I used to visit. I'd only go over there when.. when my mom's boyfriends would get a little fist happy," she says the last part with a chuckle that was not in any way meant to be funny.
I gasp, suddenly feeling guilty teasing her about that. "Hun--"
She continues, louder this time. "It hurt too much to stay in the house with them.. with my mom. So, I would go over to my Aunt's house and my cousin Sophia would play it alot. It was comforting. Her voice was comforting. The lyrics were comforting. It helped, helped alot." She pauses, but this time looking so much more.. shy?
"I always used to lay in Sophia's bed while listening to this and think about the future. Think about how one day, this would be the song I'd dance to at prom, have my first kiss to, play at my wedding. This would be the song I'd share with someone I really, really cared about. And I always knew that they'd be better than the guys that my mom dated." Grabbing my hand, she finishes, "And how right I was."
In
a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling
down
I'm closer than I've ever felt before
And I know, and you
know
There's no need for words right now
Wow. What do you say to that? I mean, she just put so much of herself out there. So much of her past on display, showing it to me.
She looks up from where her eyes were previously locked on our intertwined hands, "Paige--"
"ILOVEYOU," spills from my lips so quickly, I'm not even sure she caught it.
Her eyes widen and she's barely able to choke out, "What?" I guess she did catch it.
"Yes. Alex Nunez, I. Love. You," this time, I say it much slower. "I love you so much. With everything I have. More than anyone. Beyond the sky. Beyond the Earth. Beyond the moon. I know we've only been together for a month, but it feels like it's been so much more longer than that. Maybe.. maybe that's because it's has. Maybe I fell in love with you while you were running for class president. Maybe I fell in love with you when you got my job back at the theater. Hell, maybe I even fell in love with you the second I layed my eyes on you. I don't know. But does any of that really matter? ..No. The only thing that matters... is that ILoveYou."
She doesn't say anything, just stares at me. So, I sit back and wait for a responce. Because honestly, if I were in her position, I'd probably look the same way. I've never given this much of myself to anyone, nor has anyone ever given this much of themselves to me. So, I guess I can only imagine how.. overwhelming it must be.
"Paige.." she pauses, and my heart rate quickens, because right now I'm fearing the worst. Even though I get that it's overwhelming, I also get that she may not feel the same. May not be as ready as I am. Sure, she kissed me first and everything, but still. That doesn't mean she's in love with me. Like me, yes, but love?
For just four letters, that's a big word.
"I love you too."
Caught
up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the
way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just
breathe
--------------------
I
can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that
way
By the time the final chord is struck, our cheeks are glistening with tears. I think we've both been crying from the second I asked her to dance.
Chocolate clashes with aqua as our eyes finally meet. We've been staring at each other the entire time, but I think we're just barely seeing each other now. We're just barely feeling each other now. During the song, we were somewhere else. Somewhere where everything's okay. Somewhere where the circumstances are different. Somewhere like my mom's van on a rainy day.
But, it's like right now, everything's okay anyway. There's no graduation, no Banting, no breaking up. Just us, just this. There's no need to be lost in another world an eternity ago in my mom's van, because right now, this seems just as good.
But just like that, our safe haven comes crashing down.
"Paige, w-we can't," Alex stutters through sniffles. "It's too hard."
She pulls away from me, moving to the other side of the living room, wrapping her arms securely around herself.
"What's hard?" I ask. She looks at me, probably preparing to give me a snarky remark, but I beat her to it. "Is kissing me hard? Is cuddling with me hard? Is being happy hard? Is loving one another hard?!"
I pause, allowing her time to respond, but she just keeps her eyes glued to the floor, silent. So, I continue. "There's nothing hard about any of those things, Alex. You're just afraid." This causes her to look at me now. "Yeah, that's right. I said it. You're afraid! You know, you always try to put up this 'badass' act, but I know better. I've seen the real you, Alex! The real little Lexi inside of you that has feelings.. that can love.. that can hurt. That can be afraid." Another pause, "But isn't that all the more reason to trust me? To love me? Alex, you--"
"I KNOW PAIGE!" Her voice booms throughout the small apartment, startling me a little. "I know! But it's just not that easy!"
"WHY?!" Now it's my turn to boom. "Why isn't it Alex?! It used to be! It used to be easy! Used to be enough! Is that what it is, Alex? Am I not enough?"
"You know that's not true," she mumbles, instantly looking scared. Maybe even a little defeated.
"Do I? Why would you break up with me? You say it's because I'm going to Banting, but is that all? I could maybe understand if you weren't into long distance relationships, but we could at least try. At least give it a shot. How come you don't want to try, Alex? Huh?! Is it because you'd rather--"
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT!" Once again, her voice sends me into silence. I stand there, dumbfounded.
"So much, it scares the crap out of me!" She's crying more now, "And that's exactly it, Paige. I love you so much, that I have to let you go."
"That's stupid," I mumble.
"No, Paige. It's not. Because I know what's going to happen at Banting. Some six foot tall, blonde hair, blue eyed boy is going to sweep you off your feet. And what happens, then? Do I just.. move on? Forget about it? Forget about you?" I try to think up an answer, but she starts to speak again. "No, I can't Paige! That's something I could never do. But the thing is, even though I can't forget you, I can at least try and get over you. Even in the slightest."
Those words sting. I don't think that was what she was aiming for, but they do. The thoughts of Alex in some other woman's arms gives me shivers. The bad kind too. The kind you get during horror movies. The thought that Alex would share her body with any other female other than me makes me so jealous and upset at once, that I can't even begin to explain.
"And if I start the healing process now, maybe it won't hurt as much by the time fall rolls around," she whispers this time, looking down at the floor for the first time since she's started talking.
"Hun," I begin as I step closer to her. "Listen to me when I say this, okay?" She nods. "I would never, and I mean never, leave you. I don't ever want to. I love so much too, Alex. So much it scares the crap out of me."
"But--" She begins to protest for the hundredth time, but I quickly shut her up, denying her any more words.
"No, Alex. No but's. No what about's. No nothing. I want to try this, I want to make this work. I want to make us work. Months ago, you asked me to not play around with you. With your feelings, now all I'm asking is the same in return. All I want is for you to try with me, Alex. Be happy with me. Because sweetie, I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Her eyes widen at my sudden honesty. Mine do too. I never said that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Never said I wanted to have a home with her. Family with her. Life with her. But now as a smile spreads across her face, I'm glad I said it.
"Really?" she asks, smile widening more, if that's even possible.
"Yes, hun. I do," I pause to flash her a smile all my own. "I want to give you everything I have. Everything I can. Share everything with you. Be with you forever. I won't ever let anyone or anything get between that again. Not even some blond hair, blue--" Instantly lips are on mine, and instantly I stop talking.
I kissed her mere hours ago, but the thing is, it's never felt like this. I never felt this much electricty. This much heat. This much.. joy.
The joy of a new beginning. A clean slate. A happy ending.
"Me too, Paige," she says when we break apart. I smile. No words need to be used right now, because no words could ever express the happiness I'm feeling.
Project:Get Alex Back accomplished.
A/N: Okay, that's the end of it. Did you like it, hate it? Tell me. Review!
I want to thank every one who reviewed. You've all been so kind.
Peace&Love- bohemianxx.