"She would love this...all of us here laughing...this is how we should remember her...this is how she would want us to remember her." Trudy said with a small smile. "God I will miss her."
They spent the remainder of the night sitting in Molly's sharing their favorite memories, the later it got the more beer they drank and the more personal the stories got. Nadia had been there for each and every member of their team when they needed someone...even when they didn't realize they needed someone.
When it was time to leave Molly's the team was not ready to part so they all went back to Voights. Erin got herself busy fixing up the bedrooms and living room for everyone to stay. No one tried to stop her even though they all knew they wouldn't be sleeping in the rooms.
When she finally came back down she found her team huddled around in the living room, Hank in his armchair, Jay next to him on the couch with Antonio and Trudy,Al was kicked back in the other arm chair. Adam sat in front of Jay on the floor, Kevin and Roman both leaning against the couch or chairs and Kim was laying on her back with her head on Adams lap and legs sprawled over Romans.
Playing on the tv was Nadia's favorite movie-Bad Boys. Erin slowly walked over towards the couch and curled up on Jay's lap, Adam hooked his arm around her ankle and leaned his head against her leg. She ran her fingers through his hair and pulled Jays arm around her waist.
"You tired?" Jay whispered into her ear only loud enough for her to hear. When she gave a small nod he pulled her closer to him and kissed her forehead, "I'm not going anywhere." When she laid her head on Jays shoulder Antontio reached over and gently rubbed her back.
Less than a minute later Jay felt the full weight of her head and saw that she was no longer playing with Adams hair and that her hand had slid down and rested on his neck. Jay looked around the room and he saw Al's head slumped forward, Trudy had her head resting against the armrest on the couch, and Roman had fallen asleep with his head resting against Trudy's knee. Antonio was sitting next to him rereading all of the text message conversations he has had with Nadia, Kevin was staring at the screen but looked lost in thought, and Kim and Adam were drawing random pictures on each other's arms. Jay looked over at Hank and saw him pull out his phone. He flipped the screen to Jay and saw that it was Olivia before Hank got up and went into his office, shutting the door behind him.
As the movie ended and Kevin started the second Jay watched as Hank paced in his office, frequently running his hand over his face and through his hair. When Jay moved for a better view and Erin's head slid down his arm he gently laid her on the couch, Antonio holding her head into his chest. "Make sure Dad's ok, he's been talking to her a long time." Erin mumbled as Jay shrugged off his sweatshirt and wrapped it around his partner.
Jay smiled as he squeezed her shoulder, stepping over Adam he tossed a blanket over Al he let himself into the office taking a seat in his office chair. Hank put the phone on speaker and said, "Can you repeat that last part? Halsteads in here now."
Olivia repeated the autopsy findings and told them that her and Amaro would be bringing Nadia home. Jay put his head in his hands and rested his elbows on the edge of the desk. Hank picked the phone up and quickly got off the phone, he walked around towards Jay and sat down on the edge of his desk putting his hand on his shoulder.
Lifting his head up he allowed the tears to fall from his eyes, "She blames herself...but I knew she was going to get the cake...if I would have just gotten it myself..."
"This is on him Jay...not on you, not on Erin...it is all on him and we are going to make sure he rots in hell and gets exactly what he deserves."
"When they find out what happened...Erin is going to check out as soon as court stuff is finished...I can't lose her..."
"One day at a time Kid...She's tough...we will just have to find a way to get through to her." Hank said not believing a word out of his own mouth.
"You are a bad liar." Jay said as he ran his hand through his own hair.
"It's been a long day." Hank said standing back up. "We should get some sleep."
"Tryin to get rid of me Sarge?" Jay smirked.
"Just tell her Nadia will be home tomorrow afternoon."
"She's asleep."
"She knew who I was talking to did she not?" When Jay looked up at him he gave a sad smile, "Even sleeping she never really lets her guard down, when she asks just tell her Nadia will be back tomorrow."
"Should we get them all into beds?" Jay asked.
"Not worth waking them up Kid."
"You going to stay with us?"
"I'll be in here for a while." Hank answered.
Jay nodded and stood up slowly, "I'm not going to give up on her...ever."
"I know Kid, I know." Hank sighed.
"If you..."
"Thanks Jay."
When Jay walked back into the living room he found only Adam, Erin and Antonio awake. "She will be home tomorrow." Jay said as he wriggled his way back around Adam and under Erin.
"You going to tell me what they found in the autopsy?" Erin asked.
"Linds...you already know what he did. Details...are exactly what we already knew."
"Does she have any family to come to the funeral?" Adam asked.
"No...her Dad said to just let him know where she is buried...he hasn't seen her in years...has plane tickets to come here next month..."
"It was suppose to be an epic reunion, he was going to come after she finished the first part of academy." Antonio said quietly.
"Adam do you want to take her up to my room? The bed is more comfortable than the floor." Erin asked him.
"Don't really feel like being alone right now." He told her, turning around to look at her.
Jay saw the tears in his eyes, "Touch..." Jay mumbled coming to an important realization.
"Huh?" Erin asked confused.
"Nadia...she felt what we felt...she would touch..." Jay whispered.
"Skin to skin..." Antonio smiled with tears in his eyes.
"After he died...she was holding you...she had her hand..."
"On my waistband, her thumb was against my skin..."
"And at your apartment, when she was holding Adam..."
