All mistakes are mine. I'll have to comeback and edit again tomorrow but I haven't posted anything in weeks.
Tyler's definitely a product of his environment, a child of the GPS generation. He knows moss grows on the north sides of trees, he knows there's some way he could find his way through the stars. He knows he's never been good with maps and probably won't ever be.
And yet, he improvises.
He knows how to find his way to Bonnie and from there it's easy. He knows just where to trail kisses like breadcrumbs between the valley of her breasts, along the plateau of her stomach.. He can chart his way across the terrain of her, through the depths of her with a ridiculous amount of ease but she's still Bonnie. She still has so much going on that sometimes a pair lips pressed to her spine isn't enough. Sometimes words need to be exchanged, there needs to be some kind of reassurance that they both want this. That she needs it.
Today he's the one in need.
They're in her childhood room, the setting sun playing hide-and-seek behind the blowing curtains. She's quiet, no more or less than usual and he can hear the blood rushing through her veins.
They've kissed already, it hasn't progressed into make-out session yet, there was just a long press of her mouth against his. Now she's watching his face while he stares at the picture of Caroline sitting on Bonnie's nightstand. This isn't new, he's seen it probably a dozen times before but this is the first time it's ever bothered him.
He loved Caroline, probably still does and this thing with Bonnie is complicated when he tries to put it in words. He likes Bonnie, he might even love her (if he doesn't now he knows he could), but he's not over Caroline. And Bonnie seems to be okay with their setup, if you guys get back together it won't bother me, and if you ever want to stop doing this then just tell me I'll understand. I won't make it a big deal. Okay?
He'd heard her. But he still feels bad that he's thinking about anybody else when he's lying on top of her. It's embarrassing if nothing else. He doesn't understand why he can't just move on
Bonnie's hand grazes the side of his face nudging him until she can see his eyes. That same hand reaches out and lays the frame down on the nightstand.
"You want to talk about it?"
He shakes his head and hers raises so she can kiss him. It's the same press of lips, no tongue, just the right amount of pressure against his. Bonnie's beginning to read him as well as he can read her. It's almost like she just knows what to do on the rare occasion he can't vocalize it.
"Do you want me Tyler?"
His mouth moves to answer her but she cuts him off with another kiss.
"Do you, right now?"
He whispers out a yes that's almost too low for his hearing.
"Then that's what matters. Okay? I need you to want me, this. That's it. Everything else is irrelevant," she says running her fingers up his back, scratching the skin, causing him to shiver. Her eyes never lose focus, never leave his. "Caroline doesn't need you right now like I do." And that for some reason it's what he needs to hear.
She sighs when his mouth finds her neck. He pulls a moan out of her when his tongue darts out to chart his way from point A to B. It's a beaten path, one he's familiar with now and when she fists his hair the only person he's thinking about is her.
"It doesn't bother me that you still love her," she says when he's draped haphazardly across her bed. It's dark in the room, the only light coming from a line of candles lit on her dresser. Her shadow dances along the wall while she closes the window. "So you don't have to look like that every time I catch you thinking about her." She rolls over, "I get that this is…it's sex. We have sex and you watch me do spells and I like what this is, but you don't owe me anything…and I don't feel bad because you still love Caroline…she's great and I'll always love her but this isn't about her. I don't know if that seems heartless…I really don't care honestly. This is about us. And you loving her doesn't affect that."
She climbs back into the bed finding the warmth just where she'd left it.
"That's not it…. I mean it does bother me…but you're right. This is about us, me and you…it bothers me because it's unfair to you… you're not my rebound and I don't want you to feel like that…I honestly don't think you would tell me if you did, but I want this to be a good thing between us even when I'm still working through everything. Caroline's your best friend and you're sleeping with her ex. It's already complicated enough, but if you can deal with that, I should be able to too. "
Her mood changes instantly from her default nonchalance to pity.
"You're making this bigger than it is. I'll probably die before graduation and when I do, do you really think this will matter? Hopefully Klaus will be gone too and if he is, do you think Caroline's biggest concern will be that we fucked a few times? She loves you and you love her and when you get the chance to be with her again, if you still want to you should. She'll take you back… don't feel guilty about us. You gave into a dying girl's wishes. It's noble. Caroline's into that kind of stuff, she'll understand."
