"Haru-chan, Haru-chan!" Hunny yelled excitedly, latching on to Haruhi's arm, "Who's going to be playing who?"

"Well…" Haruhi took a deep breath. Someone was going to kill her now, she was certain of it. She was immediately regretting her choice to suggest this cosplay, or any cosplay for that matter, but it didn't matter. If everything worked out the way she wanted, she would find what she was looking for in each of the hosts. It was going to be exhilarating. The teeny tiny little fan girl buried deep under layer after layer of books and responsibilities in Haruhi gave a shrill and excited squeal.

"Hunny-sempai, you will be playing Kyoya-sempai."

"Yay! I get to be Kyo-chan!" Hunny squeaked, impossible to discourage.

"Kyoya-sempai, you will be playing Hikaru."

"Very well." Kyoya said with a nod.

"Hikaru, you will be playing…me."

"Okay!" Hikaru said with a grin.

"Umm… I will be playing Kaoru. Kaoru, you will be playing Mori-sempai."

"Okay!" Kaoru said with an identical grin to Hikaru's, but with perhaps a little less enthusiasm.

"Mori-sempai, you will be playing…Tamaki-sempai." Haruhi braced herself for the screaming fan-girls.

"Ah."

"Tamaki-sempai, you will be playing Hunny-sempai."

"OKAY!" came Tamaki's enthusiastic reply.

As the club busied themselves preparing for the customers, Haruhi prayed that her plan would work, or at the very least, that she would survive today and live it down if it didn't.

And thus began operation "Ouran Host Club Identity Exchange."

Step 1: Wigs for everyone.

Step 2: Character portrayal study with Renge.

Step 3: New act partner familiarization

Step 4: Welcome the customers

It occurred to Mori that Haruhi could not have chosen more difficult roles for everyone if she had tried. He could not say if the young host had done this deliberately, she was just so damned hard to read. He liked observing the host club; he liked understanding people's motives and watching them interact, but this time, he just could not be sure. He finally understood what other people must feel like looking at him. He made a mental note to try to be slightly more expressive in the future.

Conveniently enough, that future was going to be much sooner than he had hoped. He had to be Tamaki. He had spent years observing his surroundings, and often in the last two years those observational skills had been honed in on the Suou, but to try to replicate his behaviour was a whole different story. Tamaki liked to talk. Tamaki, he thought, probably liked to hear his own voice even more than his customer's did. To put it bluntly, he was infatuated with himself. Still, Mori supposed that his placement could have been worse. At least in impersonating Tamaki he would not have to put on an act with any other person. For that he was grateful.

Still, he felt ridiculous with his obnoxiously long blonde wig (which kept getting in his eyes) and obvious violet colour-contacts. Who had violet eyes anyway? He was torn from his mental rant by one of his customers.

"Mori-sempai, won't you miss Hunny when you're doing this cosplay?"

Normally, he would have remained silent, to allow the girls to fantasize (they already knew the answer they wanted to hear anyways) or responded with his trademark "ah." He didn't like to talk too much. He never thought he was incredibly good with words, and he secretly feared he would stumble over them. He wasn't stupid. He didn't stutter, but he always feared others' reactions to his words. Words could offend. Words could be proven wrong. Words were tricky and dangerous things. For this reason, he only spoke when he needed to, or when he felt it worth the risk. He liked to stay silent, however, this time; he was trying to be out of character. Tamaki did not say "ah." What would Tamaki say?

"As long as you are with me, princess, I could never be lonely." He said gently, with as much sugar and romance as he possibly could. He expected that his voice still seemed at least slightly monotonous, but he gave it his best shot. Contrary to popular belief, he quite enjoyed engaging fully in club activities, and he especially wanted to do his best on this one. Haruhi had suggested it, despite her usual aversion to cosplaying antics, and he found he had developed a soft spot for the newest host.

"Aren't you sad that you won't get to eat cake like you do most days?" Another inquired. Mori had an idea for this one. Snaking an arm around her waist, he pulled her close to him, seeing both Mitsukuni and Haruhi stop and stare out of the corner of his eye. He used the index finger of his other hand to lift her chin slightly and he looked straight into her eyes.