"She had her cheek against my forehead or her hand on my face."
"When you left..." Jay said to Erin, "Every time she would see me staring at your desk she would walk by me and brush her hand against my neck."
"She was able to say in touch what wasn't said out loud." Erin said, she was that way with everyone...she knew what it was like to be alone...to literally have no one. She never wanted anyone to feel how she felt."
"And now that she is gone we won't ever feel that again." Adam whispered as a tear slid down his cheek.
"But we can...it wasn't a super power she had...we can do the same thing." Erin whispered, running her finger down Adam's cheek, tracing the track from the lone tear. She turned to Jay, "You already have done it...with Dad...you put your arm next to his on the plane...that is why he is different with you now...and Tonio..." She reached over and took his phone and held tight to his hand, "Nadia will always be with you...in all of you. You were her family...her big brothers."
Jay noticed that she never once said we...she was never talking about herself...she was trying to build up the team and push everyone together so she could step away. "You were her sister." He whispered to her and felt her stiffin in his lap.
"Did any of you want to sleep in a bed? You can use Justin's room if you do...or Hanks for that matter since he won't be using it."
"I'll sleep in a bed." Kevin said rolling over and yawning.
"Anyone else?" Erin asked a little louder, waking up everyone but Al.
"I think I am going to head out...Mouch will be wondering where I am." Platt said pulling out her phone. "And don't worry I will come back in the morning and pick you guys up."
Adam smiled and reached into his pocket, "Keys Sarge?"
She took them and silently excused herself out the front door. "So...beds...Adam why don't you and Kim take my room. Kev and Roman you can share Justin's. Tonio you good on the couch?"
"You already know my answer." He said rolling his eyes at her.
Jay stood up with Erin and tossed Antonio a blanket, he was surprised when Erin reached for his hand and laced his fingers with hers, "You show them to the rooms Linds...I'm going to check on Hank." Jay whispered to her and she let go.
Antonio watched Jay as he made himself comfortable on the couch. He straightened up the living room and reclined the seat Al was sleeping in and tucked the blanket around him. As Jay was walking out of the room Antonio stopped him, "You need to take care of yourself too...I saw you in there...just...when Erin goes off...you can come to me okay?"
Jay stared at him for a minute, he was right. "Thanks Dawson. Try and get some sleep...tomorrow...well today...its gonna suck." After Antonio nodded Jay quietly let himself into Hanks office. He was staring at a photo though Jay couldn't see what it was of. "Platt went home...everyone else is going up to bed."
"She was seventeen..." Hank said setting the photo on the desk. "Last time Bunny got ahold of her...she overdosed...spent a week in the hospital on suicide watch...said if her own Mom didn't want her she wasn't worth taking up space. That was the last time she saw Teddy too...well last time before..."
"You think it will go there?" Jay asked picking up the photo of him and Erin and smiling at her smile.
"Bunny may be clean but she is bad news for Erin...she will push me away before she does you..."
"She's already trying..."
"She still wants you to be upstairs with her."
"What if I can't help her?"
"You will find a way Halstead, I have never doubted that."
"She scares the shit out of me sometimes." Jay admitted.
"You and me both." Hank said looking up at him for the first time, "She is going to push and push hard...she will go dirty...you are going to have to push past that...I just want you to be ready for what is coming. The more she cares about someone the harder she will push."
"We need to meet them at the airport in our dress blues...give her the ride she deserves." Jay said changing the subject.
"They land at two. Go to bed Halstead."
"Night Sarge." Jay said as he flipped the switch to the overhead light leaving the room dimly lit by the desk lamp.
As Jay made his way down the hall he found Erin in Justin's room with Kevin. "Ruzek and Roman...make sure Burgiss is alright..." Kevin said with his arm around Erin.
Nodding at Kevin he went across the hall into what used to be Erin's room to find Kim crying hysterically with a death grip on Roman, Adam trying to guide them both to the bed. "What happened?" Jay asked as he helped push them down onto the edge of the bed.
"She remembered Nadia saving our asses...taking our car and ramming it..." Roman said trying too move some of Kim's hair out of his mouth.
"Lindsay told her it was her fault and She tried to argue..." Adam told Jay.
"Get her laying down." Jay instructed as he flipped her legs up onto the bed and pulled a blanket over top of her. Roman stayed sitting next to her on the bed rubbing her back as Adam paced back and forth. Jay walked up to him and pulled him into him. "Lay down with her...sleep. We are all exhausted..."
"She's asleep." Roman said standing up slowly and pulling the blanket up over his partners shoulder. "If you need anything I will be across the hall."
"Roman...Thanks." Adam said stepping away from Jay and moving towards the bed.
"She's my partner." He said with a sad smile before turning around and walking across the hall.
"Just yell if you need anything." Jay said walking out behind him and swinging the door shut. "Let's go to bed." Jay said reaching for Erin's hand and pulling her up.
"Boss Man lettin you sleep in his bed with..."
"Shut up and go to sleep." Erin said throwing a pillow at Kevin.
Jay led Erin into the bedroom and together they silently crawled into bed and held each other. "He showed you the photo...told you about when I od'ed..."
"I will never give up on you."
"I don't want to push you away."
"We all deal with stuff in our own ways."
"Will I ever be able to feel happy again?"
"One day Erin. One day." Jay whispered to her as silent tears fell from his eyes as she fell asleep in his arms.