"Bonnie—"
"I get it, I do. You're a good person Tyler. But your breakup is still fresh, of course you're going to think about her…and there's nothing wrong with being the rebound anyway. I came to terms with how it'll end for me a long time ago, but I want to keep having fun until my luck runs out, whether that's tomorrow or months from now, it doesn't matter. I don't have a lot of time left to be upset that you aren't madly in love with me. If you want to stop we can, but if not, let's stop making this more complicated than it has to be."
He tries to compare her to the other girls he's been with but he can't.
Everything is different with her.
And it's not a bad different, and it's not necessarily a better different, it's just not the same.
There's seriousness, an intensity with Bonnie that he didn't share with Caroline or Vicky and at the same time it's easier with her.
There were no strings with Vicky (not real strings), and with Caroline he'd gotten tangled up he'd almost hung himself with the cords. However, with Bonnie it's like dealing with a blank slate, except she's got enough baggage for the both of them. Sex has always been an integral part of any relationship (non-relationship) he's ever had, and it's no different with her, but then again, it is. Because it's not just sex even though she claims it is.
When she's sighing into his ear after they're finished, when they're wrapped up into each other, it's more than sex. It's more than sex when she's looking at him big eyed and asking him to stay the night (and it's not even like he doesn't want to). It's not just sex when they're resurrecting each other from the dead, shaky little deaths and spine tingling rebirths all a part of the cycle.
It's more.
Mainly to him. And that's probably why it's so different. With Caroline it was mutual, for a while, and with Vicky she was way more into him than he was into her.
He's pretty sure that he knows how to please her and that comes easy, sex has always been easy. However, he can't figure out what's their endgame. She's told him again and again this is just to tide them over until he reconciles with Caroline or if she dies, and he knows she believes this. But he likes her and it's hard to think about it like that. It's been so long since he's been able to just exist with someone, to be himself, and things are easy with her. She's never demanding of him, and he knows it's unfair but he's beginning to want things from her, even if it's as simple as wanting her to want a future (even if he's not in it, though he really wants to be).
Things have gotten so complicated.
It's been almost two weeks since the picture thing and they're in bed as usual, having fun, like she wants. Caroline's on his mind a little less every day, Bonnie little more.
Her mouth pulls off of him with a plop and she looks up from her position between his legs.
"You're distracted."
She doesn't sound hurt, or even upset, her tone is more like she's wondering if she's boring him.
"It's good."
She grins, "okay, Tyler."
"It's good, really...I just have a lot on my mind," he says, like an old man, unlike a teenage hybrid. And she must have the same thought process because her brow quirks. "You want to talk about it?"
She hates talking about anything, but he really does.
"Later? After we're done?"
She nods and he focuses on her mouth on him.
He's returned the favor and when they're bathing in the orange-red sun that's minutes away from setting, he asks, "do you ever think there could be more to this?" His eyes are locked on the ceiling fan, hands resting on his stomach.
She's doesn't open her eyes from her spot across the bed, she does wiggle a little deeper under the covers. "Life?"
"More specifically, us?"
She sits up suddenly, the blanket pooling at her waist and he mirrors her position.
"Why would you want that?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
Bonnie takes a few seconds to respond, like she's really thinking about it. "What would be the difference? Between what we're doing now, I mean, we hang out, we go out to eat. We do," she motions between their nudity, "this. What would be the difference?"
He doesn't know.
"Do you want to hold my hand? Walk me to class? Meet my parents?" There's a harshness in her tone, which is surprising, unsettling really and for once he can't read her.
"Are you mad at me?"
Her voice returns to his normal tone, her cadence smooth like nothing has happened." I'm not…I just—" She reaches for one of his hands in her own and traces the lines in his palm, her eyes focused on them.
"I know it's hard," she takes a deep breath, "nothing we've been through has been easy...and I know that going through it alone makes it harder than it has to be….but being with me…I know it seems like a good idea. You're lonely. I get that," she reassures him. "I am too and I guess that's why we keep doing this, to feel a little less alone. But I'm not exactly a pleasure to be around right now, and you of all people know that—you're the only person I don't have to pretend with. You've been really kind to me and I appreciate that but…I just don't want to make it harder for me while I'm still here, and I don't want to make it harder on you when I'm gone," she plasters a fake smile on her face, "you know how sensitive you can be." The joke falls flat and she still won't look at him. "If you don't want to hang out anymore—'
He cuts her off, "Of course I do."
"But you want more?"
"Yeah," he doesn't know why a flush comes over his face. She gets it, he knows she does but it's still embarrassing. She leans in pushes him back into the pillows, pressing her lips to his neck. "Are we still friends? "
"Yeah."