"Fear not, my lady. Your words are full of the only sugar I will ever need." The girl swooned in his arms, and he lay her gently on one of the room's infinitely numerous couches, before returning to the horde of screaming fan-girls.

Yes, he would do his best to be Tamaki, if only for today.

Hunny was doing surprisingly well when one considered the implications of being Kyoya.

Implication #1: No cake.

In preparation for said sugar withdrawal, Hunny had wolfed down a couple dozen cakes extra during the training period, but he was not happy to be going so long without. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Implication #2: No Takashi.

Although of all the members of the host club, Tamaki (thus in this instance, Mori) was the person with whom Kyoya (in this instance Hunny) interacted the most, he was still quite limited by Kyoya's unusually conservative nature of affection. If anything, Takashi would have to be the one blatantly throwing his arms around Hunny, not vice versa. Hunny knew Takashi very well, and he knew the chances of this happening; very slim. Although he had expected him to cooperate well with this cosplay, it still surprised Hunny to see the extent to which Takashi took his character portrayal. He was impressed.

Hunny knew that Takashi would be especially complacent for this particular act. This was part of the reason that he was putting up with the less than ideal implications of impersonating the Shadow King. Another part was that it was always fun to take part in their costuming and frivolous antics every week. On top of that, he too wanted to encourage Haruhi to continue being so outgoing. There was something about Haruhi that seemed different from his customers and Hunny enjoyed that. Of course he loved his customers; it was always fun to giggle and play and eat cake with all his friends, but sometimes with them he felt like a teddy bear. Sure, everyone loved him, but his actions were limited, and he was easily grown out of or left behind. On top of that, teddy bears are not meant, or allowed, to be complex. It wasn't that he wasn't satisfied being the adorable fun-loving child everyone saw him as. He loved that aspect of himself, but it was not all Mitsukuni Haninozuka was. He had the capacity to be mature… he just usually chose to behave otherwise.

It seemed that while Takashi had developed a soft spot for the young host, Mitsukuni had developed a tough one. He was free to be less squishy and cute, because although she saw how cute he was, she seemed to appreciate, as Takashi did, that he was in fact 18 years old. He got to show his customers this today. They would ooze over his eyes when they narrowed in menace. They would be thrilled by his dark nature, but when the end of the day came, his honey blossoms would return and the universe would revert back to the way it was. All would be well.

Now however, he had to be Kyoya, and it was proving to be slightly more challenging than he had anticipated.

Implication #3: No Bun-Bun.

All cute things had been removed from his surroundings. It was a trying experience. He missed his Bun-Bun, and he wasn't entirely sure if he trusted Tamaki with it, but for the time being, he would have to. He momentarily questioned his affection for Haruhi considering what she had asked him to do.

Implication #4: Glasses.

Mitsukuni had to admit that he had been surprised at just how uncomfortable Kyoya-style glasses were. The wig, he could deal with. It was strange, but he had fun with it. The glasses were crossing a line though. Although the glare created an excellent dramatic effect when he was being malevolent, they made the bridge of his nose sweat, they itched behind his ears, and he felt so distant. He could see people just fine, but it felt so strange to have this mask between the world and his emotions. It's not like he didn't mask his emotions sometimes with false happiness and other cute façades, but the glasses were so solid. They were painfully, ineffably, incredibly absolute. It was a lonely feeling.

He tried not to think about it too much.

Taking a breath to cool his voice, Hunny turned to the group of girls behind him and smiled as plastically as he could manage, trying to drain all sparkle from his eyes. "Seeing as our theme today is a character swap, we are happy to provide a color-coded map to the personality switches, along with before and after pictures of each host's transformation. This pamphlet can be purchased at a discounted price should you choose to submit a bid on one of the various costume items used." Being Kyoya wasn't so bad. Someone had to sell the crap that kept the club working smoothly.