He thought being rejected would hurt more but at the moment she's his best friend and that trumps it. . That's enough. He thinks they still have a chance once Klaus is dead and honestly that seems like the smallest obstacle in their way.
They haven't slept together since that day, he feels weird about initiating and Bonnie's been hitting the grimoires a bit heavy lately, but now they're sitting in her den watching tv, Bonnie's feet tucked under the cushions of the sofa
"Are you mad at me?"
"No," she says before taking a sip of her soda. "Why?"
"I don't know it feels like you're mad at me."
"Is it because we haven't…you know?"
Tyler laughs awkwardly at that, laughs at the ridiculousness of the situation.
"That may be part of it."
"I thought you needed time. I'm down if you are,´ she says with an air of nonchalance is what he's learning is Bonnie's personality a tee. He laughs again and she smiles as the back door swings open.
Her father calls out her name from the front of the house, his voice getting louder as he approaches. Essentially, what they're doing is innocent. The TV's on, there's a bowl of popcorn between them, but he still feels like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
Tyler's presence is a surprise but he greets the older man and watches Bonnie hug her father, and somehow he gets invited to dinner where Bonnie puts on the best performance of her life.
Her friends are planning to go out to a part this weekend.
School is great.
She's fine, Dad I'm great actually.
It's equal parts amusing and transparent (at least to him).
She walks him to his car at the end of the night .Her dad sitting in the den probably watching from the window.
"He likes you."
"How can you tell?"
"I just know."
"I guess that's a good thing?"
"Yeah, it is." She pecks Tyler on the cheek and runs back into the house.
Bonnie's father is easier to deal with since he's rarely home, but his mother is the tough one.
He'll never know if she disliked Caroline because he snuck around with her or if it was something completely different, but with Bonnie it's different, their situation is different, their relationship is different and he hopes she'd be nicer to her.
Tyler never gets the chance to explain how different this is because his mother's walks in on him getting ready for school while Bonnie's still stretched across the bed, nestled under the covers, asleep. She's fully clothed, the idea of getting caught keeps them from doing anything when his mom's home, but it's still an awkward situation to be put in.
He ushers her outside the door.
"Is that Bonnie?"
"Yeah," he says all feigned nonchalance
Parents can sense fear.
"I know you're getting older but you know how I feel about your girls spending the night-"
"We're not dating," he blurts out as if that makes it look any better. The face his mother makes could be funny if the situation was different.
"We're not just hooking up either. She's not one of 'my girls." He wants to ask him mother when's the last time he's brought a girl home that wasn't his girlfriend, but now's not the time to be a smart ass.
"But you are 'hooking up?"
"Mom," he groans.
"I need to know these things."
"We are but-"
"Does her father know?"
"He knows we're close."
Her hand is firmly on her hip, her lips pursed, "you're close', you're not just 'hooking up', but you're not dating what does that mean?"
"Mom stop saying 'hooking up' like that."
"Tyler."
"We've just been helping each other. That's all."
"Helping each other with what?" Her whisper threatens to get louder but she composes herself midway through and Tyler's grateful.
"Dealing...I know you don't like to talk about what's happened this year and her dad doesn't like to either...but what we've been through is a lot to deal with by yourself and it's not like there are therapists for these types of things...we just help each other deal."
"By hooking up?"
"No. That's not...that's not all we do...I'm sorry for sneaking around but please don't make her feel bad about this. If you're mad be mad at me, don't hate her like you did Caroline. Please." It's not a guilt trip but he can tell that's what it feels like to her. Good.
She sighs, "The next time you need to "deal" let me know and we can set her up in a guest room. No more overnighters in your room. Okay? You guys are just so young…I don't—"
Tyler cuts her off with a kiss to the cheek and goes to close his door and her hand comes up to block it.
"Even if you're not dating, invite her to dinner. I would like there to be some semblance of normalcy in this house."
"Okay."
The temperature's dropping, snow that was threatening to fall every day has finally made its way to Mystic Falls. His mother is preoccupied with the Founder's Christmas dinner to focus on his comings and going the way she has the past few weeks. She's finally stopped checking to make sure he's the only one sleeping in his bed and that's after Bonnie's figured out that throwing a glamour up is easier than opening a sealed coffin, and she spends more time in his bed than she does in the witches house.
Bonnie has another spell she wants to test out.
One that doesn't work and causes her to almost burn down the witches' house out of frustration.