He stood observing the acts going on around him. He had to admit, it was very entertaining. Still, he held back his laughter and bubbles, choosing instead to look forward coldly, taking notes incessantly in a pathetically bunny-less black notebook. His usual customers fluttered about the room, watching him from a distance. They watched with fervent excitement as he pushed his glasses up his nose pensively. He heard squealing behind him, and inwardly he smirked.

Suddenly, something on the other side of the room caught his eye.

He saw Takashi take one of his customers into his arms, fully embracing her and raising her chin gently to look into his eyes. He was so proud of Takashi. Usually he would be much too shy to attempt such an act. He was really growing up. Also, he saw in his peripheral vision that Haruhi was watching him as well. Takashi would be happy about this. Takashi had not quite come to terms with the fact that he was infatuated with Haruhi, but Mitsukuni knew it. Having her see his public displays of affection, so to speak, could only be giving him an ego trip.

Haruhi was a fascinating subject. Of course, Hunny thought, everyone in the Host Club adored Haruhi, save perhaps Kyoya. And it was clear that Tamaki, the twins, and Takashi had all developed romantic feelings for her of varying depths and intensities. Hunny was not entirely sure about this issue himself. She made his heart race, she made him blush, she made him stutter a bit every once in a while, but most frighteningly of all, she made him evil.

As he stared at the plain black notebook in front of him, it struck Mitsukuni that perhaps that was a bit extreme. It wasn't evil exactly, but she changed him a bit. She made him want to narrow his eyes the way he did when he pushed Kyoya's horrible glasses up his nose. She made him want to deepen his voice a bit and speak slowly. She made him want to be close to her.

Mostly, she made him want.

She made him want and want more and more, and he had no idea when these ridiculous urges were going to end. She made him want things more badly than he could remember ever wanting any piece of candy or any slice of cake. That scared him. Wanting anything that badly could drive someone to do unhealthy, even unkind things. Wanting anything that badly must be evil.

Still… this wanting… was it really love? Could it even be puberty finally kicking in? The loli-shota wondered what would happen to his place in the host club if he were suddenly to get taller. He had considered this carefully before and decided to wait and see how things played out. He knew how the others felt, and he himself was unsure. For that reason, he would at the very least allow the others to take their turns first. Even if it was love, he did not suspect that his wanting would be satiated if his "victory" was taken simply by being first. He supposed that he didn't really want to get what he wanted, unless what he wanted wanted to be got.

Being Kyoya for the day turned out to be a much deeper experience than his average day at the club. He had so much time to think, and no one to ask him about his mind wandering. People couldn't notice his eyes going out of focus behind the glasses that vexed him so. They left him to his thoughts, and his thoughts never seemed to leave him. He observed, and he pondered. It was rewarding, but he simply could not imagine being this deep and solemn all the time.

Hunny missed his cake and his Takashi and his Bun-bun, and he missed the screaming fan-girls, and he missed others seeing his eyes.

Tamaki was having fun.

Being Hunny, he realized, was not very difficult at all. He had to be cute, which was only one notch away from charming, so he didn't really have any problems there. He had to eat cake, which he enjoyed, and while he could never come anywhere near the abyss-like capacities that the senior somehow encompassed, he could definitely put a few of those confections away. He had to snuggle with Bun-bun, whilst being unimaginable careful not to allow anything to happen to it, lest the wrath of Mitsukuni Haninozuka be incurred. Finally, he had to hang around with Kaoru, which was quite pleasant in fact.

Tamaki found that despite Kaoru's unavoidable inclination to put Hikaru before anything or anyone else in the world, he had become quite good friends with the Hitachiin. Despite the fact that were it not for the different hair colors, the president would still not be able to tell the brothers apart, he found that Haruhi's observation was dead on. Kaoru definitely tended to be kinder and gentler when separated from his brother. He enjoyed this time that he had to bond with the younger student.

"Kaoru, would you like to have some cake?" Tamaki asked, putting on his best cute face.

"Ah." Came the deep reply. Tamaki was impressed that Kaoru could even reach such a deep pitch. A little taken aback, he quickly recovered, handing his "protector" a plate. Kaoru ate the cake silently, staring out the window.

Tamaki wondered how exactly he would decipher Kaoru's intentions if he had to ask a more complicated question. He immediately had even more respect for the peculiar senior. All in all, Tamaki thought he had it pretty easy. He was so relaxed in his role, that he had time to observe the workings of the rest of the club. He was very amused. Everyone was so out of their boxes. He loved it.

Kaoru felt restricted.

It was hard for him to be separated from Hikaru and Haruhi like this. He always seemed to be latched onto at least one of them. Still, at least he had Tono. Tamaki was still someone that he interacted regularly with, so he at least had a piece of his comfort zone with him.

Still, he couldn't speak. He had to make his intentions understood with grunts and groans and single words when absolutely necessary.

He found it strange to be looking after someone the way he was today. Sure, he was used to the unfathomably close relationship that he had with Hikaru, but Hikaru was always taking care of him in their daily act of brotherly love. Hikaru would hurt him accidentally and have to fix things. Hikaru would try to protect him from the world. Hikaru would carry his bag when he got tired. For all intents and purposes, Kaoru was the girl. It was strange going into an approximately equivalent relationship, but having to play the opposite role. It wasn't that he couldn't do it, or even that he didn't understand the appeal of being the protector. After all, he was a man, and he had that basic instinct. That wasn't the problem.

The problem was that he seriously doubted that he could carry Tamaki on his shoulders.

Hikaru was uncomfortable, to say the least.

He was impersonating Haruhi. He was a boy dressed as a girl dressing as a boy, dressing as a girl. His head began to spin, and he realized that it probably would not stop spinning for the remainder of club activities. Despite being dressed as Haruhi, he was also dressed as a female. This was done specifically to cover the fact that she dressed as the only female in so many of their cosplays. It was made part of her character, and as such, he was wearing the traditional female Ouran High School uniform. It was uncomfortable.

He missed Haruhi. He figured he would converse with her at some point; he would kind of have to given their characters. Still, the young girl seemed suspiciously absent as the Host Club kicked into gear. The same could be said for the Shadow King, but that worried Hikaru considerably less.

Trying his best to be a "commoner" for his customers, and putting on his best feminine smile, Hikaru attempted to pour the tea without letting his ridiculously uncomfortable wig fall into the cups. Haruhi had not been joking when she'd said that her head felt heavy wearing a wig. The long hair to emulate her middle school years and the hideous yellow dress did nothing to ease his stress levels.

Additionally, he found out very quickly that it was a very lonely thing to be Haruhi. Sure, he supposed once Mori had finished wooing his customers he could, and would probably have to, go and talk to him, but hell, what would he say? Usually Haruhi was completely apathetic to Tamaki, and on top of that, he had no idea what kind of boundaries there would be in Mori's cosplaying. Certainly, he was going all out now, but what about later? Just how much could he expect from the gentle giant? He feared the awesome glomping wrath of the senior should he decide to give his "daughter" a hug. And how should he react? What would Haruhi say at that point? More pertinently, could he really bring himself to be that cruel to the Morinozuka?

He missed Kaoru. Kaoru would know what to do in these situations. Sure, Kaoru tended to take Hikaru's lead, but that was when they were being devious and having fun. When they were being careful, action almost always followed a strange kind of mental cue that he always took from his brother. The twin knew what to do when they had to be compassionate and respect people's feelings. It didn't happen often that they were sensitive like that, but when it did, Kaoru was definitely in charge. He was lost. When he was lost, he tended to get short tempered and loud. Haruhi was not short tempered and loud.

He was confused and awkward and generally uncomfortable, and the day was only beginning.

Author's Note: Okay, first of all, you guys should know that I don't really like putting in these author's notes, but I feel I should tell you that the day is not over. Haruhi and Kyoya's parts, along with the rest of the day's events will come in the next chapter. This is dramatic effect, and it's already pretty long, and it's killing me that I haven't updated in a while. For the record, the more reviews I get, the more motivated I am to write, and update, so please click the pretty little purple (but really kind of mauve) button at the bottom of your screen and tell me what you think.

Your obedient writer

Jello-Shots.