He's in no way addicted to her pain, but the result is almost refreshing. They're walking back to his car boots sinking into the thin layer of snow. The coppery-tang of blood is as fresh as the crackle of magic clinging to her. She wipes at her nose, never slowing her fast pace.
She's furious.
He calls her name from beside her.
She ignores him.
A flaming branch a few feet off breaks and is smoke rises from it when it hits the groud and fizlzles out. .
"Bonnie?"
She speeds up
He reaches out to touch her and she spins and grabs his wrist. Now he realizes she's crying. "Don't ask me if 'I'm okay'.I'm not.I'm never okay. I'm tired! I'm so tired of everything…of this town… of Klaus…what's the point? I won't even live long enough to enjoy the fruits of my labor? Isn't that the purpose of hard swork? To see the results. I need a break from all of this. I can't do this anymore."
She's looking at him with her tear streaked face, hand stills tight and shaking around his wrist. He pulls her into a hug and speaks into her hair, an idea coming to him as he tells her to, "come on."
They ride in silence until they reach the cabin.
He's only been there a few times since Mason's death, once with Jules and it's obvious no one's lived here in a while. It's dusty, freezing on the inside and most of the wood sitting on the back porch is damp, but dust doesn't bother either one of them, and Bonnie's able to successfully start a fire without setting the entire house ablaze.
She does some kind of magic that produces enough hot water to fill the claw tub and he watches her sink into the bottom as he goes out for his dinner. A deer suffices and she's still humming in the bathroom by the time he gets back.
She soaks until her skin is pruny and he tosses her an old Mystic Falls wrestling t-shirt of Mason's and a pair of flannel pants and she meets him in the bedroom.
"Are you hungry?"
She shakes her head
"You wanna watch some TV?"
Again, a head shake.
She climbs towards the head of the bed, burrowing under the covers. "I just want to sleep." Tyler begins to undresses, and climbs in beside her.
There's pancake mix and boxed milk and a bottle of maple syrup in the cupboards, some ham frozen in the freezer and Bonnie makes them a breakfast out of seemingly nothing.
They lounge in his uncle's creaky brass bed all day until Tyler runs her another bath when she wakes up after her nap.
She asks him to scrub her back and that easily turns into him climbing in with her, his arms wrapped around her wais.
"This is really relaxing," she says when she sinks deeper into his lap.
"So you can see why I really don't want to go back."
"I know."
The water sloshes around the sides of the tub when she maneuvers to watch his face, her green eyes focused on is brown ones. "I would really like it if you could….we could, you…I don't know why it's so hard for me to ask now when we do it all the time…but I need you to…I need you. Right now before we got home and we have to take all the precautions just to do it." He can't see her face due to her ducking her head but he touches his lips to the skin of her neck.
I.
Need.
You.
There's something about her letting her guard down that he loves. It's not something he sees often from her, and every time she shows him it makes him feel a little less like he's alone.
"Come to bed," he says as he stands, water raining from his skin. He reaches his hand out to her and she takes it in hers.
Her heart's still beating fast from their coupling; the sweat's just now cooling off if Bonnie's shiver is any indication. Her phone rings unanswered as she lies with her leg thrown over his, fingers dancing over his clavicle. She whispers his name.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for this. I needed it."
Tyler?"
"Yeah?"
"I want to want more."
"What?" He turns to look at her now, her eyes droopy.
"I want to want more for us…but I'm not ready, I don't know if I'll ever be or if I even have enough time let it happen naturally, , but I don't want you to think that I don't want to feel the way about you that you feel about me. It's just I don't think I can. Please don't hate me. I know you probably think I don't care but I need a friend right now.
Tyler leans over her pressing his mouth to her forehead.
"I don't hate you."
They're back in time for school Monday and they meet in front of Bonnie's locker, the hybid leaning against the metal.
"How mad was your dad?"
"Not mad enough to stay home. There was yelling…lots of yelling."
"Yeah, the same at my house."
"But it was worth it."
"Yeah," he says, "it was."
Bonnie hoists her backpack into the locker exchanging it for a thick physics book. Her expression is a little shy, embarrassed even.
"I would like it if you walked me to class…you don't have to, but if you want to. I want you to."
Tyler smiles then, and instinctively falls into step beside her. The school isn't that big but luckily her class is on the other side of the building. They're in cadence a few steps in before their hands clumsily touch. It's brief, but Tyler uses it to slide his fingers between hers.
"Is this okay?"
Bonnie's face still hasn't changed, but her eyes look a little bright when she says, "it's more than okay".
Thanks for reading!